"Damn it! What is wrong with those brats!"
"A natural result, wasn't it?"
"I am a professional assassin! Teaching isn't my job! Just let me focus on the hit!!"
Irina Jelavić was in the middle of a violent outburst.
Her symmetrical features were distorted by rage, and her light makeup had begun to smudge. This was Irina, a killer who used her femininity as a lethal weapon. Her fury had reached such heights that she didn't even notice her disheveled appearance.
"... Sigh."
The man on the receiving end of her tirade did nothing but let out a deep sigh, appearing completely indifferent. His breath carried a silent dismissal: I thought you were going to say something important, but it's just this nonsense? This only made the assassin's blood boil further.
Karasuma sighed once more at Irina's behavior. He rose from his seat in the faculty room and gestured carelessly toward the door with his right thumb.
"We're going on an inspection tour."
"Huh? What are you talking about in a situation like this?"
"Enough talk. I'll show you what professional work looks like."
"...You actually dare say that to me."
"If you don't like it, kill me—assuming you can actually land a hit. Now, come."
Karasuma's words were sharp and final.
Irina felt irritated, but she mocked him inwardly: There's no way a "professional" exists in a place like this. A confident smile played on her lips. Karasuma was an attractive man; if he failed to impress her, she might just "taste" him a little. She wouldn't kill him; she would play with him to extract information about the target or the government's plans. That wouldn't be bad at all.
With those thoughts, Irina followed Karasuma as he stepped out.
Karasuma changed his shoes at the entrance and walked without hesitation behind the wooden building housing Class E. He took a rugged path leading toward the back mountain. The terrain was difficult for Irina in her high heels, but she pushed through. Eventually, they arrived; Karasuma stopped abruptly and signaled for her to do the same.
"Look over there."
"What now..."
She looked as instructed and saw the target right in front of her.
The destructive creature the students called "Koro-sensei"—the one they loved, despite his vow to blow up the Earth next year—was lying on a beach chair, writing. Pens, rulers, and protractors moved at incredible speeds across the paper clipped to his writing board.
"What is that thing doing?"
"Drafting exam questions. It's his 6:00 PM Wednesday ritual. Since this building lacks a copier, he writes every single sheet by hand."
Irina replied with a cold "I see," but she quickly noticed something odd. The writing process was taking an unnaturally long time.
"Isn't he taking far too long? At Mach 20, he should have finished in a heartbeat."
"Normally, yes. But it takes time because every test paper is different."
"...What do you mean?"
"I've seen the papers he gives the students. He customizes the questions for each student based on their individual strengths and weaknesses. Every person in this class receives a paper perfectly tailored to them."
"What...!?"
"Advanced intelligence, multipurpose tentacles, and extreme speed... this is the superhuman creature that will destroy the Earth. And his work as a teacher is nearly flawless."
Irina found no words to retort.
While observing Koro-sensei, she had felt another presence: bloodlust. At this very moment, someone was aiming at him. She couldn't deny the skill of this creature who played the role of a teacher attentive to his students' levels while simultaneously remaining perfectly alert as an assassination target.
"Now, look at the students."
"..."
Irina followed Karasuma silently, watching the students busy with various activities in the courtyard and classroom. She saw some chatting casually, but she didn't miss—couldn't miss—the students training alone in marksmanship and knife skills.
"Look over there."
"...Aren't those just kids playing ball?"
"Look closer."
Karasuma pointed to a group of students gathered on a pitch marked with white lines in the courtyard. To Irina, they looked like they were just playing, but Karasuma insisted otherwise.
It annoyed her, but she didn't want to look ignorant. She focused her eyes and discovered that the students were gripping something... weapons.
"That's 'Assassination Badminton' I taught them. It's a game that doubles as training for directing knife strikes accurately and practicing direct stabs."
"...In the end, it's just a game."
"That's true. But they are middle schoolers, and studying is their primary job. Even so, they are trying to acquire assassination skills that way. For the reward, of course."
"..."
When Karasuma explained the true significance of the children's play the moment she noticed the weapons, Irina fell silent. She felt the words she had spat in the faculty room earlier turning back to stab her own chest.
"Ah, I found you. Big Sister Bitch."
The newcomer was a silver-haired boy—the one who had fainted yesterday from a single kiss.
"...I'll kill you if you underestimate me any further."
The threat left her mouth hollow and lifeless.
Keiichi tilted his head in confusion and looked at Karasuma. Karasuma gave a slight nod toward Irina as if saying "it's nothing," then continued.
