I went to Chen's room, that evening. To find answers of my questions. On the way, I didn't see the Jesuit but I felt him. His smile, hidden somewhere in plain sight.
I knocked on Chen's door. It wasn't open this time. She came and opened it. She sat me down on the mattress.
"So? Shuying is the killer?" She said leaning her elbow on the small low lay table infront of me.
"How do you know...everything?" I asked hesitantly.
"Rumours all around the palace." She said looking in my eyes.
"Do we reveal...the truth then?" I again asked after a pause.
"This palace doesn't ask for truths. Reveal and you will be the next one to die. Let them stay buried...in hearts." She replied like an expert.
I opened my mouth, then shut it with hesitation.
A minute of silence, then she whispered, coming close to my ears, her lips almost touching my ears,"I don't like your hesitation, not with...me."
"Then you won't mind if I ask...everything?" Slightly tilting my head to meet her leaned eyes.
She said smiling, that creepily comforting smile of hers,"Mind? I would like it, no...love it."
I said taking a deep breath, still looking at her eyes boldly,"You gave me those two files knowing Shuying would be hurt? Right?"
"Before you call it 'put you there'–"
"You are–" I said interrupting with disgust.
"Sshh, I talk first." She said putting her index finger on my mouth.
"It was to train you about not caring. You can't be as emotional as Shuying is." She said with cold yet caring voice.
"What do you mean?" I frowned backing up.
"Shuying kills for love and survival." She said leaning forward," You must kill for ambition and justice...not for human weaknesses or desires." She whispered removing a strand of hair from my face and putting it behind my ears.
My heart warmed up,racing a bit, even if it...shouldn't have. "So? Am I trained?"
"Almost...just some are still interrupting." She said with eyes darkening a bit but enough for me to notice.
"Who?" I asked with trembling fingers.
"I'll keep you safe." She said with a smirk.
"You didn't answer my question." My fingers still trembling.
"You have no need to know." She said holding my fingers and brushing them.
"Is that your way of–" I said glancing at her hand holding mine.
"Yes." She said without me finishing my sentence.
She continued,"We have somewhere to go tomorrow. "
"Where?"
"Somewhere to prepare for the rebellion." She said calmly looking out at the setting sun.
"Oh. Can we bring Dannyal?"
"Ok but sleep well. Drain your fear like the setting sun." She said smiling, giving me a glance for a second. The orangish light reflected on her face. Her eyes specially.
"Fear?" I said tilting my head.
The moment she opened her mouth to say something, someone knocked. "I will open it." I said walking to open the door.
A maid enters almost bowing,"Is miss here?"
"Yes, she is." I said moving a bit to show her.
"Miss, the Emperor wants you to know that a valuable thing is missing. "
"What is it?"
"A cup with patterns. The delivery hasn't reached to the Palace."
Something about that word 'patterns' scratched the back of my mind. Like I had hold something like that.
"How can I help with that?" Chen said, frowning.
"The Emperor ordered to tell everyone." The maid said scaredly.
"Must have lost something important." I said putting my hands in my pocket.
"Fine, now go away." Chen said gesturing the maid.
"Yes, miss." She said bowing.
"Is this a normal stuff? Losing?" I asked crossing hands raising an eyebrow.
"Hmm but telling everyone is weird."
"Anyway. I will go, now." I said because I need time to think about Chen's words.
"But you just came." She replied, too fast.
"Someone is waiting for me." I said giving an awkward smile and walking away.
I still had to go to Dannyal. I had to tell him about Chen. Dannyal's door was unlocked.
One door being locked and the other being unlocked felt like the universe telling me, it would take a vice versa. But my gut doesn't end so well.
I opened the door and there he was, sitting all alone. Knees close to heart, hands around them, just...just like the Jesuit.
My heart started trembling a bit as I went ahead to him. The coldness in the marbles scared me more.
I sat down beside him, silently, in the balcony. The sun had set already. Just the purple light remained.
"Please...sit in a different posture." I said uncomfortably.
"Did I hear please from you?" He said with that smile, the one with sorrow hidden...just like...nevermind. I looked down.
"It–it's fine, I will change my posture." He said sitting cross legged now.
"Not trying to blame you but it feels like you have forgotten why we came here." I said as my heart suddenly started filling in hatred and disgust towards...Dannyal. Something about my anger felt a bit...forced.
"W-what?" He said surprised.
"Just because a damn murderer smiled at you, you forgot we came here to rebel." I said before thinking. Knowing damn well I shouldn't have.
"How...could...you?" He said with running heartbeat I could hear loud. He backed inches away.
"Why? Was that too much truth for your illusion filled world?" I stopped my mouth using my own hands after that.
"..." He didn't say anything filled not because he wished but because he couldn't. But his shaking hands were evident. His breathes started to slowly hitch.
I leaned closer,"I–I'm sorry." I exhaled breathlessly understanding what I had said,"I shouldn't have said it." I held his hand as the least I could do.
His hitched breathing became normal, slowly, "Your words never hurt me, not if they are true." He said looking at me. His moonlit eyes showing my reflection in them."I am happy at least you don't lie."
I let the silence settle in. Then said slowly with lower voice,"So, you wanna talk about rebel now?"
"You would kill me if I don't." He said laughing, almost choking on it.
"Is that so?" I said with a smirk, holding my smile seeing him laugh.
"I'm going with Chen tomorrow. You must also come." I said pressuring on his shoulder lightly to stand up.
"Me as well?" He said tilting his head.
"Hmm." I hummed.
"Can we to meet up with Tenzin and Wang?" He said as I was going.
"Oh, I almost forgot about them." I said turning back,"I will ask her."
I went out of the room and closed the door. Through the corridor, I looked at the moon.
Everything feels a bit settled in. I still couldn't find out who my heart signaled was winning but maybe it never mattered.
But settlement never stays long in my life. Not even a day.