Right in the middle of the evening rush, an izakaya always turned into a packed, clinking spectacle—shoulders brushing, glasses raised, noise spilling over every table.
Sometimes it was a group of college students out for a club get-together, huddled around one table and playing drinking games. Sometimes it was exhausted office workers who'd just survived a full day, lifting cups of shochu to clink with coworkers while complaining about recent work, and the heavy weight of family responsibilities.
But someone like Hiroi Kikuri—who treated fruit liquor as an aperitif, used liquor-filled chocolates as ingredients, drank sake "to quench thirst," and used beer "to rinse her mouth," and no matter whether it was white, beer, red, or shochu, if it was alcohol she would slam it all in one gulp, let out a loud, satisfied burp, and then charge right back in for another three hundred rounds—was a level of wild that belonged to an entirely different species.
Gotou Hitori had only ever seen one person who could pull that off.
And she'd only ever seen one person whose table was dominated by bottles so completely that they took up more space than the food.
Other people might hold up one finger and brag that they could drink "one-finger straight," or curl their middle finger and claim they had "no middle finger—meaning no 'stop'"—but ninety percent of the time, it was just them talking big.
If it was Hiroi Kikuri saying it, though, it was a different story. On her, those phrases counted as modesty.
Honestly.
Hitori was genuinely afraid that with the way Kikuri drank—like some chaos demon who'd already drifted far beyond humanity—one day she'd just casually drink herself straight into the afterlife.
But Kikuri didn't care in the slightest. She said life was about doing what you wanted to do.
A life where you can keep yourself happy is what deserves to be called life. A life lived for yourself is what deserves to be called living. Everything else is just suffering for no reason.
Hitori had no choice but to place her hopes in Kikuri's bandmates keeping her under control.
Meanwhile, Kita—sitting right beside Hitori—looked like her pupils had been hit by an earthquake.
In her entire life, she'd never seen someone drink the way others drank water. The way she stared at Kikuri was already full of dazed confusion.
"…Am I… still not that familiar with rock…?"
"Um… Kita… Big Sis is a special case. Not everyone is like her…" Hitori whispered.
"Ehh—so mean. You're making it sound like I'm some kind of drunk. I just like alcohol a tiny, tiny bit, okay?" said the woman who was absolutely a drunk, and proceeded to lie through her teeth.
"B-Big Sis, maybe you should drink a little less…? I'm worried you'll drink too much and won't be able to get home later…"
Kita was too kind. She was seriously trying to persuade a creature that—in another universe's rules—could probably be classified as a beer demon or something to drink less.
Hitori used to try the same thing.
But even without trying, you could guess how well that went. It barely worked at all—words went in one ear and out the other. And more often than not, Kikuri would turn it around and tease her for it.
"Don't worry. Even if I black out, it's fine. I'll just find a chair and sleep on it," Kikuri said, predictably choosing this moment to mess with Kita.
"T-That's… way too dangerous, isn't it?!"
Kita, being the innocent soul she was, still hadn't realized just how dangerous a person could be when you combined the two questionable traits of bassist and alcoholic.
"Yeah, you're right. It really is dangerous…" Kikuri nodded solemnly, pretending to be convinced. Then, the instant she caught Kita relaxing, she flipped the script, grinning with pure mischief.
"Then I'll have Gotou take me home, okay? Ah, but Gotou doesn't know where I live, does she… guess there's no helping it. Then Big Sis can just sleep over at your place for one night, right, Gotou? You won't say no, will you?"
S-Sleep at my place?!?!
Hitori caught a stray bullet even while doing nothing. Even though she knew Kikuri was joking, she was still terrified; the expression on her face snapped into the familiar "609" mode.
Beside her, Kita heard a mental bang—like a tiny mushroom cloud detonated over her head.
Because the moment she imagined Gotou-san living under the same roof as this unreliable-but-definitely-pretty Big Sis… and then, maybe on some stormy night with thunder and rain, something unspeakable happened… and years later they ended up together and invited her to be the bridesmaid—
Snap.
