The massive Sky-Whale Airship didn't ask for permission to land. It simply blocked out the sun.
With a deep, resonant hum, the ship descended right into the center of the Outer Sect Training Square, crushing three "Bloodfire Alliance" recruitment booths and a statue of Elder Zhao that had been hastily erected out of papier-mâché.
CRUNCH.
Dust billowed. Disciples scattered like ants.
The ramp lowered with a hiss of steam.
Standing at the top of the ramp wasn't an army. It was four people and a cat.
Jiang Fan walked down first, shielding his eyes from the sun. He looked at the wreckage of the square. He looked at the red armbands on the terrified disciples. He looked at the giant banner that said "BLOODFIRE TERRITORY: NO NAPPING PERMITTED."
Jiang Fan stopped. He pointed at the sign.
"Yun Xi," he said, his voice deadly serious. "That sign offends me personally. Burn it."
"With pleasure," Yun Xi cracked her knuckles. She was wearing a fresh maid apron (the old one was ruined by the Thunder-Rays), and she looked ready to clean the floor with someone's face.
THE WELCOME COMMITTEE
A group of Bloodfire Enforcers pushed through the crowd. Leading them was a man with a scar running down his face and a necklace made of... teeth?
This was Enforcer Zhang. He looked like he ate rocks for breakfast.
"Who dares land in the Bloodfire Zone?!" Zhang roared, spitting on the ground. "This is sovereign territory! Pay the toll or lose your hand!"
He looked up at the ramp. He blinked.
"A cripple? A blind girl? A maid?" Zhang started laughing. "What is this? A traveling circus? Did you get lost on the way to the clown college?"
The Bloodfire disciples behind him chuckled nervously.
Jiang Fan walked down the ramp until he was eye-level with Zhang.
"I have a question," Jiang Fan said calmly. "Hut 402. The one near the bamboo grove. Is it okay?"
Zhang sneered. "Hut 402? That run-down shack? We turned it into a latrine for the spirit beasts."
The air temperature dropped ten degrees.
Gu Ling, hovering behind Jiang Fan, checked her sensors. "Hostility levels rising. Jiang Fan's heart rate has... actually slowed down. That's bad."
Jiang Fan looked at Enforcer Zhang. He looked at the direction of his beloved hut—his sanctuary of sleep—now apparently a toilet.
"A latrine," Jiang Fan repeated.
"Yeah! A toilet!" Zhang laughed, poking Jiang Fan in the chest. "And you look like the janit—"
Jiang Fan didn't move. He didn't slap Zhang.
He opened his inventory.
"System," Jiang Fan whispered. "Deploy Item: Blueprint - The Lazy Guardian."
[ Acknowledged. ] [ Materials Required: Stone, Metal, Rage. ] [ Sourcing materials from environment... ]
The ground shook.
The stone tiles of the square began to crack. The metal weapons in the hands of the Bloodfire disciples suddenly vibrated and flew out of their grips.
"Hey! My sword!" "My helmet is eating my head!"
The debris swirled into the air, gathering behind Jiang Fan. It clumped together, twisting and grinding, until it formed a shape.
It was a Golem. But not a normal one.
It was fifteen feet tall. It was made of broken swords and crushed statues. And it was shaped... like a giant, angry teddy bear holding a broom.
[ Construct Complete: The Janitor (Level 1) ] [ Directive: SANITIZE. ]
Enforcer Zhang looked up at the towering metal bear. "What... what is that?"
"You called me a janitor," Jiang Fan said, stepping back. "So, I hired one."
He pointed at Zhang.
"This man is a germ. Sanitize him."
The Golem's eyes flashed red. It raised the massive metal broom.
"DIRT DETECTED."
WHAM.
The broom came down. It swatted Enforcer Zhang like a fly.
Zhang didn't even have time to scream. He was swept sideways, tumbling across the square, gathering dust and other disciples in a giant ball of pain until he hit the far wall.
"Clean up on Aisle 4," Jiang Fan noted.
THE SKIRMISH
The Bloodfire disciples panicked. "Attack! Kill the bear!"
They charged.
"Yun Xi," Jiang Fan yawned, sitting down on the ramp. "You're up. Gu Ling, keep the air support tight. Su Qing... tell me what they had for lunch."
"Garlic," Su Qing wrinkled her nose from behind Jiang Fan. "And fear. Mostly fear."
Yun Xi sighed. She adjusted her headband.
"I really need a raise," she muttered.
She dashed forward.
It was a comedy of violence. The Bloodfire disciples were used to fighting cultivators who used swords and fireballs. They weren't used to a maid who caught their blades with her bare hands and lectured them about posture.
"Your stance is sloppy!" SLAP. "Tuck your elbows in!" KICK. "This tunic is filthy! Have you no shame?!" SUPLEX.
