"What are you guilty over?" She said sitting beside me.
"I have become cold, haven't I?" I said looking at the disappearing sparks from the fire.
"You mean rational?" She said tilting her head. I nodded.
"You have always hated love and care, haven't you?" She said looking at the fire,"You are scared that they might weaken you."
"What are–" I said turning towards her.
"Oh, don't lie to me." She said meeting my gaze.
My eyes widened. She said leaning closer,"Everytime you see someone cry, you feel disgust, like that child's tears made you flinch." My breaths hitched a bit as I tried to hide it with jokes,"I mean, children crying is a bit frustrating to hear."
"Liars and liars,"She exhaled,"Everytime my mother cried out of sadness, I felt something really ugly inside me. Similar to hatred."
"Stupid woman thriving for attention." I said before my mind could stop me.
My hands started trembling a bit as I never wanted to admit it. She placed her warm hands over my cold ones,"You see?" Her fingers slowly tangling with mine,"We aren't so different."
"I do have emotions." I said slightly bringing my hand away from hers.
"But they are portrayed to yourself and God only. Behind locked doors?" She said bringing her hands on me again.
"..." I had nothing to say because that's the thing I have been doing since I was only...thirteen.
"I loved someone once. I won't let you repeat my mistake." She said tilting her face.
"You understand me?" I said meeting her gaze finally. If she understood me this well…why did it still feel like standing on thin ice.
She didn't reply, just smiled. This much comfort and warmth, I have never felt it. Yes, everyone loves me but I feel it burdening. They want love in return, that's hard to give, hard to say...for me.
But she wanted me to be...me. Unquestioned. Uncontrolled. Unburdened.
"You can be emotionless if you wish. You are scared of God?" She asked, voice still cold,"That's why you obey but you aren't scared to admit it, are you?"
"Not to...you." I replied as how, just how can she predict me, this much?
"Just what I wanted to hear. I believe you, trust you, okay?" She whispered.
"Yes," I said with relief,"But emotions are what make us humans, right?"
"Humans? Weak or strong ones?" She said with a questioning gaze.
"Uhh, I can't think." This confusion often happens whenever I think too much.
"Come here. You don't need to decide tonight.
Let the world burn quietly for a moment." She said with a smirk.
Suddenly my mind stopped working and it felt relaxing as if those thoughts could finally be erased. Once in my life, I could really let those thoughts go without writing them down like a paranoid person.
While I rested leaning on her shoulders, I could see Dannyal gazing from far away. His eyes looked like as if those were calculating something.
Rare for him to do that except in warfield. I didn't know then that his silence would cost me more than any battle.
But maybe I shouldn't notice everything.
The next morning, we woke up as usual but we saw a rebel gang running towards us. Average day as me.
It was a government supported rebel gang, the other rebels said judging by their symbols. I was too blind to notice the symbol anyway.
They ran towards us with their daos, we had already prepared to attack. But then a guy came alone, running. It was Tenzin!
"Long time no see!" He yelled with a smile. Beside him was Wang. Still smiling confidently.
Dannyal went ahead,"Genius Shrimp!" I went ahead,"Wang! You are still alive?" I realized after a bit how strange that sounded.
"We were going to find you." I said to Tenzin. "Seems like we found you before you did then." Tenzin replied.
Chen came forward signaling our rebels to put weapons down,"Isn't that the Government's shoe licker?" Tenzin grinned at Chen's words.
Tenzin's eyebrows narrowed in disgust,"If that isn't the royal failure?" Chen grinned at Tenzin's words.
"You know each other?" I said tilting head." They know each other pretty well." Dannyal said jokingly from beside me.
"That's what I can see." I added. Tenzin asked,"What are you both doing here?" Chen replied,"We are preparing for a rebel." Dannyal and I looked at each other, because telling Tenzin is risky.
"Are you going to tell my brother?" Chen asked fearlessly,"Your friends die if you do so."
"I am not as cold as you." Tenzin replied fixing his hair,"You can go and double your failure strike."
I went ahead,"Tenzin, we really need your help." Wang said from Tenzin's behind,"Mister, let's help them."
"Nope, not happening." Tenzin shaked his head.
"But then I am going." Wang said crossing hands.
"Yeah, go ahead." Tenzin said looking away.
"All. Alone." Wang muttered.
"Kid, that's dangerous." Tenzin said holding Wang's wrist.
"But you are dangerous anyway." Wang said cutely. Letting go of Tenzin's hold.
Tenzin became a bit flustered. Maybe in this cruel world for him, he found someone a bit caring. I chuckled.
"Alright, I will go but we have no terms in rebellion." Tenzin said.
I looked at Chen with the cutest face I could make,"You are letting them come, aren't you?"
Chen looked at me, then looked sideway,"Don't make that face." Then said with a huff,"Okay."
"You're the best!" I yelled. I shouldn't have said that. It felt embarrassing afterwards.
"Tsk..." Chen muttered.
We took Tenzin and Wang with us. Why exactly? I don't know. Maybe I will try to change Tenzin's morals a bit. And I believe Wang deserves to see a bit into the Palace.
For a moment, no one spoke. Weapons lowered, but no one relaxed.
Peace always felt like a misunderstanding waiting to be corrected.
The rebel gangs can't be brought inside the Palace of course. They were left there to prepare for the rebellion. Just some days. Then we will be able to fight.