The harsh, revealing morning light streamed into the living room of the apartment, which had been Alyx's makeshift bedroom until then.
She stood stunned with the apartment door open, having just answered a knock minutes before to find Lily, small and undone, in the doorway. It made Alyx feel as if every single stitch she had carefully sewn around her heart over the past months tore open all at once.
It wasn't just the surprise of her appearance, but the memory from nearly a month ago of seeing that same gaze through the bar window, which generated a raw pain, so fresh and familiar after all.
Not knowing what to say, Alyx could only state the facts of the moment. "I'm moving," she said, and the two words sounded like a definitive step into a future where they might no longer be together.
The confusion in Lily's eyes transformed into something worse, filled with a deep and devastating understanding. Her gaze swept over the box and the old sweater of Marshall's that Alyx was wearing, combined with the ironclad determination in Alyx's posture. It was a clear message: she wasn't just changing apartments.
She was withdrawing.
"Now? Why...?" Lily's voice was a thread as fragile as glass.
Alyx took a deep breath. "Because I'm not a part of this anymore," she said, raising her chin and gesturing backward to the apartment so full of memories and dreams from before Lily's departure. "And you aren't either, Lily. You left. You broke everything."
Alyx didn't say she left *her* or Marshall. She was deliberate in saying Lily left *everything*—their dreams, goals, and shared life—behind.
Lily paled even more, surprisingly so. The tears she had bravely held back, merely brimming in her swollen eyes, could no longer be contained and began to fall freely, silent and painful.
Not knowing what to say or ask for, she began. "I went to see him the night before last," she confessed about her search for Marshall, as if bringing that fact to light could change something in that moment. "I asked him... I begged him to take me back."
Alyx didn't respond, only clenching her fists tightly. She said nothing.
"He said no," Lily whispered, her voice breaking.
"He said I was right and that we needed to learn... to be alone." A bitter, dry laugh escaped her throat.
"Do you realize, Alyx? I believed him when he said leaving was a mistake, but I didn't believe him when he said staying was right. And now... it seems my mistake was the truth, and I don't know what I've done."
It was a labyrinth of guilt and regret, and Alyx was too tired to navigate it.
But then Lily looked up, and her eyes—those green eyes that Alyx had tried to capture over and over on paper with desperate strokes—locked onto Alyx's.
"But I didn't just ask *him* to come back," Lily said. "When I said 'let's go back,' in my head... in my heart... you were part of that picture. The three of us, like before. Like it should have always been," she said, forcing herself to express her desires without letting the tears and slight hiccups of crying weaken her words.
Alyx felt the air leave her lungs. It was a direct hit. She had spent months assuming that in Lily's mind, she was just an accessory, a failed experiment, the third wheel that fell off when the car crashed.
Hearing that Lily had included her in that desperate plea to come back... was a new kind of pain. It was a "what could have been" so vast and dazzling it was blinding.
But she also couldn't help but notice the final omission. "And why didn't you ask *me*?" The question left Alyx's lips before she could stop it. It was harsh, laden with months of sleepless nights fueled by coffee and rage contained by abandonment. "Why did you go straight to him as if I were just an extension of Marshall, as if my feelings were an appendage of his?"
Lily took a step back as if the words had physically pushed her. "Because... because I hurt you. I saw you that night at the bar, through the window. When I saw your face—the same expression Marshall had months ago, only... more controlled, more silent. I was so scared to see that pain in you, Alyx. I thought you wouldn't forgive me. That it was easier to ask *his* forgiveness, and that he... that he would convince you."
"He doesn't convince me of anything!" Alyx exploded, and the volume of her voice echoed in the apartment's living room. She said, gesturing with her hands, which now free from their tight clenching, trembled visibly. "I make my own decisions, Lily. Like the decision to care for him when you weren't here. Like the decision to stay silent when I saw you spying on us. Like the decision to leave now, because I can't stand being in this limbo of shattered possibilities that *you* created for another minute."
Each accusation sank into Lily like a poisoned dart, and Alyx watched them strike home. But she couldn't stop. The torrent of emotions she had repressed with cleaning, coffee, and punches to a boxing bag was now gushing out.
"You didn't just leave the two of us. You left all three of us, Lily. You broke a triangle, not a line. And the worst part is you still don't even see it. You're still thinking in terms of 'him and me,' when for years it was an 'us'! And I was in that 'us'! I loved you! I loved both of you!"
That was the first time she had said it out loud—not in her mind, nor caged within drawings in an old sketchbook. The echo of her confession resonated in the cold space. Lily brought a hand to her mouth, stifling a sob.
Happy holidays to all my readers! 🎄✨
As a thank-you gift, I'm bringing you a double chapter today:
📖 One continues the main story,
🎁 and the other is a nostalgic holiday memory filled with magic.
Thanks for every read and all your support. You're the best part of this journey!
Wishing you a season full of magic and great stories! 📖✨