"Hm…" Uval drew my attention, yanking me out of my own thoughts. This individual is a Devaronian and one of the Trailblazers who studied together with my father. Honestly, whenever he's around, I always feel uneasy. And when he looks at me like that, I really want to hide. Or shout something like, "What are you staring at? Don't like me? Congrats, I don't like you either!"
"What is it, Uval? You don't like my son's progress?" Mom cut in. She was practically glowing, thrilled with how I was advancing. Well, yeah—I may be small, but I'm toothy, just like she was at my age.
"That's not what this is about, Aala. Don't you think it's time for him to go to the temple? It's been two years, after all, since you refused to hand him over to Master Souru," the Devaronian said without even twitching a brow, shifting his gaze to Mother.
"I know that hack…" Mom cursed with a scowl. "No. I believe I can teach him much better. At least through the youngling stage."
"That may be so, but his Force…" he drawled. "It's too restless. If you haven't noticed, he can't sit still for a moment. He's always destroying something, breaking something—just doing something. Tell him to stand still for a minute and it's like he'll start clowning on purpose! No obedience, no respect for elders."
"And was I any different?" Mom smirked. "Even now—name one sentient being I address formally."
"Wooow…" I dragged the word out, at the sheer audacity. I definitely had room to grow. Telling someone to go to hell that gracefully—I'd probably never manage it. And she did tell him, no doubt about it.
"That's not the point, Aala."
"Then what is?"
"His balance has been off since birth," Uval said bluntly, giving me a dark look. "The dark side dominates the light. You can see it in the eyes—eyes that have always had a second bottom."
. . .
I stood there, silent, stunned.
"Just look for yourself," he pointed at me. Mom crouched down and, frowning, stared into my eyes. I just stood there and stared back, not knowing where to put myself. But then her face smoothed out and lit with a smile.
"Well, I'm looking. And I see a pair of gray eyes. A little scared—but so strong… so steady… so mine." She pulled me to her chest and stroked my head. "My beloved."
"As you say." Uval shrugged. "I warned you. Your son is not nearly as simple as he seems. Keep it in mind. There's an opinion that by the time he's ten, they'll exile him to Boganu…"
SLAP!
The sound of a smack cracked through the air. I froze like a post and looked toward Uval, where Mom was standing. Just like that—one moment, and she was already there. I didn't even notice her move. Her aura changed; her montrals twitched under the pressure of the Force, and an indescribable bloodlust poured off her. With one hand she struck, with the other she grabbed the Devaronian by the front so he couldn't fly back.
But what scared me more was that I was happy. Happy with that aura, and more than comfortable in it—while Uval went pale.
"Ashshar onu sha'ran…"* she hissed in Togruta, shoving her old acquaintance away. Uval pulled himself together, set his face like a brick, and left in silence.
"M-mom?" I spoke up quietly once the xeno disappeared around the corner. Hearing me, the aura around Mother vanished, and she turned toward me as the one who had held me in her arms and read me stories.
"Yes?" She walked over unhurriedly and ruffled my hair. "What is it, sweetie?"
"What was he talking about? And what does Boganu have to do with it?" She smiled sadly, but taking my hand and leading me toward the house, she answered:
"That's… a long story." I looked around and, making sure no one was nearby, turned back to her. With a sigh, she began. "You see… it started before you were even born. I was never known for obedience or discipline. More than that—I always had problems with it, and because of that, I was under a serious threat of being sent off to Boganu. Back then, I was angry. Very angry. And it was hard for me to restore balance in the Force."
"Did they hurt you?"
"Yes, Shade. At one time, they hurt me. And I hurt them. It was complicated there. From the very beginning of my path, I got used to going against other people's opinions and doing things my way, no matter what. Though that 'my way' can come from someone else's opinion, or just align with it. And in that, you're very much like me. Restless, hot-blooded, pushy…" She ruffled my hair and, wrapping an arm around me, pulled me close.
