"Hi," Abdullah typed.
"Hey," she replied.
"How are you?"
"I'm good. What about you?"
"I'm good as well."
There was a short pause.
"How old are you?" she asked.
"I'm 14. You?"
"I'm 14 as well."
"What do you look like?"
She sent a picture. Blonde hair. Green eyes. Glasses. Bangs resting just above her eyebrows. Fair skin. Blue school uniform.
"You look nice," Abdullah typed.
"Thanks. What do you look like?"
He hesitated for half a second before sending his own picture.
"Oh, you're cute."
Abdullah froze.
Who, me? Wait… am I stupid? Who else would she mean?
He genuinely couldn't remember the last time someone had said something good about his appearance.
"Thank you," he replied.
They kept talking. Music came up.
"There's this one song that just hits different," he said. "It helped a lot when my grandma died."
"Oh… I'm sorry. Were you guys close?"
That question unlocked something in him.
"More than you'll ever know," Abdullah typed slowly. "She meant everything to me. I don't think I ever loved someone as much as my grandma. No one came close. She was the nicest, kindest person I've ever met. I swear she was physically incapable of anger. When she died… it ruined me. I think I lost a part of myself I'll never get back."
He paused.
"Sorry for trauma dumping."
"No, it's okay," Kassie replied. "I think it's beautiful, the bond you had with her. Most people won't be that close to anyone in their whole life. That's something special. And I haven't trauma dumped on you yet."
"Oh? What happened to you?"
"Hm. Let me summarise. My dad's a deadbeat. Left when I was five. My mom was a raging alcoholic. I was bullied all throughout primary school. It got a little better in secondary. My older sister moved out at 18 — she was the only one I liked. Mom quit drinking last year, so that's something. And I got groomed by some creeps at school… but I don't really want to remember that."
Abdullah reread the message twice.
He felt something heavy in his chest. "that's horrible" he thought.
"I have about a million questions," he said carefully, "but can I ask my top three?"
"How'd you get through it all?"
"I didn't, really," she replied. "Things just slowly got better. Some stuff just sorts itself out over time."
They talked for hours after that.
The next day, Abdullah told Sara.
"She's, like, so nice."
"Yeah, no way she'd want to be with you," Sara said.
"Why not?"
"She could do way better than someone like you. Why would she choose you?"
"Why the hell not? I'm a good guy."
"I don't know. Looks?"
"I'm not that bad looking. She said I was cute."
"She really is nice, lol" Sara said.
Abdullah felt irritation crawl up his spine.
Looks aren't everything.
Later, scrolling through videos about risk-taking and "just going for it," something clicked.
What's the worst that could happen?
He thought about when he was younger. Too shy. Too scared.
I'm not a kid anymore.
He messaged Kassie:
"To be honest this is kinda random but I think you're really nice and I like you. I know it's only been like two days but I'd like to get to know you better."
He reread it three times before pressing send.
Her reply came faster than expected.
"Yeah honestly I think you're really sweet and I like you a bit as well. I'd like to get to know you too."
Abdullah blinked at his screen.
Wow. That went way better than I thought.
They talked almost the entire day.
The next day he got added to a group chat with Agim, Tomek, and some others. A girl named Eire was in the call too.
"I remember one day my sister gave my brother bacon-flavoured crisps, "He didn't know. When he found out, he spat them all out."
Eire and agim burst out laughing. "She's such an icon." Eire said.
"Why'd he spit them out?" Abdullah asked.
"Oh, my brother's Muslim."
"But you're not Muslim?"
"My dad is. My mom's Irish. Dad's from Kosovo. They're Muslim there."
"Oh, that's cool. Ever thought about becoming Muslim?"
"Maybe one day. I feel like if I converted now, I wouldn't be very dedicated."
"Do you eat pork?"
"Nah."
"Well, that's one step."
Later, Abdullah told Sara.
"So his dad married a non-Muslim?"
"Yeah."
"Why wouldn't he marry someone from his country?"
"What difference does it make?" Abdullah said.
The next day, Abdullah saw a picture of Kyle's arm in the group. Some girls were hyping him up.
"He weighs like 50kg," Abdullah muttered to Agim. "I could beat him in a fight."
"Yeah, you'd just sit on him and he's finished," Agim laughed.
Abdullah laughed too.
Later he saw messages:
"Abdullah's gonna fight Kyle. Watch out."
"The only thing he's beating Kyle at is an eating competition," Eire added.
His stomach dropped.
He joined the call.
"I don't want to fight Kyle. I just said if we fought I'd win because I'm bigger."
"Why are you threatening him, you fat—" Eire started.
"Why are you so defensive? Even Kyle doesn't care. I weigh 30kg more than him. I'm being realistic."
"Want me to throw bacon at your house?" she shot back.
"Wow, real original," Abdullah snapped. "Because I'm Muslim? Agim, she's disrespecting your dad's religion and you're saying nothing?"
"I'm not the one trying to fight Kyle," Agim said.
"I'M NOT TRYING TO FIGHT HIM EITHER!"
He left the call. Then the group.
He told Kassie and Sara.
"Why's he letting her talk like that?" Sara said. "That's not a friend."
"He sounds like someone who'll get you into trouble," Kassie added.
"Yeah," Abdullah sighed. "I just need to watch what I say around him."
A few days later, his little sister Aaliyah was running a lemonade stand outside.
Agim texted: "I'm at McDonald's."
"Oh, I live behind it. You wanna come?"
"Yeah sure."
"You're not with anyone?"
"Yeah, I'm by myself."
Abdullah looked out his window and saw Agim.
He stepped outside.
"Hey man, good to see you—"
Then from behind a van, a person in the shape of a bowling ball with pink hair appeared.
Eire.
His fight or flight kicked in.
He turned and ran straight back inside.
Later he heard she'd joked about wrecking Aaliyah's lemonade stand.
"Why are you friends with these weirdos?" Abdullah snapped over text. "Why is she threatening my 8-year-old sister's stand?"
"She's not serious. Don't take everything so seriously."
"Stop lying to me. Don't bring people I don't like to my house."
"I thought you guys could become friends."
"I want nothing to do with someone who threatens to throw bacon at my house."
"Fair enough."
The next day, Sara said, "Can I talk to Kassie?"
"Why?"
"I just want to ask her some stuff. Stop asking questions and tell her to add me."
Abdullah messaged Kassie.
"She's definitely gonna say something like 'how do you even like Abdullah.'"
"Oh why's she so mean?" Kassie replied. "There's lots to like about you."
"Thanks. She's just like that."
He made a group with the three of them.
"Hey Kassie," Sara said.
"Hi, you're Abdullah's cousin? Nice to meet you."
"Yeah, let's talk in private. We don't want the creep spying."
"Uh… he's not a creep but okay."
Abdullah waited.
I can only imagine what she's saying, he thought.
Later Sara messaged him.
"Well, I talked to her. Somehow a girl that good likes you. Low standards. She's too sweet for you. Don't screw it up."
"Thanks for the lovely compliments, buddy" he replied.
"I'm not your buddy," she shot back.
He messaged Kassie.
"What'd she ask?"
"She's… interesting," Kassie said. "She just asked what I see in you and If I really think you're good enough."
"…Am I?" Abdullah asked quietly.
"Of course you are. I've never met someone like you."
He smiled at his screen.
"I've never met someone like you either."
That night, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, everything replayed in his head.
Kassie.
Sara.
Nano.
Abdullah turned up the volume in his headphones.
I hope I'm good enough for you.
I hope I'm doing enough.
For all of you. For
Everyone...