I don't know how long I've been doing this… but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere.
I've typed it so many times, and all the search engine gives me is stuff that has nothing to do with what I'm looking for.
"Setela" —a hotel."Stiller" —some weird last name."Stellar… a-ca-de-my-a" —a documentary about stars… the ones in the sky.
I was getting frustrated. I scratched my head like I had lice and stared at the screen, like my phone was making fun of me.
"Mmm… no. No way," I whispered.
I deleted it again. Typed it again with my tongue sticking out. Tried one more time, focused like it was an exam.
A-ca-de-my…
And the other part? It's just one word… why is it so hard?
That word.
The one that had been stuck in my head since yesterday.
"St… Stlar…" I muttered.
I typed "Stela" and autocorrect changed it to "Estela."
I deleted it again.
"No! No, no, no! It's not Estela! Aagh!" I complained, like I was trapped in a maze.
My heart was beating fast, like I was standing in front of a forbidden door.
But the door wouldn't open.
There was nothing.
No official page.No clear news.Not even a single photo that said: yes, it exists—here it is.
And that… instead of calming me down… made it worse.
Because if it wasn't on the internet…
then it was like those things adults talk about in low voices.
Like a secret.
Then I heard my mom:
"Rin, what are you doing? You're going to be late for school. Come down for breakfast."
That made me even more impatient, but I rushed and got ready as fast as I could.
At school I couldn't focus for even a second.
The teacher was talking about… honestly, I don't know. Maybe science. I think so, because there was a drawing of a cell on the board.
But in my notebook, I'd written the same thing over and over.
Steler.Staler.Stellalr.Estelar.
Until a shadow fell over my page.
"Miss Hoshino."
I swallowed. I felt a threatening presence right above me. I lifted my eyes slowly and saw the teacher wearing that look… the look.
"Do you have something interesting to share with the class?" she asked.
My ears went hot.
"I-it's nothing…" I murmured.
"Nothing…?" she repeated, cleaning her glasses with a cold, dangerous calm. "Then I'm sure you won't mind doing double the homework I'll assign after class."
"Eeeh?!"
A few people snickered.
I gripped my pencil hard, furious, but I didn't say anything.
Because if I did, my ugly voice would come out.
And I didn't want my voice to sound ugly.
Not when… I wanted to be like her.
Like my idol.
At recess, my friends surrounded me like always… only this time, my body was there, but my mind wasn't.
"Rin, are you okay? You've been so weird since yesterday," Mei asked, tilting her head.
"Yeah… in class you looked like you were daydreaming," Rika said, who could be distant sometimes.
"Did something happen at home?" Saki added—the one who always knew everything.
I hesitated. I didn't know if I should talk about what I'd "discovered." It felt like if I said it out loud, the spell would break.
But also… it burned on my tongue. I wanted to tell them. I wanted them to feel the same excitement with me.
I leaned in like I was about to tell them where a treasure was buried.
"Girls… this is a secret," I whispered.
All three of them leaned in at the same time.
"What secret?" they asked almost together.
I took a deep breath.
"Yesterday I saw a video… and they mentioned something. A place. An academy called… Stellar."
I expected a What? or Seriously? Something big.
But Saki blinked… and said, like I'd told her it rained yesterday:
"Oh… Stellar Academy?" She shrugged. "Isn't that that music academy? Where a lot of people go and come out famous."
My mouth fell open.
"What?!"
"I think they've mentioned it in interviews, right?" she continued, totally casual. "Or on shows… I've even heard there are commercials sometimes, like when they talk about where talents train."
It felt like the floor vanished under me.
"But… I thought it was… something super secret!"
Mei scratched her cheek, thinking.
"My dad mentioned it once," she said. "Like… I don't know, a place for really unique people. But I didn't pay attention because I was playing."
Rika nodded slowly, looking at her phone.
"My mom too… She said it's like a school for 'talented people.' But she said it the way people say, 'only the best get in.'"
I stared at them with a weird mix of emotions.
Embarrassment… and shock.
Because I'd been carrying the idea like I was the first person in the world to discover it.
