Three days.
That was how long the Siege of Laziness had lasted.
Usually, a siege involved battering rams, catapults, and starving the enemy out of food. Jiang Fan decided that was too much manual labor. Instead, he decided to starve them out of physics.
In the center of the Outer Sect Training Square, a massive, golden machine hummed. It looked like a giant funnel aimed at the sky.
[ Structure: Spirit-Qi Vacuum (Level 3) ] [ Status: Active ] [ Suction Power: Max ]
WHOOSH.
A constant, swirling vortex of blue light was visible in the air. It wasn't wind; it was raw Spirit Qi. The machine was aggressively ripping the cultivation energy right out of the Inner Sect mountain and dumping it into the square.
Inside the square, the air was so thick with energy it sparkled. Breathing it was like drinking an energy drink.
Inside the Inner Sect... it was a different story.
THE INNER SECT PANIC
High on the mountain, inside the Bloodfire Command Hall, panic was setting in.
"My fireball..." a disciple whimpered, staring at his hand. "It won't ignite. It's just... smoke."
"I tried to fly," another disciple cried, nursing a broken leg. "My sword ran out of battery mid-air!"
Elder Zhao (the one Jiang Fan had thrown with a coin, who had climbed back up the mountain out of sheer spite) slammed his fist on the table.
"Silence!" Zhao roared. He tried to flare his aura to intimidate them, but instead of a raging inferno, he produced a small, sad puff of heat, like a toaster oven.
He coughed, embarrassed.
"The enemy is using a demonic formation!" Zhao rasped. "They are stealing our cultivation! If we stay here another week, we will all degrade back to mortals!"
"We have to attack!" General Tu (who had finally woken up from his nap) shouted. "We have the numbers! We rush them!"
"We tried that yesterday," a bandage-wrapped disciple reminded him. "The maid threw a fruit cart at us. And the blind girl made the ground smell like banana peels, and we all slipped."
The door to the inner sanctum opened.
A cold, heavy pressure filled the room. Even with the Qi drought, this presence was suffocating.
Sect Master Ren Tian walked in.
He was a terrifying man. He wore blood-red armor made of ancient dragon bone. His skin was pale, and his eyes were completely black—a sign of practicing forbidden arts.
"You are incompetent," Ren Tian said softly.
He walked to the balcony and looked down at the Outer Sect Square.
From up here, he could see everything. He saw the glowing Vacuum machine. He saw the automatic ice turrets tracking movement.
And right in the middle, he saw a Hot Tub.
Jiang Fan was sitting in the bubbling water, wearing sunglasses, sipping a coconut. Yun Xi was standing guard with a towel. Gu Ling was calibrating a turret while eating a sandwich.
Ren Tian's eye twitched.
"They are mocking me," Ren Tian whispered. "They turn my sect into a desert, and they sit in a bath."
"Sect Master!" Elder Zhao bowed. "What do we do?"
"Turn off the defensive array," Ren Tian commanded.
"But... then they can enter!"
"No," Ren Tian drew a massive, jagged broadsword from his back. The blade pulsed with a dark, corrupt light that didn't rely on ambient Qi. "I am going down there. And I am going to pop their balloon."
THE SPA DAY
"Temperature is holding steady at 40 degrees," Jiang Fan sighed, sinking lower into the water. "Yun Xi, more bubbles."
"I am out of soap," Yun Xi said flatly, standing with her arms crossed. "And I refuse to use dish detergent."
"Improvise. Use your imagination."
"I imagine drowning you," she muttered, but she went to fetch more supplies anyway.
"Hostiles incoming," Gu Ling announced from her turret station. She didn't look up from her sandwich. "Single target. Moving fast. High energy signature."
"Is it the pizza delivery?" Jiang Fan asked hopefully.
"No. It's the Bloodfire Sect Master."
Jiang Fan sat up. He lowered his sunglasses.
"Finally. The manager is here."
BOOM.
A shockwave hit the square. The Spirit-Qi Vacuum rattled.
Sect Master Ren Tian landed in the center of the square, cratering the pavement. He stood up, towering over them, radiating a dark, bloody aura.
"Jiang Fan," Ren Tian growled. His voice sounded like grinding stones. "You have five seconds to turn off that machine, or I will peel the skin from your bones."
Jiang Fan looked at the terrifying warlord. Then he looked at his coconut.
"You know," Jiang Fan said conversationally. "You look stressed. Have you tried the lavender soak? Su Qing makes it herself."
"DIE!"
Ren Tian didn't wait. He swung his jagged broadsword. A wave of blood-red energy slashed toward the hot tub.
"Defense Protocol: Turtle Shell," Gu Ling said calmly.
CLANK.
Four metal walls shot up from the ground around the hot tub (another Base Building feature). The blood slash hit the walls and dissipated.