Kita felt some string inside her nervous system break.
Her face—normally so cute—now twisted into the same abstract "609" expression as Hitori's.
So that expression could spread like a virus.
She'd never noticed before.
Kikuri watched the two young people huddled close together, both completely short-circuited by her teasing and trembling like frightened animals. The more she watched, the more amusing it became. She took out her phone, chuckling, and snapped a picture of them while she talked.
"Relax, it's all just teasing. If I get drunk, Shima will come take me home. Last time I accidentally fell asleep in a park, Shima was the one who dragged me back. Ahh… I really put Shima through the wringer, huh? Hahahahahaha—"
"…Ah. Iwashita-san?" Hitori slowly came back to herself, a black-haired woman surfacing in her memory—one whose looks reminded her a bit of Ryougi Shiki.
"Yep. Gotou, do you miss her? I can call her right now and summon her over, you know."
"P-Please have mercy and spare me…!!"
Watching Gotou and Kikuri banter so loudly and naturally, Kita—now recovered too—blinked in a fog and quietly lifted her drink, taking a small sip.
And she realized something.
Maybe she didn't actually know Gotou Hitori all that well.
She'd noticed her a long time ago, but she'd always been standing at a distance—so far away—until only recently, when she'd finally managed to plant her feet beside her.
She thought that would be enough.
But when she looked up, she realized there were so many things—so many—she didn't know.
She didn't know what had happened between Gotou and her old band.
She didn't know what Gotou had been doing during the half-year she disappeared.
She didn't know Gotou had connections to someone like Hiroi Kikuri.
And she especially didn't know why Gotou suddenly decided to become a guitar teacher.
She'd come to Gotou's side while knowing nothing.
She hadn't made any grand plans for the distant future; she'd only thought she couldn't miss this chance—and so, stumbling and clumsy, she'd made her way to Gotou's side.
…Someone as reckless as me—do I have anything I can do to help her?
If one day Gotou-san runs into trouble again… is there anything I can do for her?
Someone as ordinary as me…
What, exactly…?
Kita lowered her gaze in silence. When she tried to take another sip, she caught Hitori looking at her from the corner of her eye.
So she turned her head—and, just as expected, met those blue eyes that seemed to glow faintly even beneath her bangs.
"Um… what's wrong? Kita… you look like you're not very happy."
Hitori asked softly.
In her bright eyes, the concern was unmistakable.
For some reason, Kita looked away. Her head went strangely blank. Words that normally came out without thinking now refused to form into even the simplest phrases.
Her heartbeat began to accelerate.
Even her ears started to feel hotter and hotter.
Gotou-san hasn't done anything special… she's just asking if I'm unwell.
So why am I panicking like this…?
"U-Um…"
Kita's eyes grew more and more chaotic.
But then she remembered what had happened at the live house earlier, and it was like grabbing a lifeline—she blurted it out immediately.
"I was thinking… um… before we went into the live house… didn't a girl run out? And then when we went inside, the atmosphere was really heavy and everything… so I was curious—did something happen?"
"Ah… that," Kikuri set her shochu back on the table and sighed.
"To be honest, it has nothing to do with you two. I shouldn't tell you, and you don't need to know. But personally… I also want you to know. I want you to help me… or more precisely, help my senior."
"But it's not mandatory, okay? This really has nothing to do with you. And if you butt in on your own, there's a chance you'll just end up being disliked. So I want you to think about it first, and then answer."
Kikuri opened her eyes—eyes that were usually squinted shut from being drunk so often.
"If you're just curious and you don't want to get involved, then put your curiosity away and don't bring it up again. On the other hand, if you really are willing to help, then I'll tell you the truth."
"Don't feel pressured, and don't feel awkward about refusing. It's just a simple question. It's not a big deal."
Seeing Kikuri push even her beloved shochu aside and wear a seriousness she rarely showed, Hitori immediately understood why Kikuri had suddenly invited her out for dinner today.
Kikuri was perpetually broke.
