The sound of the iron door groaning, the sound pulling me back to reality. It took me a while to realize I was on the cold floor instead of the comfort of my soft bed.
"Mary?" a soft voice called.
I looked up to see a worried Charlotte standing at the doorway. She looked around the room before her gaze came back to me.
"It's so gross in here." She stretched out her hand to me. "Let's get you out of here."
"Charlotte," I groaned, standing up. "I heard the voices, they were right outside my window. I thought they were going to come after me."
"Everything is alright now." She looked at me weird. "You seem different."
I dusted off the imaginary insects that had clung to me. "How?"
"You never tried to talk to me before. In fact, you used to avoid me and spent all your time at the back of the school."
I took one last look at the room. "Let's leave, this place gives me the creeps." I took her hand and left the building without looking back once.
"Let's go to the dorm, we have class in ten minutes." Charlotte led the way and I followed.
My stomach groaned when we entered our shared room and I gave her a sheepish smile. "I've not had anything to eat."
Except the burger Ms. Duval had given me.
I felt disappointed when I saw Charlotte. I thought Ms. Duval would hurry over to see me in the morning and apologize for leaving me all alone.
"You'll have to wait till lunch break. Breakfast is done and the kitchen is closed." She looked at me, "I'm sorry. I should've brought some for you."
I gave her a strained smile. "It's fine. I can wait."
She gestured to the queen sized bed tucked into the opposite corner of the room. There was only a duvet on it and a discarded shirt—the only sign that someone lived there.
"This is your own side of the room. The bathroom is down the hallway, you have to hurry before the cleaners start their job. They won't let you through once they start cleaning."
'Uhm…" I stood there, confused.
She gave me a little push. "Hurry, I'll lay out your uniform for you."
I rushed through the routine, bumped that I couldn't scrub my body for as long as I wanted after sleeping on that filthy floor. My hair was a curly mess, I threw it into a bun and followed Charlotte to class.
We entered just as the first bell rang.
"Look who we have here," one of the students whistled. "If it isn't the ghost herself."
I ignored them, following Charlotte to the back of the class where I found a seat beside her.
"Hey! Are you ignoring me?" the girl asked when she got no response from me. "How about I send you back to hell where you belong?"
I was too tired for this. "How about you stop stuffing your mouth with so much nonsense," I retorted. I'd only let the girls from yesterday treat me the way they did because I'd been outnumbered, and tired.
She stood up from her seat, stalking towards me. "What did you just say to me?"
I could see Charlotte shaking her head from the side, but if I don't stand up for myself now, I'd have to deal with this behaviour until I can go back to my own world.
"Got something stuck in your ears?" I shot her a glare. "Stop embarrassing yourself and sit down."
I realized I should've kept quiet when she grabbed my collar, shaking me vigorously.
"Want me to send you back to the grave?" she spat in my face. "Next time when I talk you keep quiet."
That was the last thing I heard before she punched my face, knocking me out cold.
.
.
I was back in the clinic, but this time with a raging headache. Usually I'd have kept quiet, not fought back. But my character in this book had the guts I didn't have in real life. I thought that would extend to me too.
"You're awake."
I turned to see Charlotte.
"I guess."
"What happened? You usually never talk back." She touched my bruised lip and I winced. "Sorry. You almost let her ruin your pretty face."
I struggled to sit up. "I really should've kept quiet. I don't know what came over me."
Charlotte watched me for a while, I could see the questions swimming in her eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"The first day we met…" she played with her fingers, avoiding eye contact. "Do you remember what happened between us?"
I shook my head. The only memories that trickled in from my character were only the ones that Ms. Duval was involved in.
Her face fell. "Nevermind then."
"Wait…what is it? Is there something I should know?"
She contemplated the answer. "I'm sure you've heard everyone calling you a creep. That's because you look like my former roommate and bestfriend, her name was also Mary. She killed herself the week before you came to the school."
She looked at me then. "When I saw you in our room, I thought it was her. So I ran to you and kissed you. It wasn't until you pushed me away with clear disgust on your face that I realized it wasn't her. After that they found you in the ditch yesterday, I couldn't help but wonder if you had tried to kill yourself because of the kiss…"
My head was spinning. I hadn't written the story like this. Yes, Mary had a roommate that was in love with her. She had been the love rivalry in the story.
Charlotte continued. "I've never told anyone this but…I kissed Mary the night she killed herself."
"And now you're afraid that I'll kill myself too because you kissed me?"
"I know that it's a sin to like a fellow girl. But, the feelings were too much for me to keep in. I couldn't hold back, and that night I drank the wine they smuggled in during the class trip. I guess the alcohol got into my head and…"
I reached over and stroked her arm. "Breathe. You don't need to tell me everything now."
"I confessed to her. And when she didn't say anything I kissed her. I don't know what I was thinking. She left the room and an hour after that she was found dead."
And she blamed herself for it. My heart hurt for her.
"Charlotte, you didn't kill her."
"I mean she could've said no instead of committing." Her laughter was a nervous one.
"I can always get over a heartbreak, but now it hurts even more because she's dead and it's because of me and I never even got to apologize to her. That's why I want to make it right with you. That's what our argument was about before you stormed out of the room and…"
"I was found in the ditch," I completed for her. "And it made you think I was going to commit because of you."
She nodded.
I opened my arms. "Come here."
She hesitated so I pulled her into a hug, something I'd never have dared to do before. She was frozen against me before she relaxed into my touch.
I stroked her hair. "Mary's death was not your fault, don't blame yourself for it. And for your feelings, you have every right to fall in love with who you want. Sure, you can't control whether someone loves you back or not, but never feel guilty for experiencing love, no matter the gender."
Tears gathered in the corner of my eyes as I said words I wished someone would say to me. That it was okay to love whoever I wanted, that loving girls was not a sin, or a sickness that could be beaten out of me.
"Let go of that guilt and set yourself free." I sniffed back the tears. "I'm not mad that you kissed me, and I wasn't trying to kill myself. I really just fell into the ditch."
I started to pull away but she held me tighter. "Can we stay like this for a little longer?"
"Okay."
"I overheard your conversation with Ms. Duval about you not being from here. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."
"That's fine."
"Does it have anything to do with you needing to go back home? I keep wondering why you say those words over and over again when you're sleeping."
"It doesn't matter, you won't believe me either way. You'll just think I'm mad too and I can't deal with that right now."
She pulled away from me, raising her hand to cup my cheek. I could see myself reflected in her eyes.
"Tell me. I promise to believe you."
That healed something in me, that someone was willing to listen to me. And even more, willing to believe me with any doubt.
"I know this sounds crazy but we're currently in a book I'm writing. There's a real world out there, where I'm from. But this school, everyone here and their lives—I'm the one writing it. My father found out about it and threatened to kill me so I ran away and fell into a ditch. When I woke up I found myself in the book. I don't know why or how it happened, but I need to find a way to go back."
"I don't understand you completely but I'm willing to help you with whatever you need." Her hold on my cheek tightened. "But before any of that, can I kiss you again?"