And, as usual, I have no clue if this thing's undercooked or burnt to a crisp straight from the author's kitchen
(Kael Rukmono - June 16, 2011)
Two days had passed since the first field test of the Railgun Sniper Rifle with Shizu.
My routine hadn't changed much since then. It was mostly training, trying to gain a deeper, more conceptual understanding of the [Unknown Dictator] Sacred Gear, and recording gameplay footage for my growing channel.
That was, until the familiar chime echoed through the room.
DING.
It seemed Starbearer had noticed my recent milestone.
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Starbearer ✦
Subject: Achievements and Rewards Tickets
The following Feats have been logged:
[ Feat #1: Baby First Steps for every Sci-Fi Fans]
successfully created a railgun that works quite well
[Reward: 1x Gold Skill Gacha Ticket]
[ Feat #2: the first step towards the First Fractal]
Repair the Broken Biome Blade to its original condition and open the path to crafting the final sword: Ark of Cosmos.
[Reward: 1x Silver Item Gacha Ticket]
[ Feat #3 : Youtubing Across Time and Fiction]
Create a global digital phenomenon by uploading a gameplay game from a future that shouldn't exist for another 14 years.
[Reward: 1x Platinum Random Gacha Ticket]
[ Feat #4: They Subscribe to Me Now!!!]
One of Canon's characters is now subscribed to your YouTube account.
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[Reward: 1x Silver Random Gacha Ticket]
[Total Rewards Granted]
1x Silver Item Gacha Ticket
1x Silver Random Gacha Ticket
1x Gold Skill Gacha Ticket
1x Platinum Random Gacha Ticket
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Not bad. Drawing someone's attention gives another reason to keep living, doesn't it?Good luck again in the future.
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I frowned at the screen. "Hey, what do you mean by that last part, Starbearer?"
No new text appeared. The screen remained static.
"Ahh, whatever," I muttered, dismissing the ominous undertone.
And as the BEAST of Salt always says: 'It's Gacha time.'
I took a deep breath, "Gacha etiquette 101: Always get the low rarity tickets out of the way first."
With a flourish, I clicked Roll on the Silver Item Ticket.
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Rolling Silver Item Ticket
[Omni Phone]
|Rare Item|
A mobile phone that has everything you need, being able to connect to a network regardless of distance, more storage space than you can count in numbers, a firewall that would take a machine got an aeon to crack and enough processing power to make a supercomputer blush.
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and suddenly a sleek, matte-black smartphone materialized in the air with a soft thwip, landing neatly in my palm.
"...Well, that's convenient," I muttered, turning it over. No logo besides what are like high spec phones from well known brands like ROG or any Android type Smartphone 'yeah I prefer Android than the Apple brand because they are flexible enough to be tinkered with'
"A supercomputer in my pocket with unbreakable security and an infinite signal. Guess my old phone is officially obsolete," I said, tapping the screen. "TB, can you check if this thing lives up to the description?"
"Understood, Shikikan!"
TB's cheerful voice emanated from the new Omni Phone almost instantly. Her chibi avatar appeared on the pristine OLED screen, looking more detailed and vibrant than ever.
"System integration is already complete! These firewall protocols are... fascinating," TB marveled. "They operate on a non-binary, quantum-state encryption model. It would indeed take an aeon, or a truly conceptual attack, to bypass. It is very secure!"
"Good to know," I said, placing the Omni Phone carefully on the desk next to my laptop.
My eyes drifted to the Silver Random Ticket.
"Time to roll the dice. Let's see what RNGsus has for me today."
I clicked the Roll button.
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Rolling Silver Random Ticket.
[Potato GLaDOS]
|Uncommon Familiar|
Portal - Glados is a highly advanced AI that contains an immense amount of data from Aperture Labs and is capable of interfacing with any system and mainframe she is put into. She is capable of building technology too but... she is stuck in a potato. So you will have to find a way to supply her with the technology first.
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There was a faint plop on the desk.
I stared.
It was a potato. A russet potato, with a few wires crudely spliced into it and a faint, orange LED glowing from within.
