Bryce
Techno had told me what he heard from those two, but if they were able to lie and leave certain details out the first time, they could do it again to save face.
The only one who could tell me the truth was Ben and I was ready to kick his ass if he actually betrayed me like that. I opened the door to the dorm and Ben was playing Skyrim on his desk. I tapped his shoulder to get his attention.
"What did you tell them?" I asked him.
"Oh hey Bryce," he said as if he hasn't seen me in years, "How are you? I haven't seen you in like forever."
"Cut that out," I said, "What did you tell those two faggots?"
Ben paused his game and sighed, "Bryce, watch that mouth of yours. That's what got you in trouble in the first place."
"Just answer the question, Ben." I tried not to sound like I was panicking but obviously I failed. "You told those damn fairies about my past, didn't you? Is that why they feel sorry for me now? They were painting me to look like some horrible monster and now they're apologizing to me."
"So it worked," Ben said, "I didn't think they would go for it."
"How could you?" I said, voice shaking with a mix of fear and anger, "How could you betray me like that, Ben. And to those fucking queers?!"
"Bryce," Ben shouted, "For once, shut the hell up and listen to me. Watch your damn mouth, You can call me a faggot, queer or homo, cause I'd like to think we have that sort of relationship, but others won't tolerate that shit. If you didn't lose your cool like that, you wouldn't be in this mess. And no, I didn't betray you. I didn't tell them about your past."
"Then," I asked, "Why are they dropping it like that? What did you tell them?"
Ben
I told Bryce what had happened when I spoke with Mel and Ricky. After I had told Bryce to go back to the dorm, I approached them.
"Well honey," Mel had said to me, "What do you want to talk to us about?"
"I want you to hear me out," I told them, "I'm Bryce's roommate and I'm gay."
"Oh honey, we know," said Mel, "But how can you stand living with him? Does he hate all gay people or only the feminine ones?"
"No," I replied, "Bryce hates all gay people, and a gay guy like me has to live with him."
"How do you two get along?" Ricky asked, "Do you guys fight?"
"All the time," I answered, "At times we both want to kill each other, other times, we're ok. But if you try to get to know him, you'll see that he's actually a nice guy. Sure, he's homophobic and an asshole at times. But if you actually get to know him, he's truly a good person, a loyal friend and even though he doesn't show it, he's actually kind. I know it doesn't sound like the guy you saw just now, but I wanted to tell you not to gain any sympathy towards him, but to tell you that I'm in love with him."
"OMG," interrupted Ricky, "You're in love with him?"
I nodded to confirm. "This is all my fault because I flirted with him, quite aggressively."
"Oooh," Mel chimed in, "This is like one of those Asian BL Dramas."
"Actually," I added, "He's homophobic because of me. I know that he doesn't like me like that. But I kept pursuing him. It's because I can't control how I feel about him. He didn't mind at first but I kept flirting, then touching him and he became uncomfortable about it but I kept going. That day, you were touching him right?"
Ricky was the first to answer, "Yeah, a little. But we thought he was ok with it. He's friends with Techno, so we thought he wouldn't mind."
"When you touched him," I continued, "It was how I harassed him. He wouldn't have said anything if it wasn't for me. If you want someone to blame, then blame me."
"But," Mel said, "He's the one who insulted us, not you. Why should we blame you?"
"Because those insults were meant for me," I interjected, "He was already pissed off at me for everything I did to him and when you guys reminded him of how I harassed him, he blew up. When you feel uncomfortable around something, you want to stay away from it right? He blew up and took it out on you when I was the true target. Put yourselves in his shoes. Let's say a girl is hitting on you and she doesn't take the hint that you're not interested and she keeps going and eventually you're tired of it and want it to stop."
"So you're saying that we're to blame because we provoked him?" Mel asked.
"I'm not pointing fingers to blame anyone," I said, "But you took his picture and didn't ask for permission and you posted it online with a story. If someone did that to you, you'd be hurt right? I don't think either of you expected this to happen. So I humbly ask you to forgive Bryce, and if you want to blame someone, blame me. I apologize on his behalf. Right now, he's in a bad place and it's killing me because the man I love is suffering because of me. I beg you, please forgive him."
