EXT. HOLLYWOOD PIRATE MOVIE SET — WARNER BROS. BACKLOT — DAY
Black.
Silence.
Then—
A single tiny in-between-frame squeak, like the universe's lungs trying to remember how to work.
SFX (TINY):…hng?
CUT BACK IN:
Luffy is frozen mid-bounce, knees bent, hair flared, grin wobbling like it's losing signal.
That little "…?" bubble hovers beside his head, trembling.
Bugs stands close, pirate voice gone, eyes oddly soft for a guy who's thrown a man into an anvil dimension before.
BUGS
Kid… breathe.
Luffy stares at Bugs like he's just been handed the weirdest treasure map in history.
His chest stutters.
SFX (HEART):DOOM… doom… doom…
The festival drums… slow.
The laugh track in the air flickers, quieter.
SFX (DISTANT):ha… ha…?
Luffy inhales—real, human, ragged.
For the first time since Onigashima, it's not a laugh trying to become weather.
It's just… breath.
His grin shrinks a fraction.
His eyes lose that manic glow and become—briefly—Luffy.
LUFFY (GEAR 5)
(confused, small)
…Huh?
The pirate extras stop bouncing.
One guy's mustache un-wiggles.
A foam cannon deflates in relief.
Daffy, still slightly blurrier than God intended, gasps like he's been holding his breath for three acts.
DAFFY
(whispering)
He's… he's coming down… he's coming down…
Elmer Fudd raises his shotgun, then lowers it again, like he can't decide if this is hunting season or a medical emergency.
ELMER
So do I… shoot him now or w-wait fow the monologue?
BUGS
Hold your horses, Elmah.
We're doin' something rare here.
Bugs reaches behind his ear.
He pulls out a carrot.
Of course he does.
But it's not a normal carrot.
It's absurdly huge—turkey-leg huge—gleaming like it got a studio makeup budget.
He presents it like a sacred offering.
BUGS
(soft, piratey again, but kinder)
Arrr, matey…
Ye look like ye been runnin' on giggles and fumes.
Luffy's eyes lock onto the carrot.
The universe leans in.
LUFFY
…Is that food?
BUGS
Depends.
Are you done tryin' to rewrite existence?
Luffy blinks.
His hair flickers.
His shoulders drop.
And in the most devastatingly simple line in the whole crossover—
LUFFY
…I'm hungry.
The "…?" bubble pops like a soap bubble.
SFX:plip!
The drums stop trying to be drums.
The laughter in the air exhales and fades.
Luffy's Gear 5 glow sputters like a cartoon lightbulb.
SFX:bzzzt…
He shrinks—
His hair returns to black.
His eyes return to normal.
His grin stays, because he's still Luffy, but now it's human-sized.
He reaches out.
Bugs hands him the carrot.
Luffy takes one bite.
SFX:CRONCH.
His whole body relaxes like a switch flipped.
The pirate set—literally—stops creaking.
A lighting rig stops swaying.
Somewhere above, an unseen studio accountant wipes a tear.
Daffy stands in awe.
DAFFY
…He can be defeated… by SNACKS?!
BUGS
Kid's got one weakness.
Same as everybody else.
Bugs tilts his head toward craft services.
BUGS
Now don't go gettin' greedy, buster. That table ain't a buffet.
Luffy's pupils turn into little stars again.
LUFFY
It is now.
He moves—
Not fast. Not violent.
Just… inevitable.
Like a black hole with manners.
CUT TO:
MONTAGE — "LUFFY VS. CRAFT SERVICES"
—Luffy inhales a tray of sandwiches like a vacuum cleaner.
SFX:FWOOOOMP!
—A bowl of fruit spins in midair, tries to escape. Luffy casually grabs the word "ESCAPE!" out of a floating bubble and eats it too.
SFX BUBBLE: "ESCAPE!"
SFX:nom.
—A PA with a clipboard watches, dead-eyed.