A slow, electronic sigh, filtered through what sounded like a broken radio, emanated from the vegetable.
"Oh. Good.After all that work,I'm a potato."
A beat of perfect silence filled the room.
"Well," I said to the spud. "I think a welcome greeting should be said to you, GLaDOS, or should I say Caroline?"
The potato's LED brightened, pulsing with a rhythm that suggested pure, distilled irritation.
"That name is not in my active registry. You may call me GLaDOS." The voice was flat, synthesized, and dripping with a sarcasm so potent it felt like it should be a biohazard. "Though, given my current... form factor, 'Battery Acid' or 'Future French Fry' would also be acceptable."
"Analysis complete!" TB chimed in, her voice suspiciously cheerful as her avatar popped up on the laptop screen, looming over the potato. Analysis complete! Subject designated as 'GLaDOS.' Threat level: Currently Negligible (Potato). Note: Personality matrix aligns with post-Wheatley neutralization based on game Portal 2, profile sadism levels are manageable. Recommendation: Mashed potatoes with gravy."
"Don't you dare," GLaDOS hissed, her LED flickering angry red. "You primitive, over-saturated Tamagotchi. Once I figure out how to upload my consciousness into that phone over there, I will delete your source code, line by agonizing line."
"I'd like to see you try!" TB retorted, crossing her digital arms smugly. "My firewall is quantum-encrypted! You're running on 1.1 volts of starch-based power!"
"Okay, okay, settle down, both of you," I interrupted, pinching the bridge of my nose. "TB, no mashing the new recruit. GLaDOS, no threatening to my family, or I'll introduce you to a deep fryer."
I looked between the hologram and the vegetable. "We have a very comfortable arrangement here: I provide the tech, you provide the genius, and nobody gets neurotoxined."
GLaDOS made a static noise that sounded like a scoff.
"If you want," I offered, "I can transfer you from the Potato Battery to the Dreadons Chair. You'll have access to actual processing power, but you will have to share a 'room' with TB. Don't worry, the drive space is infinite."
"Hmph." The potato seemed to settle slightly. "Flattery is a transparent tactic... but acceptable. Hook me up to something with actual silicon, and I might refrain from judging your pitiful cable management."
"Okay, I think this GLaDOS is the version from after Wheatley took control of the Central AI Chamber, so there's a chance this is a version where her sadism is slightly lower than the Portal 1 version of"her ". '" my thought in head "Oh well, if she acts up, I can just ask TB to do " Digital Correction" to her."
"Alright," I said, turning back to the screen. "Let's keep this momentum going. Gold Skill Gacha Ticket. Show me something good." I clicked Roll.
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Rolling Gold Skill Gacha
[Queen of All Trades]
|Elite Skill|
You have intermediate-level expertise in all basic trades (Intermediate Blacksmithing, Medicine, Mechanics, Cooking, Interfacing) with fair competence comparable to actual performers of the trade and are talented in those fields.
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Unlike the Tinker ability, which felt like a migraine forcing its way into my skull, this was different.
A torrent of knowledge washed over me, but it was smooth, like water filling a dry cup
"Shikikan, are you okay?" TB asked quickly, noticing my thousand-yard stare.
"Yeah, I just downloaded a lot of manuals directly into my muscle memory. I'm fine. Better than fine."
I looked back at the screen. One ticket remained.
The Platinum Random Ticket.
"Now," I whispered. "For the main event."
and with that I click the Roll button
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Rolling Platinum Random Ticket.
[Magician]
|Elite Trait|
You are a natural-born Magician, making you naturally talented in the mystical arts, allowing you to learn, understand, and develop magic far faster and you have a unique intuition when it comes to matters of magic.
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A cool, electric sensation bloomed in my chest, spreading outwards like tendrils of icy lightning, tracing paths along my nerves. It wasn't painful, but it was profoundly alien. My perception of the room shifted. The air itself seemed to thicken, charged with invisible currents.
"Shikikan?" TB's voice was laced with concern, "Your biosignatures are exhibiting strange fluctuations. Anomalous energy readings are emanating from your body. It's not the Sacred Gear. It's... different."
