For the next few days, Abdullah barely left his room.
He spent most of his time lying on his bed, staring at his phone. Messaging Kassie. Messaging Sara. Watching videos. Playing games. Anything to pass the time.
Mostly, though, he was just rotting away.
A week passed like that.
One day he finally stepped out of his room to use the bathroom. As he came back into the hallway, Ali noticed him.
"Wtf is up with you?"
"What?" Abdullah said.
"Why are you in your room all the time? Like seriously, go outside or something."
"Yeah? And what's there to do? I have nothing to do."
"Sure, but what are you doing all day?"
"I just watch stuff. Play games."
Abdullah felt nervous. The questions felt too direct.
"Why are you acting so weird?" Ali asked.
"I'm not."
Abdullah turned and tried to walk back to his room.
"Why are you so desperate to go back?" Ali said.
"I'm not desperate. Like what am I even gonna do with you?"
"I don't know. Wanna play Rocket League?"
"I'm shit at it."
"Yeah. Practice helps."
"I don't wanna play. Fuck off."
Ali stared at him.
"Why are you acting weird like—"
"CAN YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FUCK'S SAKE?" Abdullah exploded. "HOW THE FUCK AM I WEIRD? WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM WITH ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? LIKE GET OFF ME FOR ONCE!"
The words came out louder than he expected.
The hallway went quiet.
"I'm sorry," Ali said softly.
Abdullah immediately felt the anger drain out of him.
"It's okay," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to shout. I just… don't call me weird."
The next day at school, Erop was talking about jiu-jitsu.
"You should join it soon," Erop said. "It's great. I could take you down easily."
"Sure. Show me."
Erop quickly demonstrated a movement.
His elbow accidentally clipped Abdullah's nose.
"Ow," Abdullah said.
"Sorry man, are you okay?"
Abdullah held back tears. It hurt like hell.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
Abdullah goes home then the next day. he sees Erop again. in his TG room.
Abdullah touches the point of his compass.
"ah shit this is really sharp"
Erop touches it and says. "its not really" and he pokes his leg with it with no reaction.
Abdullah does the same lightly but it he flinches from the pain.
"it cannot hurt that bad" Erop continues to poke him with the compass.
"can you stop"
Erop laughs. "its fine the layer of fat on top should protect you"
throughout the class Erop continues to poke him.
the next few days Erop continues to hit Abdullah with the sharp end of the needle.
one of the days Tomek comes up to Abdullah doing his homework in school and he takes Abdullahs bag and tosses it to Erop.
they run off with his bag and Abdullah runs to get it back once he comes back to his desk he sees his books are gone aswell.
until the end of break they don't give his things back.
another day they took his bag and Abdullah catches up to Tomek.
"how are you that fast" Tomek says.
"i'm surprised you can even run" Erop adds .
"can you just give me my bag please"
Erop snatches the bag and its tossed in a bin.
Abdullah walks over to get the bag and turns around to look at them.
"oh shit run he's getting mad" Erop and Tomek run off.
"i'm not mad" Abdullah muttered under his breath.
Erop and Tomek didn't stop then one night.
Abdullah was talking to Kassie.
"How are you supposed to know if your friends are like… bullying you or just joking around?" he asked. "I don't know how to feel."
"What are they doing?"
Abdullah told her everything.
"That's horrible," Kassie said. "You can't let them do that. Those are fake friends. Real friends wouldn't treat you like that."
"Yeah I know. It's just… I don't know what to think. I've been friends with Tomek forever."
"But if he treats you like that—"
Suddenly the door burst open.
Ali walked in.
"What the hell are you doing just now?"
Abdullah quickly tried to act normal.
"I wasn't doing anything."
Then his phone buzzed.
Kassie sent you a chat.
Shut the fuck up please, Abdullah thought.
"Who's that?" Ali asked.
"A friend."
"What's she saying?"
"It doesn't matter."
"If you've got nothing to hide then show me."
Reluctantly, Abdullah opened the chat.
Ali scrolled.
"Okay… nothing bad here." Abdullah thought
Then ali kept scrolling.
He saw saved messages.
"Why are those saved?" Abdullah thought
He kept looking.
"Why are you talking about Nano to her?"
More scrolling.
Then the screen showed it clearly.
I like you.
And Kassie saying it back.
Ali looked at him.
"You wanna explain this?"
"It's not a big deal, alright?"
"You're not supposed to date. It's haram. Who the hell is she? Where's she from? Are you stupid? How did you even meet her? I fucking knew something was up with you."
