Chapter 31: Tis a Kraken Good DayNotes:My dudes! The new job is good, but it's also cutting into writing time. So in like a month I might run out of extra drafts so we might be forced to change to a once a week update schedule. Not sure, I mean I'm still getting like three pages done a day. So it might not. But just a heads up that's a possibility.
Chapter TextNatasha did not like feeling helpless. In fact she loathed it. So standing on the docks with some of New York's most unfortunate emergency workers and staring at the...sea creature slowly making its way towards land was not something she enjoyed. Really it was only the occasional tentacle the size of a metro train that was visible. This was...there were not bullets large enough for this thing, and she was fairly sure batting her eyes at it wasn't a viable plan. "The Governor?"
"He has all confidence in the Avengers." Darcy replied, she was sitting on the weapons case of the largest missile she'd been able to requisition from SI. Unfortunately it wasn't particularly big, seeing as the tower wasn't a weapons plant. The Stark ringleader's head cocked to the side. "So do you think we're dealing with a kraken? Giant octopus from space? Chuthulu's second cousin?"
She doubted shooting a missle at it would be effective since they couldn't even get visual on where it's main body was. "Rhodey?"
"Malibu, he's five hours out." Darcy reached out and gave her a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. "And no, we can't make a space wormhole big enough for that sucker." Darcy snorted. "Sucker."
Natasha looked at who they had for help. It wasn't encouraging. With Banner and Thor MIA since Ultron the team was down two of its heaviest hitters. Stark was doing some wellness and mindfulness thing in India. Steve and Sam had taken Vision with them to deal with a Hydra base in Warsaw. Which left herself, Wanda, Pietro, Spiderman, and Quake as the only enhanced available.
She supposed if it was an enemy they could just punch in the face there was Daredevil, and a few other enhanced running around that could be recruited. But punching what was essentially a deep sea monster was not the wheelhouse of people whose preferred method of combat was punching.
Natasha saw the just done with life expression on Lance Hunter's face. She agreed. "Pietro, can you run on water?"
"I do not think so." Pietro was rather pale as he looked at a giant tentacle waving menacingly in the air. "I could try?"
Wanda spoke up. "I could fly us out there, but I can't keep that many people aloft and fight."
"Uh… I'm not so good without things to swing off of?" Spiderman's white eye holes squinted. "But I'm down for fighting the Kraken."
Daisy adjusted one of her gauntlets slightly. "They might call me Quake, but my abilities have to do with vibrations not the ground." She frowned. "I don't have practice trying to fly over water though."
"I have a really bad idea." Darcy hopped off the missile case. She actually looked slightly nervous about what she was about to suggest. That was a really, REALLY, terrible sign. "So why don't we shoot the missile in the general direction of its face?"
Hunter hugged his rifle closer to himself. "Won't that just make it angry?"
"Duh." Darcy looked at him like that was obvious.
Pietro frowned. "Why do we want to make the kraken angry?"
"So it raises its head up out of the water to try to eat us." Darcy explained, with hand motions. "It makes it easier to hit something we can see."
Wanda paled, she'd clearly picked up on something. "Oh no. I do not like this plan. We should not do it."
"Wait, oh that plan!" Spiderman hopped. He gave a far too considering look at the wharf and then back at tentacles. "Yeah I could slingshot that far."
Natasha had to actually resist an instinctive desire to pinch the bridge of her nose. But she had to ask. She had a terrible idea she knew. "Slingshot what?"
"Quake of course." Darcy replied glibly. "I mean Wanda would have to pick you up out of the harbor afterwards." She reached out and patted her sister on the shoulder. "But that thing has to have a brain, just turn it to mush and we can serve kraken sashimi to all of New York for a week."
Horrifyingly Daisy was nodding as if that was a logical plan. "It'd at least hurt it, probably. I did liquify a few people's brains while Hive was in control. Kinda always wondered if I could do it before that." She shrugged. "What the hell, let's punch Cthulhu in the face."
Natasha really wanted to offer out a different strategy. But SHIELD was mostly west coast focused still, they didn't have military support, no aerial support, and it was a viable plan. A terrible one, but she'd done worse. "Spiderman start making a web slingshot for Quake. Hunter, prepare to launch our missile at the kraken."
"Right, I'm gonna need a minute." He popped the lid off the case and went to work. It was telling about the straits SHIELD had been in since Hydragate he was accepting this plan with resigned acceptance.
She turned to Wanda. "Be ready to fly out as quickly as possible. If this fails, get Quake and get out as quickly as possible."
Wanda shot a worried look at where Quake and Spiderman were pointing at buildings and arguing about best angles for launch. But she answered all the same. "I can do that."
Natasha accepted they were going to do this. She'd feel better if she had a bazooka.
////
Daisy tested her boot's grip on the web netting Peter had made. "That'll do it."
"Please don't get eaten by the kraken." Peter nudged her. "You know we didn't make a code for attack by sea monster."
"We'll have to add it to the list." Her lips pressed together. She knew she was powerful, but this powerful? Daisy's eyes hardened. It didn't matter if she was or wasn't, she had to be. She looked to Wanda who'd followed the two of them after saying something to Natasha. "Think you can help me build up a feedback loop?"
Wanda hissed. "I can, you're sure?"
Daisy ignored the obvious worry her girlfriend was showing. Now wasn't the time and Wanda wouldn't appreciate useless platitudes. "We only have one shot at this working." She rolled her shoulders. "Let's make sure I have as much power stored up as possible."
"You can swim right?" Wanda asked while lighting up with power, her red mist encasing Daisy.
She started radiating her powers, letting them be reverberated back into her. "You should probably get me out of the water pretty fast."
Daisy wasn't sure if Wanda replied or not, her entire focus had turned to increasing the vibrations she was building at different frequencies as they bounced between her and the wall of Wanda's powers. Her bones were vibrating with it, but she wasn't losing it, nothing was breaking yet. Her eyes closed, her breathing the only thing besides the power she was generating she could focus on.
And then the hard part. She had to still it all, letting the power quiet beneath her skin. It was nauseating to have that much energy bound, needing to get out. A single slip of her control and she'd shatter a lot of bones. Daisy opened her eyes, the air still around her. And yup, Wanda definitely had picked up on how narrowly she was holding onto her control.
Wanda's head snapped towards Hunter. "Shoot the sea monster! Now!"
Natasha's eyes physically widened and then she was turning on Hunter.
And Hunter shot their single person operable missile at the center of the tentacles. The entire pier went silent as they watched the missile arching through the sky. It hit the water.
The water exploded upwards. Tentacles shot upwards, a deep roaring sound boomed past them. And then a great green...head began to rise up out of the water. Waves crashing off of it's bulbous gooey form.
"Giant octopus, not a Cthulhu. Good to know." Darcy absently uttered into the deafening, horrified, and resounding silence. "The kraken is real?"
