The question burned deep in my brain. Did I want her to continue?
My answer should've been no. This was all wrong, I shouldn't be feeling like this for a woman. I mean, it was okay to write about it.
But…to feel this sinful need to be totally consumed by someone else. It was all maddening.
Or you could let yourself experience things you've been dying to, I thought to myself. This was afterall a fictional world, none of this was real.
"Don't stop," I muttered, the answer bouncing between us.
She pressed a kiss on the finger that was still on my neck. Even though it wasn't direct contact, I still felt the spark it sent through me.
I listened to her as she finished washing my hair, letting the wet strands cascade down my back.
"Can you handle bathing yourself? I'm done with your hair." Her voice was thick with need, I knew that much.
"I'll take your lack of response as a yes."
With expert hands she unclasped my bra, throwing it to the side. Then she grabbed her body wash and lathered me up with it, every touch making my breath seize.
"Do you help all your students like this?" I asked, I don't even know why I did.
Instead of answering she stood up, and I almost whimpered at the loss of contact. "I'll make you something warm to eat. You can wear the shirt that's on the sink. I brought it out for you. If you'd rather go back to your dorm, that's fine too."
Did I upset her?
Unease wrapped itself around me.
I got out of the bath without thinking and ran after her, wrapping my hands around her waist.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," I muttered. "I guess…I didn't like the fact that you could've been with other people like this."
What the hell was I even saying?
"Please…don't be mad at me." Because anger always meant punishment was waiting. In the case of my parents they'd hit or ignore me like my existence was a feeble thing.
"I can leave if you want."
She turned, my hands loosening around her.
"Get back in the tub."
I obeyed, my eyes on her as I let the water pull me in.
"Good girl."
She pushed down her skirt which left her in only her underwear. It was a matching lingerie set, with a lace garter that sat on her upper thigh.
I gulped. Hard.
She joined me in the tub, sitting behind me.
Every part of me burned alive with need, my heart hammering in my chest. I've never been like this with anyone.
She poured some more body wash into her palm before rubbing it all over me. Her hands were on my shoulders, on my back, before they circled dangerously close to my boobs.
The anticipation nearly killed me.
"Ms. Duval…" Her name was a plea on my lips. "Can you…" I couldn't ask for such a shameful thing. To be touched in ways I'd only been able to dream about.
She pushed my hair over my shoulder. "I won't know what you want if you don't say it," she whispered, her breath hitting the shell of my ear.
I swallowed. "Can I really say what I want? You won't judge me for it?"
Her fingers trailed along my collar bone. "It's not a sin to have desires, princess. So…" her hands spread to my lower stomach. "Tell me. Your darkest desires."
She was a siren and I was following her into the sea without any restraints.
"You won't punish me for it?"
She raised my hand and kissed it. "Speak."
I weighed it over in my head, the consequences of what I was about to ask. But I had nothing to lose. This might be my only chance to experience something this profound before I had to face reality.
"Touch me," I whispered.
"What?"
My voice was firmer. "I want you to touch me."
I threw my head back when she kissed the crevice of my neck, biting softly and soothing the ache with her tongue.
"You smell so amazing." She gave me an open mouthed kiss on the other side of my neck. "I want to taste you."
I felt her teeth graze my skin, her hands finally cupping my breasts.
"You're perfect. Made for me." She rolled my nipples in between her fingers, catching my moan in a kiss.
I tried to keep it down, but the fire burned through and I had to let it out. I pushed myself into her hands, needing more pressure.
Finally she twisted my body to face her before capturing my mouth with hers, kissing me like she couldn't live without the breath on my lips.
I tried to match her pace but I was no match for such an experienced woman. She bit down, breaking the skin on my yet to heal bruise.
She sucked on the lip. "Oh, you taste so divine," she whimpered, her other hand going down my inner thigh.
I instinctively pressed my legs together, trying to get some friction. But even that was not enough.
"Can you…" I wasn't sure how to relay my needs. "I need you…"
She hummed, the vibration rushing down to my very core.
Then I felt her fingers, long and elegant, pushing past the barrier my underwear had created. I cried out when it brushed gently along my fold, I was feeling everything at once.
I put her hand on my shoulder and she froze.
She withdrew her hand and broke the kiss. "Finish your bath, I'll make you something to eat."
"Wait…" my voice was whiny. "Did I do something wrong "
The frustration was blinding as I watched her get out of the tub. Red lace clung to her perfectly rounded ass and I painfully watched it as she left the bathroom.
I tried to touch myself but it didn't elicit the same feeling that Ms. Duval's fingers did. I almost cried—I wanted to release the need that already built up inside me.
Anger had replaced the frustration by the time I was done with my bath. I wore the shirt she laid out for me, watching the fabric swallow me whole.
I found her in the small kitchen, she'd changed into a singlet. I could tell she was wearing nothing else underneath.
"I'm going back to my dorm," I said in annoyance. She should've left me alone if she wasn't going to be responsible for my feelings.
I was halfway to the door when she spoke.
"Sit."
A single word that washed over me and had me planting myself into the seat at her dining table.
"I made your favorite. Pasta." She served me a bowl.
My stomach churned. "I don't like pasta."
She took the seat across from me. "But you said it was your favorite."
I pushed the bowl away. "We've not even known each other long enough for you to know my favorite food. We've never had that conversation. I think you're mistaking me for the other Mary."
She froze, peering into my face. "I guess sometimes it's hard to tell the difference."
I didn't realize I was crying until Ms. Duval cupped my face. "I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings."
"I…" I sniffed. "Back at the clinic, and helping me out in the restroom. Was it because you thought I was her? Is that why you're helping me?"
"This is why I wanted to keep you at arms length." She pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Forgive my mistake, just eat the damn pasta."
I stood up with so much force it sent my chair flying back. "Thank you for helping me out with my hair."
I went to the bathroom and packed my dirty uniform in a plastic bag. It was dark out already, it'd be easier to sneak back into the dorm.
"Mary," she called as I made my way to the door.
I ignored her.
I refuse to be anyone's substitute. She probably touched me while having the other girl in mind. Was that why her ghost attacked me? Because she thought I was stealing her woman?
It didn't matter anyway. I'll be out of their hair soon.
I bent down to wear my shoes when I noticed a small diary peeking out from under the shoe rack by the door.
I picked it up out of curiosity and waited till I was out of her apartment and back in the safety of my dorm room to open it.
My heart raced as I flipped through the empty pages only stopping when I saw a single word scribbled in the middle.
'Help'