But today she'd deliberately brought enough money.
And really, if Hitori thought about it—
She was even at this live house because Kikuri had recommended it to her before.
Hitori wasn't stupid. She knew Kikuri looked careless on the surface, but was actually very sensitive and attentive.
After all the maneuvering Kikuri had done to bring things to this moment… the message was obvious.
"…Okay. Big Sis, please tell us. I—I'll do my best!" Hitori didn't hesitate for long.
And the moment Hitori agreed, Kita immediately voiced her support too.
"Me too!"
"Eh? You're answering that fast—are you sure that's okay?" Kikuri said, laughing.
…Even if we refused, you'd probably find a way to make us say yes anyway.
Hitori complained silently in her head, then lowered her gaze and spoke slowly.
"…That senior… she's important to you, isn't she? I don't see Big Sis put this much thought into things very often."
"So… there's nothing to hesitate about. If Big Sis brought this up to me… that means you think I can help… somehow. Probably."
"I don't know how important your senior is to you, but… Big Sis is my senior, and you've helped me. I understand how you feel. If one day Big Sis ran into trouble too… I think I'd do my best to help you as well."
"Gotou-san—" Kita covered her mouth, eyes filled with admiration.
Across the table, Kikuri suddenly launched herself forward and pinned Hitori down. In Kita's stunned gaze, Kikuri pulled Hitori into her arms and vigorously ruffled her hair.
"Good kid, good kid—waaah, Gotou, why are you so good? Big Sis didn't dote on you for nothing! That's the most moving thing I've heard all year! Let Big Sis pat your head properly—there, there, there—!"
"B-Big Sis!!! If you do that, Gotou-san will pass out!!"
Kita panicked so hard tears came out for real.
She hurriedly rescued Hitori—who had already collapsed into something with the consistency of liquid—and while wiping her tears in distress, she tried to "reassemble" Hitori back into a human shape with the metaphorical equivalent of sandpaper.
"Ah… you're right."
Kikuri looked down at Hitori, who had very clearly fainted completely.
"Hahahahahaha—sorry, sorry, I got too excited! But hey, isn't this perfect? Now Kita-chan can keep holding Gotou the whole time."
K-Keep holding Gotou-san…?!
What a disrespectful thought toward one's teacher—what a violation of normal social distance…!
How could I possibly do that?!
Kita's soft cheeks turned bright red all at once.
She scrambled to deny it, but the words coming out of her mouth were all garbled nonsense.
And her hands didn't stop moving even once—before she knew it, she'd already placed Hitori's head on her skirt-covered thigh.
Fortunately, Kikuri didn't keep teasing her. Kita managed to steady her turbulent emotions, while Kikuri asked with genuine worry,
"What do we do now? If Gotou won't wake up, she doesn't have any friends to pick her up… and I don't know where Gotou lives."
"Ah, if it's that, don't worry," Kita explained as she gently rubbed Hitori's head. "Gotou-san won't be out for too long. She'll probably wake up around the time we finish eating… I think?"
…Why does this girl sound so experienced?
Kikuri's face filled with question marks, but she tactfully didn't ask. She sat back down and resumed pouring herself alcohol.
"In that case, there's nothing for it. I'll tell you about the live house situation first, Kita-chan. When Gotou wakes up, you can pass it on for me."
"Okay! I understand!"
"It's not that big a deal, really… it's just one of those real-life problems that people in bands run into all the time."
Kikuri took a sip.
"My senior—the one you saw earlier, the one hugging a plushie and looking kind of down—she used to be in a band that was really, really popular. But then, for some reason, she suddenly stopped playing in bands, and instead opened a live house. The very one you visited today."
"Back then, I asked her if she was going to keep the place open forever, and she rolled her eyes and called me an idiot for asking the obvious. The truth is, she's not the type who's good at management or business. Don't be fooled by how cool she looks—she's actually kind of dumb. She even repeated a year for two whole years once. But even so, someone who isn't good at using her brain still managed to keep this place running all the way until now."
