Monday night and I'm closing, but when I walked into the break-room, I wasn't the only one there."So, are you spending the holidays with your family?" It was awkward, but I wanted to ask Damien.
He was already in the break room when I walked in. Awkward silence before our night shift starts.
There was a long pause. Maybe he didn't hear me? But if I ask again, that would be rude, or weird, or maybe he just doesn't wanna talk to me. All valid points.
"Can't spend a holiday with a family I don't have."
Huh? My head jerked up, but I was watching him walk out before I could ask what he meant."You're usually happy, you okay?" I wasn't focused after he said that. The lady who's one of my favorites looked genuinely worried, "Oh yeah, I'm fine, just thinking about my assignments and stuff. That's all," I said, giving her a quick smile. Which she believed. We chatted while I bagged her groceries and told her goodnight as she walked out the sliding doors, but as soon as she left, my mind went back to Damien.
Was I being insensitive? I wanted to catch him when it was time for my break, but I didn't. I chickened out.
"Goodnight, guys!" Stephanie, our nighttime manager, said, waving as she headed to her car, "Goodnight." We both said simultaneously.
So now this walk home is going to be awkward. For me, not for him, because he doesn't seem to give a crap about anything. Should I ask him about what he meant? Am I missing the mark? I don't wanna ask something that would trigger him, and it'd get weirder between us than it already is…
It's because we're walking in the same direction. Not side by side, though I'm a few feet behind because yeah.
It's dark, walking under the city street lights. My guess it's 11 pm already, and my first class tomorrow starts at 9 am tomorrow. At least I don't have to wake up too early.
"You feel like a stalker walking behind me like that, you know." Damien stopped under a street light. Headphones slid down, and his gray eyes stared directly at me, it's my first time noticing his eyes….
I've paid much attention to them before, but they kinda remind me of the moon.
"I'm not stalking you." Well, if he's going to insist on me walking beside him…
I kept my head down, pondering whether or not I should ask.
"So about your mother.." My voice was weak, like I was whispering a secret I didn't want a teacher to hear. "Like, what do you mean you've never met her or them?"
He tilted his head to the side."Because I'm an orphan." He said it so casually, like it was just something obvious…
"Oh. I…I-sorry.." I stutter from asking too much for his personal life." Well, I just kept running away, so it was mostly self-inflicted damage." He shrugged. What can you say to someone like him? I understand? I don't. I can't say I understand because for the first eighteen years of my life, I had a family. It wasn't perfect, but I knew where my mother was, I know who she. Not every family is worth talking about, I choose not to talk about mine frequently, but for someone who has no one at all. I sound ungrateful. I cross my arms over my chest.
It was a cool, not cold night, a light autumn breeze that felt a bit colder as my heart sunk for him, while he was barely affected at all. We continued back to the dorms in silence, walking side by side.
When we made it back to the dorms, would it be awkward to tell him goodnight? I mean, I tell the customers goodnight all the time, so I don't see how that's weird. I am a guy, though…still wouldn't be wrong to say it-
"Goodnight, dude." I looked up to him, just walking away, looking at me to say goodnight back. "G-goodnight," He is nicer than I thought. I watched as he disappeared as I stood under the lamp pole before heading to my side.
After I settled down, lying in my bed looking up at the creaking fan above, I couldn't help but let my mind wander about just how hard it was for him growing up alone.