"Don't even try and deny it."
Abdullah felt everything building up inside him.
"OKAY ALRIGHT!" he snapped. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE TOO MUCH SHIT HAS BEEN GOING ON AND I CAN'T TAKE IT!"
His voice cracked.
"Nano passed away. And then Big Nano as well. What do you want from me? I just needed someone to talk to!"
His breathing broke.
"You guys don't care or listen to anything I say. Look at me. I stay in my room all day. I talk to no one. Mom and dad never check up on me to see if I'm okay. No one talks to me."
"School is shit."
"All dad ever said was 'don't cry, be strong.'"
"But I'm not like dad."
Abdullah broke down sobbing.
Ali pulled him into a hug.
"They do care," Ali said quietly. "I care too. And you're right. They should've checked on you. We all should've."
He sighed.
"You need to talk to them about everything."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"The words don't come out."
"Just try."
Their parents were sitting downstairs.
Ali looked at Abdullah.
"Tell them now."
"Abdullah," his mother said gently. "Whatever it is, you can talk to us."
Abdullah stood there.
Everything was in his head.
But he couldn't speak.
"Ali please… just say everything."
Ali explained.
Abdullah silently nodded.
His mother suddenly yelled.
"What's wrong with you?" she said. "Why didn't you tell anyone? Why would you do nothing?"
Abdullah stared at her.
Tears streamed down his face.
"You made it worse," he said through sobs. "You lied to me. You made it hurt more."
"How could I tell you? All you do is yell at me."
She tried to hug him.
Abdullah pushed her away.
"You don't deserve a hug."
"Please Abdullah," she cried. "I'm sorry. I'll try to listen. I just worry so much. Please… can you smile? I don't want to see you cry."
Abdullah forced his lips upward with his fingers, stretching them into something that looked like a smile.
"Don't smile unless it's genuine," she said her voice breaking.
"Stop."
Ali turned to their parents.
"You and dad let this happen. I told you he was rotting in his room."
"We thought he was happy," their mother said weakly. "He likes being in his room."
"How do you know?" Ali snapped. "Maybe he doesn't. You never include him. You never ask what he likes."
"How many days has it been since you talked to him?"
Their father finally spoke.
"Son… come here."
Abdullah walked over.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay dad."
"Tell me something. What do you like to do? Anything you want, we'll do it together. Just you and me."
Abdullah just wanted to escape.
"I don't know… something you'd want."
"Forget about me. What do you want?"
"I don't know what I want."
His father nodded slowly.
"How about this girl? What's she like?"
"She's nice."
"We need to talk about that as well. You know we're Muslims."
"Yeah."
"It's forbidden to date before marriage. When you're older, when you're eighteen, you can do what you want. But until then, you have to stop talking to this girl."
"Okay," Abdullah said.
He had no intention of doing so.
"I was your age once too," his father added. "It's too young."
"Alright. Can I go?"
"Come here first."
His father hugged him.
"I'll always be here for you. Anything you need, come to me. I love you, son."
"Okay dad."
Inside, Abdullah felt empty.
What was the point of all that? he thought. I feel exactly the same.
His mother pulled him into a tight hug.
"I love you."
"Okay."
"We all loved Nano," she said through tears. "I didn't realize it was hurting you this badly. I thought you were a strong boy."
"You just didn't notice."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine, mom."
Upstairs, Abdullah quickly messaged Kassie.
Parents found out about you. Might not be able to talk for a while. Sorry.
Then he left the room.
Ali stopped him in the hallway.
"Listen. I'm not as gullible as them. You can be friends with her… but even that isn't good."
He walks up to him.
"In the summer I was talking to a girl too. I really liked her. Then dad found out and crashed out."
"i didn't want to end things but i realised that my faith and family is always gonna be more important and i turned to god."
"I told her we should just be friends. She got really sad we never really ended up being freinds either."
He shrugged.
"Sometimes you can't do what you want. Only what you must do."
"Just give me time," Abdullah said.
That night Abdullah lay in bed staring at the ceiling.
The house was quiet.
Why was that so anti-climactic? he thought.
All that grief… just turned into a lecture and some crying.
Did my parents actually do anything to make me feel better?
I guess not.
Why do I feel exactly the same?
He closed his eyes.
Nano… I wish you were here.
You would've known how to help me. how to comfort me.
The room stayed silent.
Abdullah stared into the darkness.
"I wonder if I really am"
fine...