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Opening my eyes, I found myself in complete darkness.
A dark space, like the loading screen when I was transported to another world.
It felt similar to that space.
The difference was that it felt much colder.
Am I dead...?
With this thought in mind, I looked around.
I thought perhaps my body would revert to human form, but what met my eyes was still the torso of a horse with hooves.
"Sigh... how long have I been in this godlike place..." Only about two and a half months in this other world?
To die so soon, I couldn't help but wonder if the wandering god who sent me to this other world would look at me with disdain and say, 'That's it?'
Even so, what's with Erebus?
Wasn't his destruction supposed to be hundreds of years in the future?
He suddenly appeared?
His name is 'The One Who Causes Destruction,' isn't this blatant fraud?
He sighed, thinking this.
His mood was inexplicably chaotic.
He'd finally been reincarnated into another world, but because of his horse's body and his terrifyingly large size, he'd never been able to hug a woman even in his lifetime.
Why did I even come to this other world?
"Haa... damn it..." Whether it was frustration or something else, a strange, indescribable emotion seeped out.
He felt a strange, intense emotional fluctuation, like the fluctuations of some kind of electrical signal.
"Ah... damn... really..." Just as he was immersed in this subtle emotion, a wriggling motion suddenly appeared before him.
Although the surrounding space was pitch black, the wriggling movement was clearly visible.
And when the wriggling stopped... "...? Uh...?" What appeared before him was himself.
To be precise, it was his own appearance from the time he was at the height of his popularity on Earth, dressed in what he thought was a very cool way.
The image that was so popular back then.
"What the hell? Why am I like that..." Just as I was staring at my reflection in confusion, that version of myself laughed and spoke.
(Satisfied?) Satisfied my ass! What a joke! I finally made it to this other world, and I've been suffering in this broken body until I die without ever getting to hug a woman.
So the version of myself in front of me shook my head and said again.
(That's not what I meant. You know perfectly well, don't you?) What nonsense are you talking about? Know nothing, you idiot. A piece of trash whose back will soon be gnawed on by a woman.
Thinking this, the scenery in the black space suddenly changed. A classroom. To be precise, my high school classroom. Surrounded by familiar faces, I came into view. (Shimo, are you going to tutoring today?) (Shimo! Let's play basketball!?) (Shimo, did you watch that show yesterday!?) (Hey Shimo, aren't you going to participate in a competition?! Is there a prize!?) (Shimo, are you going to the internet cafe after school today?) (Shimo, I brought a comic book, want to read it?) Scenes of my friends talking to me flashed by like skipping through video clips.
Yes.
Back then.
I was the so-called "celebrity."
Excellent grades, good looks, a moderate height of 178cm, diverse talents, a wealthy family background, and a great personality that allowed me to get along with anyone.
With this, I was popular with everyone, from bookworm friends who only knew how to study to quiet friends who were obsessed with anime and other otaku culture.
A popular and fulfilling person.
But… *whoosh*.
The scenery in the soundscape changed again.
This is the scenery of the prestigious university I was admitted to. (Semo! Do you want to join the student council?) (Semo! The professor said we should eat together later!) (Semo! Have you done your homework?) (Semo, if you need past exam questions, come to our club!) (Semo, should I take you home today?) ...The freshman year of university.
Those days, that kind of life never changed.
He got along well with everyone, whether classmates or seniors. In an era before smartphones were widespread, text messages and computer communication software were a constant source of communication.
And it was then that he met... (Semo. So, is today our first day?) Karen.
Seeing that face that suddenly appeared, he felt a surge of anger.
Not the girlfriend he studied and walked home with in high school, but a girl he met after entering university and seriously considering a deeper relationship.
Her appearance was the most striking among the incoming female students; her every move exuded purity and elegance, and her attire likely made her name known to every boy at university drinking parties.
I, too, was captivated by her. Thinking that since I'd gotten into a prestigious university, I should date, I confessed my feelings at a drinking party and we started dating.
However, the relationship came with conditions.
She claimed she would remain chaste before marriage, stating that sexual relations were forbidden.
At the time, I naively believed and accepted this, and the relationship began. From her insistence on premarital chastity, I sensed a noble commitment to purity, saw sincerity in her actions, and also a touch of arrogance and desire—perhaps as our relationship deepened, her views would change, and we could have sex.
But I should have abandoned this foolish idea sooner.
Other scenes from my university days flashed by.
After one nightclub visit, I refused any further invitations; when I sensed other girls approaching, I severed ties like a knife.
This all stemmed from ridiculous self-delusion.
My parents were successful business owners who left large corporations to start their own, building a well-known mid-sized enterprise in less than ten years. They also had a wife who assisted them.
And I, with my polite manners and prestigious university degree, was the envy of any parent.