"I think what kept her going this whole time… was her little sister."
Kita blinked. "Her sister… you mean that girl who ran out?"
"Yep. If I'm remembering right, she's about your age and Gotou's. She should be… hmm… a sophomore or a junior in college? Anyway, she's at the age where she has to take responsibility for her own life."
Kikuri picked up the last bottle and tried to pour it, found it empty, and decided not to order more. She looked at her cup and sighed softly.
"My senior wants her to keep chasing her dreams, but the kid seems like she wants to compromise with reality. She said she sees my senior getting more and more exhausted, in worse and worse moods, and she can't find anyone suitable to form a band with, so she wants to talk it over—maybe she should just go get a job, help ease the pressure, share the burden."
"My senior got angry and told her it was none of her business, that she should just focus on herself. The sister heard that and got angry too, and they started fighting."
"In the end, my senior slammed the table and said if she went out to work, then she'd stop running the live house—that she might as well close it, that it should've shut down a long time ago anyway… I get that my senior was trying to push the kid, force her a little. But maybe her words were too harsh. The moment the kid heard that, she just burst into tears and ran out."
"…"
Kita hadn't expected it to be this tangled and painful. Her expression gradually turned sad.
Because she was dealing with something similar.
Her parents were civil servants, so her family hoped she'd have a good future—a respectable job, a proper career.
But for someone who wasn't even twenty yet, all of that was heavy.
Most people her age still hadn't fully crossed the line from "teenager" to "adult." They didn't know which direction they should choose in life, and they couldn't grasp what kind of future they were supposed to have.
They wandered. They got lost. They suffered. They worried. They were afraid.
Kita lowered her gaze. Suddenly she felt a sensation of weightlessness—like something had pushed her off an invisible high place.
She shut her eyes in fear—until she realized she'd unconsciously grabbed Hitori's shoulder, and only then did she find a little reassurance.
"Kita-chan, are you okay? You look really heavy-hearted," Kikuri asked.
"Ah… I'm fine. It's just… I thought a little about myself," Kita forced a smile.
"Hmm? So you're going through something like this too… That's tough, huh."
"No, no, I'm not suffering! My family is really good to me! So I can't say I'm in pain or anything."
"But those are exactly the people who have the hardest time," Kikuri said, looking at Kita, then suddenly smiling.
"If you feel like you can't handle it… go talk to Gotou. In this area, she's your senior."
"Eh? Gotou-san…?" Kita looked lost.
"Yep. Surprised?" Kikuri's face carried the rare air of an older adult.
"The truth is, I didn't want Gotou involved in this. Because her problems aren't any lighter than that kid's. It's the same suffocation. The same pain."
"You know she used to be in a band, right? When I first met Gotou, I warned her not to stay there too long. But Gotou chose to trust those people. She told me that no one had ever paid attention to her—those people were the ones who brought her into a band, so no matter what, she wanted to keep going with them."
"Honestly, when I heard her say that, my heart broke. But I didn't have the right to decide for her, so I could only watch as she stayed there—watch her eyes, which had once been so bright, grow dimmer and dimmer, and watch her passion for music fade away."
Kikuri drank the last of her alcohol in one go.
"I should've noticed earlier. They were just using her. But Gotou never once complained about them to anyone. It wasn't until later—after I used some connections and dealt with them properly—that I found out the truth. During the time she was with that band, arranging, writing lyrics, organizing practice, post-production mixing—Gotou did it all alone."
"She didn't even know how to do those things at first, so she forced herself to learn. A kid who was only seventeen or eighteen—not only practicing guitar, but also learning theory, learning mixing… and even then, she still couldn't earn her bandmates' trust. Instead, she drove herself to the brink."
"I saw the brightest gem I've ever encountered get trampled into the dirt by people who didn't know how to treasure it, and I couldn't accept it. So I cleared them out—every last one of them. They'll never be able to stand in our circle again for the rest of their lives."
"But what good did that do? Gotou had already lost her faith in bands."
