The Imperial Colosseum was a bowl of noise.
One hundred thousand spectators packed the stone bleachers. The air vibrated with drums, horns, and the bloodlust of a crowd waiting for violence. High above in the Royal Box, the Eternal Emperor sat on his Dragon Throne, his face a mask of golden indifference.
But his eyes were locked on the North Gate.
"So," the Emperor whispered to Eunuch Wei. "That is the team my daughter chose over her own blood?"
Down in the arena, the gates rumbled open.
From the East came the Northern Wolf Clan. Fifty berserkers in fur armor, gnashing their teeth, led by General Boru's vengeful brother. They looked like a landslide of muscle. Crowd Reaction: "KILL! MAIM! BURN!"
From the West came the Shadow Sect. Assassins shrouded in black mist, moving like liquid smoke. Crowd Reaction: "Oooooh!"
From the North came Team Sector 01, registered under the name "The Nap Time Association."
The crowd went silent. Then, a ripple of confused laughter spread through the stands.
It looked like a hospital evacuation.
Yun Xi walked in front, wearing her crisp black-and-white maid outfit, holding a massive spiked mace over her shoulder like a parasol. Su Qing walked beside her, tapping a white cane, a basket of flowers on her arm. Gu Ling rolled in on her sleek, mechanical spider-chair, typing on a holographic wristpad. Princess Zhao Ling floated in her white-and-gold Lotus Pod, looking regal but undeniably paralyzed.
And in the middle, sitting on a floating cushion tied to the Princess's pod with a string, was Jiang Fan. He was eating a bag of spicy dried squid.
"Is this a joke?" A noble in the front row laughed, spitting out his wine. "Two cripples, a blind girl, and a servant? They will be minced meat in seconds!"
"Look at the Princess!" another shouted. "How the mighty have fallen! She has to be towed into battle!"
The Princess heard them. Her hands tightened on her armrests.
"They are laughing, Jiang Fan," she whispered, her voice tight.
"Let them laugh," Jiang Fan chewed a piece of squid loud enough to be picked up by the magical amplification crystals. "Laughter opens the diaphragm. It makes it easier to knock the wind out of them."
THE GONG
The Referee, a Stage 7 Master, flew to the center of the arena.
"The rules are simple!" he bellowed. "One hundred fighters enter. The last team standing advances to the Finals! No killing... technically. But accidents happen!"
He raised his hand.
GOOOOONG.
The vibration hadn't even stopped when the chaos began.
"Target the weak ones!" The Wolf Clan leader roared. "Take out the wheelchairs first!"
It was a predatory instinct. In the wild, you kill the injured. The Wolf Clan and three other mercenary teams—forty fighters in total—ignored the other combatants and charged straight at Team Sector 01.
It was a tsunami of blades, fire, and killing intent.
"Here they come," Gu Ling said calmly. "Distance: 50 meters. Density: High."
"Yun Xi," Jiang Fan said, licking squid dust off his fingers. "Hold the line."
"Yes, Master."
Yun Xi stepped forward. She didn't assume a stance. She just planted her feet.
The first Wolf Berserker reached her. "Die, maid!"
He swung a massive axe.
Yun Xi caught the axe handle with her left hand. She didn't flinch. The Heavenly Sword Physique took the impact and grounded it instantly.
"No running in the hallways," Yun Xi said.
She swung her mace with her right hand.
CRACK.
It wasn't a wet sound. It was the sound of armor, bone, and pride shattering simultaneously. The Berserker was launched backward so hard he knocked down the three guys behind him like bowling pins.
"Su Qing," Jiang Fan called out. "Make it foggy."
The blind girl reached into her basket. She pulled out two large, purple spheres.
"Aromatherapy Blend No. 5: 'The Fog of Confusion'," she smiled sweetly.
She tossed them.
POOF.
A thick, lavender mist exploded in the center of the charging horde.
"I can't see!" "Why does it smell like... my grandmother's attic?" "I feel... sleepy?"
The charge faltered. The berserkers stumbled, swinging wildly at shadows.
"Now," Jiang Fan pointed his fan. "Ladies. Open fire."
THE LOTUS-SPIDER FORMATION
Gu Ling and the Princess looked at each other.
"Initiating Link," Gu Ling commanded.
CLICK-CLACK.
Gu Ling's spider legs extended, lifting her chair six feet into the air. The Princess's Lotus Pod floated upward, hovering directly above Gu Ling's head.
They locked into a vertical formation—a mobile turret tower.
"Safety protocols disengaged," The Princess grinned. It was a terrifying, feral grin.
Panels on her Lotus Pod slid open to reveal rows of Compressed Air Cannons. Gu Ling's armrests transformed into Rapid-Fire Ice Repeaters.
"Say hello to my little friends," Gu Ling deadpanned.
BRRRRRRRRRT.
It sounded like canvas ripping.
Hundreds of ice shards and kinetic air-slugs poured into the lavender fog.
It wasn't a fight. It was a suppression.
The ice shards froze the mercenaries' feet to the ground. The air slugs hit them in the chest, knocking the wind out of them and sending them flying.
"ARGHHH!" "MY LEGS! I CAN'T MOVE MY LEGS!" "WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!"
"It's not sorcery!" The Princess shouted, laughing maniacally as she blasted a Wolf General into the mud. "It's 0% Tax Rate Engineering!"
The crowd watched in stunned silence.
