After saying that, she went back into her room, and Logan heard the lock click shut. He stood there for a little longer, his arms numb from carrying the groceries, before finally going to his door and letting himself in.
He put the bags on the counter and began to put things away. His movements were automatic and mechanical.
His mind was somewhere else, going over the scene in the hallway. The fight he had heard.
Marcus left without thinking twice. Veronica's tired face showed how hard she was trying to act as if everything was fine.
[Did you see? He didn't even look at her by one bit! That asshole just left her without giving the love she deserved!]
Logan slammed the door of the cabinet too hard. "I told you I don't want to hear it."
"How many goddamn times should I tell you that?!"
[You asked if she was okay. You said you would help. You are already involved, even if you don't want to admit it.]
"Oh, come! I was being nice!"! That's what people who live near each other do. It doesn't mean anything that deep."
[Doesn't it?]
Logan leaned against the counter, shut his eyes, and took a deep breath. He was sick of this internal fight, sick of the system's comments, and sick of feeling like every choice he made was a moral test he was failing.
He said firmly, "Look... I'm not doing this."
"I'm not that person. I don't go after married women, I don't break up relationships, and I definitely don't get involved in other people's messy marriages."
"That's all there is to it."
[So why did you ask if she was okay?]
"Because I'm not a total jerk! Someone should care if she's okay, and it's clear that her husband doesn't!" Logan realized he was yelling at a voice that only he could hear, so he calmed down.
"And that doesn't mean I'm going to act on it. It just means I'm a good person."
The system was quiet for a moment, and Logan took advantage of the quiet to finish putting away his groceries. There is chicken in the fridge, rice in the pantry, and vegetables in the crisper drawer. Easy, neat, and in charge. This was different from the feelings that were swirling around in his chest.
[You took two years to put yourself back together. Learning how to train your body, control your mind, and talk to people without being afraid or hating yourself.]
[You had to do all of that by yourself because no one else would do it for you. Logan, you know what that feels like. To be alone when you shouldn't have to be.]
Logan sighed and said, "Hahhhhhh... Don't try to control me with a sad story comparison. My situation was not at all like hers."
[Wasn't it? You couldn't be seen, or should I say, invisible. Even though she is married, she might as well be single.]
[You were around people who didn't care. Her husband doesn't care. The specifics are different, but the feeling of being alone is the same.]
Logan's mouth opened to speak, then closed again. He hated that the system was right and that part of him knew it was true.
For years, he felt like he was invisible and didn't matter. He thought he could just disappear and no one would notice.
[Just because someone put a ring on your finger and called you their spouse didn't mean that feeling went away.]
"Okay, okay! You can shut up now! What do you want me to do?" Logan asked, and his voice got quieter.
"Like seriously, what do you want to happen? You want me to make a married woman fall in love with me so that she can end her marriage? Or maybe make things harder than they already are?"
[You need to be unforgettable. That was the deal. It doesn't matter to me if you go after Veronica Johanson or not. I'm just saying that she's open to love, you're interested in her, and her marriage is already over.]
[It's up to you whether or not you act on that information.]
"All you are to me is that you're pushing with every comment and every observation so that I can go toward her."
[I'm giving you some background. The reason you feel pushed is because part of you wants to be pushed.]
[You might be wondering what would happen if you stopped following all the rules you made for yourself and just did what you wanted to do.]
Logan sat on the floor with his back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. What did he want?
That was the question, right? Not what he should want, not what was right or wrong, but what he really wanted.
He wanted Veronica to be safe, and that was already clear. He wanted her to stop looking so tired and sad, and he wanted the sadness to leave her eyes.
But more than that, if he was being completely honest with himself, he wanted to be the one to help her feel better. He wanted to break through the polite walls she put up and find out who she really was behind all that distance.
And yes, he did like her. More than interested, like love at first sight.
There was something about her that made him want things he knew he shouldn't want. It was a mix of elegance and vulnerability that drew him in.
"This is crazy," Logan said under his breath. "I can't do this."
"In two weeks, I'll be starting college. I need to focus on that, like building a new life, making friends, and maybe even dating someone who is available and easy to get along with."
"Not getting involved in the problems of a married woman."
[College will still be there in two weeks. Veronica might not be.]
"What does that mean?
[Her husband is home for a few days before he goes on his next trip. They'll finally talk about what they've been avoiding during those few days.]
[She'll tell him to pick between his job and their marriage, and of course, he'll pick his job. And then the resolve has come to the point where she'll file for divorce in less than a month.]
Logan's head shot up. "What the fuck!? You can guess that?! Do you have some kind of power that's related to the future or some shit?!"
[I can figure out the odds based on how people act and how they feel. There is a 93% chance that their marriage will end in six weeks and a 97% chance that it will end in three months.]
[The relationship is over. Logan, you are not breaking up a marriage. You're just deciding if you want to be there when it all goes wrong.]
Logan should have felt better after that, and it should have helped ease some of the guilt that was eating away at him. Instead, it made things seem harder.
Did it change the rightness of being interested in Veronica if the marriage was going to end anyway? Or did it just make him a vulture, circling and waiting for the relationship to end so he could move in?
Logan said, "I need to think about it... just give me some time to think."
[Take your time. But keep in mind, Logan, that it took you two years to become someone worth noticing.]
[Don't waste that by being too scared to do something when you get the chance. The heart wants what it wants, and sometimes it's not about taking but about giving what was missing.]