The air in the Slime Dungeon's deeper chamber was thick with the vinegar-and-rot stench of dissolved minerals, monster spawns, and the sweet, sweet smell of industrial efficiency.
THUMP. Luketto the stone golem's fist pulverized a fresh Blue Slime.
CRUNCH. Pyra's enchanted boot stomped the remains.
SQUELCH. Larry the Skeleton scooped the resulting [Slime Core] into a sack.
Mordecai sat on a rock, massaging his jaw. The [Lockjaw] debuff from the rusty spoon had finally worn off with a sickening pop.
"Finally," he muttered, working his sore muscles. "I need a coffee and a tetanus shot. In that order."
He surveyed his assembly line. It was running smoothly. Too smoothly.
Pyra wasn't just stomping slimes anymore. She was enjoying it.
SPLAT.
"Ha... Hahaha!" Pyra giggled, a manic edge to her voice. Her face was flushed, sweat and blue goo dripping down her chin. She lifted her armored boot. "Look at them pop! It feels so... squishy! Like popping bubble wrap, but alive! AHHAHAAHA! DIE!" She kept screaming, clearly putting a lot of force into her stomps.
Her eyes weren't displaying tsundere annoyance. They were wide, dilated, spiraling slightly with violent glee.
[SYSTEM ALERT: YANDERE TENDENCIES DETECTED.]
[Target 'Pyra' is finding stress relief in violence. Keep sharp objects away from her.]
Mordecai decided not to intervene. 'As long as she's killing monsters and not me, it's a net positive for workplace safety.'
His own stomach growled. The XP was flowing, but his unique... dietary needs... demanded more.
He then eyed the dungeon floor.
He spotted a patch of glowing moss.
'Minerals?'
GULP.
[Consumed: Bioluminescent Moss.]
[Effect: You can now make your fingernails glow in the dark. Useless.]
'This would be useful to fake-casting an op skill to bait the enemies.'
He then spotted a pile of... bones?
To be speficic, he spotted a pile of rusted armor half-buried in the dirt. Inside, bleached white by time and slime acid, were the remains of a Fallen Adventurer.
"Ah," Mordecai whispered, glancing at Pyra's back to make sure she was still busy screaming at a jelly blob.
'Vintage protein and calcium.'
He reached down and snapped off a Femur (thigh bone) and a Humerus (upper arm bone).
They were dry, brittle, and ancient. To anyone else, this was desecration. To Mordecai, it was a breadstick.
He turned his body to shield the act from view.
CRUNCH. He bit into the femur swiftly and silently.
Dust and marrow powder exploded in his mouth. He chewed fast, swallowing chunks of calcium like a starving dog, his eyes darting to Pyra.
She didn't notice. She was too busy stomping.
GULP.
[SYSTEM ALERT][YOU ATE HUMAN REMAINS.][System Judgement: Disgusting, but practical.]
[Consumed: Ancient Warrior's Femur & Humerus.][Calcium Levels: 200% (Critical).]
[New Passive Unlocked: BIG BONED]
Effect: Your skeletal density has increased. You are now 10kg heavier and your punches and kicks are really strong. Physical Defense +5%.
[New Skill Unlocked: OSTEO-SPIKE (Body Horror)]
Description: You can forcefully eject sharp bone spikes from your elbows and knees.
Side Effect: It ruins your shirts and pants instantly.
Mordecai swallowed the last bite and wiped the bone dust from his lips just as Pyra turned around.
'What the hell? Couldn't you just give me all the skill of this dead man?' Mordecai sighed.
[SYSTEM REPLY: THIS ADVENTURER WAS A LEVEL 1 NOOB]
"Kaitoyama!" she beamed, looking slightly deranged. "Did you see that one? It exploded like a firework!"
"I saw," Mordecai replied calmly, hiding the rest of the skeleton behind his rock with his foot. "Very... vigorous."
The grinding kept going for a while until something strange happened.
Suddenly, the flow of slimes stopped. The crack in the wall went dry. The rhythmic thump-crunch-squelch fell silent.
Pyra stopped mid-stomp, boot hovering over a pitiful blue puddle. "Huh? Did we win? I wanted to squish more..."
RUMBLE.
The ground didn't shake. The entire ceiling dropped.
'Ah shit, I totally forgot there was a boss...'
A massive, royal-blue mass fell from above, landing in the cavern's center with a seismic SPLORTCH. But it didn't stay a blob. It shifted, condensed, and morphed with terrifying purpose.
Within seconds, the slime took the shape of a towering, 2.5-meter tall humanoid. It had rippling, defined muscles sculpted from azure gel, a jawline sharp enough to cut stone, and a simple, elegant golden crown floating serenely inside its transparent head.