Kikuri remembered half a year ago—when she'd lent Gotou her band, letting Gotou personally close the curtain on that past performance.
It was the most exhilarating show Kikuri had ever played. Even now, it remained a peak she couldn't surpass.
She'd hoped that performance would make Gotou stay.
But Gotou told her calmly that she had no regrets anymore.
Everything she wanted to say had been poured into the song.
Everything she'd worked for had gathered into those ten-odd minutes.
She hadn't let her past self down—she'd become the most dazzling person on that stage.
Even though she'd worn a mask and only removed it after the show ended, she'd still experienced what it felt like to be affirmed by others.
That was enough.
Let that precious moment be the final period at the end of her band life.
She really wanted to step down and rest.
"…Ah… geez. Why am I getting sad too?" Kikuri wiped at her eyes without drawing attention, then flashed her shark-like teeth again.
"Anyway. Gotou's in a tough spot too. I kept thinking she might never come back. But unexpectedly, she seems to have pulled herself together lately. She's picked up the guitar again, and she looks a little more alive…"
"And that's all thanks to you, Kita-chan."
"Eh…?"
Kita was still rubbing at her reddened eyes with her fingertips. Hearing Kikuri mention her, she hurriedly shook her head.
"N-No, that's not it. I didn't do anything for Gotou-san… When I met her, she had already picked up the guitar again."
"Eh? It wasn't you? I was sure it had to be you." This time it was Kikuri's turn to look shocked.
"If it wasn't you, then who on earth gave Gotou the courage to face what she'd already chosen to abandon…? She can't have recovered on her own. A heart demon like that—you need someone's support, someone's encouragement…"
"And it has to be someone incredibly, incredibly important—no, 'important' might not even be enough. You'd need words like 'emotional anchor' to describe them…"
Ah.
I shouldn't be saying this in front of a young girl, should I?
Kikuri realized the problem a beat too late and was just about to laugh it off—when Kita said, earnestly,
"Then I have to find that person and properly thank them!"
"Eh…" Kikuri stared. "Kita-chan… are you sure…?"
"Hm? Why wouldn't I be sure?" Kita asked, confused. "That person helped Gotou-san, didn't they?"
"Uh… it's just… doesn't it feel… uncomfortable?"
"Nope."
Kita tilted her head slightly, then smiled—so bright it was almost dazzling.
"From what you said, without that person, Gotou-san might never have been able to pull herself together again, right? That person's appearance changed Gotou-san… so I'm grateful that they exist."
"Thank you to that person for giving Gotou-san the courage to face the past again. Thank you for appearing in Gotou-san's world, and changing her life."
"To me, Gotou-san is someone very important. If that person helped Gotou-san… then it's the same as helping me."
…Is this kid an angel?
Kikuri felt like the Kita in front of her was about to ascend into sainthood.
She'd assumed Kita's feelings for Gotou were the usual kind of romantic affection—but now, it was almost too pure.
It was hard to tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
"…But, Kita-chan. Even if what you said is true… I still think you deserve some credit," Kikuri said.
She didn't pour herself more alcohol. Instead, she picked up her drink, gestured toward Kita, and downed it in one go.
"I see Gotou as a little brother."
"Because she's really, really like me—exactly like how I used to be. So I'm happy that she's pulled herself together."
"And because she pulled herself together, I want her to help my senior—so that a kid who's been through pain himself can help another lost kid make the right choice."
"And the truth is, she already is doing that. She might not realize how many people she's helped without meaning to… but she definitely remembers who she helped, and who then helped her in return. People like that—people like that have an extremely special meaning to her."
"It's not like it has to be only one unknown person who pulled her up from the ruins of her life. That would be too absolute, wouldn't it? People… keep moving forward under the weight, by constantly forming bonds with others."
Kikuri filled both her cup and Kita's with drinks, then raised her cup to Kita.
"Kita-chan. Thank you for coming to Gotou's side."
"From now on… I'll leave Gotou in your care."
Kita froze.
The perfect smile she always wore faltered, just a little, into something uncertain.