"Cowards!" Ren Tian roared. "Come out and fight!"
"Yun Xi," Jiang Fan called from inside the metal box. "Guest service."
Yun Xi sighed. She walked out from behind the supply crates. She wasn't holding a broom or a bag this time.
She was holding a Giant Spiked Mace. (Gu Ling had forged it the night before from melted-down enemy spears).
"No running in the pool area," Yun Xi said coldly.
She swung the mace.
Ren Tian blocked with his broadsword.
CLANG!
The impact shook the entire mountain. The ground beneath them cracked.
Ren Tian's eyes widened. "Physical strength? You have no Qi, yet you match me?"
"I eat a lot of protein," Yun Xi grunted, pushing him back.
She was strong, but Ren Tian was a veteran monster. He twisted his blade, deflecting her mace, and kicked her in the stomach.
Yun Xi slid back ten feet, her heels digging furrows in the stone. She winced. Even with her physique, a kick from a Stage 6 Peak master hurt.
"You are strong," Ren Tian admitted. "But you lack technique."
He raised his hand. "Blood Art: Crimson Chains!"
Chains made of blood shot out of the ground, wrapping around Yun Xi's arms and legs, pinning her.
"Yun Xi!" Gu Ling swiveled her turret. "Firing!"
Ice bolts rained down on Ren Tian. He didn't even look. He just flared his aura, melting the ice before it touched him.
"Tech tricks," Ren Tian sneered. "Useless against true power."
He walked toward the metal box where Jiang Fan was hiding.
"Now, little rat. Let's see you dodge this."
He raised his sword to split the metal box in half.
Sniff.
Ren Tian paused.
He smelled something.
It wasn't a potion. It wasn't smoke.
It smelled... ancient. Like dust from a grave.
"What is that smell?" Ren Tian frowned.
Su Qing stepped out from the shadows. She wasn't throwing vials. She was holding a small, burning incense stick.
"It's not a weapon," the blind girl said softly, her voice trembling slightly. "It's... a calling card."
"Calling card?"
Suddenly, the Spirit-Qi Vacuum stopped humming.
It didn't break. It reversed.
"System," Jiang Fan's voice came from inside the box. "Mode Switch: Overload."
VOOOOM.
The machine didn't suck air in anymore. It blasted it out.
All the Qi it had stolen from the mountain for three days—concentrated, pressurized, and dense—shot upward into the sky.
It hit the clouds. The clouds swirled.
A hole opened in the sky.
Ren Tian looked up. His face went pale.
"That... that much Qi density..." he whispered. "It triggers..."
RUMBLE.
Lightning. Purple, gold, and black lightning.
The Heavenly Tribulation.
Jiang Fan kicked open the door of his metal box. He was still in his swim trunks, holding his fan.
"You wanted true power?" Jiang Fan grinned. "The Heavens noticed all this Qi piling up. They think someone is trying to Ascend to Godhood."
He pointed at Ren Tian.
"And you're the strongest guy standing here. So... guess who they're aiming at?"
Ren Tian screamed. "NO! I'M NOT READY! I HAVEN'T PREPARED!"
The sky didn't care.
KRAKOOOOM.
A bolt of lightning the size of a skyscraper slammed down.
Jiang Fan grabbed Gu Ling and Yun Xi.
"Snack! Void Shield!"
The kitten popped out of nowhere and burped a black bubble around them.
The lightning hit Ren Tian.
The explosion was blinding. It wiped out the sound, the light, and the gravity in the square for five seconds.
When the dust settled...
The square was scorched black. The Spirit-Qi Vacuum was melted slag.
And Ren Tian was standing there.
He was smoking. His armor was gone. His hair was gone. He looked like a piece of burnt toast.
He wobbled.
"I..." he wheezed. "I... hate... you."
He fell over. Stiff as a board.
[ System Alert: Enemy Defeated. ] [ Method: Act of God (Assisted). ] [ XP Gained: Critical. ]
Jiang Fan stepped out of the protective bubble. He adjusted his sunglasses.
"Well," he yawned. "That's one way to clear the air."
He looked at the stunned disciples of the Bloodfire Sect who were peeking over the walls.
"Anyone else want to negotiate?" Jiang Fan shouted.
A white flag slowly raised from the Inner Sect gate.
"No!" a voice screamed. "We surrender! Please turn off the lightning!"
Jiang Fan smiled. He turned to his team.
"Yun Xi, draw up the lease agreement. Gu Ling, fix the pavement. Su Qing, help me find my towel."
"And you?" Yun Xi asked, leaning on her mace.
"Me?" Jiang Fan walked back toward his hut.
"I'm going to sleep. Don't wake me up unless the planet explodes."