"Do you have to copy out rules again?" asked Xinxin after they had eaten and she had stacked the dishes back into the basket.
"Worse," replied Liu Yan. "Thanks to Li Wangxi, I have to write her a heartbreaking love letter!"
Luo Xinxin paused, laughed, and caught a bitter glare from him.
"You probably can't find the right words," she grinned. Liu Yan stared frostily at the still blank paper.
"There is nothing lovable about this woman that could be praised," he replied venomously.
"Give it to me," she demanded, reaching for the paper. Liu Yan handed her the brush without a word.
"You want to write a love letter to the first lady?" he remarked mockingly. Xinxin raised an eyebrow.
"Master Tao often made me copy love poems that were masterpieces of philosophy to him," she replied impassively.
"I can still recite some of them by heart today, and Zhao Hua will hardly be able to tell our handwriting apart."
Liu Yan didn't like the idea, but he had to admit that even after hundreds of copies, this woman would not recognize his handwriting.
By candlelight, she weighed down the parchment with blocks of ash wood and began to write. Her handwriting was lively and neat, but Liu Yan still thought his own was far superior.
When she was finished, she turned the parchment over and pushed it toward him. Liu Yan read the entire scandalous poem; he couldn't find a single mistake, but he still grimaced.
"The wind lifts her skirt slightly. The passerby who rushes by stands spellbound," he quoted a few lines from the poem. He looked at Xinxin.
"Your idea of love is questionable," he remarked dryly. Xinxin blushed.
"It's not mine, just one I remembered," she defended herself. "Take it or write your own," she grumbled. Liu Yan chuckled softly, then rolled up the parchment.
"It's precisely what she deserves."
Outside, the bell rang. Xinxin jumped up and opened the windows wide before conjuring two black powder sticks from her skirt. She lit the star sprinklers and gave one of them to Liu Yan, who accepted it with perplexity. Seconds later, the large courtyard was lit up by star sprinklers.
Fireworks raced across the clear night sky, painting colorful, fiery flowers on the velvety black canvas. He stared at the warm, spark-spraying flower in his hand. The glowing drops were reflected in his dark eyes.
"All the best in the new year.
May all our wishes come true," Luo Xinxin said softly, watching her fire flower burn out.
Liu Yan's shower of sparks also subsided until they were left holding only the gently glowing sticks in their hands. His gaze wandered upward to the bright, full moon, which had to share the sky tonight with dozens of fireworks flowers. It was the first time he had ever actually celebrated anything.
The New Year celebrations in the palace had been extravagant and pompous, with banquets, dragon dances, and all kinds of performances until morning. But he had never been allowed to participate. He had had to spend every single celebration held in the royal household in his room in the cold part of the palace.
Without warmth, light, or company. All he could do was listen, hear the laughter, and watch the colorful performances of the artists from afar. He placed the cooled chopsticks on the table.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked hoarsely. Xinxin looked up.
"Better together than alone, right?" she asked in return. Liu Yan shook his head.
He had always been alone, and he found it extremely unpleasant that she was increasingly intruding on his privacy.
"Most people hate me; they have a natural aversion to me, and I would appreciate it if you did too," he said coolly. Xinxin's gaze shifted from the moon to him. Once again, there was something in her eyes that he couldn't interpret.
"I don't hate anyone just because the world tells me who to hate. Besides, it's not true that people have a natural aversion to you. It's the result of how the curse bonds have been treated for millennia. That they are seen neither as human beings nor as sentient beings, but only as tools and means to an end. First and foremost, you should realize that you are human beings like everyone else. There is nothing about you that is hateful," Xinxin replied. Her voice was clear and distinct.
"You may be cynical and mean at times, but considering how you've been treated your whole lives, I don't blame you for that."
Liu Yan snorted. Better not to believe a word she said. He had experienced it firsthand all along. The hatred, even from his own family.
His father, who never visited him, and his brothers, who had nothing but scorn and derision for him when they turned to him. Not even the servants in the imperial household had respected or pitied him. It had been like that with everyone he had ever met. As soon as he entered a room, the atmosphere became cold and hateful, and it was directed at him. Why should this stupid girl be any different? What made her so special?
"Tian Liu Yan?" He looked up, surprised. It was the first time she had ever called him by his full name. Xinxin looked him firmly in the eyes.