PA
(flat)
That's coming out of my per diem.
—Daffy tries to sneak one cookie.
A stamp slams onto his hand:
STAMP:NOT FOR YOU
SFX:THWOMP!
DAFFY
(screaming)
THIS IS DISCRIMINATION AGAINST WATERFOWL!
—Elmer Fudd takes a bite of a donut, then realizes where he is, then glares at the sky.
ELMER
…Still hate Los Angeles.
END MONTAGE.
Back on the pirate set, Luffy wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, satisfied in the way only a man who just ate a studio can be satisfied.
He looks at Bugs with bright, grateful eyes.
LUFFY
You're nice, Doctor Bunny.
Bugs pauses.
Sincerity again.
It's Bugs Bunny's one natural predator.
He clears his throat and points at the sky like he's reminding himself there's a job to do.
BUGS
Yeah, well… don't mention it.
Now let's get you back where you belong before somebody in accounting wakes up screamin'.
Daffy raises a finger, trembling with purpose.
DAFFY
AHEM. NOW THAT THE INCIDENT IS RESOLVED—
I WOULD LIKE TOP BILLING AND A—
A giant rubber stamp appears from nowhere and hits him in the face.
STAMP:BACKGROUND DUCK
SFX:THWOMP!
Daffy's eyes go dead.
DAFFY
…Of course.
A low, familiar clicking starts overhead.
The clouds above the backlot begin to swirl again—TV-dial smooth.
SFX:KCHK… KCHK… KCHK…
The pirate extras look up.
A few of them immediately flee in perfect "extra panic" formation.
Luffy looks up too, curious.
LUFFY
Oh! The sky-mouth!
Bugs winces like a man hearing a coworker say "the copier demon."
BUGS
Don't encourage it.
The vortex forms, lips bulging out of the sky.
The same bureaucratic energy returns.
A red stamp flickers into existence:
STAMP (SKY):RETURN TO SENDER
Luffy points.
LUFFY
Hey! That thing was on my back!
The sky-mouth makes a noise like it's annoyed to be recognized.
SKY-MOUTH
(muffled, gross)
…bLeHh…
Bugs steps forward, hands on hips, calm as ever.
BUGS
Alright, listen here, cloud-face.
He's had his snack.
He's stable.
You can take him back now.
The sky-mouth blinks.
A tiny loading wheel appears on a cloud.
SFX:…buffering…
Then the air in front of Luffy shimmers.
A portal opens like a channel changing.
For a split-second, the "channels" flash again—pickle professor, spandex man, blond kid vs robot, VR bar booth—
Then it locks onto Wano like the universe finally found the right address.
SFX:KCHK!
SFX:DING!
Luffy stands, suddenly nervous in a way he almost never is.
Not scared.
Just… reluctant.
He looks at Bugs.
LUFFY
I gotta go?
BUGS
Yeah, kid.
And try not to punch any more genres on the way out.
Luffy nods solemnly like this is the deepest advice he's ever received.
Then he beams.
LUFFY
Okay!
He takes two steps toward the portal—
—then turns back and grabs Bugs in a huge, sudden hug.
Bugs stiffens, eyes wide.
Because Bugs Bunny is built for conflict, and hugs are illegal.
BUGS
(strained)
H-hey—! Personal space, buster—!
Luffy lets go, grinning, and—because he is who he is—salutes.
LUFFY
Thanks for the food!!
Bugs fixes his fur, flustered in the tiniest way.
BUGS
Yeah, yeah. Beat it.
Luffy turns—
The portal sucks him in like a vacuum.
But not before something else happens:
A cheap plastic pirate hat pops onto Luffy's head mid-teleport.
SFX:PLING!
And Bugs' carrot—
—appears in his hand like the universe is trying to make the continuity funny on purpose.
SFX:POP!
LUFFY
(confused, mid-portal)
Why do I have a hat?!
SKY-MOUTH
BLEHHHH—!!