This led me to believe I had to live the "right" life to avoid future problems, and I always considered the women in nightclubs and drinking parties to be inferior women unworthy of my stature.
The scene shifts again.
Military service.
Military service is tough for anyone, but my girlfriend, Karen, gave me immense strength.
My beautiful girlfriend would visit whenever we were allowed to meet, and she accompanied me on every leave. Her very existence was a source of strength.
After being discharged and returning to school, I visited my girlfriend, who lived alone, with a gift to celebrate her birthday.
Although we were supposed to meet that evening, I wanted to see her sooner to give her my birthday wishes.
Because I frequent her place, I knew the password and planned to sneak in and surprise her.
The scene in the virtual space changed to the hallway of her apartment.
I entered the password for her single room, carrying the gift from the paper bag.
"Don't do this."
"Go back quickly."
"Don't open that door, go straight home...!"
My shout was cut short as I entered her single room.
It was a fairly spacious commercial-residential apartment for a single person.
As soon as I entered, I heard the eerie moans still lingering in my ears.
"Ah~ um...
♡Master...please give Master's penis to the perverted
♡" Trembling, she walked step by step towards the bedroom from which the sound came.
"No.
It's not too late to turn back now."
"Don't look at that kind of thing...!" "Ah... Master's penis... It tastes so good, oh my god...
♡ Receiving Master's penis on my birthday, Karen is the happiest little slave, oh my god...
♡"
"Hehehe, a slut with a boyfriend, licking other men's dicks like crazy on her birthday, what a perverted bitch!"
"Ah... Semota... He's not my boyfriend, oh my god... He's just a wallet, oh my god... only has Master in her heart, oh my god..."
"Hehe, crazy bitch. You're just my slave. Just an obedient bitch. Don't fucking talk about dating."
"Ah... Yes... Please punish this arrogant bitch..."
♡"
"Lick it carefully. If you lick well, I'll fill your cunt with semen today. Go see your boyfriend with your vagina blocked like that. Don't forget to take your medicine."
"Okay~"
♡"... Hearing these sounds, I pushed open the door, carrying a paper bag.
Pfft, pfft, sizzle...! ?
The door creaked open, and there she was—naked, wearing a necklace with a dog leash, curled up like a dog, her hands in her mouth, paws outstretched, holding the penis of a standing man. The strange man's penis was still in her mouth. Her expression, which had been blissful, suddenly turned to terror upon seeing me. She rose and hid behind the man… Listening to the man and my ex-girlfriend's incessant chatter, I dropped the paper bag and rushed out.
What happened after that is unclear to me. My girlfriend, who had sworn to remain chaste, whose pure and noble character and beautiful face made me believe she was a rare gem, was now groveling before my eyes, her blissful expression as she sucked another man's penis like a slave. The image lingered, utterly roiling before my eyes, making it impossible for me to regain my senses.
I missed university admission, and after countless days of a daze, the place that contacted me was the police station.
Karen, after rushing out in that state that day, accused me of sexual assault.
She said that although I was her boyfriend, as someone who had remained chaste before marriage, I had forcibly broken into her home and attempted to rape her.
If it weren't for a neighbor who happened to be passing by and rescued her through the open door, she would likely have been raped.
If I could have thought things through, I could have retrieved CCTV footage and other evidence to refute my claims. But before going to the police station, I was too distraught to think.
The image of Karen wearing the collar kept flashing before my eyes, making it impossible for me to process the situation.
The CCTV footage that could have proven my innocence was deleted after its storage period expired. Based solely on the testimonies of the two women, I became a rapist who had never committed the crime.
Subsequently, through my father's efforts, insufficient evidence, and his eagerness to resolve the matter quickly, he reached an agreement with Karen, paying 50 thousand dollars before my release.
He could have delayed due to insufficient evidence, but my father wanted to quell the controversy as quickly as possible, regardless of the amount.
From that moment on, my life was completely ruined.
My parents, who almost never lost their temper, smashed furniture and verbally abused me. Among my acquaintances at university, I became a piece of trash who attempted to rape my girlfriend.
Only my high school friends and a few classmates who knew me still believed me, but exhausted both physically and mentally, I dropped out of school and left home with a savings account containing far more money than my peers and my belongings.
For nearly a year afterward, I barely left my rented single room, except for trips to the convenience store.
That year, to heal my trauma, I became addicted to computers, deeply immersed in otaku culture, reading countless comics and watching countless anime, including adult comics.
When I finally managed to attend a high school reunion, they said they all thought I had committed suicide.
That's when I heard the rest of the story from a friend who had been accepted to the same university.
It was said that Karen extorted money from my parents and then disappeared after attending university for a while.