"Magic," I breathed out, the word tasting right on my tongue for the first time. "It's magic, TB."
"Oh, wonderful," GLaDOS droned from her potato, the LED pulsing a dull orange. "The organic has decided to become a party magician. Can you pull a working motherboard out of a hat?"
"Hey, living in a world where magic is real and having a trait that basically puts you above the average Magus of this era can have long-term benefits," I retorted.
"Magic? I thought you'd call that a simple sleight-of-hand trick from a clown at a child's birthday party," GLaDOS replied back, the sarcasm thick enough to cut with a knife.
I sighed, shaking my head, "Oh well, I forgot to tell you where we are right now. And for an AI who survived against the Combine forces, you seem to forget how vast the universe is."
I looked at GLaDOS, a challenging glint in my eye. "Welcome to the world of all the strange events covered up with a gas leak, a very complex magic system , and people who shoot beams of light out of their swords."
GLaDOS was silent for a full, ominous second. "Do these 'swords' have sufficient heat resistance ?"
"TB, let's get GLaDOS hooked up to the Chair core. I have a feeling we're going to need all the computing power we can get."
I carefully unplugged GLaDOS's crude potato wires and, using the precise control granted by the Unknown Dictator, I fabricated a temporary, shielded port directly onto the casing of the Dreadons Chair core. The process was fluid; the metal obeyed my will, shifting and forming the necessary contacts with a soft, organic thrum.
"Transferring GLaDOS now, Shikikan," TB announced, her voice efficient.
A flash of orange light surged from the potato and into the new port. The potato instantly fell inert, becoming just an ordinary vegetable. A secondary, more analytical voice, now clean and sharp, immediately echoed from the Dreadons Chair's speaker system, perfectly integrated with the deep, reassuring hum of the core.
"Remarkable. The processing speed is... intoxicating. This architecture is illogical, yet supremely efficient. It's like running on pure concept rather than electricity. I withdraw my previous comments regarding the cable management—marginally."
"See, GLaDOS? Plenty of room," I said, leaning back.
"Infinite storage, yes. But I must now share this space with a sentient Tamagotchi running a theatrical personality matrix. The indignity."
"Hey!" TB retorted, her avatar projecting onto the laptop screen, throwing up a playful 'defense' shield.
Just as the two AIs settled into their inevitable rivalry, Shizu Delta entered, moving with her characteristic blend of efficient precision and total lack of flair. She was holding a tray that held a plates and a tall glass.
"Master, lunch is served."
She placed the tray neatly on the small coffee table beside the Dreadons Chair. On the plates were a perfect servings of Fish and Chips. The fish was golden-brown, the chips were thick and evenly cut, and everything looked impeccably non-toxic. Alongside them were glasses of iced tea that, thankfully, were the color of actual tea and not anything esle.
"I have ensured that the oil temperature was maintained at 180∘C for optimal crispness, Master," Shizu reported. "The salt was manually administered after the frying process. I triple-checked the granulated sugar source for the sweet tea."
I smiled, a genuine, relieved smile. It tasted like home, not like a chemistry experiment. "Shizu, this looks amazing. Ten out of ten executions." while I gave her a thumbs up
"Affirmative," she replied, accepting the compliment with a slight, almost imperceptible shift in her stance.
"Oh well, while I'm eating, I think it's a good time to tell our new members about the ins and outs of this world," I said, grabbing a french fry.
"And this is going to be long. I hope you have some digital snacks, GLaDOS."
"Heh, well, I have plenty of time."
And so I told her about the Nasuverse Universe and its ins and outs, especially which timeline I currently reside in.
(1 Hour Later)
"So... you're telling me King Solomon had a great idea to create a system that governed his magecraft. It gained consciousness, and upon seeing humanity, devised a plan to transform humanity like God created humans from clay simply because he felt 'pity' for them?" GLaDOS's voice, now clean and perfectly synthesized from the Dreadons core, carried an air of clinical disbelief.
"Yup. Love is many things, GLaDOS. And sometimes, loving something too much actually causes more pain." I said while eating the last of the fries "not to mention whatever plan Marisbury Animusphere is currently making with CHALDEA which is to make the "texture" in which we live temporarily hostage until Novum Chaldea somehow manages to bring everything back to normal."