"And how did you manage to get away from trouble?"
"I didn't," she shrugged. "I'm just strong enough to prove my right to speak with blood. Usually someone else's. And considering how negatively I feel about anyone encroaching on anything that's mine, some people started to get it—better not touch that pretty girl. Give her a wide berth."
"But that complicates things in the Order, doesn't it? An uncontrolled fighter is a dangerous threat, first and foremost, to the Order itself."
"Where did you pick up words like that?" She looked at me with an eyebrow raised.
"Uh… I read it in a book," I look away, realizing a kid my age isn't exactly supposed to use words that complicated.
"I see."
"Anyway, besides drawbacks, I have strengths too." Stopping, she lowered herself to my level. "Yes, I'm willful. I don't care about authority. I don't care about my conversation partner. All that worries me is my friends, my family—" she hugged and squeezed me again for a few seconds. Uuugh, I felt like a plush toy. "—and my assignment. Which I will complete. Also, you know our species are, by nature, incredibly social. In my youth… when I hadn't yet become a Je'daii, I had many, so to speak, friends. Though… now I understand they weren't friends at all, but back then it looked different. Still, I was loyal to them. I was ready to tear anyone to shreds with my teeth like a wild beast if my group was in danger. That's one of the reasons I ended up in the Order."
"And what happened to those guys?"
"Nothing good, Shade. After I left for the Order, the group fell apart, and I never saw them again." But a shadow flickered across her face, and in her emotions something slipped through that couldn't hide from me. Not pushing the topic, I try to shift direction:
"Mom, but then why?" The question is stupid, but I can't not ask it. I know the traditions of my old world, but I don't understand my new people well. So…
"Why what?" She tilted her head in amused confusion. I happened to notice that the same gesture had unconsciously carried over to me.
"If everything is the way you say, why are we ready to protect?"
"Where did you get thoughts like that?!"
"From the other kids. They… don't really like me. They avoid me. I definitely wouldn't protect them."
"Hmm… it's okay, Shade. They'll come to their senses, believe me. In time, they'll try to be friends with you themselves. Right now they're just stupid and don't understand who you are. But later… they'll come around. And our friends—real friends, not those fools I had in my youth—are family. And we will always stand up for them, always help, and share our last supplies. That's why we've always had enough friends. Even I did. And note: I'm toxic, mouthy, and in the opinion of many guys—very much a bad girl. Well, that's what I was known as during my training," she added at once, smiling. "And then I cemented that reputation. It's so much fun! So everything will be fine—don't worry about that."
"You think so?"
"Yes."
"And Uval? What he said about… that I… well, not being like that."
"You know you're already grown enough, and that soon you'll pass your exams and enter the temple, but you still don't have a single friend. That bothers him, but there's nothing wrong with it. Your interest is entirely focused on understanding the Force, our culture, language, technology, fighting techniques—not other sentients. The strange thing is that as long as I can remember, there was always some kind of crowd around me. Neighbors, classmates, friends from my travels… someone was always there. Rivals too, of course—but still. You, though, walk only your own path, paying no attention to others. At least for now. And some find that strange and start to worry. But there's nothing strange there, Shade—it's normal. And you're also like your father in that. He didn't talk to others either. In the end, you know what happened to him, and where his trail turned."
"Uh-huh. But do I really pay no attention to others," I snort skeptically. "It's just that I want to be very much like you." I notice the corners of her lips stretch a little. "I want to be strong like you, so that when real friends appear, I can protect them. I want to be myself, without any pretending. I don't want to keep my feelings on a leash. And I won't. I want to be real. And I want to find friends like the ones you have now! I want to make my own decisions—not the ones other people will dictate to me. Just like you."
"There! That's exactly why Uval is wrong. You're not dark at all—your light is just hidden deep inside, like mine once was. Yes, you're a little different, but no more than that. And anyone who says otherwise can go into the maw of the Saarl!" she finished, smiling brightly. "Right, Shade. No need to be someone else. Just be yourself, and then you'll have everything," and then she leaned in slightly and conspiratorially whispered, "and you'll even find a girl—rather, she'll find you herself. Trust me, boys used to chase me in crowds," I instantly blush and hide in my collar. "You'll introduce me to her, right?"
