"You look amazing," Asher said as I came down the stairs in the outfit grandma had chosen for me, it was an A-line satin ombre aqua and turquoise dress , it complimented my figure. I had on Jimmy Choo white crystal heels, I felt so beautiful. Asher held out his hand, I placed my hand in his and he couldn't take his eyes off my eyes, and for a moment I felt like it was just me and him together and that we were perfectly in love and happy. Asher wore a light grey suit with an off white Tie, he looked so good, he always looked good.
"Grandma definitely knows how to choose an outfit," I said smiling. "She definitely does," he said in a whisper, his hand caressed my cheek, he looked so awed which made me feel shy, i could feel the blush appearing on my cheeks. "Let's going we will be late," I said nudging him.
One thing about about the Sterling family is that they were powerful, wealthy but also a large family. When we arrived it was hard to believe that this was strictly a family dinner, there were so many cars and a few people standing outside arriving and greeting each other. The family was large and had many businesses, hence the wealth. The biggest family business was obviously handled by the eldest son but when Asher's parents died in an unfortunate accident, someone had to step up. Asher's uncle, Josh was the second eldest but he didn't want to lead the big family business, he wanted to continue his work in Jewelry making and the daughters were not confident enough to take over so grandma took over, trained the grandsons but Asher was the only one who showed genuine interest to expand the family business and he needed a way to deal with his broken heart so when Aria left him he found a good excuse to work hard into expanding the family business.
"Everyone is here," I said looking out the car window. "Yeah this time grandma insisted everyone be present, she says she wants to enjoy seeing her family together," he said which made my heart beat fast. I was afraid to think about why she would want that, I didn't want to think about it, not yet. We got out of the car and made our way inside having greeted every family member we came across, "Asher, Zaliyah," Aunt Delilah greeted as she gave us a hug, she was Uncle Josh's wife. "Aunt Delilah," Asher greeted back, she was one of the people who cared for him when his parents died, she genuinely loved Asher. "Aunty Dee," I greeted .
"You look amazing Zaliyah," she complimented. "Oh grandma chose this for me, she has amazing taste."
"Well what can I say, she sure does. She always did."
After greeting many other family members , some who genuinely were happy to see us, some who were not really that pleased and some that genuinely didn't care, I separated from Asher as he stayed behind talking about the business with his cousins. I saw grandma sitting alone as she looked lost in her thoughts, "Grandma," I said as I placed my hands on her shoulders, "Zaliyah," she said as she smiled widely. She gestured for me to sit in front of me, "How do I look? This dress is amazing, it's beautiful," I said spinning lightly for her to see it before I sat down. "Well the dress is beautiful but the one who wears it makes the dress look even more beautiful," she said as she held my hands, "Thank you so much."
"I have such a huge family," she said looking around the hall, "You sure do, but isn't that the beauty of it all. This huge family, people who love you immensely," I said looking around the room, wishing that my family would love me the way everyone loved grandma and the other members. From as long as I remember during family gatherings, family members were cold towards me, I was like this bothersome leech they so desperately wanted to get rid of. Aria said I always read too much into it that we were treated the same but I felt like there was something they were not telling me, something that made them not want me around.
"It is, and I wish the same for you too. I would trade anything in this world to have this family all over again in my next life, and for my dear Edith to be with me and witness the beauty of what we created," she said with this longing in her eyes. I squeezed her hand, "I am sure he sees it all."
Everyone was enjoying themselves, interacting, dancing and gossiping. Asher came towards where I was standing, "Can I have this dance?" he asked, I smiled and placed my glass of champagne down and placed my hand in his. I wouldn't pass the chance to dance to this song, it was one of the few songs I liked from Stephen Sanchez. "Until I found You". We slowly danced to the song, matching the rhythm and beat, "I wish my name was Georgia right now," I said teasingly, "I know right, she is one lucky lady, whoever she is...whoever has her name called Georgia," Asher replied with a smile.
As we danced to the song I couldn't help but think that maybe Asher understood this song better than I did, ' I will never fall in love again until I found her'. Had he been waiting for Aria all these years, waiting to see her again so that he could fall in love with her again. It was true that your first love can not truly be replaced, when you fall in love for the first time, it's the only and last time you will ever truly love with all your heart and mind and unfortunately for me I had fallen in love with the man who belonged to my sister. The man who would never truly, purely and everlastingly love me like he loved my sister.
"What's going on in your mind?" he asked. "Nothing much, just how all this is so overwhelming yet so cozy. I love the chattering of the people in the background to good music, especially people who share some deep bond. It feels like home."
"It is home," he said firmly, like he had been saying it over and over again and I wasn't understanding his words. Well I didn't, it was his home, not mine. I had to go and hope to find mine someday , somewhere. If I believed it was I would give myself false hope, false illusion. Before he could add more the song ended and grandma announced that we could go sit by the table and have our dinner. We made our way to the large long table that was beautifully decorated with pretty porcelain China, "Mama's porcelain China," Aunt Esther commented amused, this was grandma's sacred crockery items, the plates and cups that were expensive and meant to be safe guarded that used on a daily basis. "This must be a special family dinner," Uncle Josh said as he grabbed his seat, I looked over at grandma and she was just smiling while looking at everyone. Her eyes met mine and she knew I knew, I just smiled back at her and made my way to my seat.