…
…
…
Hitori didn't remember when her memory started to go missing.
She only knew that when she woke up, Kikuri was already gone, and there were only a few bites of food left on the table.
According to Kita, Kikuri had gotten completely smashed later. When her bandmates arrived, one of them chopped her on the neck with a hand like a knife, then dragged her off like a sack of potatoes.
"…I feel so hungry…"
"Well… you passed out right at the start, Gotou-san…"
Kita said gently, "How about I go to the convenience store with you? They should still have some boxed meals at this hour, and I can also buy you some oden—"
"Ah—n-no, no, no, no… um, that would be too much trouble, Kita," Hitori glanced at the time on her phone. "And it's almost ten, right? It wouldn't be good for you to get home too late, would it?"
"Um… really, you don't need to worry about me. I'll have food when I get back. Why don't you go home first…?"
The moment Kita heard that, she drooped. The light she always seemed to radiate dimmed noticeably.
"Then… okay… Gotou-san, goodbye…"
S-So down…
Kita looks so down right now…
It's my fault. I kept troubling her all day. She must be worn out from taking care of me, so now she's this down…
"U-Um! Kita…!"
Hitori gathered her courage and called out to her. Then she jogged over, set her guitar case down, and pulled several things from the outer pockets.
"Please take these… um… it's… a return gift…! Please accept them!"
Kita took the bag in surprise. When she looked inside, she found small effects pedals, cleaning tools, monitoring headphones, and even a thin little notebook.
"Um… these are all things I've used and really recommend… I wanted to give them to you earlier, but I never found the right moment."
"Especially after we left the instrument shop and I saw they were giving out a pedal as a bonus… I just felt like, um… what I had was kind of embarrassing. But you can never have too many pedals!"
"Please take them, Kita…! I'm going to… retreat now…!"
Hitori dumped everything she wanted to say in one breath, bowed deeply to Kita, then immediately slung her guitar on her back and ran off.
Kita didn't even have time to stop her. All she could do was take a quick look through the bag Hitori had given her.
Then she opened the thin notebook—
And discovered it was a handwritten beginner guitar guide, written personally by Hitori.
Inside was not only organized, systematic knowledge, but also Hitori's own notes and personal tips… and even little chibi animals she'd drawn, as if she'd worried Kita might not like it otherwise.
"Pfft…"
It was just too cute.
The idea that quiet, reserved Gotou-san might have pulled up images on her phone and carefully copied them stroke by stroke—drawing little rabbits, little cats…
Kita couldn't help but laugh.
She closed the notebook softly, then held it against her chest with careful tenderness.
Her gaze moved toward the neon-lit distance ahead—
Toward that clumsy back still hurrying away.
That back wasn't striking.
Blended into the crowd, it looked thin.
Not outstanding.
Not colorful.
Not at all like the person her mother hoped she would become.
Just an ordinary person—someone who couldn't even bring herself to walk into an instrument shop alone.
And yet, her eyes simply couldn't leave her.
She wanted to see her turn around, suddenly, and wave goodbye.
She wanted to see her fade from her view, to draw a perfect close to today's meeting.
When did it start, exactly?
When did I start thinking about her so much?
When I wake up, I think about her.
When I'm going to school, I think about her.
When I'm eating, I think about her.
When I see something I want to share, I want to see her even more.
It feels a little embarrassing…
But what's strange is—
I don't hate it.
Kita Ikuyo stood under a streetlamp. The gentle light, like a swarm of tiny glowing spirits, decorated her beautiful red hair as the evening breeze lifted it.
She opened her mouth softly.
But no sound came out.
Because the words she wanted to say—
Had already melted into every second of time since the day they met.
Goodbye, Gotou-san.
Tomorrow… I want to see you again, too.
-------
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Losing Money on Uma Musume...What Do You Mean You Actually Won? (72 Chapter)
I'm Gotou Hitori—Who Are You? (40 Chapter)
Were You Ever Even a Uma Musume? Stop Making Things Up! (51 Chapter)
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