"Mom!!!"
***
"Ah, ah, ow, u-u-uh-m-m-m…" I clenched my teeth, dropping the blade and shaking out my hand. Yeah… with a wooden sword it was much easier, and not so painful.
"Again," Mom returned to position.
"Just a second," kneading fingers battered by a very blunt but still iron sword, I reinforce the flesh with the Force again. Without that, I'd have had minced bone-and-meat instead of fingers a long time ago, because I got hit hard and often.
Clenching and unclenching my fist, I pick up the weapon. My muscles ache, my bones crack, my hands are already tired of taking hit after hit. But there was nothing to be done about it. Taking my stance, I prepare for the duel. A moment, and we come together in a clinch at the same time, followed by a string of fast strikes that I barely manage to deflect. Then a spinning blow, which I manage to parry and immediately counter with a sweeping horizontal cut at the neck. Mom taught me to strike to finish, without ceremony, so the techniques we practiced were highly injurious—something I'd already had plenty of time to feel firsthand.
And then again—a series of strikes, but instead of her sword she uses a leg sweep. I manage to pull my leg away, but take the sword's pommel to the chest and fly backward. I don't even have time to swear—my breath is simply knocked out. Like it was there one second, and the next it's gone, and I'm only spasming, trying to inhale.
"You okay?" someone leans over me.
"A-a-aalive, khah-khah."
She puts her hand to my chest, helping me recover with Force healing.
"You're getting distracted too much. Don't try to track the sword—track the space. Your ability is your main feature, Shade. Use it."
"I can't keep up. I can't see."
"That's the problem. Tomorrow we'll try to speed up your mind so it can process the incoming information."
"Uh-huh."
"And this is just a light reinforcement with the Force. Imagine what the fight will be like if we move at full."
"I can imagine."
"And by then, you'll be obligated, if not to win, then at least to react to an attack like that and get out."
"Huh?!" My eyes go wide.
"Yes, Shade. Only then will I be able to feel calm about you. Or have you already given up?" she smiled.
"I haven't, khah-khah, given up! I'm full of strength and energy. Back to stance," I spring to my feet—though I immediately start coughing again. That last hit really did a number on me.
"A couple more, and that's enough for today," she ruffled my hair, returning to her place. Damn… I hope I survive at least until I enter the temple.
***
"Just like thaaat. Breathe deep and calmly," Mom said softly, sitting opposite me. I was learning to meditate. Yes, yes—strange as it sounds, we only started these lessons now. Honestly, Mom herself doesn't really like this stuff, but… it's necessary. The ability to detach and enter a meditative state opens up a lot of possibilities, so we suffer through it. "And stop fidgeting already."
"I can't," I grumble back, opening my eyes. "My legs are numb." Her hand automatically goes to her face.
"And I told you—sit properly."
"But it's uncomfortable!"
"Get used to it."
"Why?"
"Shade, you'll need it badly in the future." My look spoke better than any words. "Alright, fine. I'll explain." I nod to show I'm all attention. "Through meditation, we open our boundaries. In calm, we see the future and create new devices. Emotions aren't needed here." I tilt my head slightly and raise an eyebrow in question. "Je'daii must be able to sink into both the light and the dark. In that, Uval was right."
"Why?"
"The dark side gives strength to achieve goals, but it also corrupts. The light side, on the other hand, can paralyze active energy—for example by generating heavy memories. To preserve balance, we must be able to handle both sources of power, and meditation is the best way to turn to the light side of it. Luckily, you've already learned to control the dark anyway. The light too, in principle—but you still have to learn to meditate!" And then she immediately adds, "to meditate properly," in such an urgent tone that I actually shiver.
