Had she been too hasty?
The question echoed inside her like a persistent, nagging whisper—one of those that keeps coming back no matter how hard you try to push it away. Bonnie knew that tight feeling in her chest all too well; it was the exact same one that had driven her to make the decision that had caused this question to rise from the depths of her heart in the first place.
That day, from the moment she saw Ryan again in the school hallways, and as she talked to him more and more over the hours, something inside her had awakened. It wasn't just nostalgia. It was a strange mix of anxiety, anticipation, and a warm little glow in her chest that she thought she'd left behind for good—ever since that "problematic," hormone-charged night.
And when he offered the two of them a ride, she realized with a sharp pang of regret that driving herself that morning had been a strategic mistake she never thought she'd make. For one painfully honest second, she wished she had gone with him, the way they used to. But since she couldn't, she swallowed her feelings and hoped Elena would go instead.
Because Elena deserved it. She deserved any spark of joy after everything she'd been through. Bonnie knew that, felt it deeply, and would always put her friend's happiness first. Yet realizing she was rooting for Elena to go… while secretly wanting to go herself… hurt.
It hurt because it made it painfully clear that her usual generosity was also being used to hide what she truly felt.
It was easier to wish happiness on others than to admit her own. Safer. Less selfish—or at least that's how Bonnie justified it.
She ignored that ache for the rest of the day by keeping herself too busy to think about him. She tidied a house that was already tidy, re-checked homework she'd already reviewed twice, took a quicker shower than usual just so she wouldn't have time to dwell… yet every tiny moment of silence was enough for the memories to flood back.
Memories she pretended she hadn't kept. Memories of that "problematic" night she had dismissed as impulsive, silly, hormone-driven, nothing more. Memories of his touch, the closeness, the way Ryan had looked at her as if… as if she mattered.
And no matter how many times she'd told herself—back then and in the years since—that it had just been a drunken emotional slip, today that excuse felt paper-thin. As thin as the way her heart had reacted to seeing him again tonight…
That was what made her wonder if she'd been too hasty.
Not for getting close again.
Not for trying to be part of the moment.
But for letting an old, confusing, overwhelming feeling resurface when she wasn't ready for it.
Deep down, Bonnie knew exactly why it had all come rushing back. That sudden boldness hadn't appeared out of nowhere. It was the direct result of little stabs of insecurity and desire that had been poking at her chest all day until they became impossible to ignore.
Dinner earlier had been the trigger.
Watching Caroline switch into full "Caroline Forbes" mode—charming, electric, always two steps ahead. Seeing Elena receive looks that, a long time ago, had belonged to her—at least in her imagination. Watching Ryan smile that easy, natural smile that always disarmed her… but never just for her.
All of it together had made something inside her give way.
It was there, at that table, laughing with friends who had grown up together, that she realized: if she did nothing—if she didn't at least try—Caroline would move first, or even Elena. And she would stay where she always stayed, watching from the sidelines, shrinking inside, quietly accepting that she would never be the one chosen.
So, for the first time in a very long time, she pushed past her own limits. She had been bold, direct, completely unlike herself…
And now, playing pool with her "first love" while her heart beat to a rhythm that didn't match the calm she was trying to project, she wondered whether that courage had been a necessary step… or a reckless, selfish one.
Because the truth was simple—almost cruel in its clarity.
The reason she had agreed to share Ryan that night—beyond the alcohol, beyond the impulsiveness, beyond the teenage adrenaline—was exactly this: she never fought for anything, never put her own feelings above her friends', never allowed herself to want something so openly, so directly, so selfishly…
Back then, sharing had seemed easier than admitting she wanted him all to herself. Safer than risking hurting someone, creating tension, or putting herself first—even for a single night. Sharing was the only way she'd found to taste that intense, burning, confusing, forbidden desire without breaking any of the silent rules she had lived by since she was a little girl.
Yes, every emotion she was feeling now had its roots in that "night." That damned night…
And today, everything had blossomed back to life. Everything she'd felt back then. Everything she'd tried to bury with rational excuses, with "it doesn't make sense," with "it's over." Everything she'd convinced herself was "over" so she could remain friends with Caroline and Elena…
Lies she had told herself just to move on.
And now… now that it had all come roaring back, she was afraid. Afraid she'd been too hasty. Afraid she'd gone too far. Afraid she'd revealed too much.
But most of all, she was afraid to admit the truth: she still felt that stubborn passion for the boy who had been her first love—and who, by all indications, had never stopped being her first love.
Yet right there, in that moment, with the pool cue resting in her hand and the distant music filling the bar, something finally began to shift inside her.