Peter let out a slightly high pitched laugh. "Well this whole thing is kraken me up."
"Is this really the time?!" Hunter yelped.
Daisy blew her breath out. Right, she could do this. She made eye contact with Peter where he was holding the webbing slingshot pulled back. She grinned. "Yeet me already bro."
Peter snorted, and then released the slingshot.
The wind whistled past her as she arched through the air, head first towards the kraken. Her teeth clenched as she kept the energy she was holding from bursting out of her. As she came hurtling closer she felt a bolt of what was probably something similar to terror. She didn't have time to worry about it. As she closed in she twisted in mid air pulling her fist back.
The kraken roared from it's beak like mouth that had teeth. Fun. It's eyes were yellow, standing out from it's green bulbous skin. It spotted her too late, it's tentacles too large and slow to bat her from the air.
And then she hit it fist first, every ounce of energy she could channel exploding outwards. A scream on her lips as she barely held onto a fraction of control over the amount of energy she was generating.
A wave rippled through the kraken.
Daisy had a second to laugh. "Oh damn I did it." And then a tentacle smashed down over her head flattening her as it slammed her into the water.
Between the cold, the force of it, and the suddenness of it she was stunned as she disappeared under the water. It drove the air from her lungs. She fought, but the tentacle was so wide, she couldn't get around it, get up, she couldn't swim! Futility she kicked, trying to do..something, get up.
An arm scooped around her waist and then she was being hauled sideways. Training took over and she went limp, fighting your rescuer got both of you killed. May'd spent hours and hours drilling that into her head. The water pushed past them. And then they were breaking above the water.
Daisy choked, spewing water from her mouth. Wheezing, the salt burned her eyes as she squinted at the person holding them above water. "Peter?"
"Holy shit nuggets that was awesome!" Peter tightened his grip around her middle.
She sucked in air. Damn, Peter had to have launched himself right after her to have gotten here in time. "Thanks."
"You don't get to call me Dumb Dumb anymore." He leaned his forehead to the side of her head for a minute before pulling back, breathing hard. "You can't swim! Why would you do that if you couldn't swim!"
Daisy blinked, she looked at the limited view she had. The water had a disgusting green color to it. The tentacle that had hit her was just sort of...laying in the water. And that was it's head towering above them? But like lower than it'd been before. "Is it...dead?"
"You blew out the back of it's head." Peter's voice was awed. "Which is unbelievably cool! I mean damn. That was so badass."
She relaxed further in her brother's grip. The yellow eye she could see did look kinda cloudy now that she was looking for it. "So dead?"
"Super dead." Peter confirmed. "Like you know when you and Darcy shot those watermelons? Like that."
Daisy huffed in relief, and god her throat hurt. But excellent. "Quake powers beat sea monster."
"Yeah, Quake loses to water." He countered.
She shrugged while letting herself float, trusting Peter to keep her above water. "So Darcy's plan to just Yeet me at a sea monster. Do you think we should be concerned by that?"
"I mean it worked? Also objectively awesome." Peter puffed. "And never made a slingshot that cool before."
Daisy smiled fondly. "Yeah, that was pretty awesome."
Peter raised a hand waving as red light came into view above them. "DOWN HERE!"
Wanda swiftly descended red light wrapping around them and lifting them out of the water. "You are both insane."
"Sup." Daisy smiled, she wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders. God she was exhausted that had taken a lot out of her. "Thanks for the pick up." And huh, she was actually freezing cold.
Daisy's shivering was mostly gone as she sat on a crate, several emergency blankets wrapped around her, and a cup of hot tea cradled in her hands. "So Coast Guard has clean up?"
"If the governor knows what's good for him they do." Darcy brandished a towel. "Let's get your hair dry and then you're going straight to the Tower."
She didn't fight as her sister dropped the towel over her hand and started aggressively drying her hair. It was a bit of a lost cause. Between kraken goop and sea water she was going to need a shower the moment she got home. Daisy frowned slightly. "Wait, why am I going to the tower?"
"Because you are covered in kranen goo and you're getting x-rayed for fractures or broken bones even if I have to strap you down." Darcy pulled the towel away and scrunched up her nose at the remnants of goo coating it. "We should make sea monsters from a Lovcraftian nightmare code Goopy Soupy."
Daisy couldn't help her amused expression at that. "We can add it to the list since you're kidnapping me."
"Wait, what's this about kidnapping? I thought we didn't kidnap?" Peter's voice asked as he bounced over, Spiderphone very clearly recording.
Darcy rolled her eyes. "Just telling your partner she's coming back to the Tower to make sure she didn't break anything punching the evil octopus/kraken thing in the face." She shot a look at Daisy. "You can use my apartment. I know the tower has better water pressure then your place."
"You should do that!" Peter seemed to forget he was recording as he focused on them. "I mean you were underwater for a while before I got to you."
Daisy sighed, but honestly just felt a warm sort of affection for her siblings, besides she had a feeling Wanda was going to be hunting her down as soon as the opportunity presented itself. "I wasn't arguing. And I didn't break anything."
She pointedly ignored as Peter narrated gratitude that Darcy had provided the missile and waxed on with commentary about events. It was nice, and honestly he was far better at the social media stuff then her. Daisy quietly sipped at her coco. This superhero thing wasn't too bad. Her eyes settled on Wanda who was using Hunter as a shield against the cameras. Her smile spread across her face. No, this hero thing was kinda awesome.
////
Darcy proudly hit the print button of the evening news image that was going to be around the world by the end of the night. It was a glorious image of Daisy punching the kraken in the face. A reporter had clearly taken it with a telephoto lens. But it was the most compelling of a series of shots documenting the whole thing. Personally her favorites were of Peter recklacly jumping off a flailing tentacle before diving into the water right after Daisy.
It was good for the media, no casualties, clear and horrifying threat stopped dead. Also the long distance photos of Peter and Daisy floating in the water pre-Wanda pick up, very much looked like they were making out. Which meant it was excellent professionally and privately. Darcy didn't intend to let them live it down even when they were all old and grey.
She looked up at the sound of a knock on the door. "FRIDAY did Tony change permissions to my apartment again?"
-"No, Mr Maximoff is awaiting permission to enter."-
Darcy's brow scrunched slightly, but she was curious. "Let him in FRIDAY."
-"As you wish Dr Lewis."-
She stayed curled up on the couch, but set her laptop aside. "Did you need something Pietro?"
"Your couch." Pietro's eyes had a certain look to them as he zipped in front of her. "And vodka, all the vodka."
Darcy actually leaned back at that. "Why do you look like you just had a bucket of ice water chucked at you?" Well without being dripping wet, but the horrified stunned expression was pretty close to the time Peter had helped her dump a bucket of ice water on the speedster. So tomato, tomato.
"Your sister is in my apartment." He looked at her expectantly.
She blinked. "She's over at your apartment like half the days of the week?"