And actually…
it was a "normal" thing.
It's just that we never listened to that kind of stuff.
Adults did.
And somehow, that made it worse.
Because if adults knew it… then it was real.
Real for real.
"So it exists?" I asked, barely a thread of a voice.
Rika shrugged.
"I guess. It sounds like something more… serious. More adult."
I made a face.
Adult… study?
That sounded like the opposite of what I'd imagined.
"I don't know," I said quickly. "I don't think it's just 'a school for adults.'"
The three of them looked at me.
"It feels… different. Like it's a place that changes your life."
Mei smiled gently.
"Haha… you're excited, Rin."
Rika, meanwhile, went quiet and looked back at her phone, like the topic bored her.
Saki let out a little laugh.
"Changing the subject… your birthday is coming up soooon."
"It's true!" Mei said. "You're turning thirteen!"
"Are you doing anything?" Saki asked.
I swallowed and let myself go with it.
"Yeah… do you want to come over? Nothing big, but we can hang out in my room and listen to music."
"Yes!" Mei agreed instantly.
"Obviously," Saki said too.
Rika took half a second longer.
"Yeah… I guess," she answered.
It sounded polite.
And I don't know if it was my imagination, but… it stung a little.
When I got home, I dropped my backpack and stood in the hallway for a moment. Water, footsteps, voices… the usual.
My house smelled like food and wood.
As I headed toward the kitchen, I thought about Stellar.
About my friends saying, "my dad knows it," "my mom's heard of it."
And then I thought about my parents.
They might know too.
But… what if they laughed? What if they said, "you'll get over it"?
It would sound like a whim. Like when I say "I want to learn this" and a week later I'm bored.
I didn't want them to think that about me.
But still… I had to try.
I walked into the kitchen.
"Mom…" I said, trying to sound casual. "Do you know any… singing schools?"
My mom looked up.
"A singing school?"
My dad looked too, curious.
"That's interesting… do you want lessons?" he asked, with that voice that meant, If you want it, we'll see.
I went stiff.
"N-no. I mean… not exactly."
My mom went back to what she was doing, like she was thinking: again…
Why did I say "singing school"?
"It's just… I heard something… an academy…" I mumbled, getting tangled up.
My mom smiled a little.
"Ah, I see… you're at that age where a lot of things catch your attention and you want to try them."
My face burned.
My dad scratched the back of his neck.
"Well… honestly, you've shown a genuine interest, sweetheart," he said. "If you're interested in music, we could find you something simple."
My mom shot him a look.
"But if she drops it—"
"Money comes and goes, dear," my dad said calmly. "But these moments… they stay."
I stared at them without breathing.
And then my mom changed the subject:
"Alright, we'll talk about that later. Rin, can you help me set the table?"
I obeyed, my thoughts a knot.
They didn't answer.
They didn't say "Stellar."
They didn't say yes or no.
And in my head, that turned into something bigger.
They're not saying it because it's real.They're not saying it because it's too big.They're not saying it because it's a legend.
A shiver ran through me.
A week later, my birthday arrived under soft sunlight.
There were no huge balloons or loud music. Just a normal atmosphere…
and that made it better, because it was mine.
My friends showed up with small bags and half-forced smiles, like they were saying, We came, see?
In my room, the Diva posters were everywhere. I rushed to straighten a few things, like my room was a museum.
"Your room looks like a store," Saki said, laughing.
I shrugged, pretending to be proud.
"It's… my sanctuary."
Mei walked up to a poster and touched it carefully, like it was fragile.
"She looks so pretty here… I like it when she sings that song…" she murmured.
"Fuyu no Hana," I said quickly, and my face lit up without permission.
And for a while… everything was easy.
We talked about songs, outfits, concerts. Things that only matter when you're thirteen… or when something matters for real.
Rika smiled, but not much.
Sometimes she went quiet.Sometimes she checked her phone.
Until she said, like it was nothing:
"I hope you don't get too obsessed with music, Rin."
I blinked.
"Huh?"
Rika shrugged, not fully looking at me.
"Nothing. Just saying."