"Mo—"
"What are you curious about now?" she asked with a smile. Damn, how am I not wearing her out? Three tons of questions every day. You could hang yourself, but she doesn't—she's happy and answers willingly.
"You didn't understand me. Why do we sink into the Force?" That question clearly threw her off. Her eyes widened, and her breathing hitched.
"Um… well, you see… it's just…"
"Why?"
"Otherwise we can't understand it," she answers calmly, returning her positivity. "You see, Shade—only with light is there darkness, and only in darkness does light burn. If we don't sink in, we simply won't be able to control it. And without control, it will destroy us. Mastery of the Force is not only a gift, but a curse that must be managed. Otherwise… it will consume us."
"But do we really need to sink into it?"
"What are you trying to say?" the Togruta opposite me grew interested. She might be decades old, but she looks like she's only just stepped out of her teen years. That's what the Force does!
"You said the Force is everywhere. Around us, and within us. Especially within us. It gave us the chance to interact with it. But by sinking into darkness or light, we become slaves to one side or the other. We lose ourselves. Remember how you told me about Je'daii who fell to one of the sides? The ones they exiled to Ashla or Boganu. What brought them to that?" I paused and looked at my mother. She listened closely, not interrupting, and I continued. "As far as I can judge, it was stupidity. I think there's no point in sinking in, because the Force is already inside us. It's already with us. It supports us—in joy and in sorrow. It helps us fight hardships and gives us the ability to grow. It's part of us, and we're part of it. It's neither a curse nor a gift—it just is."
"Just don't say that in the temple," she muttered quietly.
"Why? Did I say something wrong?"
"You just shook our…"
"I didn't shake anything." Yeah—so far, I didn't. "I just expressed my own theory that there's no sense in deliberately winding ourselves up. Because what we're trying to achieve is already with us—we just don't understand it yet. Or don't realize it."
"Maybe you're right," came an unexpectedly thoughtful reply. "As far as I know, the Order has never looked at it from that angle. But what you said… where do you even get thoughts like that?"
"There still isn't a 'correct' point of view on the Force."
"Instead of playing outside like all normal kids, you sit here doing who-knows-what." She put on a show of indignation. "Just like your father once did."
"But it's interesting!" My soul cried out. She laughed and, reaching out, pulled me to her.
"Come here, my little dark siris**."
***
"Welp…" I drawl, looking over my future classmates. Despite the fact that we're almost eight—and for some, not even almost—everyone present looked like a fifteen-year-old teenager. I spot one Wookiee, a pair of Zabrak twins, two Twi'leks and one Twi'lek girl, a Mirialan girl, a group of seven human boys and two human girls, a pair of Sith, one Sullustan and a Selkath. This motley company was rounded out by a pair consisting of a Miraluka and a Cathar. The latter was a kind of cat-and-human mix. Though whether she's a half-breed too, or I'm mixing something up—unlike pureblood Cathar, her face was still closer to human. A small, slightly flattened little nose, ears pricked up on the crown, small lips, short silky fur. Cat eyes present; also present were loose, long hair—just as silky as the fur—falling to her collarbones. The girl was barely a meter and a half tall.
I even froze a little—this cat-girl was that captivating. An anime fan's dream come true in real life; makes you want to squeeze her.
Meanwhile, my stare was clearly noticed. Turning, that cute creature shot me a glare full of anger and raised one eyebrow in question. Cuuute.
"I've seen Cathar, sure—but someone like you for the first time," I admit honestly, continuing to shamelessly stare at this wonder of nature.
"People like you—me too," she replied in a soft, but at the same time slightly growling voice, flicking an ear.
"Half-blood?" I tilt my head slightly.
"Yes. So what? Got a problem?" she growled at me. No, seriously—so cute I could melt into a puddle.
"No, the opposite. You're very beautiful and incredibly cute."
I don't get it?! What did I say that made half the people fall silent and look at me? She herself clearly got flustered. Her fur bristled, her eyes and ears dipped, and her movements turned awkward. Turning away, she muttered quietly:
"Thanks."