"Half the days of the week she's hacking into something while Wanda reads course material for her classes. Or Wanda is teaching her to not burn down the kitchen. She's 'in' my apartment in my apartment." Pietro's expression could best be described as a cringe.
It dawned on her what he was implying. "Oh, OH." She cocked her head to the side. "Don't you have soundproof walls?"
"Wanda automatically leaves a faint empathetic link open when we're near each other." He looked truly pained. "It's subconscious."
Darcy snorted out right. "Oh you poor boy, did you get your sister's frisky feels on accident?"
"It's not funny." He grumbled. "Can I please sleep on your couch. Your apartment's far enough I'm safe."
Nodding, she gestured to the second couch. Because of course an apartment provided by Tony would have a second couch. "Me casa et tu casa. But really, how has this not happened before?"
"Uh...we've only had powers for a few years and Wanda must have shut off the connection when I had company. Or it's new? She never said anything" Pietro looked uncomfortable. "Vodka? I'd like to forget this ever happened."
She waved at the kitchen. "Go for it. It's on top of the fridge, juice inside. Grab me some too." Darcy shook her head in amusement as she pulled her laptop back to her. "Want to help with the Spiderquake scrapbook?"
"The what?" He blurred behind the couch, his head curiously peeking over her shoulder to see what she was doing.
Darcy proudly pulled up some files. "The media is convinced Peter and Daisy, or Quake and Spiderman are in 'true love'. Which is hilarious. But because it protects Peter we're not doing anything to stop it. Which means, I'm documenting everything. Years worth of blackmail material dropped into my lap."
Pietro's face turned amused. "Are there fanvideos?"
"Oh my sweet summer child." She patted the seat next to her. "I have a whole new world to share with you."
Darcy munched on her popcorn as obnoxiously as possible. She squinted at the screen. "Kid maybe hang the mugger a solid five feet lower so people can actually cut them down."
-'Huh?"- The video from Peter's goggles shifted as if he was frowning under his mask. They'd have to adjust it's responsiveness to his face...or maybe leave it. It did help humanize him.
"It takes ladders to get a mugger down if you leave them dangling like a pinata." She flicked a kernel of corn up and caught it with her teeth. "Also I saw those looks, you're leaving the spider sweater on."
-"You're worse than Aunt May. I look ridiculous."- He grumbled as the swinging of the camera in his eye lenses stilled. He'd evidently landed on something appropriately high.
She snorted. "The suit is awesome, but it's too thin to have temperature control. Even I'm not that awesome, yet. The heights of my intelligence have yet to be reached. So give it a couple years and I might figure something out. And stop hanging them up head first. You're going to give someone a concussion."
-"Fine."- Peter's lense camera scanned the streets he was perched above. -"Hey Darcy, what's a good first date?"-
Darcy grinned. "Depends on the girl buckeroo. So tell me, what's her name?"
-"Gwen, she's my lab partner in biology."- His voice was clearly nervous. -"She's a junior, president of the science club and super smart and I really like her."-
She felt like laughing, her baby bro clearly had a type. "Your thing is smart girls who can tell you what to do?"
-"What?! No. That's stupid."- He yelped.
Darcy bit her lip, if Peter wasn't fourteen she'd drag him for how clearly transparent he was about his type. She gave it a year tops before he realized his friend MJ was exactly his type. Which that would be a crisis of emotions like any crush on a friend. But right now it was a probably hopeless crush on an older girl. "So she's what sixteen?"
-"Yeah. But she laughs at my jokes and just at me! And sometimes does this hair thing and I think maybe I have a chance?"-
She hummed. "Well a movie date is a classic, and you know Daisy or I'd make sure you had a car ride. Now the important part is you have to make sure you don't vomit feelings all over this girl."
-"Right...how do I not vomit feelings all over?"- His voice pitched up.
She smiled while spinning herself in her wheely chair. "Do not utter the word 'love'. You let her know you like her, suggest a date, and make sure she knows you'll still be the best bio partner and not going to get creepy on her. You are a smart, cute boy and if she doesn't say yes we'll have ice cream and it's nothing to be ashamed of."
-"Wait...what?"-
"Girls don't want to be burdened with your feelings when you ask them out. So you tell her you like her, you'd like to take her on a movie date but if she doesn't want to that's ok. Listen well young padawan, girls are not mysterious. They want to feel safe to say yes or no. Most girls aren't going to take down gods with a taser like Mwua or are human weapons like our sister."
Peter's visuals nodded. -"I can do that."-
"Good, and if she says no we'll mope with you." Darcy popped some more popcorn into her mouth. "Also do you have an outfit picked out for the big ask?"
Chapter 32: Family, Friends, and FoodNotes:Sup! I'd like to just point out I'm amused by how the holidays in this fic do not line up with the holidays in the world. Also yes I know Thanksgiving is a politically fucked up holiday. But like all Americans I pretend that isn't the case while I eat my turkey. Considering I spent over two years working for the local tribe here and actually help when possible with said tribe I think I'm on the less of an asshole side of things when it comes to the topic? I think? I don't know. Everything is a historically nightmarish legacy of racism, sexism, and violence here...you just kinda try to do the best you can to acknowledge and fix shit when can. But I'm not going to politically dissect the historical realities of Thanksgiving in a fic. I'm just...I'm not.
Chapter TextMay marshelled her minions. She'd never had so many before, or such a lovely kitchen, or had so many mouths to feed before. But Thanksgiving was a family event and her family had expanded exponentially. "Out! I don't want to see a single Stark in this kitchen!" She jabbed her finger at Tony. "And go change your shirt, you're a grown man. Your apartment or not you are not wearing a grease stained shirt to dinner."
"It's my apartment. I'll wear what I want." Tony looked far too smug.
She was unimpressed. "If you want pie you will."
"I'll eat his portion of pie!" Peter hollard from the other room, he practically appeared hanging off the wall looking around eagerly. "I will totally eat any available options for more pie."
May saw her option for getting rid of Tony before he did something to try and speed up the cooking process. No tech in the kitchen. Ever. "Peter dear why don't you go make sure your father wears something that is at least clean. And you were wanting to show him your group project you did on the new UN Boarders resolution weren't you?"
She turned back to the kitchen, Peter could handle Tony. "Pietro chop the potatoes and don't think I didn't see you try to stab your sister." May snagged the turkey baster he'd been trying to use as a weapon out of his hand.
"Do you need me to form the rolls? The dough is done rising." Wanda looked over at her from where she'd been prepping the brussel sprouts.
May smiled. "Please, I think Darcy will be skyping her parents longer than planned."
"I've got it." Wanda smiled as she pulled the dish towel off the bowl of dough. "Worst case we can recruit Daisy for help, she's actually getting much better."
She set the fry pan on the oven and grabbed the bacon. "Once the SHIELD group gets here we'll need her to run interference between Tony and them."