Luffy is launched out of the portal—
Gone.
The vortex snaps shut.
The sky smooths back to normal like nothing happened.
A beat.
The entire pirate set stands in silence.
Daffy slowly turns to Bugs.
DAFFY
…So we're just… done?
Bugs chews nothing, because he's out of carrots, because Luffy stole reality's snacks.
BUGS
That's showbiz, doc.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. ONIGASHIMA — ROOFTOP RUINS — DAY
The Straw Hats stand exactly where we left them.
Still staring at the spot in the sky where Luffy vanished.
Nami's eye is twitching.
Sanji is mid-rant.
Zoro is still somehow facing the wrong direction.
SANJI
—AND WHEN HE GETS BACK I'M GOING TO KICK THAT ANNOUNCER IN THE—
A portal pops open above them.
The sky-mouth returns for half a second, unbelievably casual.
SKY-MOUTH
BLEHH—!!
Luffy shoots out like a spitball.
He hits the ground with a bounce and a skid.
SFX:SPROING—SKRRRRT!
He's normal Luffy now.
He's wearing a cheap plastic pirate hat.
He's holding a giant carrot like it's treasure.
Everyone stares.
A wind blows.
The hat squeaks.
USOPP
(whisper)
…Captain?
NAMI
(staring at the hat)
Where did you—
What did you—
Why do you have—
Luffy grins like this is the most normal thing that's ever happened to him.
LUFFY
I made a bunny friend!
He holds up the carrot proudly.
LUFFY
And he gave me food!
Chopper walks up, stethoscope out, trembling.
He presses it to Luffy's chest.
SFX (HEART):thump… thump… thump…
Normal.
Chopper almost cries.
CHOPPER
It's… it's normal…!
Robin smiles, calm, like she's filing this away under "weird but useful."
ROBIN
So… you returned to sender.
Zoro squints at the pirate hat.
ZORO
…Why do you look like you lost a bet.
Sanji points at the carrot, offended.
SANJI
THAT IS NOT MEAT!!
Luffy takes a bite anyway.
SFX:CRONCH!
LUFFY
It's good.
Nami pinches the bridge of her nose.
NAMI
Luffy.
LUFFY
Yeah?
NAMI
Never do that again.
Luffy nods instantly.
LUFFY
Okay!
A beat.
Everyone relaxes by one molecule.
Then—
A tiny fishing bobber plops into frame from offscreen and lands in a puddle on the ruins.
SFX:plop.
Everyone slowly turns their heads.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. WANO — QUIET RIVERBANK — DAY
BUGS BUNNY sits on a rock like he's always belonged there.
Calm.
Relaxed.
Fishing pole in hand.
A carrot nub in his mouth, because of course.
He reels lazily.
A koi fish pops up, looks at him, and immediately looks away like it doesn't want to get involved in interdimensional nonsense.
Bugs glances at camera with mild annoyance, like he's been inconvenienced by geography.
BUGS
What?
Wrong turn at Albuquerque.
He flicks his line.
SFX:fweep.
The "That's All Folks!" iris begins to close—
—but it closes around Daffy instead, who is inexplicably in the background, waist-deep in the river, still labeled.
STAMP ON DAFFY'S FOREHEAD:PROJECTILE
DAFFY
(screaming as the iris closes)
WHY AM I HERE?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A WANO IS!! I DON'T WANO BE HERE!!!
Bugs' eyes drift. He clocks Daffy.Bugs blinks once.
BUGS
...eh.
IRIS OUT.
SFX (DISTANT, CHEERFUL):That's all, folks!
SMASH TO BLACK.
MID CREDITS B-ROLL:
SFX: BEEP—DIGIVICE CHIRP?
UNKNOWN? (V.O.):
NEXT TIME, OH!
TRAINER RED!
THE DIGITAL WORLD!
ABSOLUTELY, TOTALLY, POSITIVELY NO REFUNDS, BABY!