Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care.....you're here tonight. —Yibo
~ * * * ~
"Zhan, ever since you left, this place hasn't been the same. It's dull....completely joyless. They brought in three female nurses from another hospital, but honestly, you know how the work is here. The spark we started with is gone. There's no enthusiasm anymore…"
Zhan smiled as he listened to Aji on the phone. A plate of food rested on his lap, but he was only stirring it absently with his spoon. It was half past ten in the morning. Nainai was in the bathroom taking a shower.
Earlier that morning, Aunty Shui had come by and taken Bai with Kanu Li Ge....the son from Uncle Elder's house....to the hospital. Uncle Elder himself had sent for Bai to be taken there, after Nainai called him again last night to explain how badly Bai's hand had swollen and to complain about what Aunty Hsiao had said to her. He'd promised to take action.
Zhan kept stirring his food, smiling.
"Aji, are you saying work suddenly became unbearable just because I'm not there?" he teased. "You've been at that hospital for a whole year. I was only there for a few weeks. You're telling me the place lost all its charm just because I left?"
Aji chewed whatever she had in her mouth before replying.
"You wouldn't understand. Apart from work, there's nothing else going on. And the new people....they're not cooperative at all. No one even tries to help me."
Zhan laughed softly.
"So what you're really saying is that I'm not there anymore to help you."
She sighed. "Maybe when you get married....if you ever do....and start a family, you'll understand what I mean. This situation is just miserable. Sometimes I wonder if all the stress I went through before settling down is catching up with me now."
Zhan burst into laughter, the kind he hadn't planned on. Missing Aji always came with moments like this....it was impossible to be around her without laughing.
"And now," she continued, "work drags on forever. You struggle to finish one thing before another lands on your desk. Those two doctors are handling almost everything. Whenever Dr. Yibo shows up, he starts cancelling some things, approving others, like he's undoing and redoing the whole system."
Before he realized it, Zhan asked,
"He doesn't come in every day anymore?"
"Not really. In fact, he's not even around right now. They said he traveled." Aji replied.
Hong Kong. He said he was going to Hong Kong.
Zhan repeated it silently to himself, pressing his lips together so he wouldn't say it out loud.
"Zhan," Aji said suddenly, "there isn't something going on between you and Dr. Yibo, is there?"
Her question caught him off guard.
Had he really made it that obvious?
"What makes you ask?" he said carefully.
"Ever since the day he called asking for directions to your place, I've been watching you both. And now that you're no longer coming in, he doesn't show up regularly either. He still hasn't accepted an assistant....he works alone. Once he finishes prescribing, he leaves everything with Nurse Saleh and goes."
Zhan just smiled, playing with his spoon.
"You still haven't answered me," Aji reminded him.
He shook his head quickly. "There's nothing like that. You know him...he probably just thinks there was some kind of mistake because of the assignment he gave me."
"I'll believe you," Aji said slowly. "That man barely pays attention to women at the hospital, let alone men. Still, the fact that he came to your house confuses me."
She kept talking, adding more observations, but Zhan wasn't really listening anymore. His thoughts drifted.....to the past few days, to how often they'd spoken, especially last night. To how long they'd stayed on the call while Dr. Yibo patiently explained things that, truthfully, didn't have to matter this much. And to that moment when he'd said:
"I know what I want to ask you. Just listen, okay…"
The way his voice sounded then, the slight pause, the way he stretched the word okay...Zhan couldn't explain what it did to him. That was why he'd only nodded back then, saying nothing.
Since that moment, he'd been turning the words over in his mind. What did Yibo want to ask him? What would he say? Was it something he even had an answer for? Or was it simply something he'd brought upon himself by not stopping him, by letting the moment stretch instead of ending it?
After ending the call with Aji, Zhan checked the time. It was already half past ten at morning. He didn't know if Dr. Yibo's trip had been scheduled early in the day, but whatever the case, if he had left, then he must be on the road....or in the air....by now. Zhan didn't know the exact length of the journey to Hong Kong, only that it was far.
In his mind, he pictured a bus terminal....the kind he remembered from when Uncle Zhong used to travel for work. They would take him there early in the morning before heading to school. The place would be crowded and noisy, people loading luggage, others climbing into vehicles before the engines roared to life and the journey began.
Zhan wasn't someone who traveled much, but the idea of travel always unsettled him. And whenever he heard about accidents, his heart tightened, his thoughts spiraling in directions he didn't like.
So he realized that, at the very least, he wanted to know whether Dr. Yibo was already on the road...or if he had even left at all.
