[Ping. Party member Corvessa: received a buff.]
"Oh hell yeah!"
Meowfunction blocked Starwoman's glowing blast.
"My death bunny plush sword really had to work overtime today." Meowfunction twirled her toy sword.
"You think you can just show up and kill us?!" The mid-boss Starwoman screamed.
"Nya~ that's how it works, hey! Where's the boss music?"
[Playing audio: boss music from anime: fly by knight.mp3]
"That's better!"
Meowfunction charged.
"Man, I'm getting pumped. I wish I had an energy drink. PvP's so good in this game!"
They clashed. Her flashy justice aura blocked Meowfuntion's glitching slash.
[One charge gained]
"Oh? One teleport charge ready? Let's gooooo!"
Zip.
She framed behind her. Starwoman blocked again.
"Damn, you got some wild block rolls."
"This isn't a video game! This is real life!"
"But the graphics are like, sooo subpar…"
She swung again.
"Ever since you new villains showed up, I've lost so many friends!"
"Yo, chill. They'll respawn anyway. What's the big deal?" She floated above her. "Mocking serious players is the best."
Starwoman looked confused.
"You've got solid DPS. You should join our party!"
Starwoman screamed and blasted her with energy.
Meowfunction exploded like glitched confetti.
"Oops."
[Game over.]
"Respawn!" She cheered, regenerating.
"Now I get it… why Ultimateman couldn't beat you…" she muttered, broken.
"Oof. Someone forgot to spec for mental defense. Whoa, wait, don't tell me… you're a noob?"
"What?!"
"No way. Dammit. I don't down noobs. It's bad server PR." Meowfunction did a spin. "I won't fight you then. I don't want to gank someone who just joined. I bet you're a little kid!"
Her face glitched. One eye flickered red.
"Run… please… she'll kill you…"
She reloaded in a swirl of pink sparkles.
"Nya~ ugh, not again! Stupid hacker! Or malware. Or bug. Ughhh."
"That voice… that wasn't you. That was a man's voice. Who are you?" Starwoman asked.
"Man's voice? Oh, KillMeKitty? Some hacker or malware or-"
Her body glitched again.
"My name is Xam… I'm stuck… help!"
Sparkles returned. Ding!
"Oof, lag central over here."
Starwoman readied her stance again.
"Whatever demon you are, to hold an innocent person like that… I will stop you!" She started glowing.
"Please! That crybaby hacker is hardly innocent! I bet his hard drive is filled with weird lewd stuff~!" Meowfunction twirled her death bunny plush sword.
"That man cries for help, I will answer!" Starwoman charged.
Meowfunction dodged. Her frames flickered. She rubber-banded back and was slammed with radiant energy.
"Gah!" Meowfunction puked out pixels.
Meowfunction wasn't slowing down. She was lagging.
"Ok! Totes not cool!" Meowfuntion started getting frustrated. "This dude keeps messing with me and you're taking advantage."
Starwoman was now in her face. Her glowing eyes filled with purpose.
"I can't kill you, that is good to know," she surged with golden light. "I'll just beat you down until the poor spirit comes back."
[Meowfunction used teleport]
Zip.
"Huh! No! Again?" She lagged in place, floating and glitching. "Guess the stupid hacker wants to mess with me!" she signed.
Starwoman was on top of her.
"Well, hey, I hate people who team up with hackers, how about a nice photo before your ban?" Meowfunction posed and-
Click!
Starwoman and Meowfunction were stuck in a photo.
"Wow that's neat~" only Meowfunction could move. She floated slowly to Starwoman.
Starwoman could not move. Her eyes filled with fear. She was stuck. Her fate-
"Ya know, I really, really hate hackers."
Meowfunction's face static and glitched.
"Don't! Please!" KillMeKitty pleaded.
Pink sparkles returned.
"Nya~ you know what I hate more than hackers?" Meowfunction readied a kick. "Idiots who team with them, /kick!"
She kicked Starwoman. The photo shattered into a thousand chunks of glitching pixels.
All the pieces glowed and combined into a gold orb.
"No way… a legendary drop!" She clapped spinning then drifting down to the ground with the orb.
She picked up the loot.
[Soul: Legendary.]
"Damn another soul drop? Why do these keep popping up? So soooo lame. Guess I'll read the description. Hmm."
A description screen popped up.
"The soul is the galaxies greatest hero. Starwoman single handily- SKIP-"
She threw the soul in her inventory.
"Blah blah, so boring and useless. But what player throws away a legendary."
