Day 1 of my new life as a mythical creature
I woke up in an actual bed for the first time in years and immediately wanted to go back to sleep forever.
The honored guest suite was absurdly nice. Soft sheets. A window with actual curtains. A bathroom that didn't require walking down a hallway and hoping no one else needed it.
I felt out of place.
Like I was playing dress-up in someone else's life.
"Get used to it," Sahya said. "This is our life now."
"Our life involves five males who hate-love us and an ancient enemy who wants to murder us. I'm not sure "getting used to it" is an option."
"Fair point."
A knock at the door interrupted my internal crisis.
"Ayla?" Ina's voice. "We need to leave. Now."
I dragged myself out of bed, pulled on the clothes someone had left for me, practical training gear that actually fit, and opened the door.
Ina stood there looking way too awake for whatever ungodly hour it was. "Pack your things. We're going to the sanctuary."
"What sanctuary?"
"The one where your mates can't follow you inside and drive you insane."
"Sold."
I grabbed the few belongings I actually cared about, which wasn't much, and followed Ina through the pack house.
The sun was barely up, painting everything in soft gold. Most wolves were still asleep, which meant I didn't have to deal with stares and whispers.
Small mercies.
We made it to the tree line before I heard footsteps behind us.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Sahya groaned.
I turned around.
All five of my mates stood there, looking various levels of disheveled and desperate.
"Where are you going?" Raka demanded.
"Away from you," I said sweetly.
"Ayla." Rivan stepped forward. "We need to talk."
"No, you need to talk. I need to learn how to not accidentally shift into a wolf mid-conversation."
"We can help with that," Tama offered.
"You can help by staying away."
Bima flinched. "We just want..."
"I know what you want," I interrupted. "But what I want is space. Distance. Time to figure out what the hell I am without five guilty males hovering over me like I'm going to break."
"You're not going to break," Elara said quietly. "But we understand. How long?"
At least one of them was reasonable.
"As long as it takes," I said.
Ina stepped forward. "The sanctuary is warded. You won't be able to enter without permission. I suggest you don't waste your time trying."
Raka's jaw tightened. "How long?"
"Until she's ready," Ina said firmly. "Days. Weeks. However long it takes."
"Weeks?" Raka looked like she'd slapped him.
"Maybe longer," I added, just to be petty.
Rivan's expression crumbled slightly. "Ayla, please. We know we don't deserve..."
"You're right. You don't. So stop asking for what you haven't earned."
That shut them up.
Ina touched my arm. "We need to go. The wards are strongest at dawn."
I turned and walked away without looking back.
It was harder than I expected.
The bond pulled at me, demanding I turn around, go to them, comfort them.
I ignored it.
"Proud of you," Sahya said.
"Don't be. I almost caved."
"But you didn't. That's what matters."
---
The sanctuary was a two-hour hike through increasingly dense forest. By the time we arrived, I was sweating and questioning my life choices.
The structure looked ancient—white stone covered in silver vines that glowed faintly even in daylight. Smaller than the Moon Goddess temple but somehow more... present. Like it was watching us.
"This is it?" I asked.
"This is it." Ina placed her hand on the door, and silver light rippled across the surface. "The sanctuary has stood for a thousand years. It's protected by Mahina herself. No one can enter without permission."
"Even my mates?"
"Especially your mates. The wards recognize intent. They'd see five desperate males trying to force their way in and respond accordingly."
"Respond how?"
"Explosively."
I liked this place already.
Inside, the sanctuary was larger than it looked from outside—because magic apparently didn't care about physics. The main room was circular with a domed ceiling painted like the night sky. Training equipment lined one wall. Books covered another. And in the center, a simple altar similar to the one at the temple.
"You'll stay here while you train," Ina said. "Sleep, eat, practice. Everything you need is provided."
"For how long?"
"Until you can shift without thinking. Control your wolf. Access your bloodline gifts." She paused. "And until you've decided what to do about your mates."
"I've already decided. They can suffer."
Ina raised an eyebrow. "For how long?"
"Forever?"
"The bond doesn't work that way. Eventually, you'll have to choose—accept them or sever the connection entirely."
My stomach dropped. "Sever it? That's possible?"
"For a white wolf? Yes. Your bloodline gives you power over the bonds themselves. But it's not without cost."
"What cost?"
"It would break them. Completely. The bond isn't just emotional—it's woven into their souls. Severing it would leave them... diminished. Shadows of themselves."
I thought about Raka's cruel words. Bima's punishments. Tama's cold enforcement of rules that kept me down.
Then I thought about Elara's quiet kindness. The guilt in Tama's eyes. Bima on his knees.
"I don't know if I can forgive them," I admitted.
"Then don't. Not yet. But don't make that decision out of anger either. Make it from strength."
She was annoyingly wise.
"So what now?" I asked.
"Now? We train."
---
Training with Ina was hell.
Controlled hell, but still hell.
She started with the basics—shifting on command, which was harder than it looked.
"You're thinking too much," she said for the hundredth time as I stood there, sweating and frustrated, still very much human.
"I'm trying not to think!"
"Then stop trying and just do it."
"That's not helpful!"
"She's right though", Sahya said. "You're overthinking this. Just let me out."
"What if I can't shift back?"
"You will."
"What if—"
"JUST DO IT!"
I stopped thinking and let go.
The shift came faster this time—still painful, but quicker. Bones rearranged, muscles reformed, and suddenly I was on four paws instead of two feet.
"See?" Sahya said smugly. "Easy."
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one whose bones are breaking."
"They're OUR bones."
Semantics.
Ina circled me, nodding approvingly. "Good. Now shift back."
That proved harder.
Shifting to wolf felt like letting go. Shifting back required pulling myself together, literally.
It took twenty minutes and three failed attempts before I stood on two legs again, gasping and covered in sweat.
"Better," Ina said. "Again."
"Again?"
"Fifty more times. By the end of the week, you'll shift without thinking."
I wanted to die.
---
That night, I collapsed on the simple bed in the sanctuary's sleeping quarters and stared at the ceiling.
Every muscle ached. My head pounded. And the bond constantly pulled at me, reminding me that five males were somewhere outside these walls, waiting.
"They're camped at the ward back" my wolf informed me.
"How do you know?"
I can feel them. All of them. They haven't left.
"Of course they haven't."
I rolled over and tried to ignore the pull.
Tried to ignore the part of me that wanted to go to them.
Tried to ignore the fact that maybe, possibly, I was being too harsh.
Then I remembered Raka telling me I didn't belong.
Bima screaming at me for being weak.
Tama's cold enforcement of rules designed to keep me at the bottom.
No.
They didn't get to hurt me for years and then expect forgiveness just because biology said we were mates.
"But Elara never hurt us," my wolf said quietly.
That was true.
Elara had been kind. Distant, but kind. He'd helped when he could, even knowing it would earn him disapproval from his brothers.
"One out of five isn't great odds," I muttered.
"No. But it's something."
Maybe.
Outside, I heard a wolf howl—long, low, mournful.
Raka.
The bond twisted in my chest, trying to drag me toward him.
I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow.
This was going to be a very long week.
Ninety-seven.