The "cripples" weren't helpless. They were a mobile fortress. Gu Ling provided the base of fire, shredding the front lines. The Princess provided the heavy artillery, sniping anyone who tried to flank them.
And Yun Xi?
She was the wall. Anyone who managed to get through the hail of bullets was met by the Maid.
A Shadow Assassin materialized behind the tower, dagger raised to stab Gu Ling.
WHACK.
Yun Xi swatted him out of the air with her mace without even looking.
"Refills are not free," she stated.
THE CENTER OF THE STORM
In the middle of this violence, sitting on his cushion under the protective umbrella of the Lotus Pod, was Jiang Fan.
He was bored.
A stray arrow flew toward him.
Snack, the Void-Eater kitten, opened one eye. It opened its mouth and slurped the arrow out of the air like a spaghetti noodle.
Crunch, crunch.
"Good kitty," Jiang Fan patted its head.
He looked up at the Royal Box. He saw the Emperor standing up, gripping the railing.
Jiang Fan waved. A little, lazy finger wiggle.
The Emperor's face turned purple.
"They are mocking the sanctity of combat!" The Emperor roared. "They are using... toys!"
"Effective toys, Your Majesty," Eunuch Wei whispered, trembling. "They have eliminated 40% of the field in two minutes."
THE FINAL CHARGE
The arena floor was littered with groaning bodies. Only one other team remained standing: The Shadow Sect.
The Shadow Leader, a man wrapped in bandages, stared at the mechanical tower of doom.
"They rely on sight," the Shadow Leader hissed. "The smoke blocks them, but if we move faster than the eye can see, their machines cannot track us."
He signaled his team. "Shadow Step! Maximum Velocity!"
The ten assassins vanished. They moved so fast they became blurs, zigzagging toward Jiang Fan's team, dodging the ice and air bullets.
"They're too fast!" The Princess yelled, trying to track them. "My sensors can't lock on!"
"They're closing distance!" Gu Ling warned. "Impact in three seconds!"
The Assassins leaped. They bypassed Yun Xi by jumping over her head. They were aiming directly for the "weak link"—the blind girl, Su Qing.
"Die, Alchemist!" The Shadow Leader screamed, his dagger descending toward Su Qing's neck.
Su Qing didn't move. She didn't flinch.
She just took a deep breath.
"You smell..." Su Qing whispered.
She reached into her sleeve and pulled out a handful of Glitter Dust.
"...like fear."
She threw the dust into the air.
It wasn't poison. It was sticky, luminescent, highly reflective pollen from the Moon-Glow Flower.
The dust coated the invisible assassins. Suddenly, they weren't invisible shadows. They were glowing, sparkling, disco-ball targets.
"I can see them!" The Princess shouted.
"Target lock acquired," Gu Ling grinned.
"Wait," Jiang Fan said.
He stood up from his cushion. He stretched.
"You guys had your fun," Jiang Fan said, walking past the defensive line. "My turn."
The Shadow Leader, covered in glitter, landed in front of Jiang Fan.
"You?" The Assassin sneered. "You are just a lazy manager! You have no weapon!"
"I have a fan," Jiang Fan corrected, pulling the paper fan from his belt.
"A fan?" The Assassin laughed. He lunged.
Jiang Fan didn't dodge. He just... flicked his wrist.
[ Active Skill: The Gale-Shadow Fan ] [ Technique: "Get Out of My Face" ]
He waved the fan.
It looked like a gentle breeze.
But the air pressure dropped to zero. A shockwave of condensed wind, shaped like a giant hand, slapped the Assassin.
BOOM.
The Assassin didn't fly backward. He was drove downward. He was flattened into the dirt like a pancake.
Jiang Fan fanned himself again. Another shockwave.
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
Every time he waved the fan, another Assassin was swatted out of the air.
In ten seconds, the "deadly" Shadow Sect was a collection of glittery stains on the arena floor.
Jiang Fan closed the fan with a snap.
"Too much glitter," he complained, brushing some dust off his robe. "It's going to take weeks to get this out of the rug."
THE VICTORY
The arena was silent.
The dust settled.
One hundred fighters had entered.
Four women, one man, and a cat remained standing.
The crowd didn't cheer. They were too terrified. They had expected a comedy show. They got a massacre.
Then, from the VIP box, a single person started clapping.
It was Boss Pang, crying tears of joy. "THAT'S MY BRAND! BUY THE MERCHANDISE IN THE LOBBY!"
Slowly, the crowd joined in. The sheer spectacle of it—the machines, the maid, the lazy slap—won them over.
"NAP TIME! NAP TIME! NAP TIME!"
The Princess lowered her Lotus Pod. She looked at the cheering crowd. She looked at her legs, which hadn't failed her.
She looked at Jiang Fan.
"We did it," she breathed.
"We survived the prelims," Jiang Fan corrected, sitting back down on his cushion. "Wake me up for the semi-finals. I need a recharge."
High above, the Emperor sat back in his throne. His eyes were cold.
"Interesting," the Emperor whispered. "He is stronger than the reports. But he has revealed his hand."
He turned to Eunuch Wei.
"Release Subject Zero for the next round."
Wei paled. "Subject Zero? But Majesty... that thing is uncontrollable! It eats souls!"
"Let it eat," the Emperor smiled cruelly. "I want to see if the Lazy King can sleep through a nightmare."