Meanwhile, Gu Ling floated above the fray. Her chair's new neural link made her movements impossibly fluid. She spun, firing stun-bolts of ice from her fingertips (which were now fitted with mini-emitters).
"Target locked. Freeze."
Pew. Pew. Pew.
Disciples froze mid-run, turning into statues.
"It's too easy," Gu Ling radioed down. "Their formation is trash. They rely on brute force."
"That's why they're the villains," Jiang Fan replied, feeding Snack a piece of dried fish. "Villains never study strategy."
Suddenly, a horn blew from the Inner Sect gate.
The ground rumbled.
"WHO DARES DISTURB THE BLOODFIRE ALLIANCE?!"
A massive figure leaped from the Inner Sect wall. He landed in the square, cracking the earth.
It was General Tu. He was seven feet tall, shirtless, and his skin was covered in red tattoos that glowed. He held two massive war hammers.
"A Golem? A Maid?" Tu roared. "I will crush you all into paste!"
He raised his hammers and charged at the giant Teddy Bear Golem.
CLANG!
He smashed the Golem's leg. The Golem stumbled.
"Ha! Scrap metal!" Tu laughed. He turned his eyes to Jiang Fan. "You! The leader! I challenge you to a duel!"
Jiang Fan looked at the hulking General.
"A duel?" Jiang Fan asked. "Like... physical exertion?"
"To the death!" Tu smashed his hammers together.
Jiang Fan looked at Yun Xi. She was busy choking two guys. He looked at Gu Ling. She was reloading her ice. He looked at the Golem. It was trying to reattach its leg.
"Fine," Jiang Fan stood up. "But I warn you. I possess the 'Touch of Death'."
General Tu paused. "The Touch of Death?"
"Yes. If I touch you, you will die instantly."
Tu narrowed his eyes. "You lie! There is no such technique in the Outer Sect!"
"Try me."
Jiang Fan walked forward slowly. He held his right hand out, index finger pointing.
"Boop," Jiang Fan whispered.
Tu laughed. "You fool! I will smash you flat!"
He raised his hammers to strike.
Jiang Fan didn't dodge. He just kept walking.
Suddenly, Su Qing—standing safely on the ship ramp—pulled a small, purple vial from her sash.
"Potion of Sudden-Onset Narcolepsy," she whispered, uncorking it.
She didn't throw it. She just let the wind carry the scent.
General Tu inhaled deeply to scream a battle cry.
"I WILL—"
Sniff.
Tu's eyes rolled back in his head. His arms went limp. The hammers fell from his hands.
THUD. THUD.
He swayed on his feet.
Jiang Fan reached him. He gently poked Tu on the nose.
"Boop."
General Tu collapsed face-first onto the pavement, snoring loudly enough to shake the ground.
The entire battlefield went silent.
The Bloodfire disciples looked at their invincible General, sleeping like a baby.
They looked at Jiang Fan, who was inspecting his finger.
"The Touch of Death," a disciple whispered in horror. "It's real!"
"Run! He's a demon!"
"Retreat to the Inner Sect!"
The Bloodfire army broke. They dropped their weapons and ran screaming toward the gates.
Jiang Fan watched them go. He turned to Su Qing and gave her a thumbs up.
"Nice timing."
"He smelled tired," Su Qing smiled innocently.
THE NEW HEADQUARTERS
With the square cleared, Jiang Fan surveyed his new domain.
"Okay," he clapped his hands. "Phase One complete. We have the landing zone."
"What is Phase Two?" Gu Ling asked, landing her chair next to him. "Assault the Inner Sect?"
"No," Jiang Fan shook his head. "That sounds exhausting. They have walls. Stairs. Guards."
He reached into his inventory and pulled out the Sector Manager Token (the new feature from the system update).
"Phase Two is: We make them come to us."
He tapped the token. A holographic grid appeared over the square.
[ Base Building Mode: Active ] [ Available Structures: ]
Automatic Defense Turret (Ice/Fire) - Cost: 500 Gold.
Spirit-Qi Vacuum - Cost: 1,000 Gold.
The Luxury Spa - Cost: 200 Gold.
Jiang Fan grinned.
"Gu Ling, set up the Turrets. Yun Xi, organize the loot piles. Su Qing, brew something that smells terrible so they don't come back too soon."
He selected option 3.
"I'm building a Spa."
"A Spa?" Yun Xi yelled, wiping blood off her cheek. "We are in a war zone!"
"Morale is important, Yun Xi! Plus, General Tu is sleeping in the middle of the road. He needs a pillow."
Jiang Fan walked toward the center of the square.
"We hold this ground," he declared. "And we wait. When they get hungry, or thirsty, or tired... they'll realize that we control the supply drop."
He looked at the towering Inner Sect gates.
"We're going to siege them. By doing absolutely nothing."