One part of his mind told him it would be right to wish him a safe journey since he had said he was traveling; at least he should know whether he'd gone or not. Then he hesitated. If he called, wouldn't it seem strange? Would it look like he was pushing himself into Dr. Yibo's space? And what if, after calling, Dr. Yibo reacted coldly or awkwardly?
Zhan paused, chewing lightly on the nail of his little finger....something he always did whenever he was anxious or caught in indecision. And just then, he heard Yufei's voice above him.
Zhan turned with a smile as he saw her coming in.
"So you came on your own? You didn't come with Kanu Li Ge?"
"Just forget it," she said, sighing. "I kept telling him to wait for me, but before I even finished showering, Mom told me he'd already left."
"So you came by taxi?" Zhan asked as she reached the chair and sat down.
"No. Peng Ge was around. He was heading out, so I asked him to drop me off. He even said he wanted to come in and greet Nainai."
The name Peng made Zhan pause slightly.
Peng was Yufei's cousin....her mother's younger sister's son....and he practically grew up in their house. If Zhan were ever to admit that there was a man who had once entered his heart during his teenage years, it would be Peng. Back when he was in grade eleven and spent two nights at Uncle Elder's house, Peng had been at the height of his youth, along with Kanu Li Ge and Jincai Ge. Though all of them were handsome, Peng's neatness, charm, and quiet confidence stood out....and settled deeply into Zhan's young heart.
Peng was also warm and attentive by nature, and over time, his kindness and gentle teasing carved out a place in Zhan's thoughts as well.
Before he left after that visit, they grew unexpectedly close. He would eat in the living room beside Zhan, talking casually, laughing. And Zhan....young, impressionable, and full of imagination....found himself daydreaming in ways typical of that age. He even wrote Peng's name alongside his own at the back of his school notebooks.
Then, suddenly, after one later visit, Peng distanced himself completely. He stopped acknowledging Zhan altogether. To this day, Zhan never knew why.
Eventually, life moved on, and Jincai entered the picture, stubbornly occupying everyone's attention, and Peng faded into memory.
Like Kanu Li Ge, Peng eventually married and even had a daughter.
Since then, Zhan hardly ever visited Uncle Elder's house. The only recent time Zhan had seen Peng was during Lunar New Year, when Uncle Nanjing helped him secure a job. Peng had come to pick up Yufei's mother while Kanu Li Ge and the others were away with their wives. Peng chatted casually and even asked Zhan to walk him out, requesting his number...but Zhan pretended not to hear, surrounded as they were by people saying goodbye.
So when Yufei now said Peng wanted to come in, the feeling stirred something faint and unsettling in Zhan.
"So, who is this I'm seeing now? A rare visitor indeed....Peng, in my house today?"
Nainai's voice carried from the sitting room as she emerged from her room, freshly dressed, finding Peng seated on the carpet.
"Nainai, I've come to apologize. Please forgive me....I know I was wrong,"
Peng said warmly from the living room, his voice carrying into the bedroom where Zhan stood.
Yufei, laughing, added, "Don't listen to him, Nainai. There's nothing he can say that'll clear him."
"Yufei, if you don't stop, I'll deal with you," Peng shot back jokingly.
"The truth is the truth," Nainai replied. "It's been ages since I last laid eyes on you…"
After greetings and a short exchange, Peng soon stood to leave. That was when Zhan finally came out to greet him. Peng responded with his usual warmth, smiling as if he'd just received good news.
"It was because of you that Peng came," Yufei said after he left.
They were in the bedroom, chatting. Yufei lay on the bed munching popcorn Zhan had handed her, while Zhan folded their laundry nearby.
Zhan turned to look at her, unsure what to say.
"He actually asked me for your number that day," she continued. "I refused. And today, on the way here, he kept explaining himself...said he's serious about you and wants to remarry. You know he's been having problems with his wife lately, right?"
Zhan didn't remember her mentioning that before.
"She's been staying at her parents' place since the day before yesterday," Yufei went on. "I don't think Mom even knows yet. They've divorced twice before, you know."
Zhan stared at her, stunned.
"And instead of fixing his marriage, he wants to chase someone else? How do some men even think?"
Yufei shook her head. "Honestly, I don't blame him entirely. That woman isn't kind at all.....she treats him terribly."
Zhan shook his head firmly. "I'm not a fire extinguisher for broken marriages."