"Won't Pepper help with that?" Pietro chimed in.
May almost laughed, oh to still be that in the dark about Stark chaos. "Four SHIELD agents and Tony?"
"Fair." Pietro allowed, clearly having had it click in his head.
Daisy popped her head into the kitchen. "My ears are burning. Are you sure I can't help with anything?"
"You can finish setting the table since Peter's making your father put on a clean shirt. And no powers." May barely kept from giving away how actually adorable it was that Daisy's eyes were very much flicking towards Wanda. Honestly, the two of them orbited eachother far too much to still be 'just' anything.
May turned and spotted Wanda who looked like she'd just been caught stealing from the cookie jar. Empathic mind voodoo powers. Honestly. She rolled her eyes and patted the girl's shoulder and went back to her oyster dressing. "Pietro chop the yams before you go play video games!"
The apartment's doorbell rang. May gave a quick check of the kitchen, nothing that couldn't be left unsupervised for a few minutes. Grabbing a dish towel she whipped her hands and headed for the door. What clearly was the SHIELD team was being welcomed in by a vibrating with excitement Daisy.
They were exactly as they'd been described. Middle aged insurance salesman look alike, had to be Phil Coulson. He was looking at Daisy like a proud father as she excitedly welcomed them in. Just behind his shoulder was who had to be the other May. Which left the two the same age as the brilliant Fitzsimmons she'd heard so much about. The one who had to be Jemma lunged past Phil to hug Daisy.
May smiled as she reached the group. "Come on it, it's good to finally meet you all."
"Aunt May." Daisy grinned as she stepped back from hugging her best friend. "This is my old team, Coulson, May, Jemma, and Fitz. Guys this is Aunt May."
Phil Coulson held out his hand. "It's wonderful to meet someone Daisy's spoken so highly of."
"I feel the same way." May shook the man's hand and then the other May's.
Jemma just laughed. "It's lovely to meet you." Her eyes lit up as she spotted Peter bouncing in. "Peter! I had an idea about preventing the dendrotoxin from turning into a gas."
Peter beamed as he reached them. "Is it a new bonding agent? Cause I was thinking if we experimented with the composition of the web it might let us have more flexibility in what we can introduce."
May sighed and ruffled her nephew's hair. She looked up and realized she was sharing an amused expression with Phil. "So can any of you cook? Because I have a feeling my assistants are about to desert me."
"I've been told I've got a bit of a dab hand in the kitchen." Phil took a box from Fitz. "And we brought wine."
Daisy looked at the box and laughed. "Is that the wine we stole from the human traffickers? How did you get the blood off?"
"I made a new solution for removing dried blood. It's been really useful for…" Jemma trailed off.
All of the agents, including Daisy, had stilled and turned towards May in unison. Well except for ninja May who just grabbed the box and marched into the kitchen with it.
May sighed. "Is the wine at least not contaminated?"
"It's fine, we didn't bring any of the bottles with compromised seals." Jemma assured her.
She barely kept from laughing. "Well thank you for bringing wine." At least Daisy's family wore pants, Erik had lost his for the third time already.
////
Darcy gave a final wave as she hung up her call with the parents. She hopped off the guest bed she'd been stretched out on while closing the laptop. She winced at the time. "Shitnuggets the rolls!" Scrambling off the bed she paused...May or Wanda would have prevented the dough from being ruined. Nodding to herself she moved more sedately.
She was leaving the guest room when she heard the faintest bump from the linen closet. Darcy smirked, oh she would bet money if there was anyone else in the hall she knew who. Instead of leaving well enough alone she just opened the door and leaned against the door jam. "Well hello."
"Fuck, Darcy." Daisy glared at her, the flushed face undercut the attempted indignation.
Darcy smirked. "How about that, sneaking away from kitchen duty to make out with the girlfriend."
Wanda rolled her eyes as she continued to lean against the closet shelves. "Daisy is banned from the kitchen."
"Fair, did you blow something up?" Darcy was living for this.
Daisy made a sound of minor outrage. "I did not."
"Likely story." Her lips somehow quirked up even more. "So ditching the guests?"
Wanda sighed seeming to accept Darcy wasn't going anywhere. "Your scientists, Peter, and Daisy's scientists have taken over the living room."
"Huh, should have seen that coming." Darcy nodded to herself. Well, with May and Pepper there no explosions would probably occur. "You do realize your brother can tell exactly what you two lovebirds are doing though?"
Wanda opened her mouth and then turned bright red. She squeezed Daisy's shoulder before slipping past them both. "I need to go talk to Pietro."
"Have fun." Darcy waved before turning back to Daisy. "Thought you two were keeping things on the DL?"
Daisy ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back. "Really? Do you have to?"
"I really, really do." Darcy waved for Daisy to get out of the closet. "Young love, so sweet." She whipped theatrically at her cheek as if to wipe a tear away.
Daisy groaned, and shoved her slightly as she stepped into the hall. "You are the actual worst."
"It's my duty as older sister. I have years to make up for." Darcy slung her arm over Daisy's shoulders, dragging them close enough she could press their cheeks together. "You're my adorable baby sis. Tis my duty."
Daisy snorted. "You still suck."
"So how's the chaos of the fams being smooshed together?" She asked as they trooped towards the sound and smell of Thanksgiving.
Daisy softened, her prickliness soothing slightly. "Coulson and the Mays are in the kitchen, the rest have taken over the living room."
"Pietro hiding in a corner with the chips?" Darcy snickered.
Shoulders vibrating with humor Daisy laughed. "He's hiding in the corner with chips."
"Excellent. Well team science calls. Have fun, try not to spend too much time making out with our favorite witch." Darcy pressed a sloppy, smacking kiss to Daisy's cheek. Grinning she trotted to the kitchen. "My peeps! What up?"
Daisy called after her. "I thought your team science was calling you?"
"I'm a social butterfly." Darcy waved off while reveling in the resigned misery on May II's face. "Ipod Thief! Mays, need help? Or am I free to go find out what world ending crazy is happening over there?"
Aunt May flicked a dish towel at her. "We're just supervising the oven. Go have fun."
"Gotcha." Darcy winked at Coulson for funsies and then trotted into the living room. She leaned over where Tony was sitting, resting her head on top of his curly hair. "So what are we debating the probability of?"
Jane looked up from where she was scribbling on a Starkpad. "The theoretical implications of time travel."
"Oh! Nice, closed loop, causality, alternate timelines? What are we talking?" Darcy was so here for this.
The curly haired guy who had to be Fitz perked up. "Well that's the thing isn't it, we don't know. I subscribe to the belief that once you've gone back your actions won't change anything. After all, all of time and space is happening at the same time. So what has yet to happen has already happened."
"But if it's all happening at the same time then changing something isn't rewriting...."
Darcy nibbled on a carrot. "Ok why are we watching football? Are any of us sport people? I mean the only people who can run more than a block without wheezing here are ninjas."