[BOSS ALERT: KING SLIME (Humanoid Form) - LV. 55. THREAT LEVEL: REALLY HIGH.] [Title: The Chad of Jelly]
[Status: Deeply Disappointed]
Pyra gasped, stumbling back. "A... A Humanoid Boss?! Kaitoyama, run! That thing radiates pure Alpha Energy!"
'What did she say? That wasn't a term from this world!' Mordekai thought, not bothered at all by the boss.
Luketto the golem took one look at the Boss's perfectly sculpted gelatinous abs, glanced down at his own blocky, utilitarian stone torso, and silently shuffled behind a large boulder to hide.
A giant golem scared to fight a jelly.
The King Slime crossed his massive arms, the motion causing a low, sub-aquatic whump. He looked... profoundly let down.
"Humans," he boomed, his voice like a subwoofer submerged in honey. "I was waiting for the Hero. I prepared my speech. I polished my crown. I did my gel-lexions. And instead... I get a broken princess and an useless NPC?"
His glowing eyes fell upon the mountainous pile of dead slime cores Larry had been sorting. A ripple of genuine grief passed through his form.
"My children... farmed like common livestock. Processed on an assembly line. This is not a glorious death in battle. This is... accounting. Unforgivable."
'This guy is speaking like... someone of my world.' Mordecai thought,, analyzing every word.
But he didn't seem to care that much.
He was an enemy in that moment, and he was too bored to ask questions.
Mordecai stepped forward, wiping the last traces of bone dust from his mouth. "Look, buddy. Let's be reasonable. We leave, you respawn your kids, nobody gets further hurt. I'm technically a Union Representative for exploited dungeon entities. I can negotiate a truce."
"TRUCE?!" The King Slime roared, flexing his pecs. The resulting shockwave knocked loose stones from the walls. "You turn my sacred spawning grounds into a factory farm and ask for peace?! NO!"
Surprisingly, Larry saw his chance. The skeleton, ever eager to prove his corporate loyalty and perhaps earn a "Employee of the Millennium" plaque, charged forward with a rusty dagger he had just picked up, his bones clacking in a silent war cry.
CLACK-CLACK-CLACK-CLACK! (Translation: FOR THE COMPANY! FOR THE QUARTERLY BONUS!)
The Boss didn't even look. He flicked a single, dismissive finger.
WHAM.
Larry was vaporized into a ballistic cloud of bone shards, ricocheting off the far wall and scattering into a sad, disassembled pile. One skeletal hand landed near Mordecai, giving a weak, twitching thumbs-up.
"Weak," the Boss scoffed. "Like your morals."
"NOOOO! LARRY!" Pyra shouted, with a desperated voice.
She immediately took out her sword and grit her teeth, angered by what had just happened.
Mordecai , instead, kept analyzing the boss with [Reveal Magic].
He wasn't worried at all since 'Larry is immortal.'
[REVEAL MAGIC, CURRENT ENEMY: KING SLIME.]
NAME: CHAD SLIME KING, NEMURUCURRENTBASICSKILLSSTR ???? ???? SQUISHY SMASHINT 50 20 SUMMON SLIME CHILDRENVIT ∞ ∞ UNLIMITED HEALTH POINTSAGI 90 50 UNLIMITED STAMINARESISTANCE TO FIRE 100 100 WEAPON CRAFTINGCANNOT PHYSICALLY HURT HIM - - CURSING THE HEROESBUFFED STATS WHEN ANGERED - - WEAK TO ELECTRICITY - - BODY COMPOSITION: 98% SALT WATER , 2% BAD, LAZY WRITING - -
'Okay, the only way to beat this guy is with logic and taking advantage of bad writing.'
The King Slime began a slow, dramatic advance, the ground trembling with each step. He took a deep, unnecessary breath, and the very air seemed to grow heavy with the weight of impending monologue.
"You surface-dwellers are all the same," he began, his gaze turning distant, a single, glistening tear of pure water forming in the corner of his eye. Sad, phantom violin music wafted from the dungeon's ether. "You come into our homes with your solid bones and your rigid perspectives. You take our crystals. You never ask why we slime exist and how we feel when we die by your hands. Do you know the existential pain of being a non-Newtonian fluid in a Newtonian world? The societal pressure to be sticky, yet approachable? To hold form, yet embrace change?"
'Non-Newtonian fluid, uh? Okay, this guy just got isekai'd like me, but his fate is even worse than mine. I guess he won't get a harem made by orcs this time. Moreover, Talk no jutsu won't work to someone who's crazy.'