"Ahem-ahem," drew our, apparently, Master's attention. A yellow-skinned, sturdy Zabrak in robes, with a metal blade at his belt, inspired involuntary respect. Looking over our crowd, he smiled and spoke. "So, younglings. Welcome to Qigong Kesh, the Temple of Force Understanding. You made the right choice to begin your path here, because only by knowing the Force will you be able to master it. Unfortunately, many do not understand that and begin their path in Stav Keshe, the Temple of Martial Arts. But enough of that—let's get acquainted. My name is Master Garos. I am your mentor for the next year. In Padawan Kesh, you were taught to read, write, and speak. You also more or less sorted out your powers, learned to meditate, and to feel the Force. Now you will undergo advanced training in interacting with the Force. I will teach you to sense a strike before it lands, to see without eyes, and to feel the world around you…"
People stared at the Master with wide eyes and open mouths. Funny thing is, I can already do everything he listed. Sight overlapped with sensing the world around me—thanks to having different parents. Sensing a strike, I learned extremely well; a thousand projectiles a day really helps with that. The only issue is languages. I only know two, when the curriculum says four. Basic, Shyriiwook—the Wookiee language—native, and Tythonian. And I don't know the first two. Though with Basic I can sort of get by; it's Basic for a reason—so you can talk to everyone.
"...Right. Now I'd like to hear your names," the crowd snapped out of it at once. The twins spoke first.
"Zeng…"
"And Feng!"
"Bazecks," they introduced themselves.
"Gr-a-a-a…" Oh, I have a feeling I'll have to learn Shyriiwook, oh I will. Well, or…
Glance at the Wookiee
…they'll teach me.
"Mm-hm," the Master nodded and looked at the humans. Interestingly, the human group kept apart from the rest. Only one of the seven boys stood and freely (before the Master appeared) talked with the Miraluka.
"Ramira Urana," the Zabrak girl introduced herself, kind of shyly, after the human group. She looked like an ordinary… almost ordinary Zabrak. Gray skin, and hair the same color, with white horns poking out of it. Dye it red or something? Could be fun. But I'm curious—why do Zabrak females have hair, unlike the males? Some kind of nature joke?
Meanwhile, introductions continued. People called out their names until it got to me.
"Shade Aero." Hearing me, the Zabrak smirked, which made me curious. "Something wrong?"
"Your name. It fits you. Willful, decisive, inquisitive. Just like your mother. A scary cocktail—very scary. I've seen ones like that, with that same look. Lots of trouble with them."
"I can reassure you—there'll be no less with me," I say, smiling. He only snorted and looked at the Miraluka. Yeah, I know those words from a teenager sound more like… like… I don't even know what, but I already don't like this guy. And if I don't like him, then he can forget about getting my respect.
"Lina Sau," the Miraluka introduced herself.
"Vessira Rova," the Cathar smiled.
"Good. Now, I ask you to split into pairs and line up in a single column." People immediately began to divide and look for partners, while he watched everything closely and… drew conclusions? Damn—who did they assign us that he's analyzing kids right out of the gate? Then again, that's the right thing to do.
"Can I pair up wi—" I didn't even get to finish, because Vessira just flicked an ear and stepped up to the Wookiee as his partner. Damn it. What did I do wrong? We were talking just fine! Though the devil knows those women… no, actually, even devils wouldn't know—they have their own women.
Turning around, I run into a fidgeting Ramira. I can see no one is really rushing to pair up with her, so I just walk up in silence.
"Mind keeping me company?"
"What? N-no." Damn, she's so shy. But you know what? A shy Zabrak is powerful.
One minute later
"So. Now we will proceed through Qigong Kesh. Please don't fall behind—it's very easy to get lost here." Turning, the Zabrak led us onward.
"What are we going to learn?" one of the twins couldn't hold back.
"You'll find out."
