Day 4 of sanctuary imprisonment
Shifting was getting easier. I could now transform without screaming, which Ina considered "significant progress."
"You're doing great," Sahya sounding pleased.
"I fell into the altar yesterday."
"But you shifted mid-fall! That's improvement."
I was practicing my fiftieth shift of the day when I felt something change in the wards.
Someone had been granted entry.
"One of them figured it out," my wolf said. "They asked permission."
The sanctuary door opened, and Elara stepped inside carrying a picnic basket.
Of course it was Elara. The reasonable one.
"Hi," he said. "I brought food."
I shifted back to human, still naked, and scrambled for the blanket.
Elara immediately turned around. "Sorry."
"How did you get in?"
"I asked. Put my hand on the door and explained I just wanted to bring you food. Apparently good intentions matter."
Ina emerged from the back room, smiled knowingly, and left.
Traitor.
Once I was dressed, Elara unpacked real food. Fresh bread. Cheese. Fruit. Something that smelled amazing.
My stomach growled.
"Eat," he said.
I did, because I was starving.
"Why are you here?" I asked finally.
"Because you deserve someone who shows up without ulterior motives."
"Everyone has ulterior motives."
"Fair." He smiled slightly. "Mine is that I want to know you. Not the white wolf. Not the mate the bond says I have. You. Ayla. The person who saved me food when she barely had any. Who never complained even when she had every right to. Who counted backwards when things got bad."
I froze. "How did you know about the counting?"
"I watched you. Not in a creepy way," he added quickly. "I just paid attention. You'd start counting under your breath whenever Raka or Bima were particularly cruel. Ninety-seven, ninety-five, ninety-three."
"Odd numbers backwards from one hundred," I said quietly. "It helps."
"With what?"
"Not screaming. Not crying. Not giving them the satisfaction."
Elara's expression softened. "I should have done more. Should have stood up for you."
"You did more than nothing."
"Barely." He leaned back against the altar. "My father asked me to watch over you. Your father, before he died, asked mine. I didn't know why. Just knew I was supposed to keep you safe."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want you to think my kindness was obligation. I wanted it to be real. A choice. Not a duty."
Something in my chest loosened.
"Was it?" I asked. "A choice?"
"Yes." He met my eyes. "Every time. Even before I knew about the bond. You were kind in a place that rewarded cruelty. You were strong when everyone told you to be weak."
"That's a terrible reason to like someone."
"Is it?" He smiled. "I like you because you're sarcastic when you should be terrified. Because you make jokes to cope instead of breaking. Because you're stubborn as hell."
"Those all sound like character flaws."
"They're my favorite things about you."
I didn't know what to say to that.
"Kiss him," Sahya suggested.
"Absolutely not."
"Why not? He's ours. He brought us food."
"So I sell myself for food" I said sarcastically in my head to Sahya, "The bar is so low it's underground."
"And yet he cleared it while the others are still digging."
She had a point.
Elara stood to leave. "I should go. I don't want to overstay."
"Wait." The word came out before I could stop it.
"Yeah?"
"Why be nice now when you could have been years ago?"
He was quiet for a moment. "Honestly? Because I was a coward. I saw what happened to people who defied Raka. And I chose safety over righteousness." He looked at me. "I'm not proud of it. But I'm trying to be better."
"Why?"
"Because you deserve better. And because I want to be someone you'd choose, not someone you're stuck with."
The honesty was almost painful.
"I can't promise anything," I said. "I don't know if I can forgive any of you. Even you."
"I know. I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm asking for a chance to earn it."
"That could take a while."
"I've got time." He moved to the door. "Can I come back tomorrow?"
I should have said no. Should have maintained distance.
"Yes," I said instead.
His smile was genuine. Warm.
"Goodnight, Ayla."
He left, and the wards sealed behind him with silver light.
"He asked permission," my wolf said. "Not just from the wards. From us."
"So?"
"So that's different from demanding. From taking."
It was. And maybe that was enough. For now.
---
Elara came back every morning for a week.
Each time with food. Each time, we talked. About everything and nothing. He never pushed. Never demanded more than I was willing to give.
On the seventh day, he arrived while I was mid-shift.
"Show off," he grinned as I transformed.
I grabbed a shirt. "How are they? Your brothers?"
"Miserable. Raka's barely sleeping. Rivan's writing terrible poetry. Tama's reorganizing pack law. Bima's training until he collapses."
"Good."
"Is it? Are you happy they're suffering?"
I wanted to say yes. But I couldn't.
"I don't know," I admitted. "Part of me wants them to hurt. But part of me feels the bond pulling."
"That's normal. The bond wants completion. It doesn't care about hurt feelings."
"So what do I do?"
"You decide if they've earned a second chance. Not if the bond says they should have one, but if you—Ayla, the person—believe they deserve it."
I sat down heavily. Elara sat beside me, close but not touching.
"What if I make the wrong choice?"
"Then you make a different choice later. Nothing is permanent except severing the bond entirely, and you're not there yet."
"How do you know?"
"Because you asked about them. You wouldn't ask if you'd given up completely."
We sat in silence for a while. Then Elara did something unexpected.
He took my hand.
Not possessively. Not demandingly. Just... held it.
The bond flared between us, warm and right and terrifying.
"I like you," he said quietly. "I liked you before the bond. I liked you when you were 'human' and I was the Alpha's son who should have known better. I like you now. And I'll like you tomorrow, whether you choose me or not."
I looked at our joined hands. At his face. At the honesty in his eyes.
Then I did something possibly stupid.
I kissed him.
It was supposed to be brief. Testing. A small gesture to see if this could be real outside the bond.
It wasn't brief.
Elara made a surprised sound, then kissed me back with the kind of intensity that made my toes curl. His hand came up to cup my face, thumb stroking my cheek, and the bond between us sang.
When we broke apart, we were both breathing hard.
"That was..." Elara started.
"Yeah."
"Can we do it again?"
"Absolutely."
We did. This time it was slower. Deeper. His hands in my hair, mine fisted in his shirt, both of us trying to get closer.
"Finally," my wolf purred.
When we broke apart this time, Elara was smiling like I'd given him the world.
"I should go," he said reluctantly. "Because if I stay, I'm going to want more. And I don't want to rush you."
"What if I want to rush?"
His eyes darkened. "Ayla..."
"I'm not saying forever. But right now? I want this. I want you. I choose you."
"First," he said. "You choose me first."
"Yes."
"Not because of the bond?"
"Despite it."
That was apparently the right answer because he kissed me again, and this time neither of us stopped.
---
Much later, we lay tangled on the blankets, thoroughly disheveled but mostly clothed.
"That was incredible," Elara said.
"Intense," I agreed.
He laughed. "I should actually go. Before Ina murders me for defiling her sanctuary."
"It's not defiling if we kept our clothes on."
"Barely."
He stood and helped me up. Then he pulled me close and kissed me one more time—soft and sweet and promising.
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."
After he left, I collapsed back onto the blankets, grinning.
"Told you he was ours," Sahya said smugly.
"Shut up."
"You like him."
"Yeah. I really do."
Outside, I could feel the other four mates still camped at the ward line. Still waiting.
But for the first time since this disaster started, I didn't feel guilty.
I felt like maybe, possibly, this could work.
One mate at a time.
Ninety-seven. No wait. Ninety-five.
Getting better.