Silas had been gone from the convent for several days now.
Sister Rose's life continued as usual.
She helped with the cooking and sorting usable ingredients—preserving what could last and processing what couldn't for storage. If something was about to spoil, they found ways to eat it immediately.
"Did Lord Silas really not think about taking the Sister with him when he left?"
"...I don't know."
"Will Lord Silas come back?"
"..."
The only thing that had changed was the topic of conversation; the survivors were always asking her questions.
It only made Sister Rose more irritable.
"Sister, is big brother really not coming back?"
"That's what they're all saying."
"I told you, I don't know! Why does everyone keep asking me? It's not like we were that close; I was clearly just a..."
Her two sisters were becoming especially annoying, asking constantly.
She was just a mere sex toy, a tool for venting lust. She had been punished for her mistakes, and now that the punishment was over, she was a nun again.
The ties were cut clean; what was there left to misunderstand?
"...Ah."
She turned around, intending to push her sister away to do her chores, only to find young Leah's eyes welling with tears.
"I hate you, Sister!"
"Big brother said it himself—he didn't like that bad woman! He did nothing wrong!"
"Why did you drive him away?"
"..."
Watching Leah's long-suppressed emotions finally explode.
Rose raised her hand.
"Sister Rose, if big brother did something wrong, don't keep it from us. If he really was a bad person, Elena would never want to play with him again, and I wouldn't ask him to teach me how to be a merchant."
"But if it's just your own problem, Elena will hate you too. You said it yourself—we must be honest and have a clear conscience!"
"..."
She didn't expect Elena's tiny body to shield Leah, showing such rebellion for the first time.
First of all, why did she raise her hand against the sister she depended on for survival? Why did she almost slap her?
"...Sister?"
"..."
Sister Rose lowered her hand, saying nothing.
She walked away dejectedly, without a destination.
Work was everywhere. Drying blankets, collecting supplies with other survivors. Medicine and food were still vital.
She sat at the entrance of the convent hall, staring outside.
Farther away.
That man...
He was gone. Before leaving, he said the trade was over. And he truly hadn't come to possess her again.
In all likelihood, that was a farewell. He would never return.
"Did Sister Rose have a fight with her sisters?"
Fiona appeared beside her at some unknown moment.
"..."
"I don't understand."
Sister Rose murmured softly.
"What?"
"Like you said, it's strange. I was a nun... even if he saved me, I felt guilty about many things. But how could I feel this way about him after being forced to do those things..."
"Yeah."
Fiona placed a hand on her shoulder. "That's why I said it. Maybe it's because you had no one else to rely on, so you developed a dependency. Don't let these survivors get to you just because they treat you like his future wife."
"Are you saying this without an agenda?"
"Everyone wants a good man. But life isn't just about men. I told you, I simply admire him and hope to work with him if there's a chance. Maybe then I'd be written into the noble history books."
"Let's go with that."
"Have something sweet."
Fiona pulled a round candy from her pocket. "If anything's on your mind, you can always come to me. Even if he hadn't told me to look after you, I would have anyway."
"..."
Rose didn't take the candy. She asked, "Why?"
"Because here, you're the only one who looks like you might collapse at any moment. When the others think about Lord Silas being gone, at least they have me to lean on. But you... it's like you don't even see me."
"You're too dazzling."
"Huh? Me?"
"You're a noble, you can lead others. You have the grit to keep so many people alive until now..."
"No, no, no, you've got it wrong."
"..."
A brief silence followed.
Sister Rose took the candy and stood up.
"Thank you. You're right; I should learn to discard that sense of dependency."
"If you've really made up your mind, then do it."
"..."
Even after saying that and getting Fiona's affirmation, the tightness in Rose's chest didn't dissipate at all.
Until midnight.
She climbed out of bed, seeing her two sisters huddled under a blanket in the corner. They refused to sleep with her.
Why did everyone assume she and him had that kind of relationship?
Why did she come here?
If she were back in the old, ruined convent, she could do everything herself.
She wouldn't have made such a mess of things.
The trade is over; what else does he want her to do?
If she didn't mention it, would it not end?
What kind of relationship did she actually want to become? She was clearly a nun.
"Sister Rose."
Elena woke up, her small body hugging Rose's head, burying it in her flat chest.
"I'm sorry... Leah and I shouldn't have been like that. You must be going through something very sad too."
"..."
She was very reluctant to mention Silas to her sisters, or to show her fragile side in front of them.
"Sister, cry if you want to. Elena won't tell Leah. I've always known you weren't actually that strong."
"Hah..."
But now, she couldn't hold back. Tears the size of beans began to roll down.
What did he want to turn her into?
If he had even a shred of affection for her, he would have said the trade would continue forever. He would have stopped messing around with other women and just done whatever he wanted to her with force.
He made her change into those revealing clothes and then did nothing.
Talking about "contractual spirit" and being a "man of his word."
She couldn't see any possibility; where was she supposed to find the courage to tell others they had a relationship beyond being a sex toy?
Bastard!
"...Elena."
"Sister, you're crying so hard."
The tiny hand stroked Rose's hair, as if soothing a child.
"I... I love Mr. Silas."
That was the truth Sister Rose only dared to whisper to her sister after gathering all her courage.
"Ah, Sister, did you only just realize? Mommy and Daddy used to fight too, but they loved each other."
"..."
Sister Rose felt her sister must be misunderstanding something.
"When big brother comes back, you have to apologize and make up with him, okay?"
It wasn't about making up.
It was about casting aside her inferiority toward Fiona and the slut, grabbing his collar, and asking what he actually wanted from her.
Then, maybe, she would have the courage to say it out loud.
Why does it always take almost losing someone to finally understand? Simply put, she had fallen for him.