The chad slime king closed his eyes, fully immersed in his tragic backstory.
"I remember when I was just a single droplet, clinging to a stalactite, dreaming of a world where viscosity was celebrated, not cleaned! I vowed that day... that I would cleanse this world of the brittle-boned oppressors! I will build a kingdom where fluids reign supreme! A world of laminar flow and pure, unadulterated viscosity! And you... you shall be the first foundation stones—well, puddles—of my new empire!"
Pyroetta was listening, carefully gripping her sword, ready to attack.
She seemed touched by his words.
While he was delivering his Oscar-worthy soliloquy, Mordecai was busy.
He wasn't listening. He was conducting an impromptu materials analysis.
He threw some [Rusty Spoons] that he managed to get at the Boss's gelatinous torso.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
He then rapid-fired [Tetanus Bolt], the jagged projectiles of rusty mana sinking into the blue mass. Zip. Zip. Zip.
For some strange reason, the [Tetanus Bolt] didn't have any cooldown
The Boss, utterly absorbed in his performance, didn't notice his pristine azure body was slowly mottling with a dirty, oxidized orange.
"AND SO!" the Boss boomed, eyes snapping open for the dramatic climax. "PREPARE TO DI—"
"We're not in a poorly-written stage play where the villain gets a twenty-minute monologue while the hero waits politely, you know." Mordecai interrupted flatly, tapping an imaginary wristwatch.
The King Slime blinked, his dramatic momentum shattered. "Excuse me?"
"You're approximately 98% saltwater," Mordecai stated, his voice cold and clinical. "And thanks to my repeated application of ferrous oxide particulates via [Tetanus Bolt], you are now a highly conductive electrolyte soup filled with suspended iron particles. Do you know what happens when you introduce a high-voltage, high-amperage direct current to such a solution?"
The Boss's chiseled jaw went slack. "...What?"
Pyroetta looked at Mordecai, completely confused. Her face was literally saying "What the f*ck is he saying?".
It is the same face you make when people around you start talking about physics or politics.
Mordecai didn't answer. He simply dropped to his knees and slammed his palms onto the wet, mineral-rich dungeon floor.
[SKILL ACTIVATED: INDUSTRIAL SHORT CIRCUIT - MAXIMUM OUTPUT]
[WARNING: GROUNDING REQUIRED. USER IS GROUNDING VIA PROXIMITY TO EXISTENTIAL DREAD.]
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZRRT!
A colossal, blinding arc of raw blue-white electricity erupted from Mordecai, grounded through the floor, and found the path of least resistance: the iron-laden, salty body of the King Slime.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH! IT TINGLES! IT BURNS! IT... IT SEPARATES MY IONS!" the Boss shrieked, his form bubbling and frothing violently.
"It's called Electrolysis," Mordecai shouted over the deafening crackle and the sound of boiling jelly. "I'm reducing you to your base components! Pyra! Now!"
Pyra, hair standing on end from the static, stared wild-eyed. "EH?! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?!"
"THE HYDROGEN GAS! SPARK IT! JUST A TINY EMBER!"
Comprehension dawned. Pyra rapidly switched her swort to her staff and, not with a grand chant, but with the focused desperation of a welder, screamed "Ember!"
A single, tiny spark shot from her fingertip and touched the invisible cloud of pure hydrogen gas coalescing around the convulsing, boiling mass of the King Slime.
The resulting explosion wasn't magical. It was chemical. It was thermobaric.
BOOOOOOOOOOM.
The shockwave was silent for a split second before it hit, throwing Pyra and Mordecai against the far wall. The heat was instantaneous and immense, vaporizing every last drop of moisture in the chamber. The light was a pure, actinic white.
When the ringing in their ears subsided and the smoke cleared, the "Chad of Jelly" was gone. No dramatic last words. No dissolving into cores. Just a smoldering, glass-slick crater in the center of the cavern.
A single item gleamed at the bottom.
Mordecai pushed himself up, his ears popping. He walked over, dusted off his pants, and peered into the crater. There, resting perfectly, was a single jar of iridescent, royal-blue jam.
[ITEM ACQUIRED: ROYAL JELLY OF THE CHAD]
[Grade: S]
[Effect: ???]
He climbed down, retrieved it, unscrewed the lid, and sniffed. It smelled like blueberries and superiority.
He took a look at Pyra to make sure she was still down not looking on him.
"Finally. Dessert."
He tilted his head back and chugged the entire jar in three massive gulps.
It was too fast.
[SYSTEM ALERT]
[LEVEL UP! LV. 50 REACHED!]
[STATS INCREASED!]
[Consumed: Royal Jelly of The Chad.]