"Americans." Fitz scoffed from where he was working on a tiny holo table with Tony on a new prosthetic. To be fair she was messing with their design from her phone.
Pietro nodded in agreement with Fitz from where he was crushed next to Wanda. "We play real football in the rest of the world."
"Boo!" Darcy chucked a throw pillow at his head.
Wanda caught the pillow in mid air. "No fighting." She tossed the pillow lightly to where Peter and Jemma had their heads together, muttering about dendrotoxin.
"Can someone explain why we've been here for so long and there's still so much time on the clock?" Daisy asked.
Tony made a wounded noise, pressing a hand to his chest. "I own a team. How can my own Offspring know so little? That settles it we're going to the Superbowl."
"What?!" Daisy looked slightly alarmed. "No, that is a terrible idea. We're both major targets, and the Superbowl is a giant dish of civilians."
Darcy blinked. "You own a football team? What team do you even own?"
////
Coulson sipped at his glass of wine, while leaning against the counter. "Should we intervene?"
"Oh leave them to it." Pepper replied while topping herself up on wine. "It's their version of bonding, and it's not time travel."
He looked over where the kids had somehow divided into a multi-front war. "I suppose Stark can afford anything they break."
"At least Wanda is guarding the table." May Parker sighed. She looked at him pointedly. "But the balcony might be a bit safer."
He smiled at the woman. "You know I think some fresh air is just what I need before we try and eat all this food." Coulson waved the women goodbye while making his way out to the balcony outside the massive apartment. It was refreshingly quiet out here. And no astrophysicists with manic lights in their eyes commanding their intern to help them whack Tony for some reason. Not that anyone really needed one. Man's smug face was enough of a reason.
"Sup." Daisy looked over her shoulder and raised her own glass of wine in greetings.
Coulson settled next to her elbow, looking out at the city down below them. "They're good people."
"Yeah, they really are." She took a swig of her wine. "Are you guys going to stay longer than just today?"
He sighed. "No, Mace needs us and Mack and Elena can only hold the fort for so long. But any missions this side of the country we'll jump on. You should see at least some of us more often."
"I've missed you." Daisy's gaze stayed on the skyline.
Shifting he bumped their shoulders together. "We've all missed you too. It's not the same without you." He chuckled. "I think Mace would pay you whatever you wanted to bring you and your good press back to SHIELD."
"I miss the work sometimes but it wasn't good for me. I didn't have anything outside of the team. Hunter was right when he said it was a job." She looked at him. "Yes, I willingly got a therapist."
Coulson wrapped an arm around her pulling her into a side hug for a long moment before dropping his arm back to his side. "I shouldn't have pushed you as hard as I did. You never even took a vacation once we recruited you."
"Yeah that was messed up. Don't burn your agents out AC." She smiled, her tone teasing in such a way it took the bite of her words. "But really I wouldn't have let you stick me on down time."
He huffed. "Yeah, we're pretty bad at work/life balances." Coulson looked behind them at the apartment full of people who they both loved. "You're managing that here?"
"I'm trying." Daisy turned, letting her back rest against the balcony railing. "I'm going to be on America Ninja Warrior in a couple weeks. Meeting up with my 'ninja' trainer next week."
Coulson smirked, his kid was going to kick ass. "They won't know what hit them."
"I'll take care of an inhuman intake for you if you get May the weekend off to come down for it?"
"Deal." He sipped at his wine. "So what are you doing out here?"
"It was a lot of people, just needed a breath of fresh air." Daisy finished off her wine. "Think we can hide out here till the turkeys are done?"
He smiled. "I think we could manage that."
"So, do I want to know why Jane keeps clutching her tablet every time you look at her?" Daisy looked at him with a raised brow.
Coulson stared at her. "I know Darcy's told you about the ipod and equipment stealing incident after the hammer."
"Well yeah, but it's Darcy. Half of it could be embellishment. Did she really come for SHIELD with a letter campaign?" Daisy asked.
His shoulders slumped slightly. "Complete with pink paper and glitter pen. Two hundred and thirty seven letters till the intern found her ipod."
"Sounds right." She looked at him. "Why didn't you recruit her again?"
Coulson watched the chaos inside. Darcy had marshelled Erik, Jane and Ian behind one of the couches, returning fire against Tony, Fitz, Jemma and Peter who were behind the other couch. The Maximoffs had fled for the kitchen. "I made the offer, but she's not suited for it."
"And I was?" Daisy looked at him in disbelief.
He didn't let her brush it off. "You are, you're great at it. One of the greats. I was hoping you'd be Director instead of Mace."
"Me?" Daisy pointed at herself in disbelief.
Coulson could see that she looked healthier here after less than a year away from SHIELD. She was clearly getting more sunlight, the dark circles, that certain gauntness and signs of physical stress barely noticeable. Younger really, she looked her age instead of easily passing as several years older at first glance. "Being a superhero suits you."
"Come on." Daisy squeezed his arm before pushing off the balcony, clearly her tolerance for praise had been reached. "I think Pepper is about to call an end to the pillow fight."
////
Peter closed his eyes and hummed in joy as he took his first bite of the turkey. So good. He loved thanksgiving food. "So good."
"Chew with your mouth shut." Aunt May chided gently.
He chewed while grabbing the passing bowl of gravy. "Sorry."
"This looks lovely." Pepper praised while dishing up a slightly concerning amount of brussel sprouts onto her plate.
Jemma politely snagged the gravy from him. "Do you know how enhanced your metabolism is?"
"Uh we're still figuring that out, cause like I'm still growing. But your notations on increasing vitamins and protein were really helpful. But even with that I eat about twice what the average guy my age does." He explained while grabbing the potatoes. "Does that inhuman with gills really have a fully integrated respiratory system?"
Jemma nodded. "Yes, he has to spend time under water or his gills get inflamed. But-"
"No shop talk." Coulson interrupted. He seemed to pout slightly as most of the table looked at him in disbelief. "Nothing graphic over food."
"Fine." All the SHEILD agents replied.
Peter stuck his tongue out at Daisy automatically replying right along with her old team.
It didn't take long for the sounds of various conversations around the table to fill the room. Laughter, some slightly heated debate on AIs between Fitz and Tony, what was probably a slightly traumatizing agent talk based on Aunt May's face, apologies as Ian mopped up the wine he'd just managed to dump on Darcy. It was warm and wonderful. Peter leaned closer to Dr Jemma Simmons and kept his voice pointedly too quiet for May or Coulson to hear over the general din. "So about those gills?"
Peter sighed contentedly as he lay stretched out, post feast. "We're watching a Christmas Story right?"
"Oh classic." Darcy reached up and high fived him from where she was being swallowed up by a beanbag.
Tony frowned. "Which one is that again? Also, isn't it a bit early to be watching christmas movies?"