She scratched the back of her head.
"Ha! Even lagging I beat that noob!"
Meowfunction twirled then started walking away.
[Corvessa HP: 65%]
"Corvessa's HP keeps dropping. Weird. She's DPS but maybe someone's ganking her? Totally not cool."
[Two charges on teleport]
"Jackpot."
Zip.
Zip.
"Oof. Her ping's far away."
"Hey, are you a hero?" A scruff voice called out.
"Some weird NPCs aggroed on me. Auto-lock. Gross."
[Ping: Random Encounter.]
[Enemies: 4 - Type: Idol.]
[Select Encounter Response.]
"Hero? Hell yeah. I'm the best PvPer around. Hero to all!"
"Then die!" The man touched Meowfuntion. She exploded into digital chunks.
She flickered and reformed.
"What the fuck?" They stepped back.
"Oh, you wanna gank me? Please. You're like, level 2."
She killed one. Then two. And three. Their bodies warped into bright orbs. Dead.
"Bad loot drops? Lame."
"Okay, last one. Are you sure about this?"
The man ran.
"Ha. Another noob. I'll let him level up, I hope there isn't a patent to stop him from coming after me later. Cause tbh, that shits lame and ruins games. Hmm, no gear drop. Just… Trash gear and souls again?"
Meowfunction tossed it.
"Ugh. This game is stingy. Just gimme a cool legendary weapon, damn. Almost makes me wanna rage quit."
"Oh right, Rhenvar loot-steal Charles' gear! I should totally duel him and get it back. Can't let my guild think I'm slacking."
Zip.
[Cooldown's ticking. One charge left.]
"Help!"
"Huh? Side quest? Cool. I could use the EXP."
She zipped. Smashing the falling debris like it was nothing. The old woman behind it was shaken but safe. "Dang, the graphics up close? Crisp. Starwoman was right."
"I've never seen a hero like you before," she whispered.
"Huh? I'm top-tier on the leaderboards. What do you mean?"
The old women stared.
"Twice today I've seen twisted eyes hiding good misguided souls. You're searching for something… I just don't know what, it's hard to get a read on you."
"Whoa. Banger side quest dialogue!"
[Dialogue Unlocked: Continue?]
"Hell yeah."
The old woman blinked. "You are unusual…" She looked up. "Meowfunction.EXE…"
"You mean the best! But hey, not everyone recognizes a top player till after they die and respawn~."
"You look like you're ready to run. Would you sit with me? Talk to me?"
"Ugh. One of those side quests? Just cutscenes and feelings? Skip- "she muttered.
The old woman grabbed her hand. "Please."
"…Oof. That voice line hit. Nya~ okay, okay. I'll chat, NPC."
"Thank you," she said gently as they sat together. "So… are you having fun?"
"Oh, hell yeah! Besides the hacker? Game's a blast!" Her face glitch. Eye flicker. One red eye shined.
"Run… please. She's dangerous. You're nice. Kind. Please… run…"
Sparkles returned. She winced.
"Ugh. Hacker's back. Sorry!"
The old woman chuckled softly.
"I see now. That red eye… that pain. That's why you keep moving forward, isn't it?"
"Huh??? Old lady, I'm just grinding…"
"You're running. Running away."
"Top-tier PvPers run when they're about to get ganked. Duh. I don't wanna lose."
"You're not scared you'll lose, but scared you'll be lost and forgotten."
"Who programmed this NPC?! That's some premium writing. Damn."
"You are you," she said, patting her hand. Something stirred inside Meowfunction. "Maybe it's time you take care of the one you ignore. So, you can be whole."
"Oh yeah. That whiny glitch-crybaby hacker. He totally messes with my leaderboard stats."
"He's stuck inside of you."
"Huh? KillMeKitty is stuck? /doubt!"
"You need to face him." The old women looked deep into her eyes. "Let him go."
Meowfunction stood up. "You're right! I'll find a way to delete- uh, release him!"
She nodded. "Good. He hurts, too."
"Yeah yeah, probably just some sad sack with a virus script." Meowfunction turned.
"Thanks, NPC. And try not to get crushed by falling crap again."
She zipped off.
The old woman called out as she ran. "You are good… in the heart."
"Weird. It's just a game. Lazy devs trying to make me feel things."
"Anyway, where's Rhenvar's ping?"
[Ping: Rhenvar - Location on minimap.]
"PvPer vs RPer? Easy money."
She smirked.
"Game on, dude. You're about to get pwned~!"