Here's a thorough review and polished version for Chapter 85: Horrible State of Death, keeping the core content intact while making it more cinematic, vivid, and immersive:
Review
Strengths:
The stakes are extremely clear: Neraxis is struggling against multiple threats and a Supreme Expansion clash is happening.
The internal thoughts of Neraxis convey his growing concern, giving him more depth beyond being an unstoppable villain.
Kael explaining Supreme Expansion to Yura provides necessary exposition without breaking immersion.
Areas to Improve:
Some sentences are choppy and could flow better to increase tension.
Adding more environmental and sensory details (smoke, debris, sound, vibrations) will make the Supreme Expansion clash feel more epic.
Thoughts and dialogue can be more distinctly separated for clarity and impact.
Show the consequences of failed Supreme Expansion more dramatically for Yura to feel the stakes.
Polished Version (95% intact)
Neraxis barely evaded, teeth clicking in irritation.
I need to take her down… he thought, his crimson eyes narrowing.
She's attacking my soul…
His gaze flicked toward Seraphine.
And that middle-aged woman…
One touch, and she could erase my Vital Force.
The battlefield had grown lethal, thick with swirling debris and the echo of collapsing buildings. Neraxis straightened, aura flaring violently, veins of mirror-black light crawling across his arms. His eyes burned with intent.
He formed a hand sign, his glowing red eyes piercing through the chaos.
"Supreme Expansion of Space."
Seraphine's voice rang out, calm yet absolute: "Erasure of the Abyss."
Neraxis: Fractured Eternity
The two expansions collided violently, energies twisting and folding like shattered glass. The battlefield trembled under the sheer output, forming a chaotic half-and-half reality where vital force clashed in blinding flashes of grey and crimson.
{FLASH BACK}
Do you want me to do that next?
Yura, eyes wide, curiosity mixed with fear.
"What's a Supreme Expansion?" he asked in a firm tone.
Kael, lounging lazily on a doorway, glanced at him, yawning.
"Well… you could say it's a technique that creates a battlefield where your Vital Art can manifest in its full potential."
"Ohh…" Yura muttered, trying to process it.
Kael continued, his voice calm yet serious, leaning against the doorframe.
"Not most users can use it. It requires immense focus. Creating your own Expansion is a legendary feat. Fail… and your brain might break. You'll find yourself trapped in a horrible state of death."
Yura froze, the weight of the explanation sinking in.
"Huh…"
Kael left without another word,
{Back to present}
the chaos of the battlefield echoing as Neraxis and Seraphine's Supreme Expansions continued to clash, shaking the earth and warping reality around them.