My metaphysical body was pulled, shaken, and tossed from side to side. It was like being adrift in the current of a raging river, where the waters seem intent on destroying everything in their path. I had no control over that movement; it felt as if the environment itself conspired to hide the destination awaiting me.
Even knowing that this place was a "Mental Field"—as it was called in the Order—and conscious that, in theory, it had been created by me, I felt I had no control over the situation. The urge to open my spiritual eyes grew with every jolt, but the fear of interrupting that delicate process was greater than my curiosity.
After a while of being tossed like a ragdoll by the maelstrom, everything stopped suddenly. I felt the invisible thread connected to the center of my chest slacken. The tension vanished.
The time had come. The transport was over.
Finally, with curiosity taking hold of my nerves, I opened my eyes and was at last able to see the place to which I had been so clumsily led.
Ur was in front of me, watching me with those golden, cat-like eyes. For the second time, I clearly noticed his ears: made of pure shadow, slightly pointed and swept back—larger than a person's, but without the exaggeration of the elven ears one usually reads about in fantasy stories.
But what truly caught my attention was not his appearance, but the object he held.
It was a chalice. Its surface was covered in intricate runes and hieroglyphs, markings that seemed as ancient as time itself. I observed every detail carefully: the grooves, the inscriptions engraved into the dark material.
I moved closer, driven by the desire to better understand what was happening. Logic told me that whatever was inside couldn't be something simple like wine or water. My analytical mind bet on blood—that universal resource for beings like Ur who require life energy. Blood is the essential fuel for almost all rituals of invocation and maintenance.
But when I was only a few steps away, Ur tilted the object slightly. This movement revealed a symbol on the surface of the Chalice that had previously been hidden.
It was an Ankh Cross. And it glowed with a strange light, a hypnotic mixture of gold and black.
As soon as I recognized it, I looked away from the object and stared directly at Ur.
"What is this Chalice?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady despite my simmering curiosity. "And why is the Ankh glowing?"
My question wasn't that of an unlearned observer seeing such symbols for the first time. In my past life, I was not just a soldier who served in the armed forces, but also a trained historian and a practicing occultist. I knew very well what that symbol meant in Ancient Egypt and in Hermetic traditions.
The Ankh was not merely an ornament. It was the key of life. The supreme symbol of the "Immortality of the Soul."
Ur did not hesitate when I asked the question. He looked away from the "surprise" he showed upon seeing me reach this plane and returned his attention to the object he held.
When he opened his mouth, he revealed more than two rows of sharp, serrated teeth—something that defied any notion of human anatomy. His voice remained calm as in our previous conversations, but I noticed a new hesitation, a weight in his words that hadn't been there before.
"Master..." he began, his voice sounding like stones sliding over velvet. "This Chalice contains my life energy and yours."
Our life energy? I thought, while looking at the blue and black liquid inside the vessel.
I would have easily understood if he had said the Chalice held only my energy, since I was the host. But the idea that his essence was also there, mixed with mine, made no sense at first. Or rather, it had a disturbing sense.
I knew we had a pact. I knew that he was, indeed, bound to my existence. But in the more analytical part of my mind, I saw him as a parasite—a creature that depended entirely on my strength to survive. Discovering that our lives were intertwined in a bidirectional way made my metaphysical body tremble.
Look, I trust Ur. It isn't a blind or naive trust; it is a trust that comes from the fact that, because of our connection, I can grasp most of his thoughts, feelings, and desires. I "read" him like an open book. It is easier to trust something you know deeply than a stranger.
But the problem wasn't betrayal. The problem was the type of connection we had. Having my life literally bound to an entity for which I had insufficient bibliographic or historical information was terrifying. How would this affect my existence in the long run?
I felt a chill down my spine thinking about the biological implications.
What if this mixture of energies changed my body as I grew? Would I end up with double rows of teeth like his? Would my ears become pointed and elongated? And the eyes... well, I wouldn't mind that much. They were truly beautiful, and I wouldn't hate sporting golden feline slits. But what about the other changes? What if my skin took on a crimson hue or became made of shadows?
Ugh, I don't want that. I definitely don't want to turn into a chimera.
Ur, sensing my unease, quickly moved to clarify the gears of that symbiosis:
"Look, Master. This will not affect you directly," he said, with the calm of a teacher trying to soothe an anxious student. "We entities—and I am speaking of myself and perhaps the next ones who will come to serve you—need to be bound to you 'body and soul.'"