"Excuse me, Professor Jelavić. Actually, I wanted to ask you to teach me something."
"Teach you...? What?"
"The technique for approaching a target without alerting them—or rather, the secret behind it."
Irina didn't expect these words from Keiichi. She opened and closed her mouth in shock, looking at Karasuma for help, but he crossed his arms and looked her straight in the eye.
"The students here hone their skills seriously, even during study periods. He gives his all as both a target and a professor, and they give theirs as both assassins and students. Everyone is playing their role to the fullest."
"..?"
Keiichi didn't understand the context and tilted his head, but Karasuma ignored him and delivered the final blow to Irina.
"If you can't play your required role in this strange space that monster created... you claim to be a professional, but if you can't balance the roles of teacher and assassin, it means you're the least competent professional here."
Karasuma said his piece and walked away, leaving Keiichi and Irina behind.
"If you want to target him here, don't look down on the students. Professional assassins who can do nothing but kill are a dime a dozen. If you aren't up to the task, I'll simply ask you to return to the back of the line. Irina."
He left her with those words.
(...Did I just walk into a heavy situation?) ── Keiichi thought to himself.
Irina no longer possessed the pride she had as a "professional" moments ago.
"Just let me focus on my job.""There's no way a professional here is better than me." ──
The words she had spoken and thought earlier were now tearing her apart from the inside.
"..Nozaki."
"Yes."
"Play the role of 'yourself.' You have to act out countless roles for yourself."
Irina said that and started walking. It was her first step in understanding the meaning of "teaching."
●○●○●
What does it mean to play the role of yourself?
Yesterday, I tried my best to talk to Professor Jelavić to get over my intimidation. It seemed I chose a bad time, as Professor Bitch had a complicated, difficult expression on her face. Furthermore, the advice I struggled to get was "act as yourself"—a sentence I couldn't decide was simple or complex.
Should I give up on learning how to approach a target without raising their guard?
But when I think about the natural movement Nagisa showed when Terasaka forced him into that suicide attack, it was incredible. Since I couldn't stay on guard against Professor Bitch until she kissed me, maybe "the inability to be wary" is the most terrifying thing of all.
"Nozaki-kun."
"Yes?"
While lost in thought, Karasuma-sensei stopped me. I turned around to find him holding the jump rope and the handgun I had left with him.
"Are you finished with them?"
"Yes. There's no problem."
No problem, huh? I didn't know how far things had gone, but thinking about it was likely pointless. I thanked Karasuma-sensei and took the weapons.
Alright, time to think seriously about a way to kill.
"Ah, sorry. I have business with Koro-sensei as well."
"It's fine. I should apologize for holding you up."
I excused myself and headed to the faculty room.
"Koro-sensei, I've brought the graded tests."
"Oh, that was fast."
I went to Koro-sensei's desk and handed him the tests. He took them carefully, opened his drawer, and placed them inside the golden box containing the other students' tests.
There, I noticed a semi-transparent membrane lying under the golden box. I asked without thinking:
"Koro-sensei, what's that? That membrane at the bottom of the drawer."
"Mm? Oh, that's just my molted skin."
"You keep it?"
"Actually, I didn't know which trash category it belonged in."
"...Since it's from a living creature, shouldn't it be organic waste?"
"Do you think so?"
"It's fine. I'll take care of disposing of it."
"What a polite boy. I'll count on you, then."
I took Koro-sensei's molted skin, bowed, and left the faculty room, running into Professor Bitch on her way in.
"Good morning, Professor."
"... Good morning."
What a surprise—she actually replied.
I passed her in the hallway and went straight to the classroom. As soon as I entered, Isogai sharply noticed the skin I was carrying.
"Good morning, Keiichi. What do you have there?"
"Organic waste from Koro-sensei."
"Organic waste... do you mean that molted skin from that time!?"
"Exactly."
I spread the skin out in front of them. It was huge, enough to cover two people.
But if I think about it, this skin has enough defensive power to withstand Terasaka's modified bomb and BB pellets.
"Can't we use it for the assassination?"
"..Hmm."
I rubbed my chin, considering Isogai's murmur.
What plan would require defensive power to kill Koro-sensei? The first thing that came to mind was wearing this membrane as protection while standing in the line of fire, shouting, "Shoot both of us together!"
Well, I won't throw it away just yet. I folded the skin and put it in my desk.
After that, we chatted casually. Isogai had been talking to various students more often lately.
The topic was the school trip. As we talked, Maehara, Okano, Kataoka, Kimura, Miss Yada, and Miss Kurahashi joined us, and we ended up forming a group.
