Age 10.
The doomsday clock was ticking.
In exactly two days, House Virgo would host my tenth birthday party. There would be cake. There would be balloons. And there would be a forty-year-old widowed Countess waiting to inspect my teeth like I was a prize stallion at a cattle auction.
"Two days," I muttered, packing a spare pair of socks into a bag. "Two days until I become a boy-toy for the geriatric elite. Over my dead, reincarnated body."
The last three years had been a blur of preparation. I hadn't just been sitting around waiting for my doom; I had been busy.
First, I learned swordsmanship. Well, sort of. My instructor was Sir Kairon, my father's most loyal knight.
"Swing with your hips, Young Master!" Kairon would yell.
I would swing. My 0 Strength meant the sword usually didn't move, but my body did. I mostly learned how to fall gracefully and how to dodge. If you can't hit them, just don't get hit.
Second, and more importantly, I learned Magic.
"But Curious," you might ask, "didn't you have 0 Mana? Doesn't that make you a magical brick?"
Yes. But fate has a funny sense of humor. Remember that legendary Ring of the Forgotten Dark Sage I threw into the koi pond to avoid a plotline?
Well, apparently, the Goth Koi choked on it.
The stupid fish tried to swallow the legendary artifact, panicked, and leaped out of the water in a desperate attempt to perform the Heimlich maneuver on itself. Our head chef found the fish flopping on the patio, carried it to the kitchen, and—surprise!—found a glowing ring in its gullet.
Being a loyal servant, he gave it to the Duke. My father called the Royal Appraiser.
"This ring allows the user to cast Dark Magic with zero mana cost," the Appraiser had explained. "But it requires a base mana of zero to equip. It is useless to anyone... except your third son."
My father had marched into my room and shoved the ring onto my finger. "Wear this. At least now you won't be completely defenseless."
I tried to take it off. It was stuck. The ring wanted to be there.
So, I was forced to become a Dark Mage.
Since magic in this world relies on imagination, I used my past life's knowledge of RPGs and manga to create my own spells. However, because I just wanted a convenient life, my spell list was... practical.
[Skill Acquired: Dark Fire]
It sounds terrifying, like the flames of hell. In reality, it's just normal fire that happens to be purple. It doesn't burn hotter; it just looks edgy.
Usage: I use it to create a small, smokeless bonfire to roast mushrooms and fish when I skip sword practice.
[Skill Acquired: Dark Out]
A spell that absorbs all light within a ten-foot radius. A high-level assassin would use this for stealth kills.
Usage: I use it when I'm already tucked in bed and too lazy to get up and blow out the candle. Whoosh. Instant darkness. Goodnight.
[Skill Acquired: Dark Space]
A pocket dimension made of shadows. An item box.
Usage: Embezzlement.
Which brings me to my escape fund.
For three years, I had been channeling my inner raccoon. I sneaked around the mansion, swiping expensive things that nobody would miss. A silver spoon here. A gold-buttoned vest there. A crystal paperweight that looked ugly anyway.
I smuggled them into town using Dark Space and sold them at the market.
"Who cares if a spoon is missing?" the maids would say. "The house is huge."
Thanks to my kleptomania, I had amassed 300 Gold Coins. In this economy, that was enough to buy a small house or survive for a few years if I was frugal.
I also spent my time in the market gathering intel. I needed a new home.
The North was too cold. The South was currently in a civil war. The West was where the widow lived.
That left the East: ** The Yozakura Kingdom.**
It was a place with cherry blossoms, rice, and katanas—very similar to Japan from Earth. It sounded like paradise.
Problem: It was on the other side of the continent.
Walking there would take months. Carriages left tracks. My father's spies would find me in a day.
So, I came up with a brilliant, suicidal Plan B: Dungeon Diving.
In Arcana, Dungeons were subterranean ecosystems. They had water sources, edible monsters, and safe zones. More importantly, the magical interference in dungeons made tracking spells useless.
If I hid in a Dungeon:
* My family couldn't find me.
* I could grind monsters to level up my pathetic stats.
* I could loot treasure chests.
And I had the ultimate cheat code: I knew where the loot was.
I remembered the game maps. I knew exactly which fake walls hid the Legendary items. I knew which boss rooms had the glitch spots where you couldn't get hit.
My original plan of becoming a farmer was officially postponed. It had been replaced by my Early Retirement Plan.
"First," I whispered to my reflection in the mirror, "I escape. Second, I save the world from the apocalypse so my property value doesn't go down. Third, I move to Yozakura."
I pictured it. A nice wooden house under the cherry blossoms. Me, sitting on a porch, sipping tea.
And kids. Lots of kids.
"Seven... maybe eight," I mused. "The more the merrier. I don't need a wife—romance is too risky in this genre. I'll just adopt. I'll open an orphanage and raise a baseball team of happy children who don't have to worry about World Ends or demon fathers."
I zipped up my bag. The 300 gold was safe in my Dark Space. My Ring of the Forgotten Dark Sage was on my finger. My socks were packed.
I was ready to leave this crazy family.
"Happy Birthday to me," I grinned. "Now, let's get the hell out of here."
To be continued.