Right. I was already aware of that part. I knew the theory of pacts; I knew there is no power without a fundamental link. But the practice was still a mystery to me.
Ur continued, trying to dissipate the fog of my doubt:
"Our life energy will never override yours. There is no risk of losing control of your own body."
Phew... An invisible tension seemed to slip from my shoulders. The idea of being a mere passenger in my own body was what terrified me most.
His answer, though comforting, opened space for another question that still plagued me. If his energy didn't dominate me, why was the experience of his feeding so devastating for me? Why did I feel my bones fragmenting and rebuilding every time he devoured life energy?
"Then explain one thing to me, Ur," I said, stepping closer, challenging the cold aura emanating from his shadowy figure. "Why, when you feed, does my body feel like it's being crushed and rebuilt? What is the biological or magical logic behind this pain?"
Ur paused. I noticed a slight change in his golden slits. Was that a glint of... guilt? The idea that such a deadly entity could feel remorse for causing me pain was fascinating and, in a way, unsettling.
"It is exactly because we are linked that the Master feels this pain," he confessed, his voice dropping a tone lower. "When I feed, my body also undergoes transformations. I reconfigure my own life energy, which is poured into this Chalice."
"I understand the logic of the energy," I countered, crossing my arms, my historian's mind demanding clarity. "But that still doesn't explain why my bones need to break and why I vomit blood while you feast."
Just remembering him feeding on that first soldier in the alley made me nauseous. I almost vomited right then and there.
It's not that I'm squeamish or anything like that. I've seen many deaths, I've killed enemies, and even my family died because of me. I will never forgive myself; I cannot be forgiven for putting those I loved at risk... But perhaps I can protect this new family I've been given.
Ur, oblivious to my psychological pain, tilted the Chalice slightly, making the blue and black liquid slosh against the runic walls.
"The Master is the chalice of flesh in this world," he explained with a shadowy seriousness. "My energy is dense, ancient, and... foreign to this reality. Whenever I grow stronger, the 'vessel' that carries me must be expanded and reinforced to handle the new volume of power. The blood you shed is the residue of your old weakness being expelled. Your bones break so that they may be joined again with more strength."
He stared at me deeply.
"I am not destroying you, Master. I am reforging you."
The chalice analogy made total sense. As a historian, I always enjoyed a good visual metaphor, especially those that fit the Hermetic laws of "As above, so below." If my body is the physical vessel, then this mental field is the laboratory where the substance is distilled.
"So, that means the more you feed, the stronger we become?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
"Exactly," Ur replied, and I noticed an almost vibrant tone in his voice, a contained happiness emanating from his shadowy silhouette.
I contemplated the possibilities in silence. I am no puritan; it would be hypocrisy for me to claim a position of sanctity now, considering the full weight of my regrets and the guilt I carry from my past life. I tried not to let that feeling consume me. Truthfully, I still didn't understand why I had been reborn. Was it a blessing, a curse, or merely the blind movement of the natural cycle of souls? Whatever it was, I was here, and I needed to survive.
If not for myself, then for my two families… And who knows, perhaps one day I might find Anna and my children… even if it is a wish impossible to fulfill.
But my practical ethics remained firm. I had already forbidden Ur from feeding on humans indiscriminately, allowing only animals and my own energy. My rule was clear: only if they were real threats to me or my new family. I had not the slightest intention of becoming an inhuman monster who would let his shadow "run wild" out there. There had to be other ways to strengthen this connection.
I decided to change the subject. There were more immediate mysteries to be unraveled in that Mental Field.
"Ur, clear up some other doubts for me, if you can."
"Yes, Master!" He immediately stiffened his posture, like a soldier before an officer, ready to receive orders.
"First: what is this Mist that permeates everything here?" I made a quick pause, allowing the weight of the question to settle, and continued: "Second: what is this barrier preventing me from advancing?" I looked toward where he was positioned. "And third: is it because of the Chalice and this seal where you sit that you cannot fail to answer me when I call?"
Ur looked up; his gaze had previously been slightly below the rim of the Chalice. In his hands, the Ankh Cross carved into the object began to glow intensely. As I fixed my eyes on that light, a visceral apprehension began to rise through my chest, like a restless tide.
