I've been given a lot to think about over the course of this last month. Figuring out my path ahead is the biggest thing I need to find an answer to.
"Light bearers don't get as much freedom to choose as you do," Airi speaks up.
"Why?" I question with curiosity.
"We just need to keep the humans alive to the best of our abilities," Airi answers while sitting down her plate.
"That doesn't sound that great," I say softly.
"I got used to it," She replies before leaving the room.
After seeing her leave I get up and begin to clean up our plates. It didn't feel right to just leave everything to her all the time so it is the least I can do.
We have some water to use to clean everything off but it isn't a whole lot.
Scrub. Scrub.
The choice of how I want to move forward is mine, huh? I think I'll go with a mix of everything if I'm being honest.
Sometimes I think I'll want them to know I'm coming while other times I'll keep quiet. That just might be the perfect way for me to keep going.
"Bold. That is bold for a human to decide," the woman says with a bit of shock.
"I'm always surprised by what I decide," I reply quietly.
The feeling of eyes lingering on me isn't as strong as it was yesterday; it feels as if the person or monster watching is backing away more and more.
At least I am done cleaning up the plates, but the feeling in my arm is different.
"I don't always see the need to inflict pain on you," She speaks up.
"Exactly why I don't understand you," I reply with confusion in my voice.
A being that completely thrives in the dark is forced to live inside a human who is actively pursuing light. I don't understand how this is good for you or how it'll turn out in the future.
Light is something I need to awaken this power inside... So I can't let anything hold me back from doing that. Even if it is going to hurt like hell.
"If you want to awaken... You must be willing to rip your heart out," She says before her voice fades away.
Willing to rip my heart out? I don't understand what that means, is it literal?
I don't know if I can physically rip my heart out to awaken power, but I also don't know if that's a good thing to do either.
This infection is really starting to get to my head... I just need to take time to trust what Airi is teaching me. That sounds like the better way to go about everything until then.
I don't want to kill myself to become stronger.
That thought disappears and I leave everything on the counter.
I make my way back to my room and sit down on my bed, thoughts overwhelming me with everything and anything.
Wriggle.
The squirming around in my arm happens for the first time in awhile but I don't understand what it wants from me. This thing doesn't ever feel like it knows what it wants.
I lay back on my bed and begin to stare at the ceiling as I ignore the feeling in my arm.
I'm not completely weak either... I did kill that zierel when I first left the walls of that place behind. Even if this infection provided me with the weapon... I did it.
Blood covered my body from that thing and I don't have a single regret about stabbing it over and over again. They all deserve to die in the worst way possible.
That thought will never change, no matter what.
"Aren't you technically part zierel? I do give you similar benefits," Her voice echoes once again.
I unwrap my arm slowly while thinking about what it said. After a few moments I can see the black veins again.
Maybe I am part zierel because of this infection that was inflicted upon me. Does that mean I'll become a hybrid as well?
I'll deserve death when the time comes... That is exactly what that means. Zierel are going to be wiped out from this world regardless.
"Even with that you aren't scared. You'll give your life still, how interesting," She says genuinely.
"Humans don't need zierel plaguing the world so I'm fine with that," I reply quietly while staring at my arm.
"We'll see when the time comes if that remains true," She says with a bit of excitement in her voice.
I'm sure Airi won't want me to die in the future but it doesn't change what needs to be done. Zierel will only continue to hunt humans until they are extinct so I'd rather die when they do so that is never a threat again.
Unless they find a way to remove the zierel infection from my body... Then that'll be the only time I consider anything else.
Death isn't something that I believe I'll find any time soon since I have a lot to accomplish before that happens. Hybrid zierel will probably be the biggest threat I face out of any of them.
I'll have to ask Airi more about them tomorrow.
I close my eyes as the darkness begins to consume me like always, leaving everything in the room behind.
Jolt!!
Opening my eyes I can see everything from the past once again... The nightmare that never seems to go away. Something about the place feels different though.
I stand up from my bed and look down at the floor; Everything around me is covered in this black like goo that doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
It is seeping out from the cracks in each wall and even appears to be moving.
"This isn't right..." I say quietly with concern.
I don't remember anything like this happening in any of the other nightmares I've had... Why is this one suddenly different?