Yufei nodded. "I know. That's why I never gave him your number. But Zhan, when are you going to move forward with your own life? Apart from Jincai....who keeps pestering you every time he shows up....you've never talked to me about anyone. Are you waiting for Bai to come to marrigeble age and drag you into it?"
Zhan laughed unexpectedly. Even Nainai often said the same thing.... that Bai wouldn't be careless enough to be like Zhan who want to stay alone forever. He remembered how Nainai once even banned certain visitors (Shamans) from the house, convinced someone had cursed him into ignoring relationships.
Eventually she grew tired of those thoughts, especially since Fuyue himself still wasn't married either.... though now and then Nainai would resume her complaints.
"Love is beautiful, Zhan," Yufei said softly. "When you find someone who loves you and whom you love back, it feels like stepping into an entirely new world. The happiness has no name....you just glow. Even ordinary things look brighter. And when you're with the one you love, nothing else in the world matters."
She went on gently, telling him everything had its time. Later, the conversation drifted to her fiancé, Duan and she told Zhan about him and their plans. Before leaving, she even handed Zhan the phone so they could greet each other.
By then, Bai had returned from treatment...his hand much better now...and the rest of the day passed in laughter, conversation, and quiet warmth.
And, Fuyue almost succeeded in ruining their mood.
He had come to collect the key to the small living room downstairs....the one near the parking area. Uncle Nanjing had renovated it for Nainai, telling her that whenever she got tired of being indoors, she could go down there to relax and get some fresh air.
Whenever Fuyue had a visitor, he usually came to collect the key and use the place. But today, when he arrived, he found everyone gathered together, chatting happily. From the moment he walked in, he was sulky and unpleasant, clearly annoyed. He barely acknowledged Bai with a get well soon, after Aunty Shui tells him to greeted him.
¦
¦
It was around 6 p.m. when Aunty Shui and Yufei both left. Only then did Zhan finally get the chance to finish up everything he needed to do in peace. Still, every now and then, his thoughts drifted to Yibo.... wondering if he was already on the road. Aunty Shui had mentioned that traveling to Hong Kong usually took a full day, and Zhan still hadn't decided whether he should reach out or stay quiet.
Then, at exactly 9:32 p.m., just after Zhan stepped out of the bathroom and was preparing to go to bed, he checked his phone.
Two missed calls.
One was from Jincai.
The other.....
Yibo.
✨✨✨
Southern District, Hong Kong.
09:35 p.m.
Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh, please tell me this…
Would you die for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms tonight…
A soft song...."Hero"....played from speakers placed somewhere in the courtyard of the grand apartment complex. Yibo stood on the balcony outside his apartment, looking down at the swimming pool below. White lights shimmered beneath the water, blending with the blue glow and creating a bright, almost silvery reflection.
Two people sat by the pool....a man and a woman. A couple. The woman was visibly pregnant, far along, yet that hadn't stopped her from entering the water. They had just climbed out together, and her husband was now wrapping a towel around her shoulders, carefully wiping the water from her skin.
Yibo glanced at them briefly, then looked away.
His flight to Hong Kong had departed at 11 a.m. After the usual airport delays and procedures, he arrived around 2 p.m. The hospital staff picked him up directly from the airport and took him straight to the hospital. From there, he went into meetings with the two other doctors involved in the surgery scheduled for the next day. They examined the patient together and finalized every detail of the procedure.
By the time everything was done, it was nearly 7 p.m.
The hospital had arranged hotel accommodation for the visiting doctors. But Yibo declined immediately.
He didn't stay in hotels. Ever.
Just hearing the word stirred memories he had no intention of revisiting. He had only stayed in a hotel once in his life....and that day had marked both the beginning and the end of something he never wanted to relive.
Instead, the hospital connected him with a staff member who suggested serviced apartments....places that felt more like homes. Some were used by families; others were rented for private gatherings.
That idea felt safer.
They visited one location first....a massive mansion filled with young people throwing a loud party. Yibo rejected it instantly. He wasn't here for crowds.
They checked two more places, but the number of people alone made him uncomfortable. Finally, they arrived at this one.... Only six occupants. Each with their own apartment.
Tired and hungry....he hadn't eaten anything during the hospital meetings, only drinking water while missing the familiar comfort of home....Yibo agreed to stay. He asked the staff member to get him something simple to eat, which arrived shortly after he finished showering.
Now, standing alone on the balcony, listening to music drift through the night air, Yibo found his thoughts wandering.....quietly, inevitably....back to Zhan.
And for the first time since arriving, he reached for his phone.
