One especially infuriating thing about Kieran Darjee is that she thinks she knows every fucking thing. She thinks she knows exactly how I feel and what I think. If she'd bother to ask every once in a while, she'd know just how wrong she is.
Disregarding however I might feel about her, why would I not want her to be at the celebration? She's been my best friend since we were kids and we've always gone to the celebration together, so why would that change now? We've let bygones be bygones and are choosing to ignore the fact that we were estranged for two years, so ideally, nothing has changed between us. Or am I expecting too much?
I shake my head. "It's none of my business,"
"What isn't?"
I release a sigh and shake my head again. If I tell her what I know, she's going to tell her best friend about it, who is then going to break up with Devon, as she should. Devon will be pissed at me for airing out his business, though. And while I don't agree with what he's doing, I don't think I could stand to lose a friend right now.
"Does this have something to do with why you're pissed at Devon?"
I say nothing.
"Lucas, just tell me,"
I shake my head.
She leans back in the booth, any hint of a smile erased from her face. "He's cheating on her," she says,
"I didn't say that,"
"You're not denying it either,"
"I'm not saying anything, Kieran,"
She shakes her head, her eyes turning red. I don't know whether her anger is at my evasion of the truth or at Devon for cheating on her best friend. My bet is that it's both.
She brings her arm up, running a hand through her hair. She pulled the black hair tie from around her ponytail about twenty minutes into our shift, so it hangs loose around her shoulders. Her sleeve rides up slightly, exposing about an inch of her wrist, covered in white bandage.
A bandage means her burns haven't healed yet, which means they were pretty severe.
She catches me looking and quickly lowers her arm. She doesn't meet my eyes for a moment and I try to find my voice, but I have no idea what to say. Pulling her sleeve clean over her wrist, she stands from the booth, pulling her apron back on.
Another thing I find incredibly infuriating about Kieran is that she runs. When she feels uncomfortable or backed into a corner, she removes herself from the situation without a second thought.
And because I know her so well, I know exactly how the rest of the day is going to go. She's going to make it a point to ignore me, only speaking when it's necessary. She is going to be in a horrible mood until we leave this place and then she's going to proceed to ignore me for the rest of the weekend, no matter how many texts I send her.
It used to be easier for her to talk to me, like it used to be easier for me to talk to her. It was easier for me to get back into that space, but the same can't be said for her. I don't blame her, though. She went through something unimaginable, something I can't even fathom.
Instead of going after her and begging her to talk to me (it'll only make her mad), I make my way back to the kitchen to get back to work. Unfortunately, since there are no diners left, all I have to do is stew in my thoughts.
Aunt Maggie comes in at some point and stands in the corner. She doesn't say anything, not to me or Mike, the other chef. She just…stares.
"Okay, creeper, let it out," I say to her. "What's going on?"
"Your dad's leaving,"
Finally. "Good,"
Hopefully, with him gone, I can go back to what my life was before he showed up. It may not have been glamorous, but it was better than this.
She sighs. "You need to say goodbye,"
"No, thank you,"
"Lucas,"
"You know I hate when you call me Lucas in that tone. It's the same tone he uses every time he says my name, the same tone she used when right before…you know what, it doesn't matter,"
"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't think about it,"
"Whatever. I'm not saying goodbye to him,"
"He's your dad,"
"Really? Because when he talks about his pregnant wife, it's as though it's the first time he's being blessed with the honor of fathering a child,"
"He's just excited,"
"And that's great, but I don't care,"
"You don't mean that,"
"I really do,"
She shakes her head, the look on her face a mix of confusion and disappointment. She's supposed to be the one person who understands how much I despise my parents and why. She found me wrapped in a tarp on the side of a street freezing my ass off, for fuck's sake.
Since he's gotten here, she's acted like I'm some rebellious teenager who likes to piss off my parents for shits and giggles. It pisses me off that she knows everything I've been through and everything her brother did to me as a kid and is still pushing me to speak to him.
The winter I ran away from home and Aunt Maggie found me is when I met Kieran. She was spending the winter with her grandparents and we spent most of our days together. I was a shell of the person I am now; lost, confused and angry at the world. She made me feel like I had somewhere to belong, somewhere I was wanted.
I looked forward to her coming here every school break. As we grew older, we grew closer together. That is until I pushed her away. I played into insults and verbal sparring a little too much and eventually she got tired of it.
She tried getting through to me, though. She tried getting the old Lucas back. The boy she'd grown up with, the boy her parents asked to protect her in the streets, the boy her parents helped rehabilitate. It was a failed effort. My mind was made up. I got it in my head that she'd eventually abandon me like my parents did.
I know she'd never do that. She's fiercely loyal and cares deeply for the people in her life.
This time its her pulling away, though. She has her walls up. She's not talking to anyone about anything that actually matters, at least not to her. She's keeping everyone at arm's length. I guess I never thought I'd be one of those people. Not considering how long we've known each other, all the moments we've shared, the time we've spent together.
I'm beginning to think I overestimated our friendship, if you can even call it that. Perhaps I overestimated my value in her life, or what I mean to her. Lord knows she means more to me than anyone else.