"It's tradition." Peter explained. "And it's the best."
Ian made a confused sound. "Americans." He then yelped as Daisy flicked some vibrations at him.
"No powers." Aunt May interceded. "I think we've all had quite enough of that for the day."
Daisy didn't look sorry at all from where she was leaning against Wanda's shoulder. "Sorry Aunt May."
Fitz chimed in from the armchair he and Jemma were squished into. "Do you think we could watch a Child's Christmas in Wales afterwards? My Ma and I always watched that one."
Tony waved a hand. "FRIDAY, que up the movies." He sent a glare at Darcy. "My suit better not start playing Mariah Carrie."
"I saw on the news your suit malfunctioned in Afghanistan." Coulson remarked, he seemed far too pleased from his seat. The glint in his eye gave way his amusement.
Daisy grinned, far too triumphant. "It's a self replicating virus and he didn't get it all when he first tried to clean up the suit's systems. So it's spread to all of them now."
"And you haven't helped prevent all of the Ironman suits from singing Baby Shark?" Ian twitched as he stared at Daisy. "You are a very scary lady."
Darcy's chin tipped up in pride. "She makes the cyber weapons, I use them."
"I will make you a weapon of your choice to anyone who can get rid of that infernal song." Tony said while topping off his wine glass.
"But watching you suffer is so much fun." Darcy teased.
Daisy snickered into Wanda's shoulder. The two of them weren't even pretending not to look like a couple. It filled him with a sort of relieved warmth every time he saw them.
Aunt May passed a glass of wine to Pepper with a commiserating look. "Alright, is everyone staying for the movie?"
Jane's head jerked up from where she'd been scribbling into her Starkpad, her back resting against Darcy's knees. "Yes?"
"I think I'll pop off." Dr Erik stood up. "It really has been…..lovely." He grasped May's hand and smiled at her before toddling off.
"Goodbye! Remember pants tomorrow!" Darcy called after the man.
There were a round of goodbyes from everyone.
"Anyone else?" May looked around them and then sat down next to Peter. "Alright FRIDAY."
Peter settled comfortably against his Aunt as the opening of his favorite Christmas movie came up on the large screen, the lights for the room dimming as well. "Best Thanksgiving ever." And the pie hadn't even been sliced up yet!
Chapter 33: Ethics, Ninjas, Fires, and an Olive BranchNotes:Hey! I'd just like to say the response to this fic has blown me away. You guys are legit the best.
Chapter TextDarcy tapped her finger in time with the beat and hummed around the lollipop she was working her way through. She frowned as she looked at the latest readouts of her last project. "Ya know it's just not right."
"What isn't right?" Ian poked his head up from the truly horrifically boring data input he was working on.
She pulled the lollipop out of her mouth. "That so many power sources can be weaponized. I mean I could make all sorts of high end tech powered by arch technology but it'd be like giving proto-bombs to the public. Which is why I had to stop working on further miniaturizing arch technology."
Ian spluttered. "But arch technology can't be miniaturized further than Stark did. The power would burn through any material on earth if condensed any further."
"You read the specs. I'm impressed padawan." Darcy waved her hand. "And an arch reactor isn't the only application of arch technology. I've been trying to create self charging batteries based off arch designs. Less power, but more than any current tech is capable of. But again, I can make a battery the size of a nickel with enough power to run a small car. Problem is a couple dozen of them could blow a city block."
Ian's face furrowed. "Does it ever bother you?"
"What?" She looked at him curiously. It might be the first time she'd seen him legitimately struggling with something. And that was including when they'd broken up after their brief thing in London.
He bit at his lower lip. "Well I love what we do right? It's amazing." His eyes definitely were a little starry there. "It's such an honor to be working for Dr Selvig and Dr Foster. But...we're making portals. We could mess up and create a black hole that swallows the planet. Or what if we make a portal to a planet with hostile aliens and it's seen as an act of war? Or what if we accidentally mess up and affect another planet's gravitational field, or core stability? We could be making planet destroying tech and not even know it!"
"Oh the crazy science ethical questioning. Lik the whole accidental creation of weapons of incomprehensible destruction and death." Darcy nodded. "I'm surprised you noticed that. But yeah, we're creating crazy shit here. Hell I'm manipulating the world media and thus world governments. We passed reasonable ethical lines like...a while ago."
Ian stilled his eyes widening. "What?" HIs voice squeaked slightly.
Darcy sighed while waving her hand with her lollipop in it as she spoke. "Did you not watch my last interview with Time? You think keeping the government from openly arresting, torturing, experimenting on and using enhanced is easy?"
"Uh…" Ian was now gaping at her.
She rolled her eyes. "It's like this. We've got power for dumbass reasons. With the portals cause we be the smartest cookies in the bunch that also have the nicest toys and funding. So we build the portals. Then once we build 'em we patent the shit out of them after stripping them down to their most basic and least dangerous state. Like once we have them working, we make it so they can't do the really scary stuff. Like my batteries. Supes cool, but if I released that shit as is now it'd be supes dangerous. So I make the scary version, then work it backwards till I have a version with built in design flaws to prevent catastrophe. Same reason I lie my ass off in interviews and am helping my grandparents's murderer go free. I mean poor sod was brainwashed as fuck, but still."
Ian spluttered. "You knew!?"
"Duh. Since like New Mexico. I fail to get why no one puts together portal and dangerous. But it's kinda obvious if you ask me." She stuck her lollipop back in her mouth, the candy clicking against her teeth. "I recommend copious amounts of chocolate for your existential crisis. Also tequila. Just so much tequila."
Darcy stepped into the Hulk room. She dropped her two cases on the floor. "Sup dudes."
"Darcy? What are you doing here?" Steve startled from where he was reading a newspaper.
"I bringith an arm and a new hobby for our favorite one armed assassin." She announced, grabbing the top case she hauled it to the coffee table and dropped it with a resounding thud.
James stared at her. "What?"
"You need a prosthetic and nobody is going to assign making a prosthetic for you to someone who's not in the know and supes vetted. Which means me or Tony." She raised a pointed brow. "And not even Tony is socially stupid enough to ask someone to make a prosthetic arm to replace the one that murdered their parents. So it's me or forever being lopsided."
Steve shifted over, leaving room for her on the couch. "Thank you."
"Totes dude. Heads up this one isn't designed for combat." She flicked open the clasps and opened up the case. The arm was sleek, but a white silicone base. Clean lines, but they all had a purposefully natural look to them. More like natural muscles than anything else.
James reached out and touched it. "It's soft."
"Well figured it should be as obviously non-weaponry as possible. It'll give you roughly as much strength as my very wimpy human muscles give me. Based off my own abilities." She grinned. "Go on, pick it up."
James carefully lifted the arm, frowning slightly as he turned it over in his hand. "This is certainly something."
