Pain.
A suffocating pain spread through Zhou Gu'er's body.
She knew she was having a heart attack.
The suffocating pain made it impossible to breathe. Her daughter and son-in-law weren't home. They would have no idea she was ill, and they wouldn't take her to the hospital.
'Besides, even if they were here, they'd probably just wish I'd drop dead right in front of them. They would likely just sneer and walk away. My agonizing death would be the only thing to satisfy them, wouldn't it?!'
'I was in so much pain. I was conscious, but I couldn't move my body. There was no way I could dial 911.'
With no family by her side, Zhou Gu'er felt a chill. 'Am I really going to die like this?'
'Fine. If this is death, so be it. Let it all end. Better to die than to keep living in such misery.'
But Zhou Gu'er truly couldn't accept it. Her life had been a tragedy. And who was there to blame? 'Only myself. I was too weak. I'm the one who let my life turn out this way.'
Scenes from the past flashed before her eyes. Looking back on her life, Zhou Gu'er was filled with hatred.
She hated her adoptive father for not treating her like a human being, for selling her to an alcoholic and a gambler.
She hated her husband, who bought her but never cherished her, who constantly beat and cursed her, subjecting her to endless misery.
She hated her daughter. She had given her everything, only for her to treat her with such coldness, twisting a knife in her heart.
She hated the unfairness of fate, which had even snatched away that little one—her last hope, her final scrap of warmth.
'Damn you, Heaven, why are you so cruel?'
Zhou Gu'er cursed inwardly. She was in so much pain. She would have gladly traded her life for the little one's, but alas, that lovely child was gone forever.
'Why was I treated this way? Why did I have to endure such hardship, such torment!'
Zhou Gu'er was filled with sorrow and resentment, but she was powerless. What had happened, had happened. She couldn't change it.
Pain. Zhou Gu'er felt herself dying as the suffocation closed in. Before she sank into darkness, a final thought raced through her mind. 'I hope there's a next life. In my next life, I won't live like this. I hope there's a next life where I have my own birth parents, and I'm not someone's adopted daughter. I hope there's a next life... one where I take my destiny into my own hands, where no one will ever control me again...'
Zhou Gu'er gave up her hope of survival. It wasn't that she didn't want to live, but that she felt she truly had nothing left to live for.
But giving up hope didn't mean she was dead. The darkness passed, and sensation returned. She felt an awful pressure in her chest, as if a heavy stone was sitting on it, cutting off her breath.
She felt like she couldn't breathe. 'If this keeps up, I'll suffocate,' she thought. She wanted to scream, feeling that if she just let it out, the pressure would go away.
Besides, there was no one else in the room. To relieve the awful pressure, Zhou Gu'er mustered all her strength and let out a cry.
The cry seemed to force the oppressive weight from her chest, and her mind began to clear.
"What are you screaming about?! Trying to summon ghosts in the middle of the night? You wake me up with that noise again, and I'll sell you tomorrow!"
Zhou Gu'er wasn't yet fully conscious when a voice suddenly boomed in her ear, startling her so much that she shot upright.
'I was definitely alone in my room having a heart attack, so how could someone be talking now that I'm awake? And it's a man. He's yelling at me... but the voice doesn't sound like my son-in-law. Then who...?'
Zhou Gu'er felt the hairs on her arms stand on end. An icy chill shot through her, and the hairs on the back of her neck prickled.
"I told you not to disturb my sleep! Still trying to cause trouble, are you? Act up one more time, and I'll sell you to Zhang Da tomorrow! At least then I won't have to get annoyed just by the sight of you!"
Furious that Zhou Gu'er hadn't obeyed him, the man cursed again.
Zhou Gu'er froze. 'Did he just say... Zhang Da?'
Zhang Da was her husband, a rotten alcoholic and gambler. Her adoptive father had sold her to him, and she hadn't lived a single good day until he died of cancer in his forties from drinking too much. Only then did she finally feel some relief.
'But Zhang Da is dead,' she thought. 'How could this person be talking about selling me to Zhang Da?'
Then it hit her. A sudden realization struck Zhou Gu'er, and her body went even more rigid. A chill crept over her skin as if she'd been plunged into an ice cellar. She recognized that voice. It belonged to her adoptive father, Zhou Mazi.
'But... my adoptive father has been dead for over a decade,' she thought, panicked. 'How can I be hearing his voice? Am I dead? But even in the underworld, do I still have to be controlled by him? Can I still not escape the fate of being sold to Zhang Da?'
A wave of fury washed over Zhou Gu'er, and her fists clenched. 'Why should I have to be controlled by my adoptive father again? By what right must I marry Zhang Da again? My last life is over! Now, whether this is the underworld or not, I will be the master of my own fate! No one can control me. I will live for myself! The worst that can happen is dying again, which is still better than living like a coward!'
Just as she was about to voice these thoughts, another voice reached her ears.
"Stop scolding her. Isn't she sick? She probably just got too hot from the fever."
The woman sat up as she spoke, then said softly to Zhou Gu'er, "Gu'er, you need to lie down. You have a fever. You need to stay covered and sweat it out. It'll be bad if you catch a chill."
'That's my adoptive mother's voice!'
Zhou Gu'er was even more stunned. But the voice sounded so young. 'My adoptive mother has been dead for years, too. Have we finally met again in hell?'
Convinced this was hell, Zhou Gu'er didn't even register her adoptive mother Li Hua's words. She also forgot about the darkness around her; if this were hell, it wouldn't be this pitch-black.
"Let her keep acting up. Now both of you get to sleep! Piss me off again, and I'll skin you alive tomorrow."
Zhou Gu'er's adoptive father cursed again.
"Gu'er, lie down, quickly."
Li Hua pulled at Zhou Gu'er, trying to get her to lie down. She knew what her husband was like. If he got truly angry, he wouldn't care that Gu'er was sick; he'd probably beat the two of them.
Stiff with shock, Zhou Gu'er allowed her adoptive mother, Li Hua, to pull her down onto the bed.
She was too terrified to resist or speak, her mind a raging tempest.
'This doesn't feel like the underworld... It feels like... I'm back at my maiden home—my adoptive father's house.'
She could feel the hard surface beneath her. This wasn't the bed she was used to sleeping in. It was an old-fashioned kang. A couple of years after she married Zhang Da, her aunt in the city had passed away. Having no children, the aunt left her small house to Zhang Da, and he had taken her to live in the city. Though her life there was difficult, she had lived in the city ever since and hadn't slept on a kang for many years.
'What is going on? Am I dreaming?'
'But my life at home was miserable. Why would I be dreaming about this?'
'Besides, I've had dreams before. Have any of them ever felt this real?'
Zhou Gu'er was terrified. She couldn't understand what was happening. It was beyond her comprehension, filling her with fear and a deep sense of unease.