[New Passive Acquired: Elasticity - Physical Damage Reduction +20%.]
[New Passive Acquired: Shock Absorption - Fall Damage reduced to 0.]
[New Title: The Monologue Interrupter.]
In the corner, Larry's scattered bones began to tremble. His hand crawled over, found his skull, and placed it back on his cervical vertebrae. He gave Mordecai a shaky, reassembling thumbs-up.
Pyra sat up, her hair a spectacular frizzy mane, her face smudged with soot. She looked at the crater. She looked at Mordecai, nonchalantly wiping blue jelly from his mouth with the back of his hand.
Her heart did a complicated, arrhythmic flutter.
"He... he didn't just defeat a Legendary Boss," she whispered, her voice husky. "He deconstructed him. He didn't waste any time..." A powerful, confusing heat bloomed in her chest—a mix of terror, awe, and something dangerously close to devotion.
[SYSTEM: Target 'Pyra' Affection +25 (Terror/Admiration/Arousal Matrix).]
[WARNING: Target's psychological profile is simplifying. Tsundere protocols collapsing. New archetype forming: Devoted Disciple of Applied Cynicism mixed with the cringe Tsundere.]
Mordecai burped, the taste faintly of ozone and royalty. "Okay. Dungeon cleared. Let's go cash in. I want to buy a bed that isn't made of stone or guilt."
He turned to leave.
CRACK-RUMBLE-BOOM.
It wasn't another monster. It was the sound of structural failure. The wall opposite the crater, weakened by the thermobaric blast and centuries of neglect, collapsed in a cloud of dust, revealing a dark, descending staircase carved from slick, black stone. From the depths, no roar emerged. Instead, they heard the distinct, frantic sounds of scratching quills, rustling parchment, and a deep, weary, administrative sigh.
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: DUNGEON INTEGRITY ALERT.]
[TRUE SOURCE OF INSTABILITY DETECTED.]
[LOCATION: SUB-LEVEL 3 - ADMINISTRATIVE CATACOMBS.]
[THREAT CLASSIFICATION: BUREAUCRATIC HAZARD (SEVERE).]
Pyra stared, confused. "Another boss? But... we just killed the king!"
Mordecai didn't look surprised. He looked like a technician who'd found the source of a persistent leak. "The King Slime probably wasn't the cause, Pyra. He was the symptom. A big, loud, overly dramatic symptom." He gestured with his thumb at the new staircase. "That sound? That's the infection. That's the bad code causing the glitch in the dungeon's spawn rates. Come on. The real work's just starting."
He strode toward the dark opening, Larry hastily reassembling himself and clattering after him, bones still misaligned.
Pyra scrambled to her feet, her mind breaking and reforming around this new logic. "W-wait! What kind of monster sounds like that?!"
Mordecai paused at the top of the stairs, the gloom from below casting his face in sharp shadows. He offered her a smile that held no warmth, only the grim satisfaction of a man about to do paperwork.
"The worst kind," he said. "The kind with filing cabinets."
"Oookay(?) So we're going down...?" Pyra asked.
Mordecai nodded.
Then, before they were about to go deeper down, the usual golden screen appeared in front of Mordecai.
[FEEDBACK FROM THE HIGHER REALMS]
Chemistry_Major: "HE USED ELECTROLYSIS AND A HYDROGEN EXPLOSION! MY PROFESSOR TOLD ME I'D NEVER USE THIS IN REAL LIFE! MORDECAI IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL! A+ FOR ACCURACY!"
Gym_Bro_Chad: "RIP King Slime. Dude was just trying to live his best, viscous life. Got absolutely mogged by a hobo with a grasp of basic chemistry. Never saw it coming."
PlotHoleEnforcer: "THE MONOLOGUE INTERRUPTION! YES! FINALLY! A protagonist who understands action economy! Why would you ever let the enemy power up?! 10/10."
Pyra_Simp_02: "She's broken. Completely broken. The tsundere is gone, replaced by... whatever worships at the altar of efficient problem-solving. I'm here for it. This is true love."
Pyroetta_FanClub21: PLEASE! I WANT THE CONFESSION AND THE KISS SCENE RIGHT NOW! I NEED IT!
Dungeon_Union_Rep: "Okay, the Chad Slime was one thing. But 'Bureaucratic Hazard (Severe)'?! Is my man about to fight a tax auditor?! I need to see this. TAKE MY POWER, MORDECAI!
Rhia_Reader: Looks like his new spell could be used to stifle irksome monologues in future...
dibbs57: ...or the forced monologue+lockjaw triggers a new skill: ventriloquism
'Oh, Rhia, Dibbs, you just gave me wonderful ideas.'