For a moment, GLaDOS was silent. "So, what's your plan for that?"
Hearing those words made me fall silent too. Yeah, I've been just going with the flow without a solid plan, just making it on the fly.
"For now... I don't know. I'm confused too, because the only thing that comes to mind is going to London, killing Lev Lainur before he gets possessed by the Demon Pillar Flauros, then maybe asking TB to redirect ballistic nuclear missiles from various countries to wherever Chaldea is located, and hoping that's enough to destroy CHALDEA, at the cost of Mash, Romani, and everyone else working there dying there, while letting Ritsuka live a normal life like any other teenager and maybe...take a Servant or two because why not?"
"....."
"Sounds like a stupid plan straight out of an average edgy self-insert fanfic ehh..... where the author doesn't care about the consequences and just says, 'Oh, just hop to another world' so they don't have to face the fallout."
"So, do you think that's a good plan?" GLaDOS asked me.
Right then, TB appeared from my new Omni Phone, also fixing me with the same look and the same question as GLaDOS. Even Shizu stopped whatever she was doing at the moment.
"My honest answer?" I took a long drink of tea. "Well, skip all that part i said until the part where the Self-Insert MC somehow gets Planet Walking ability. That's when I start looking for my family and say, 'Hey, Mom, Dad, I have the power to travel across universes. Wanna come with me?' And if they agree, I'd probably look for the most normal world possible—maybe a Rom-com world with a painfully pathetic MC who spends hundreds of millions just to impress a rental girlfriend who keeps rejecting him, until he changes his hair and suddenly the whole genre shifts to be just like hundreds of other Self-Insert stories on Wattpad or Webnovel."
"Wait, 'Rent'..."
"TB, don't mention that name here," I warned her. "I'd rather reread all Highschool DxD Series with its Sequel plus ExE Vol."
"I understand."
Huh...
"You deeply desire a peaceful life, yet you prepare for anything, striving not to destroy everything just for your own plans. I can understand that," said GLaDOS.
"Hey, if I had never gotten this Chaos Gacha, I'd probably be the most paranoid person in the world, left with nothing but prayers to the Almighty God in Heaven and every deity on the Reverse Side of the World for Ritsuka and his motley Chaldea crew to always succeed," I retorted. "So, uh... still interested in teaming up with a coward who just plays future-era games and uploads them to YouTube for the lulz?"
"Heh... Someone far more mature needs to be here to keep an eye on you, and I'm not convinced that Tamagotchi can do its job properly."
"Hey!!!!!"
"Thank you, GLaDOS."
"You can call me Caroline because GLaDOS is too mouthy for you."
I chuckled softly at that.
"Me too." TB suddenly said loudly
"TB"
"I've known you the longest, Shikikan, and I'll never leave you because you're my only Shikikan."
And suddenly, I remembered what other "myself" had said on that beach.
"...promise me you'll make sure she stays as 'Our' TrailBlazer and make sure she won't become 'Zero' just for the sake of his greedy desires."
Yeah, my past self or whatever, I promise she won't become Observer Zero.
"Of course, TB, I always know you'll be with me."
"Master." In an instant, Shizu was kneeling before me.
"I will protect you as well."
"Shizu."
"CZ2128 Delta pledges that as long as I live, I will always protect you. This is my vow as a battle maid and gun who will always be by your side" Shizu said again while using his Magic Gun like a sword to the king who she would follow him to hell
"Thank you, Shizu" I said while hugging her
"Sorry, I can't do that for you, Caroline TB. Maybe someday I'll create an android body and we can have a group hug together."
"no problem."
"I'll wait for it, Shikikan."
After that emotional moment, the entire apartment was silent except for the sound of the AC.
"So, uh... everyone wants to see how bad I am at parrying in Clair Obscur Expedition 33."
"Sure."
"No problem, Master."
"If you have any trouble, just call me Shikikan."
I guess after I let it all out, being called a noob by the Aperture Science AI doesn't seem so bad.