"Will you teach us to fight?" Va'al asked.
"We can fight already," I mutter quietly, but notice half the surrounding xenos turn toward me. Unfortunately, the Master wasn't an exception.
"So you can fight?" he asked, though there was something else hidden in his voice. What exactly, I didn't understand, but I answered the question.
"We all know how to fight. We don't know how to wage war." The Master smiled and turned, leading our column toward the temple entrance.
"What's the difference?" asked one of the Twi'leks walking ahead of me.
"A fight is just stupid flailing with hands and feet. A battle is combat where you use tactics, skill, strength, and technique."
"And how do you know?" his neighbor asked.
"I read it in a book."
"Wait," one of the Zabrak twins walking in front of the Twi'leks suddenly came to life.
"You're that half-blood who was always hanging around his mom!" the second added. The first snickers started.
"Yeah. That's you. You were supposed to join our group, but you stayed home. Mommy's boy, huh?" The Master, who'd been walking in silence, looked back with interest.
"So what are you gonna do now?"
"Her back isn't here anymore," so what am I going to do? Why, I'll—
"U-u-ura-a-ay. Ma-ari-i-u-u," the Wookiee intervened before I could, saving the loudmouths from injuries just as I was about to deliver good and dispense justice.
"What did he say?" one of the Zabrak asked. My neighbor answered, oddly enough.
"He said he wouldn't cling to Shade if he were you." The twins looked at each other and laughed.
"Gr-u-u-ar ar-r-r-ru ru ra-ra-r," after that tirade I noticed the Master, still walking in silence, smile at the corners of his mouth. Looking back at the Wookiee, I see his neighbor also smiling faintly while looking off to the side. But the Miraluka—Lina, I think—was smiling quite openly. Glancing at Ramira, I realized the Wookiee had said something that lifted the mood of everyone who understood him.
"So what did that furball say now?" one of the humans blurted out.
"He said you've gotten yourselves in very deep trouble." People exchanged looks and laughed. I quietly asked:
"And what did he say?"
"In short: his family knows your mother by sight. He also said he saw your training with her a couple of times." I turn to the Wookiee and see that shameless mug wink at me with a grin from ear to ear. "I don't know what kind of training that was, but he clearly thinks highly of you," she added. Yeah. Haven't even enrolled yet and I'm already in trouble. And Wookiee respect isn't given out for free—that's a fact.
Meanwhile, Master Garos led us through wide corridors with high ceilings. Monolithic columns supported the vaults, and various symbols were carved into the columns themselves. The walls were decorated with different paintings from ancient times. Interestingly, the light didn't come from lamps, but from clumps of the Force fixed in place. Amazing, right?
"F—" slipped out of me in pure Russian as we entered a corridor whose windows looked out onto the inner courtyard. In the yard, a group of Je'daii—about twenty—was training. Notably, they were taking turns shocking each other with small arcs of lightning. While one attacked, the other took the hit on some kind of Force shield or reflected it. Another group, also about twenty, worked with earth. In seconds, each of them lifted heaps of soil, forming bulky figures. And I won't even talk about the strange storm about five meters across!
"Padawans are learning to work with the Force," our guide said proudly.
When we reached the end of the corridor, I suddenly noticed—through Force sight—a person standing a bit off to the side. He was studying our group, but not moving. Oh! He noticed my look—flared with surprise, too.
"Hello there," I greet the "ghost" as I pass.
"What-what?" the Master asked, turning around. Wait—am I the only one who saw him?
"There's… someone standing here…" I turn to that spot, but see no one. "…was standing there. A man." Turning back to the Master, I see his eyebrow lifted in a questioning arch. "Honestly, he was there! In a long cloak." The Master gave me a skeptical look, but said nothing and led the group onward. I don't get it—what the hell?!
Clarifications:
* Only after my death.
** A bird that lives on Tython. A small black feathered creature about the size of a swallow. Its distinctive feature is that it cannot be seen in the Force.