She dialed his number again, her heart pounding as the phone rang.
"Hello?"
A small wave of relief washed over her. She was hearing his voice.
"Hello? Are you busy?"
"A little."
"I… I miss you. I want to see you."
"…I'm not sure if we can meet." His voice was curt, clipped, almost dismissive.
"Why? You were the one who asked me to take leave and come here."
There was a pause. She felt the distance in the line, the coldness he could no longer hide.
"I'm busy with some family matters."
"I… I love you."
…Silence.
"Is your mother near you?"
"Yes."
"Figures."
"I'll call you tonight, okay?"
"Will you really? I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Yes, I'll call you. Bye."
"Bye."
She hung up the phone and sank onto her bed, her chest tight.
I know he won't call. Will he?
She had noticed the changes in him, yet she was still unwilling to accept them and clinging to him anyway.
I am a fool, aren't I?
She hugged a pillow tightly, as if to suppress her thoughts.
***
It was 10 p.m. He still hadn't called. She started packing for tomorrow's journey.
11 p.m. No call. She turned off the light and lay down on her bed, staring at the phone.
12 a.m. Still nothing. She slowly drifted to sleep.
She woke up in a panic.
I fell asleep. Did he call?
She checked her phone. No. He had not called. Not even a text. It had been weeks since he had reached out first.
I should have seen this coming… but five years together…
She never imagined it would end like this.
Does he really not need me anymore?
She shook the thought away. She had to get ready. The train was at 11 a.m. She went to freshen up, trying to ignore the tight knot in her chest.
7 a.m. He should have been awake by now. Even a single text would have been enough. But nothing came.
9 a.m. Her mother called her down for breakfast. She had no appetite.
I haven't seen him for six months. He stopped initiating calls and messages long ago. He stopped saying he loves me. Even when he talks to me, his tone is distant. He stopped making plans with me, too.
That was why she had felt a flicker of hope when he finally asked her to meet him. He had said his vacation was this month and asked her to take leave. Like a fool, she had wrapped up all her urgent work in a hurry and come home.
But now… he hadn't even tried to call her since she arrived.
He doesn't need me anymore. I'm a fool for clinging to him.
Her fingers trembled as she opened her messaging app. She typed the words she had been holding back:
"Let's end this. I wish you happiness. Goodbye."
She hit send and closed her phone, the silence pressing against her like a weight.
She deleted his number. She knew it by heart, but it was better not to have it on the phone, tempting her to call.
Should I block him? No… what if this is all just my misunderstanding, and when he sees my text, he panics and calls, only to find he's blocked?
9:30 a.m. She should leave if she didn't want to miss the train.
10 a.m. She was in a cab, halfway to the railway station. Still no call. He had seen her text.
Why? Why hasn't he called?
Her heart pounded as the cab reached the railway station.
Maybe… maybe he would be waiting on the platform… as a surprise… he used to do that sometimes… Her heart fluttered with hope.
She grabbed her luggage and walked toward the platform. Her eyes searched for him. Where is he?
Minutes passed. Her train arrived. She looked around one last time before boarding. She found her seat and put her luggage under it. She stared out of the window.
The train's horn bellowed, as if confirming it. He had not come. He would not come.
Her heart felt like it stopped. Unable to breathe, she struggled for air. She had been in denial until now, but now it was confirmed. He had indeed abandoned her. She clutched her chest, taking forceful breaths.
"Are you okay?"
She looked toward the source of the sound. It was a young girl sitting opposite her.
"You look ill and you are sweating a lot."
That was when she remembered she was on the train.
"I am so sorry… I just felt a bit nauseous… a migraine attack… I will be fine," she lied.
"Ah, okay… Do you want to lie down? You can use my seat if you want."
"No, it is okay… I will just wash my face and take some medicine. I will be fine soon. Thank you for the offer, though."
She stood up and walked toward the washrooms. She entered one and locked the door. She silently cried, pressing her back against the door as if for strength.
It is over… it is finally over… it hurts so much that I cannot even breathe.
After minutes of crying, she calmed down. It still hurt, but it was manageable. She was on a train, a public place. She could not lose control. She splashed water on her face, wiped it with her kerchief, and went back to her seat. She smiled slightly at the girl who had shown concern earlier, reassuring her that she was feeling better. The girl smiled back.
She took her earphones and played a song to distract herself. She closed her eyes and listened to the music. She did not feel hunger or thirst.
Finally, the train reached its destination, Tech City, where she worked. She did not know how she had endured all those hours, controlling her grief. She got out quickly and looked for a cab to reach her apartment.
She lived in a single room apartment near her office. As she reached it, she closed the door and ran to her bed. She cried her heart out, lying on the bed. She grieved her relationship, her dreams, and her hope. She did not know how many hours had passed. When she checked the time, it was almost midnight. She needed to sleep. She had to go back to work the next day.
It had been a week since she single handedly broke up with her ex over a text. He did not even respond. Nothing from his side. He might have gone back abroad for work.
He worked at a reputable company abroad with a good salary. He had mentioned that he would help her find a job in his company so they could live together, since he said he missed her so much. Even though her vacation did not coincide with his, he had begged her to meet him. That was why she had taken leave last week and gone home, just to meet him. In the end, they did not meet, and they would never meet. Now everything felt like a fading dream.
A colleague's voice roused her from her fleeting thoughts.
"Hey, Athena. Did you hear? We are finally getting a Network Administrator."
"Oh, really? I did not know about that."
"Yeah, it is happening. Finally, you and Alex will be free from all the extra work."
"That is a relief. I am glad."
She smiled faintly, but her mind remained elsewhere. The office buzzed with its usual activity, yet she felt detached, her thoughts tangled with the week's events, the unanswered messages, the silent indifference, the way he had left everything for her to end.
Why could he not just tell me? Why did he let me take the burden of leaving?
She pressed her hands together under her desk, trying to push the questions aside and focus on work. She had moved on, or at least she was trying to. But the need for answers lingered, quiet and insistent, like a shadow following her through the day.
She shook her head. No. That chapter was over.
***