"Want help attaching it?" Darcy grinned. "Your new hobby is going to be knitting. It'll let the programing sync up and help you learn how to use it." She leaned back with a bright grin of victory. "So you both naming your first born after me or what?"
////
Kyle Richmond stretched his arm out while waiting. He bounced anxiously. He got lucky with his celebrity for the whole Red Nose charity run. No silly actor or tv personality who'd mostly be a beginner he'd need to spend hours a day for weeks getting ready to do three or four of the obstacles. He got the honest to god superhero who regularly jumped off buildings.
He bounced excitedly, the camera crews all set to record their first meeting. They'd only really have to put up with all the cameras a couple of times over the next month. Still, it was going to be crazy getting to work with Quake. Kyle, and the whole camera crew perked up as the door opened.
In walked Quake, she wasn't wearing her hero outfit. Instead while she was wearing her mask, she was wearing yoga pants, and loose workout shirt over a tank top. She waved. "What up!"
Kyle stepped forward and held out his hand. "Kyle Richmond."
"Quake." She accepted his hand and shook it. Her hand was cauloused and her grip firm. "So I hear we're going to be working together?" She had a friendly smile on her face.
He beamed, oh thank god she didn't seem like a bitch. "Yup, I'm going to be your ninja trainer. I was thinking we could go over the course and talk about the types of obstacles you'll be dealing with and chat about what we should be working on? Just for today. That and get to know each other a bit."
"Sounds like a plan." She glanced around at the camera crew. "So anything I should know about how all this works before we get started?"
Kyle chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "No, it's all good. They'll just sorta follow us around, probably stop by to film some of the training. But like we'll only be five to ten minutes of time on the show so they won't need that much footage for that."
"Cool, and it's probably weird for you to be calling me Quake all the time. Sorry about that." She shrugged.
Kyle waved her further into the gym. "So first obstacle is going to be the floating steps, then cannonball drop, flywheels, block run, the battering ram, and then finally the warp wall."
Quake's lips pulled up into something distinctly concerning. "I was thinking, sure it's all well and good to get the first half of the course done. But I think we should try for the whole thing."
"The whole…" He gave her a long up and down. She was certainly in excellent shape, and he'd seen the trick videos she and Spiderman put out. "Let's see where you are and then see if that's doable in the time frame we have. But the salmon ladder?"
Quake rolled her shoulders and looked pointedly at the gym's salmon ladder. "Well, let's see if I can do it. My first SO certainly had me doing enough pull ups that I'll be disappointed in myself if I can't."
"Have you already stretched?" He checked, he was not going to be the one to take down a superhero with a muscle cramp. Or worse actual damage.
She laughed good naturedly. "I had to get here by quake, I've stretched."
"Well let's see what you can do then." He politely led them towards the salmon ladder. "So not sure if you know this but my background was in gymnastics and I run a parkour gym now."
Quake rolled her shoulders. "I am, Nighthawk ninja huh?"
Kyle's cheeks heated at her knowing his silly stage name. "You googled me?"
"Hate to let you know but America Ninja Warrior is popular viewing in SHIELD." Quake's eyes were bright as she grinned. And then she lightly hopped up grabbing the bar.
Kyle could not wait to call his friends and fanboy about getting to work with Quake. She was legit awesome. "So you're body control while maneuvering could use some work. We can definitely work on that. And upper body endurance. It's not going to be the obstacles that are going to get you, it's going to be spending too long on them and sapping your strength that is."
"I do rely on lower body strength more than these obstacles allow." She nodded, sipping at her bottle of gatorade, sweat soaked fabric of her shirt sticking to her.
He was so psyched that his celebratory wasn't going to need help getting through. Also she wasn't fighting his critiques, just politely considering his words. No whining either. "Other than that it's going to be about making sure you've got as much experience with the obstacles as we can get you."
"I can put in two hours a day on this." Quake frowned slightly. "I'd put in more but I've got commitments. And there's going to be days where things happen and I'm going to miss training."
Kyle nodded, that made sense. "Well you know where my gym is." He waved absently at the room they were in.
"Fair, and I'll have handled cardio and stretching before I get to the gym. So we can work on the technical work immediately." Quake offered, which all of that helped, a lot. And based off the high level she was clearly functioning at building muscle wasn't the issue.
He handed her a towel. "If you come in and I'm not there, or you have added time, rock climbing is going to be the most helpful to you."
"I can do that." Quake held up her fist for a fist bump. "I think we've got this."
Kyle laughed as he bumped her fist. "They're not going to know what hit them." And he quite frankly meant it.
////
Peter dropped down behind the guy trying to break into a car. "Do you need some help there buddy? I mean I think I've got to wait for you to actually succeed in part one of a crime before I can web you."
The car thief startled backwards with a high pitched yelp. He stared at Peter, one hand pressed to his chest. "Don't do that man."
"I feel like that's my line." He replied. "I mean you, trying to break into a car, me here to prevent automotive theft."
The car thief's eyes flicked to either way. "If I just run?"
"I'll web you to the side of the building." Peter shrugged. "I won't call the cops, you're not a very good car thief afterall."
The guy groaned but stepped to the side of the building and leaned against it. "Fine, put me in timeout."
Peter cocked his head. "You know if you need like financial planning help, or like food, shelter, that sort of thing you could go to one of the FEAST offices. They'll help you get on your feet."
A siren wailed as it went flying past them.
Peter shot his web upwards. "Be safe, don't do crime!" He hollered as he went flying upwards.
The car thief startled. "No time out?"
He snickered as he swung away, before focusing on the police vehicle he was now following. With great arching swings he picked up speed. A car chase!
Peter whooped as he came sailing over the cop car, and then landed on the roof of the Cadillac that was trying to get away. His spider sense blared, he rolled to the side, barely missing the bullets being shot through the roof! "Hey! I'm up here!"
He flipped over to the other side as more bullets came flying at where he'd just been. "Guess you knew I was there."
-"Would you just stop them and stop talking at them!"- Darcy's voice came through the comm. -"I mean oh my Thor! I log in to check on you and what the fuck!?"-
Peter winced at the volume. He punched the window and webbed the two guns to the sides of the car. "Hey guys! Want to pull over?"
Peter chewed on his sandwich, his legs swinging over the edge of the building. He heard a light thud behind him. Swallowing he glanced behind him and grinned. "Daisy!"
"Sup bro." She loped easily across the roof before dropping down besides him. "So Darcy says you got shot at earlier?"
His nose wrinkled. "They were not very good shots. You're way scarier."
"Good." She swayd bumping their shoulders together. "So, asked out the girl you've been mooning over yet?"
He felt his cheeks flush, because no, no he hadn't. Instead of answering he cleared his throat. "Want to go stop crime?"
Daisy laughed at that. "Sure." She tapped the temple of her mask. "Hear that Darcy, we need some convenient crime to go fight."