My friend who told me didn't know the details either; they only heard rumors that the man later committed a crime and went to jail, and that Karen was sold to a bar and that she committed suicide, but no one knew the truth.
But even more shocking was the fact that the girls who frequented the club, whom I had avoided because of their perceived vulgarity, and some other girls, actually already knew about Karen's past. They hesitated to tell me, but because we weren't close, and because I had been deliberately avoiding them, they ultimately chose to remain silent…
Hearing this, my already shattered spirit was dealt another blow.
Those girls I shunned because I considered them vulgar actually knew Karen's true colors, while I, lost in absurd self-delusion, deliberately distanced myself, remaining completely unaware.
Since then, I've completely lost the motivation to do anything, spending my days addicted to online games, comics, anime, and what could be called hardcore adult comics.
Thus, I missed my chance to return to school, and before I knew it, I was thirty years old in Korean terms—actually twenty-nine. "...What does showing me all this mean?" Standing in the darkness, "I" asked myself after the images disappeared.
(You knew, didn't you?)
"So what did I know?!" I roared at myself.
Know?
Know what?
What do I know?!
(It's what you call trauma...the incongruity of those memories.)
"Incongruity...?" Suddenly, something stirred deep within my chest.
What's so incongruous about that? My girlfriend, whom I thought was chaste before marriage, was actually another man's sex slave. What's incongruous about that?
(The feeling you get from that scene isn't one of betrayal or anger.) Thump. A tremor runs through your chest. No, it's clearly the anger and sorrow caused by betrayal.
(The person you're looking at in that bedroom isn't your girlfriend who's become a slave. No, you are indeed looking at her, but your focus isn't on your girlfriend herself.) Thump.
Your heart pounds even harder.
(What you're truly gazing at is... the man before you who has taken another man's woman for himself. And the female who has become that man's possession.) Thump thump thump thump
(The emotion you felt at that moment was... envy.)
"No!"
(The act of taking another man's woman, the loyalty of a female who abandons her boyfriend to submit to another man.)
"I say no!"
(For you, who lived a model life and considered the pleasures others pursued as base, that scene made you completely understand what you 'truly' desired.)
"No! I'm different from others! Alcohol! Tobacco! Women! Gambling! Games! I can control all of these things; the upright image respected by everyone is who I am!"
(Your true desire. It's the twisted lust to take another man's woman for yourself. That's the desire you crave, and the true face of the incongruity.)
"No...no...I..."
(Looking back on your six years of unemployment, what were you focusing on in the novels, anime, and adult comics you were engrossed in during that time? Weren't the kinds of women who, even with lovers, fall in love with other men? Or the scenes of stealing other men's women—weren't those your focuses?)
"That was...that was..."
(Adult comics. You think you're only addicted to them to escape reality and release your sexual desires, but what kind of adult comics are you looking for? Scenes of women conquering others and spreading their legs for other men—isn't that what arouses you?) "..." (Admit it. What you felt for Karen back then wasn't betrayal. Even if Karen was really beautiful, deep down you probably felt that it was only natural for a man like you to have that kind of woman, right? It wasn't betrayal, but rather the realization that you wanted to steal another man's woman, and the confusion surrounding that desire. You yourself didn't even realize you had such a twisted sexual appetite.) "..." (You think you can just abandon your twisted view of women after coming to this other world? Why bother? Don't the gods allow you to live as you please? Now that you've been reborn, why suppress your desires here? Why? There are top-quality females everywhere here!) "..." (Stop resisting yourself. Accept it. Steal other people's women and make them your own; that's the real you. Right now, this body still has women hanging around it, making women...)
"A darling who's lost their soul?"
"...Who...are you..."
(I am yourself. It's the desire deep within you. Don't resist me. It will only cause more pain.)
"No...you are not me. Even if you, that desire, is my desire, revealing it is not my will."
I tried to forget, but deep down I already knew.
Yes.
My lust, my desire, is twisted.
But knowing it's wrong, I choose to stop.
That's also my will.
I'm not so bad as to expose my twisted desires in that way, becoming trash-like scum.
No, I shouldn't.
(...A futile will. Do you think you can hide yourself forever like this?)
"...No, now that I've realized this, I probably can't hide it forever."
(...)
"So I will...accept this desire. But I won't show it to anyone."
That's right. This desire is not one that can be vented on any woman I encounter. I must live on, restraining, hiding, and suppressing my desires.
(…Pfft, reality won't always go as you wish…) As I said this, another version of myself, seemingly overlapping with my body, gradually melted away.
I felt a tiny amount of the melting other version of myself seeping into my body.
The exhilarating feeling of realizing my true desires. The fear of how distorted those desires had become. And the frustration of having to control them. Then, I remembered Lisbeth's face and opened my eyes.