Mel and Ricky hugged me and comforted me while I cried. Albeit it was my best acting.
Bryce
"That's it?!" I asked surprised, "You told them that you were in love with me and you aggressively came on to me and they bought it?"
Ben nodded, "Yep that's what I told them. I didn't think it would work, to be honest."
"And how is that going to help the situation?" I asked.
"There's something I need to know," Ben proceeded, "Why didn't you call the police? I know you pretty well and you would call the cops on them for revenge, but you didn't. Why?"
"Because of what happened back then," I told him honestly, "After it happened, my dad called the police. Not even an hour later, reporters, neighbors, even the congregation found out what happened. I was actually on the news in New Orleans. They called me little boy B. My life was hell already and they made it worse. Always coming by and saying things like, 'Thank God it wasn't anything worse,' or 'How are you dealing?' If their kids had suffered like I did, they wouldn't be so damn nosy. I didn't pursue anything with those two because of that hellish experience with the media hounding you day and night. I know that all too well. Yeah, I could see them pay for making my life hell and slandering me. But then I would relive that nightmare from my past. I've had enough to the point it's driving me crazy." I sighed and buried my face in my hands, "Why does my life revolve around gay people?"
We sat in silence for a few moments, then Ben broke the silence, "Bryce, there is something I have to tell you." I looked at him and he fidgeted nervously and took a breath to muster the courage to say, "When I told them that I was in love with you."
I had a feeling what he was going to say next, but I still pressed him on. "What about it?"
Ben looked me dead in the eye and said, "I meant it."
I knew he was going to say that, but what surprised me was my own reaction. I didn't go into a blind rage, I wasn't repulsed by it, I wasn't even bothered by it. I sat there on my bed in utter shock that Ben had just confessed to me.
"You heard me right," he continued, "I think, no, I know I'm in love with you."
Normally, I would've kicked his ass for saying that to me. But with what he just told me confirmed what Techno had said about the whole ordeal. Ben had taken the blame for my outburst to save me from being a social outcast and even guarded the secret I shared with no one else but him.
Techno was right, Ben was crazy to fall for someone like me. I've done nothing but treat him horribly and he still does everything to care for me. After he confessed, he went back to his game and I went out for a run. After a few hours, I came back and he ordered a pizza for us.
"I'm not hungry," I told him, "I'm going to take a shower."
"Ok," he said nonchalantly, "You can save it for later."
I stopped and looked at him, "Why are you doing this?"
I expected him to deny it, but he just smiled and said, "I want to take care of my crush. What's wrong with that?"
Again, I wasn't bothered by his confession, but I was curious as to why he feels the way he does, so I asked him, "Seriously Ben, what do you want from me?"
"If I tell you," he replied, "Will you give it to me?"
Now he's really testing my patience. "Cut the shit out, man."
"I want to sleep with you."
"Do you want to die?" I threatened.
He just laughed and said, "Just kidding, your reaction is priceless."
"What the hell are you playing at?" I asked him, "What exactly do you want from me?"
"Honestly?" He said, "I want you. But hear me out first. Yes, I do want to sleep with you, but not now. I told you already, that I am in love with you. And because I'm in love with you, I will do whatever it takes to win your heart. We're both men, so you should know what a man wants to do with the one he loves. So, watch your back."
"I'm never going to sleep with you, man." I told him flat out. I didn't yell, I didn't blow up. I just stood there. Ben however noticed that I was softening in my hostility.
"You say that," he responded, "But the way you look at me says you're starting to fall for me." He grinned and went back to his game.
"Dream on, asshole." I said as I went to the bathroom. What I couldn't understand was why I allowed him to get to me like that. I noticed something in me that I just noticed. I felt that familiar feeling that is best described as butterflies in your stomach.
No, no, no, no. I am not falling for him, I am not playing his game. I will never be his. I will never give in. If it's the last thing I do, Ben will never get his way with me.