She stood up to make an announcement, "I can't explain how I feel seeing all of you around me right now, I truly have been blessed with such an amazing big family," she said.
"I just wanted to remind you of what family means, how important it is to spend time together and enjoy ourselves together. It had been a while since we all had been together like this and thank you all for making it today. I hope that we continue to grow more and more and that no matter what happens, no matter how things end we will always make our back to each other. Your father and grandfather always said to me that it didn't matter where we ended up or how things looked like, as long as we were together the worst will be tolerable, the burden is less and the pain is tolerable. It may not disappear but together we will endure. And those are the values of our family, I want you to remember that," she said, everyone cheered at what she said, "Let's raise our glasses and make a toast, a toast to family, love and endurance and of course many more grandkids and great grandbabies," she said and it made everyone chuckle.
I smiled lightly but my heart was unsettled, I couldn't help but think of what all this meant, maybe I am not the only one who felt the same. Maybe everyone understood and had accepted it but how could they? I felt Asher's hand on my shoulder, I looked up at him, "Are you okay?" he asked with concern. "Yes," I said but i felt the tear that had left my eye caress my lips and enter into my mouth, the salty water made me realize that I was indeed crying. "Uh, Grandma's speech made me tear, it was beautiful," I said before her could ask more. Everyone started having dinner but I wasn't really hungry, " May you please excuse me," I said standing to go to the washroom. As I entered the washroom, I felt the tears leave my eyes.
There was a heavy feeling in my heart, I knew it meant something and I didn't know how to control the way I felt. I felt this lump in my throat, I felt fragile hands on my shoulders and I turned to see Grandma standing there smiling, "Grandma," I said hugging her. "You know," she said.
"I feel it," I said as the tears left my eyes.
"I feel it too, but don't be scared."
"I am afraid for you."
"Oh don't be silly, afraid for who? me? I am the strongest old woman you have ever seen."
"Grandma," I said as I placed my hands on her cheeks. "Stop crying like a baby, you will make my great grandkids cry babies," she said as she teased me.
"They don't even exist, I am not sure they will-"
"You are my granddaughter no matter what happens between you and my stupid grandson Asher," she said.
"I know."
We finished dinner and those who wanted something to eat had dessert, "What happened? Your eyes, who made you cry?" Asher asked as lifted my chin with his finger. "No one, I just felt so overwhelmed," I said. "Are you sure? Did anyone- If anyone said anything to you tell me, don't-"
"No one said anything Asher, I am just being silly and a cry baby," I said looking down but he lifted my chin again. "I know you are hiding something and I will find out," he said firmly. You will, soon enough you will and there is nothing he could do about it. Time had passed by, I didn't want to go home but grandma insisted I did, everyone was leaving those who stayed close by and the others remained and would travel a day or two after today. We drove away but we didn't go home directly, Asher drove us to the beach, "What are we doing here?"
"You are emotional and I thought maybe the beach will cheer you up, you do love the sound of the waves don't you?" he said. I smiled at him, he got out and came to where I was and helped me exit the car, we walked to along the beach, I was struggling with the heels and as I bent down to remove them Asher knelt before me and helped me remove them. "Oooh gentleman,' I said smiling. "I was raised right," he commented. "I see that Mr. Sterling. Do thank the people that raised you for me."
We walked by the beach quietly, the smell of sea water and the ocean waves crushing against the beach calmed my mind and heart and the cold wind cooled me down. Suddenly that dreading feeling seemed to suppress itself and it wasn't so overwhelming anymore. "Do you want a piggy back ride?" Asher asked. "I am walking fine," I said trying to figure out why I would need a piggy back ride. "I know that, in fact get on my back," he said crouching in front of me, signaling i climbed his back. I hesitated for a while but eventually gave in and he held me gently and it felt amazing to be on his back. I felt like a child again, I remembered the times Aria used to give me piggy back rides and she would pretend to drop me which made me cry the first time but eventually I laughed and screamed in excitement.
Asher suddenly started running around the beach and spinning with me on his back, which had me screaming and laughing, "Asher is you drop me," I said as I held him tighter, " Hold on tight and don't let yourself fall," he said. Then he went into the water, "Asher what are you doing?" I said and suddenly he dropped me into the water, I looked at him in disbelief but I got on my feet and chased him, trying to splash water on him but he ran away from me. I ran to where he was and jumped on his back trying to make him fall into the water and after so much effort we fell into the water, but I know he let himself fall into the water, my tiny frame and short height could not possibly make a man as tall as Asher fall into the water.
After playing in the water we got out and laid on the sand looking up and the stars, Asher had his arms wrapped around me and even though it was cold and freezing I felt warm next to him.
"Thank you, I needed this," I said looking at him.
"You are welcome," he said as he looked at me. We were so close to each other, his warm breath hitting my face gently, he leaned in more without thinking, like instinct took over before reason. His cold hand rested on the back of my neck and his lips landed on mine. The kiss was a little messy, a little desperate but most of all it was the most amazing thing that had happened that night. Time seemed to move slow, suddenly I could not hear the sound of the waves but the sound of my own heart beat. I gripped on his wet shirt and deepened the kiss ,he squeezed my waist and it drove me crazy.
When we pulled back, and as our eyes stared into each other, we knew that this, this kiss...changed everything.