I wanted to understand everything happening there, but knowing too much carried an uncomfortable weight. I looked to the side, at the clouds: were they a sign of something good or a presage of the worst? And that barrier preventing me from advancing... did it truly protect me from what lay ahead, or was it merely a way to limit me? So many questions were overlapping that the answer always seemed to slip through my fingers. Let's be honest: anyone in my situation would feel anxiety gnawing at their stomach.
I observed Ur in silence, and doubt invaded me: was it right to have an entity like him as a "pacted" servant? In my darkest moments, it was easier to think that I was nothing more than his "food"—a source of sustenance so that he could gain form and, one day, act freely as he pleased.
Ur had already tried to free me from this fear before, but distrust kept whispering in my mind. Throughout all this time, I noticed he hadn't left the seal drawn on the ground where he sat for a single moment. He remained there, confined to those lines.
Cutting through the silence that followed my question, he finally chose to speak:
"Master, I will answer your last question first," he said, lowering the chalice slightly, the glow of the Ankh reflecting on my face. "Yes, it is because I am here that I cannot make contact with you, Master... but this is for a greater reason."
Ur fell silent, as if choosing his words with care, organizing what needed to be said.
"When you named me, something within me and within you expanded, releasing all of our joint energy that we held."
Joint energy? I thought, trying to process the gravity of that while analyzing the environment around me. I understood the logic, since he had said we were linked, but what did that mean in practice?
"Right, Ur, I understand that part. But how does it affect me? Why do you need to 'trap' yourself inside this seal and avoid direct contact with me?"
"See, Master. You maintain all your memory and the knowledge of your past life, correct?"
I nodded. He had already explained that, because of him, I kept my memories even while crossing the River Lethe. But I still couldn't comprehend the extent of the problem. Shouldn't the soul be separated from the body? What truly defines our soul?
"Well then, Master. As I was saying: your spirit maintains all the memories and all the life energy you 'had' or 'increased' in your past life. By keeping these memories and avoiding the purification of your spirit, your current body becomes an unstable vessel. It simply could not withstand the weight and pressure of such energies."
"Unstable? How is that possible?" Indignation bubbled inside me, momentarily overriding the fear. "I spent all these days in peace, and now you tell me everything could collapse? This makes no sense at all!"
Ur seemed immune to my heated tone. He only tilted his head, keeping his gaze fixed on the Chalice, where the glow of the Ankh seemed more intense now.
"You are right, Master... but only until the moment words begin to have power," he said, with a voice that seemed to carry the weight of eras. "The moment you named me, I ceased to be merely a shadow and returned to 'exist.' And now, this existence is intertwined with yours. At the instant my name was pronounced, the dam broke. Our joint energy began to leak through every pore of your reality. One of the men accompanying you felt this pressure overflow, and your body, Master, began to crumble under the weight of what we have become."
He pointed to the Chalice, highlighting the movement with the glow of the seal on the floor. The two liquids inside moved, but at no point did they join. They seemed like water and oil.
"So that we would not be detected and, more importantly, so that your life force would not fragment within your fragile body, I had to create this seal. I trapped my own consciousness here to anchor and contain both your energy and mine."
I absorbed his words, but I still felt a certain frustration regarding the mystery of communication. If he was there to protect me, why this lack of dialogue?
"Okay, I get that. But why the isolation? Why can't I connect with you when..."
My speech was interrupted by a violent impact. It wasn't just a stumble, but a shock that seemed to shake the very structure of my metaphysical being. It was as if invisible hooks were latching onto my essence, pulling me back to flesh and bone.
I didn't want to go back. The anguish of not having answers made me fight against the void, but the darkness began to consume me. Before Ur's plane disappeared completely from my mind, his cry resonated like thunder:
"For me to be able to connect with you, Master, you only need to concentrate on the Ankh Cross that is engraved upon your spirit!"
Engraved on my spirit? The thought had barely surfaced when the pain hit me.
My chest didn't just ache; it felt as if something was being branded onto me, like a red-hot iron, burning from the inside out. I brought my hands to my sternum, clutching my own chest in a desperate reflex to extinguish the flames consuming me. Between my fingers, a golden and black light, flickering and incandescent, emerged like a rare flame.
Time seemed to distort. Those seconds transformed into hours of painful spiritual cauterization.
When I finally opened my eyes in the real world, the serenity of the metaphysical plane seemed a distant memory. The pain still pulsed, but the silence had given way to chaos. My ears, still ringing, were invaded by screams and military orders cutting through the air.