No matter how busy Yibo had been that day, there was a quiet, special place in his heart that never stopped thinking about Zhan....or waiting to hear his voice. He had already realized that this feeling was something new, something that had settled inside him without asking for permission, without offering an explanation.
Even earlier, at the airport, after collecting his boarding pass, he had picked up his phone with the urge to call Zhan. He'd hesitated, wondering what excuse he could possibly use. In the end, he dropped the idea and called Najashi instead, just to ask how he was doing.
The incoming call made him turn back into the room after he glanced at the name on the screen. He rejected it....he already called Zhan earlier, when he hadn't picked up, so he'd stepped outside.
"Hello…"
As always, Zhan's voice slipped straight into his ears the moment he called again. When Yibo answered, Zhan stayed quiet for a few seconds before finally asking,
"Have you arrived?"
Something in the way Zhan responded....soft, careful, almost seeking reassurance....hit him unexpectedly. Without thinking, Yibo reached for the small remote beside him and pressed a button. The balcony curtains slid shut slowly, sealing off the outside light. He lay back on the bed, searching for another remote, then answered,
"I landed earlier… around 2 p.m., I think."
There was silence again before Zhan spoke.
"2 p.m.? So you left yesterday?"
Yibo wasn't sure what Zhan meant, but he answered anyway as he found the remote buried in the soft blanket.
"No. We took off around 11:40, I think."
He pressed another button. The lights snapped off completely, plunging the room into darkness. One more click, and a single dim bulb flickered on....so faint that you could only see your hand if you held it right in front of your face.
Zhan still hadn't said anything. Yibo adjusted his head on the pillow.
"What are you thinking about?" Yibo asked quietly.
"I was told it takes a day and a night to reach Hong Kong. But you said you arrived by 2 p.m."
Yibo smiled without realizing it.
"Yes, by road it takes that long. But by plane, it's just two hours and some minutes. So I arrived quickly."
"Ohhh…"
The understanding in Zhan's drawn-out response sank deep into Yibo's chest.
"Hope you guys arrived safely," Zhan added.
"With who?" Yibo asked instead of answering.
"I mean....you. I hope you arrived safely. How was the trip?"
Yibo ran a hand over his hair.
"It was fine."
What about you? How was your day?" Zhan asked.
"I'm okay. Just tired."
Zhan understood instantly that Yibo was talking about himself, so he replied softly,
"Get some rest."
There was a brief pause before Yibo called his name.
"Zhan…"
"Yes…"
"You know why I called, right?"
"Yes…"
"Then… can I ask?"
Zhan went quiet again before replying,
"Yes…"
"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I just want to know something about you Zhan."
Yibo felt Zhan shake his head slightly.
"It's fine. I'm listening."
"What happened to you yesterday?"
The question seemed to catch Zhan off guard. He went silent, then responded faintly,
"…Yes?"
"What happened to you yesterday? Your voice sounded different. Like something was bothering you."
Yibo remembered how low Zhan's voice had been when he answered the call....so low that Yibo had briefly wondered if he'd been half asleep.
"Don't tell me nothing was wrong, Zhan. Just tell me the truth please."
There was a soft exhale on the other end. When Zhan finally spoke, his voice was weaker than before.
"My younger brother isn't well."
Yibo closed his eyes briefly. His heart sped up.
"What happened to him?" he asked, remembering the boy he'd seen before....the one who looked so much like Zhan.
"He hurt his arm."
"Is he being treated?"
"Yes. They went back to the hospital again today to fix it properly."
Yibo frowned, concern clearly settling in his expression.
"Which hospital? What treatment did they give him?"
Zhan took a deep breath and began explaining everything that had happened. His voice trembled as it came through the phone speaker, as if he were still in pain....or struggling to hold back tears. Every word weighed heavily on Yibo's chest. Something tightened in his throat.
He leaned back against the headboard, eyes closed, listening with full attention and care.
Zhan's words filled his mind, sinking deep into his thoughts and heart.
What affected him most was the worry in Zhan's voice....it echoed through him, pulsing like his own heartbeat. He said nothing, just kept listening, as though Zhan's words were passing straight into him without resistance.
When Zhan finally finished speaking, Yibo's mind became crowded with thoughts.....questions he had been afraid to ask for a long time. Before doubt could pull him back, he spoke Zhan's name softly, as if the words came from somewhere deep in his chest.
"Zhan…"
"Yes…"
Yibo closed his eyes for a moment, then asked, without letting himself overthink it:
"Do you feel something… when we are talking?"
Mon, 29 Dec.
2025
Zhanxianyibo💚❤️💛