When I walk out of the kitchen at the end of my shift, I find that Aunt Maggie figured out a way for me to say goodbye to Xander after all. Even though I made it clear that I don't want to.
Xander sits in the booth closest to the door, his phone in his hand. His car is parked outside and I'm assuming this is his last stop before he leaves town. I'm hoping it is.
Kieran walks out of the break room with her backpack sling over her shoulder. She stops short when she sees him sitting there. Looking over at me, she widens her eyes. I shake my head. She furrows her brows, I lift a shoulder. She gestures toward the break room, asking if she needs to go back in there, and I shake my head again.
I don't want her to go back in there and leave me alone with him.
"Xavier," I say, my voice even.
He looks up. "Lucas," he says. "And friend,"
"You remember Kieran Darjee. She lives next door,"
He shakes his head.
Of course not. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to speak to you before I left," he says, his gaze moving to glare at Kieran. "In private,"
"Oh. Sure," she says, moving to go outside.
I intercept her, putting a hand on her shoulder and pulling her to a stop. "She's not going anywhere. Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of her,"
"This is a family matter, Lucas,"
"She is my family,"
Her head whips to mine, her eyes wide and her brow furrowed. Oh, great. The surprise on her face makes me realize that something has to change, and fast.
"She's not blood," Xavier says.
"Blood makes you related. It doesn't make you family. You should know that better than anyone,"
He scoffs. "You're going to throw that in my face forever, aren't you?"
"Yes,"
"Can't you just get over it?"
Jesus. "No. Now, get to your point. We have somewhere to be,"
Well, I have nowhere to be and nothing to do, but I'm sure Kieran would like to get home and out of this drama.
"Fine," he says, rising to his feet. "Julie and I are renewing our vows before the baby comes. We'd like for you to be there,"
"You mean Julie would like for me to be there,"
"Lucas," he says with a sigh.
I push my hands into the pockets of my pants. "Let me ask you this. Why do you want me there?"
"You're my son, Lucas,"
"That's it? That's your only reason?"
"Am I supposed to have a different one?" he questions.
The answer doesn't come from me. "Yes," Kieran says with conviction in her tone.
"Excuse me?"
She straightens her spine. "Do you even know anything about him?"
"Of course I do,"
She nods. Crosses her arms. "Okay. What's his favorite color? When did he cut his hair? When did he get his first bike?"
Xavier doesn't say a word.
"His favorite color is green, I know." She says, rolling her eyes. "His hair was longer last summer. He got his first bike when he turned sixteen. His aunt helped him pay for it,"
Still, he says nothing.
"Do you know if he's going to college in the fall? Do you know what he wants to study? Do you know where he applied and where he's been accepted?"
Silence still. I wonder if Kieran even knows the answers to those questions. The conviction in the way she holds herself and in her voice suggests that she does.
"Do you know that he hates being addressed as Lucas? All of our friends call him Luke and I've always called him Luca," she tells him. "Do you know that your son hates his name simply because of the way you've always said it?"
For the first time in…ever, there's something that looks like regret on his face. He looks embarrassed. Oh, I could kiss this girl right now. She'd likely punch me, but it'd be worth it. She's the first person to make him see his wrongs, something I never could've done in a million years.
Xavier meets my eyes. "You hate your name?" he asks me, his voice strained.
"More than you know,"
He nods. "Well, I'll go then. I'll let Julie know you're not interested in knowing your sibling,"
"You don't get to guilt trip him after everything you've done. The only thing that should be coming out of your mouth right now is an apology," Kieran says, her voice raised. "You should be lucky that he even looks at you, let alone speaks to you,"
"Kieran, it's alright. Lets go,"
We walk past him and make our way out. Once we're outside, she releases a long breath, holding her hand to her heart. Staring at the ground, she mutters to herself, words I can't hear. She doesn't look up for a long time, and when she does, she looks like she's about to faint.
"You good?" I ask, taking a step toward her.
She shakes her head. "That's the first time I've ever spoken to your father," she says. "I didn't mean to say all that; I've never spoken to an elder that way,"
"I know,"
"But he was just so smug and arrogant. It irritated me. I don't even know why. I'm sorry," she says in a breath.
I shake my head. "You have nothing to apologize for. That was amazing,"
I leave out the part where no one has ever stood up for me the way she just did. Coming from someone who is still pretty pissed at me, it's more than ordinary. She has no idea how grateful I am to her in this moment, how grateful I'll forever be.
An eyebrow raises. "Well, you're welcome," she says, a small smile on her lips.
Placing a hand on her shoulder, I pull her toward me and wrap my arms around her. She freezes, her entire body tensing before she relaxes and hugs me back. Leaning into my chest, she lets out a sigh.
"Hey, Luca?"
My grin slips free. "Yeah?"
"Did you mean what you said to him?"
"About what?"
"About me being your family?"
I nod against her head. "I did. Does it bother you?"
"No, I was just confused,"
Trying very hard not to blurt out my thoughts, I say, "Well, now you know. You've always been my family, Kieran,"