"The world is bigger than what you've seen so far," she said quietly.
"There are many people out there who see you not as a curse, but as salvation."
Everything in Liu Yan tensed up, and an unfamiliar, deep-seated, stabbing pain filled him. He clenched his teeth and tensed his jaw, his gaze fixed on Xinxin.
"Bad karma, corrupted qi, is generated by injustice and evil deeds. You filter this qi and let it flow into the dark meridians so that they don't overflow and the bad karma is reflected onto people. It would be the little people who would suffer first, and they are well aware of the burden you carry," she explained.
"But I am bad, I am shameless. Since my birth, I have been destined to be corrupt," he replied stubbornly. Xinxin's gaze became cold and hard.
"There are many more evil beings out there than you." Although her voice was only a whisper, an icy chill ran down his spine. She had met a being she feared more than him?
Xinxin sighed. Then she stood up and took the basket.
"Nothing in life stays the same forever. Maybe you'll get the chance to see more than just the wall of hatred in front of you!" she said, then left.
The loneliness that followed weighed heavier than anything Liu Yan had ever known. Angrily, he closed the windows again and turned off the light. Nothing would ever change for him.
***
A few days later, Liu Yan sat with his family in the dining room and endured the gauntlet. Zhao Hua grew angrier and angrier with each day she had to play the caring fiancée.
A servant entered and handed Li Wangxi an official-looking scroll. Everyone fell silent. It was obvious that he had just been called back to the front. The hairs on the back of Liu Yan's neck stood on end, and that same morning, the whole family said goodbye to him. Even Xinxin was called so she could say goodbye to her savior.
"I hope that, despite your past, which you so persistently keep secret, you can make a new start here," said Wangxi, stroking Luo Xinxin's head. It was clear from her expression that she wanted nothing more than to disappear.
A pained smile appeared on her face, and she backed away. Under the gaze of Zhao Hua and Zhao Huan, she twisted and hung her head, knowing full well what would soon follow.
"My dear brother-in-law, next time I'll come visit you in your own home, won't I?" Li Wangxi laughed.
Liu Yan also managed only a forced smile. He was pretty sure that Zhao Hua still had a few tricks up his sleeve to avoid having to marry me. He would find dying much more pleasant.
Zhao Hua was also speechless at the dry remark, and only Huan said goodbye to her brother with an overjoyed smile, giving Luo Xinxin a withering look when Wangxi wasn't looking.
Zhao Yuan and Zhao Yuehao had also joined them. They would accompany Li Wangxi for a while before returning to their sects. The celebration and family reunion were over so quickly. Soon, everyday life would resume.
The snow crunched under their soles as the brothers saddled their horses and waved goodbye one last time.
The massive gates closed behind them. The backyard fell silent. Zhao Jisheng and his mother retired to their chambers, and most of the servants hastily set about escaping the wrath and bad mood of the Zhao daughters. "Luo Xinxin!" The small, wiry young woman paused at the stern voice of Zhao Huan.
She took a deep breath and braced herself.
"Come with me," Huan ordered her curtly and rushed off. Xinxin was pale. With faltering steps, she followed the second young lady.
Liu Yan also wanted to disappear quickly and quietly, but when he turned around, he was already standing directly in front of Zhao Hua. Her eyes were flashing with anger. Without another word, she pointed one of her white, slender fingers toward her chambers.
Liu Yan took a breath before stepping forward, feeling as if he were on his way to the scaffold. No sooner had they reached Zhao Hua's courtyard than Yi Chang, who was never more than three steps away, gave a signal. She curtsied, then hurried past them into the chambers.
"Stop!" Zhao Hua ordered him coldly. Liu Yan stopped.
"Take off the coat Li Gege gave you!" Slowly, he did as he was told, taking off the coat he had received from Li Wangxi and dropping it beside him onto the thick blanket of snow.
"Kneel," Zhao Hua ordered coldly. Liu Yan hesitated briefly, but then did as she asked and knelt in the inches of snow. Immediately, the wetness and cold ate through his fabric and penetrated his skin. He gritted his teeth as Yi Chang came back out.
But instead of the expected whip, something else lay on the velvet cushion. He closed his eyes, clenched his hands into fists, and took a deep breath. Zhao Hua took the stick with the attached noose from the velvet cushion and tried out the mechanism that made the loop bigger and smaller.