It wasn't exactly courage.
It was… saturation.
Saturation from hiding. From stepping back. From always choosing the safest, quietest, most predictable role. From letting everyone else's feelings steer everything she did—including what she wanted most.
Bonnie took a deep breath, feeling the warm air fill and leave her lungs as if she were trying to air out a room that had been locked for years. That's what this feeling was like: finally opening a window she'd never had the courage to unlatch.
Ryan was right there, just a few steps away, leaning over the table, calculating his next shot. His relaxed posture, the quick smile at the corner of his mouth, the green eyes that sparkled when he concentrated… everything about him reignited a fire inside her that, honestly, she no longer wanted to put out.
She realized then that she had to make a decision—not to impress anyone, not to compete, not to fight over him, but for herself.
Maybe she had been impulsive before. Maybe she had mixed insecurity with nostalgia. But in that moment, standing in front of him, for the first time in years… she wanted to keep going. She wanted to see how far this newborn courage could take her.
"Your turn…" Ryan said, turning his gaze to her.
And the way he looked at her—calm, curious, almost tender—made something inside her finally settle.
Bonnie stepped up to the table, trying to focus on the shot, but their closeness made it impossible to ignore the heat rising across her skin.
The game settled into a light, easy rhythm. Ryan commented on shots, gave low laughs when she barely missed, cheered when she sank one. And for the first time that night, Bonnie realized she was genuinely having fun, without the crushing weight of self-control on every move.
Across the room, perched on high stools with soda glasses in hand, Elena and Caroline watched everything with expressions that mixed amusement and a touch of irritation.
Caroline crossed her arms, eyes narrowed as if analyzing a movie scene.
"Look at her. Way too enthusiastic, don't you think? Like, who needs that much 'help' to hit a ball with a stick?"
Elena stirred her straw to hide the slight discomfort she felt.
"Maybe it's just the game. Bonnie's competitive, you know."
But inside, she noticed every interaction: the way Bonnie laughed loudly at Ryan's jokes, the way he responded with that calm smile, never pulling away. It wasn't pure jealousy, but something subtle—like a pang of nostalgia mixed with possessiveness…
Caroline huffed, leaning toward Elena.
"Competitive? She's practically glued to him. If I'd known pool was like this, I would've volunteered first." Her tone was light, but laced with a hint of envy she disguised as humor. "And look at Ryan… he's not even blinking. He's enjoying it, I bet."
Meanwhile, at the table, the game continued. Tyler lined up a red ball but missed badly, making Matt shake his head.
"Dude, are you distracted or what?" Matt laughed.
Tyler shrugged.
"Blame our international star over there. He's hogging all the attention and I end up losing focus…"
He was still complaining about his shot when Ryan straightened up, spinning the cue with that familiar, effortless confidence of someone who knew exactly what he was doing. Matt tried to hide his tension, running a hand through his hair, but Bonnie noticed—the way he eyed the remaining balls made it clear the game was pretty much lost.
Ryan discreetly pointed to the target ball and murmured to Bonnie, low enough for only her to hear:
"If I sink this one, it opens the table for you to close it out."
Bonnie felt a silly shiver run down her spine. He spoke as if they'd always been in sync. As if the years apart hadn't really separated them…
And then he made the shot.
A soft, impossibly precise touch. The cue ball glided across the felt, bounced off the rail, and pocketed exactly what he needed, leaving the perfect angle for Bonnie.
"Okay… that wasn't luck…" Tyler muttered, narrowing his eyes.
Matt let out an awkward laugh. "It never is when he plays like that…"
"Like that"? Bonnie thought, biting her lip. She knew that "like that." It was pure Ryan—an infuriatingly charming mix of natural talent and zero apparent effort.
She leaned over, lining up the final shot. Ryan stepped closer—not to interfere, but just to be near. Close enough that his cologne broke through whatever focus she was trying to muster.
"Go on…" he whispered. "Win the game…"
She took a deep breath, slid the cue forward… and sank it. The ball dropped cleanly into the corner pocket.
Bonnie only realized she was grinning too widely when Ryan raised his hand for a high-five that accidentally turned into fingers lingering a little too long.
"You two played great…" Matt admitted, conceding. "No contest…"
Tyler let his cue slip from his hand and clatter against the table in defeat.
"Fine, fine, I give up. You two are a plague." He raised his hands, laughing anyway. "How do you say 'cheater' in Japanese, Ryan?"
Ryan shrugged, leaning his cue against the wall with that infuriating calm of someone who won without rubbing it in.
"'Tyler Lockwood' works just fine."