Suddenly, Professor Bitch kicked the door open and entered the classroom, her heels clicking loudly.
"You are incredible in bed!"
The moment she entered, she wrote that sentence in a foreign language on the board. Then she said, "Repeat after me." The classmates, except for Terasaka's group, sat down and repeated it.
" " "You are, incredible, in, bed." " "
"It means: 'You're amazing in the sack... ♡'."
Good grief, what kind of words is she making teenagers read? What a "Bitch."
While I was thinking that, Professor Bitch started speaking at high speed.
"When I assassinated a high-ranking figure in America, I first approached his bodyguard using seduction. Those were the words he said to me then."
"That's from personal experience!?" ── That was a great reaction from Maehara.
"Do you know the most effective way to learn a foreign language in a short time? The answer is to find a lover from that country. You will do your absolute best to study because you want to understand what the other person is saying."
Professor Bitch began explaining that this wasn't just perverse talk. She spoke slowly this time, meeting our eyes one by one—the opposite of how she had acted the past two days.
..Ah, two days ago I thought I might not like this woman, but now I might.
The reason having a lover is effective for language learning isn't just the desire to understand their feelings; it's because the brain has a mechanism that links memory to major, impactful events. Studying with a "Lover = Someone you love" makes the brain associate the study with enjoyable time spent with that person.
"..I'm not skilled enough to be a normal teacher. What I can teach you is only how to seduce foreigners. But the truth is, this is how I learned the languages I needed."
"A language-learning method used by assassins, huh?"
"Yes. Conversational secrets for making friends from the perspective of a professional killer. If you acquire them, they will definitely help you when you meet real foreigners. As for studying for tests and exams, learn that from the octopus. What I can teach is only the art of real-life conversation.." ──
Conversational secrets for making friends from a professional assassin.
This was a more useful skill than I expected. Professor Jelavić is an expert in "honey traps" and uses her femininity as a weapon. The conversational secrets she'll teach us won't just help with foreign languages, but in daily conversation too.
For example, the entrance exams everyone is worried about. In some cases, there are interviews. In those moments, students would be able to hold a conversation that impresses the interviewers. It's a technique you can't get just by studying; it's a necessary life skill.
It seemed everyone understood this, or perhaps they felt something in her humble attitude and the way she tried to meet everyone's eyes. Discipline didn't collapse like it had yesterday.
"And if you can't see me as a teacher... I'll leave quietly... I'll give up on the assassination and go..."
At that moment, the classmates were doing their best to stifle their laughter. Their feelings were understandable; the woman who was so arrogant yesterday had become incredibly subdued today.
"I-Is this acceptable to you..? Also, I apologize for yesterday."
The last part was in a low voice. Because she spoke so softly, everyone lost it and burst out laughing. They likely found the image of a terrified Professor Jelavić hilarious.
" " "Pffft... Hahahahaha!" " "
Everyone exploded with laughter, while Professor Jelavić stood there dazed, not understanding the situation.
"What? Yesterday you were threatening to kill us, and now you're shaking with fear!"
"That's right... You've become a completely normal teacher."
"Like this, we can't call you 'Big Sister Bitch' anymore."
"Yeah, we have to change the nickname." ──
"True. Thinking about it, it was a rude nickname for an elder—or for a teacher."
"Y-You kids..!"
Professor Bitch shed tears of emotion.
While she was covering her mouth with her hand and trembling, Karma delivered the deciding blow.
"Then, let's call her 'Professor Bitch'."
"Bitch...!?"
The word was like a whip hitting the emotional Professor Bitch.
"W-Wait, you brats? Wouldn't it be better to move away from the word 'Bitch'?"
"Eh? Even if you say that, the image of 'Bitch' is burned into our brains."
"My and Nagisa's first kiss..."
"That was a truly shocking event."
"It's hard to look at someone who kisses that deeply on the first meeting as anything other than a 'Bitch'."
"Listen, since we're here, why don't you just call me 'Professor Irina'.."
"Hmm, but 'Professor Bitch' just fits better."
"Yeah, it's decided: 'Professor Bitch'."
"And so, we look forward to working with you! Professor Bitch!"
"Teach us, Professor Bitch!"
"Hahahaha!" ── Laughter filled the classroom, topped by Professor Bitch's cry of annoyance.
It seemed Professor Bitch would blend in with the class after all. Even I, who am not good with people, understood that.
Doing the impossible and setting aside your pride to achieve a goal... that, too, is part of being a professional. I thought about that as I looked at Professor Bitch.
•
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