"Do you know what this is?" she asked smugly.
Liu Yan's throat was constricted; he couldn't utter a word but nodded stiffly.
It was a tool for catching stray dogs and rats. You laid out bait, waited, and when the unpopular animal appeared, you lured it headfirst into the noose before it snapped shut and strangled the animal. The stick kept the beast at a distance so it couldn't bite or attack the hunter.
Zhao Hua snorted, wrapped the loop around Tian Liu Yan's neck, and pulled it tight. A sharp pain shot through his throat as the wire cut into the soft, white flesh of his neck. Blood flowed over his skin and dripped onto the white fabric of his robe.
He gasped for air as Zhao Hua snatched the stick and threw him backwards into the snow. Liu Yan tried to get his fingers under the noose. When he succeeded and was able to loosen it a little, Zhao Hua's voice rang out across the courtyard.
"Don't you dare," she hissed angrily and pulled even harder on the noose. His fingers slipped out from under the wire, and he gasped.
Liu Yan gasped for breath; he couldn't get any air, and his head felt like it was filled with cotton wool. The blood rushed through his veins, and he gagged. Everything blurred before his eyes. Zhao Hua loosened the noose just enough for him to get enough air to keep from losing consciousness or dying.
She loosened the wire just enough for him to gasp for breath and try to crawl away from her on all fours. Then she tightened the wire again and started the game all over.
The procedure lasted over an hour. A high-pitched, squeaking sound whistled in Liu Yan's ears; his neck was sore and chafed, and his throat dry and swollen. He coughed.
Zhao Hua kicked him in the back from behind so that he landed headfirst in the churned-up slush and remained lying there. He had no strength left, concentrating all his energy on breathing. One breath after another.
He was completely soaked and frozen. His fingers were red and stiff. Zhao Hua put the tool back on the velvet cushion and picked up the coat he had dropped. A fresh blush had spread across her cheeks, and a satisfied expression flitted across her face.
"Take him to the frozen lake in the large courtyard," she instructed Yi Chang. "I don't want to see his face anymore, and he should be a reminder to stay away from my brother."
"Of course, Miss Hua." Yi Chang bowed. After the first miss had disappeared into her warm chambers, Yi Chang called for the assistance of two strong servants and had Liu Yan dragged through the snow to the courtyard.
There he was, carelessly dropped like trash and then spat on. Someone tore at his clothes and left him half-naked on the frozen pond. Only at the edge of his consciousness did he notice another body being dragged and laid down next to him.
A torrent of ice-cold water hit them both to wake their senses, and he heard someone gasping and gurgling. It was Luo Xinxin.
***
Three days later, she was still crouching in the snow. With nothing to eat or drink, their wet, frozen clothes sticking to their skin, they had no choice but to stare into the snow.
Liu Yan staggered, barely able to stand upright. Xinxin supported him and occasionally helped him back to his feet. During the day, servants passed by, using the courtyard as a shortcut; at night, only the stars kept them company.
They didn't talk. Speaking would consume energy, and they had to focus all they had on staying alive.
Liu Yan was exhausted, everything was spinning, and he felt a hot, burning fever inside him. He kept falling forward and had increasing difficulty getting back up.
Xinxin had collapsed next to him in the snow. He didn't know what Zhao Huan had done to her, but her eyes were glassy, her cracked lips moved as if she wanted to say something, while she stared wordlessly at the sky.
He apparently took pity on them and decided not to let them die yet. On the third day, a signal sounded at the gate. A few minutes later, Zhao Hua appeared. She approached Xinxin and Liu Yan. Despite her desolate condition, Xinxin was the first to pull herself together.
On all fours, she bowed before Zhao Hua. Her gaze was still far away, so that neither pain nor anger could be seen in it. Liu Yan, on the other hand, could no longer move. On the verge of unconsciousness and with his eyes half closed, he still noticed how Zhao Hua instructed Xinxin to take her away.
Xinxin reached for him and helped him to his feet. Liu Yan's legs buckled. His body was weak; he had hardly any strength or will to live left. Xinxin put one of his arms around her shoulders, and with their last ounce of strength, they crawled out of the courtyard together.