Matt burst out laughing, slapped his friend on the shoulder, and came over to shake Ryan's hand.
"Man, you're even worse than before. Do they teach pool along with karate in Japan or what?"
"If they do, I never found the class…"
On the other side, cheeks still warm, Bonnie just gave a small sideways smile and put her cue away.
But as always, Caroline wasn't going to stay quietly on the sidelines. She stood up, abandoning her drink, and quickly closed in on Ryan.
"Oh come on, guys, this looks way too fun for me to just watch!" Caroline exclaimed, her voice loud enough to cut through the background noise. Without hesitation, she slipped her arm through Ryan's and pressed herself against him in a way that was anything but casual. Her breasts pushed against his arm—a provocative move that made Bonnie feel a twist in her stomach, and Elena, on the other side, grip her glass tighter than necessary. "Ryan, let's be partners? I'm great at this… or at least I will be with you teaching me."
Ryan raised an eyebrow, not looking the least bit surprised. He smiled calmly and said, "…Fine by me. I'm a good teacher—if you're a dedicated student, you'll probably pick it up fast…"
"Of course I'm dedicated…" Caroline replied with a smile, shooting him a provocative look. "…I'm so dedicated I'm sure you'll be very satisfied ~"
"Really?" Ryan kept his usual expression and said calmly, "Guess I'll have to check for myself then…"
Bonnie's stomach flipped.
Elena forced a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
Tyler seized the chance to escape the growing tension.
"You guys play among yourselves. I'm getting another drink. Matt, come with before they make me play another round…"
Matt gave a strained smile and followed without complaint.
As soon as the two disappeared between the tables, Elena took a deep breath, trying to compose herself.
"Bonnie… want to play together?"
Bonnie blinked, surprised by her friend's gentle tone, but she recognized the intent behind it. Elena didn't want Caroline alone with Ryan—which would happen if the two of them didn't team up and play against them…
"Sure," Bonnie answered, trying to sound neutral even though her heart was racing faster than it should.
Caroline looked far too pleased as she adjusted her grip on the cue.
"Perfect! So it's Ryan and me… against you two."
Ryan let out a soft chuckle—the kind that always made Bonnie's chest tighten.
"Alright, but if we lose, it's your fault."
"I'd never let you lose…" she shot back, eyes sparkling.
Bonnie held her breath for a second, but Elena lightly touched her arm—a gesture of support, and also a warning.
The two of them took their places on the opposite side of the table.
The game began.
It quickly became obvious that Caroline was far more interested in using every opportunity to "ask for help" from Ryan than in actually winning. With every shot, she made sure to call him over, press her body close, tilt her face in a way that left no doubt about her intentions.
Elena gritted her teeth once, quietly.
Bonnie noticed and, almost without thinking, rested a comforting hand on her back.
When Bonnie sank a nearly impossible shot, Ryan laughed, genuinely impressed.
"Nice! Were you always this competitive?"
She swallowed hard; the compliment hit deeper than it should have.
"Depends on the company."
The atmosphere among the four swung between lighthearted and electric, every gesture carrying more weight than anyone would admit out loud.
That was when Tyler and Matt returned, balancing bottles and glasses.
"Look at this," Tyler said, setting everything on a nearby table. "You guys are taking it seriously."
Matt held out a bottle to Ryan.
"Want a break? We can take them on."
Caroline spun around so fast her hair followed the motion.
"No, no! We're right in the middle of a game."
But Elena was already putting her cue away, breathing a sigh of relief.
"Let the guys play for a bit. We'll watch."
Bonnie nodded, feeling more relaxed now that the direct intensity had eased a little.
Soon teams formed and dissolved as the games went on: Ryan played one with Matt, another with Tyler; then Elena insisted on a rematch; Caroline tried to monopolize him whenever she could; Bonnie alternated between focusing on the game and trying to keep her heart steady.
Laughter, teasing, light shoves between friends, unspoken flirts, and jealousy simmering among the three girls…
The night stretched on without them noticing, the bar growing quieter as the hours slipped by.
When they finally realized it was far too late, everyone decided to call it a night. Half-defeated, half-satisfied, they lazily gathered cues and empty bottles with the reluctant energy of people who didn't want to admit the evening was over.
Tyler would drive Matt home, and since Bonnie and Caroline had come together, they'd leave together too. Caroline even tried to convince Ryan to take her, but he was already planning to drive Elena. He said her house was on the way and he'd drop her off before heading to an important commitment.
As he said it, he gave Elena a look that made her blush faintly and take on an almost eager expression.
After all, the two of them had planned a movie night together.
That was the "commitment" he had mentioned…
____________________
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