Saki laughed, but weirdly—like she was trying to cover something.
"Haha… okay, okay. Hey, should we play something? Rin, do you have board games?"
"Yeah, yeah…" Rika echoed, like she was closing the topic.
But it left a little thorn in me.
Not because of what she said.
Because of how she said it.
Like my excitement was being judged.
Like my dream was a small joke.
"Girls, food's ready!" my mom called from downstairs.
We went down. We ate. We talked and laughed. The day was quiet… almost too quiet.
When they left, my room felt strange.
Silent.
I helped clean. My parents did too. Plates moved, hands dried things, leftovers got put away.
And then… my dad called me.
"Rin," he said. "Come here for a moment."
I walked into the living room.
They were sitting in seiza, with a soft seriousness. Like they were going to tell me something important, but didn't want to scare me.
I knelt in front of them, confused.
My mom placed a wrapped object in front of me.
It was long.
My heart started pounding hard.
"Open it," my dad said, and his voice sounded… happy. Like he was waiting for something too.
I stared at the package like it was a strange animal.
"What is it…?"
"Open it first," my mom repeated. This time her voice was gentler.
My hands shook.
I unwrapped it slowly.
And I saw the case.
It wasn't new. You could tell.
But it was beautiful.
I forgot how to breathe.
"Is this…?"
"A guitar," my dad said.
I opened and closed my mouth.
"A… guitar?"
My mom crossed her arms, like she was still defending herself.
"It's second-hand," she clarified. "So you can try… and see how it goes."
I swallowed.
I looked at the case.
Looked at my parents.
Looked back at the case.
"But… I… I didn't…" I stammered. "Why…?"
My dad smiled.
"Because your eyes shine when you talk about music," he said simply. "And even if it's just a phase… I want it to be a happy phase."
My eyes went wet without permission.
I pressed my lips together, because crying was embarrassing.
But I cried anyway.
"Thank you…" I said. It came out small.
My mom sighed. This time she didn't look reluctant. She looked worried… but in a good way.
"Just promise us you'll take care of it," she said.
I nodded fast, like an oath.
"I'll take care of it. I won't abandon it. I promise."
My dad leaned in a little.
"We can't afford lessons," he said. "But you can learn. There are videos. And if you work hard—even if it's difficult—you'll improve."
I looked at the guitar like it was a key.
A key that opened a door I hadn't even known was real.
"I'm going to learn," I said, and this time my voice came out firm.
My fingers were already imagining pain.Frustration.Ugly chords.
But they were imagining something else too.
A future.
That night, when I was alone, I stared at it for a long time.
The case sat there beside my bed, like a sleeping animal.
I felt a little scared to open it.
Not because it was ugly.
Because it was real.
Because now it wasn't just "I like music."
Now I had something in my hands that could demand something real from me.
I pulled the sheets up to my nose, like that could protect me from my own thoughts.
I turned on my phone with the brightness all the way down.
And I went back to the forums.
Scroll, scroll, scroll…
until I found an old post, buried under comments.
"STELLAR — INFO (only if you know where to look)"
My heart jumped.
I tapped the link.
It loaded.
For a second I saw an almost-empty page: a dark background, a simple logo… and a word that stole the air from my lungs.
STELLAR.
I didn't move.
Like if I moved, it would fall apart.
And then the message appeared.
"Restricted access."
Below it, something even worse:
"Information available only to invited applicants."
My stomach tightened.
"…Invited?" I whispered, covering my mouth with the blanket.
I stared at the screen, fingers cold.
So it was real.
But it wasn't for just anyone.
I couldn't "find it" like that.
I couldn't enter just because I wanted to.
I swallowed.
I looked at the guitar.
I looked back at the message.
And something inside me tightened… but it didn't break.
The opposite.
It sparked.
"Okay…" I murmured, low, like I was negotiating with the world. "If I can't reach that place…"
I'll move forward until that place has no choice but to notice me.
I hugged the blanket tighter.
And I smiled—small.
I still didn't know how to spell it right.
I still didn't know how to get there.
But I already knew something important:
I wasn't going to stay still.