-"Fuck you, I was appritating Steve's ass in his workout pants."- Darcy let out a long sigh. -"If I wasn't a good person I'd jump on that post break up, bisexuality crisis so fast. That shoulder to hip ratio…."-
He gagged slightly.
Daisy rolled her eyes. "Darcy you're crossing the line of playful inversion of sexist ogling into actual grossness."
-"Fair."- There was a clicking on her end. -"Well there's a fire alarm that just went off four blocks from you. Go save some people. I'll keep an eye on you."-
Daisy braced herself, the air beginning to vibrate around her. "Let's go." She launched herself through the air.
Peter yanked his mask down over his mouth as he dove into the air, the familiar swooping sensation as he fell with purpose.
He caught Daisy around the waist, her arm automatically wrapping around his shoulders to stabilize herself as he anchored them to the side of the building. They both looked at the old building, smoke pouring out of the fourth floor.
Daisy's voice was commanding as she spoke. "Evacuate the people, I'll slow the fire to give you as much time as possible."
"You can't control temperatures yet?" He stopped as he heard a cry for help.
"Fire extinguishers exist, let's go." She pushed off and then dropped straight down before arching straight through a window into the smoke.
Peter felt a flicker of doubt, it was a ten story building. But then there wasn't time for that. "Ok, just have to evacuate six stories of people. Easy peasy." He shot a web at the wall and sent himself sailing for the fifth floor.
-"Ok Spiderman, get the fifth and sixth floors evacuated, then go to the tenth and work down. Clear the fire escapes and make sure people can rescue themselves. And keep doors closed."-
He went feet first through the window. His breath frosted as he breathed out. Huh, ok Daisy was getting the hang of causing molecules to still so much the temperature plummeted. "That's not terrifying at all." He mumbled before taking off to find people.
-"Oh don't be a wuss. Also heat signature in the closet."-
Peter opened the closet and crouched down. "Hey there." He held out his hand.
"SPIDERMAN!" The kid squealed and launched themselves at him.
He caught the kid. "Just hang on, I'm gonna get you out of here kid."
////
Darcy grinned at Steve. "So, I have an ambitious plan and could use some assistance, Pranking Husband."
"I'm listening." He dropped his arms to his hips.
She felt positively giddy. "Tony just put in a ballet room for Natasha, she won't be back for at least another day, so she's never been in the room. So…" Darcy trailed off pointedly feeling smug.
"She'll assume anything wrong with the room is Tony." Steve huffed in amusement. "More glitter?"
Darcy patted his shoulder. "You're thinking too small. Besides, glitter is my signature move. Now on the other hand laughing gas in the water, in the water fridge, just screams Tony doesn't it?"
"This is going to be a stupid question, but the water bottles in all the gyms are sealed?" Steve's arms shifted, crossing over his chest.
She rolled her eyes. "Duh, easy to get past. Your role if you accept is to ensure Sam is struck by the glitter curse. Our alliance must be in doubt. Also to save me if Natasha finds out it was us."
"Sam's still recovering from the water balloon incident Quake and the Maximoffs enacted against him." Steve's eyes were bright and amused though. "But I'm game, what am I glittifying of his?"
"Did you just use the word glittifying?" Darcy's eyebrows rose as she stared at the man.
He didn't so much as twitch. "Your vocabulary is contagious."
"Good to know." Darcy patted his shoulder again, cause honestly she might be a good enough person not to take advantage of the recently single super soldier hunk going through a quiet sexuality crisis but she wasn't a saint. Also biceps...just biceps. "So since that's business out of the way, how's Barnse's new arm treating him?"
Darcy closed the hood of their portal car. "So Poprocks, there a reason you look twitterpated?"
"I had a meeting with Hill. That woman is ice cold. My current theory is that she's a cyborg here to make me miserable." Tony was working on the sensor relay board. "Why did I hire her again?"
She actually snorted at that. "So she's exactly your type and if Pepper ever wises up and dumps you, you'll get all heart eyes for Hill post ridiculous moping period. Good to know."
"I take offence at that!" Tony pulled back from his work. "I'll have you know I prefer women with a bit more." He made a rather blatant gesture over his chest.
Darcy plucked a screwdriver and waved it at him. "Yes we all know how you and my mom ended up creating me. But dude big boobs are one of your prefered hook up types. But they're not your type type." She clucked her tongue at the outraged expression on his face. "Nuh uh. You get all dreamy over hyper competent women who don't take your shit. Also who could totally peg you and make you beg for more. FRIDAY remind me to link an article on pegging to Pepper."
-"Of course Dr Lewis."-
Tony gaped like a fish at her. A sort of wheezing sound came from him.
Darcy almost pitied him, almost. "Poprocks, when it comes to women you are as easy to read as baby's first book. By the way on a scale of one to ten, how embarrassing would you be if I hooked up with Willson? Cause man's a snack and I've had two bed partners since I graduated. Two Poprocks."
Tony's inarticulate side of the conversation, made a sound best described as a dolphin being asphyxiated. Possibly sexually.
She leaned back, dropping one hand on her hip. "I'll take that as a five point six on the humiliation scale. Cheers."
"You're my sins made manifest, sent to haunt me." He muttered while staring at her like she was some unfathomable creature from the depths of space.
Daisy snorted, but traipsed up to him and smacked a kiss on his cheek. "So you going to open up the present Steve left you or do I have to keep wondering?"
Tony's face closed off slightly. "How do you know it's from Steve?"
"Uh it's wrapped in parchment paper tied with honest to Thor twine. Unless Pepper took up homecrafts it's Steve." She picked up the thin but large package in his lap. "Come on, open it. I need to know whether I'm ratting out my pranking partner to a certain individual for his crimes or not."
Tony looked at her and groaned, clearly accepting it was a battle he was going to lose. "Fine, but I better be who you're ratting him out to."
Darcy just grinned triumphantly and watched as Tony purposely took as long as possible to open the thing. She rolled her eyes. He sucked in a startled breath as the paper fell away.
She swallowed. "Oh. That's...a pretty good olive branch."
"Maybe." Tony allowed, his eyes riveted to the image.
It was a lovingly hand drawn picture in a simple silver frame. The subject matter was...sweet. It depicted Darcy, Daisy and Peter. It must be from an image Steve had wheedled out of FRIDAY. It showed all three of them in Darcy's apartment. Daisy and Darcy were clearly involved in a playful argument. If memory served it had been about the best Star Wars movies. But Peter was very visibly sneaking up behind them with ice water. His face was mischievous and completely focused on not spilling anything or making any noise. Steve had to have spent hours carefully depicting them for Tony. Because Steve would know Tony would never think to set aside photos or even think of such a thing. It was...really nice.
Darcy squeezed Tony's shoulder. "We'll have to get him to do one with all four of us sometime. Maybe something from the Thanksgiving pre-dinner brawl."
"Yeah, maybe we should." Tony's voice was suspiciously thick.