Age 12.
I stood on a hill overlooking the city of Virgo.
Two years ago, this was just the capital of my father's duchy. It was a gloomy, militaristic city where people smiled only when ordered to. Now, as I looked at the skyline, I noticed something different. There were more flags. Bigger flags. Flags that screamed, "We are in charge now, deal with it."
I adjusted the hood of my cloak. I was wearing the spare armor Kevius Sloth had given me—well, the under-layer, anyway. The full plate armor was too heavy for my 16 Strength, so I looked like a kid cosplaying as a rogue.
"Home sweet hell," I muttered.
I had left the Maze Puzzle Dungeon with a bag full of loot and a head full of schemes. My destination was Atlantis, the underwater city of crime and seafood. But before I plunged into the ocean, I needed to stop here.
Why? Because information is ammunition. And right now, I was shooting blanks.
I had been living under a rock (literally) for two years. I needed to know if the world had ended while I was playing Sudoku with slimes.
The Drunken Wyvern Inn
I walked into the city gates using a fake ID I'd forged with Dark Magic (I just darkened the ink on an old library card; the guards were too tired to check).
I headed straight for "The Drunken Wyvern," the largest, loudest, and smellies adventurer inn in the city. If news travels fast, it travels fastest here, usually carried on the breath of a drunk mercenary.
The moment I stepped inside, a wall of noise hit me. The smell of roasted pork, stale ale, and unwashed armpits assaulted my nose. It smelled like... opportunity.
I found a corner table in the shadows. I pulled my hood down low.
"What can I get you, kid?" a waitress asked, slapping a rag on the table.
"Milk," I said. Then, seeing her skeptical look, I added in a deep voice, "In a dirty glass. I like to live dangerously."
She rolled her eyes and walked away.
I sat back and activated my most important skill. No, not [Appraisal]. Not [Dark Magic].
[Eavesdropping Level: Auntie Next Door].
I focused on the conversations around me. The inn was a cacophony of gossip.
"Did you hear?" a burly warrior at the next table slammed his mug down. "The price of grain went up again!"
"That's because of the war in the South, you idiot," his companion replied.
Boring. I tuned them out. I shifted my focus to a group of merchants near the fireplace.
"The new trade routes are safe," a fat merchant whispered. "Ever since the Demon Army went quiet, profits are up."
Bing! Info Number One. The Demons were quiet.
I focused harder. A group of knights in civilian clothes were drinking heavily near the bar.
"I still can't believe it," one knight slurred. "The Royal Family... gone. Just like that."
"Serves them right," another spat. "They kidnapped the Young Master Curious! They killed the Duke's beloved son out of jealousy! Duke Virgo did what he had to do!"
I froze. My hand stopped halfway to my milk glass.
...Excuse me?
I listened closer, my heart pounding.
"The Emperor—long live Emperor Virgo—was heartbroken," the knight continued, wiping a tear. "When he found out the Royals had assassinated his third son, the angelic genius Curious Von Virgo... he went berserk. He marched on the capital in a single night. 'A tooth for a tooth,' he said."
"Aye," the other knight nodded solemnly. "They say Young Master Curious was a saint. A prodigy who was destined to save us all. He was too beautiful for this world."
I slowly lowered my glass.
What. The. Hell.
I didn't die! I ran away! I climbed down a trellis and sprinted into the woods because I didn't want to marry a grandma!
My father... that magnificent, evil genius. He used my disappearance as a casus belli. He framed the Royal Family for my "murder," used it as an excuse to launch a coup, and seized the throne.
And the propaganda! "Angelic genius"? "Saint"? I was a lazy kid who stole silver spoons!
"I'm a martyr," I whispered to myself, horrified. "I'm the face of the revolution. My face is probably on commemorative plates right now."
It was ironic. I ran away to avoid being a pawn, and in doing so, I became the King of Pawns. I was no longer Curious Von Virgo. To the world, Curious was a tragic hero who died too young.
"Good," I thought, suppressing a shiver. "Curious is dead. That makes things easier. No one will look for a dead boy."
The Rumor of the Muscle Princess
I shifted my attention to a table of travelers who looked like they came from the North. They were shaking, looking traumatized.
"I tell you, I saw it!" a skinny thief was saying. "In the Desert of Fangs. The Barbarian Tribes have a new leader."
"A new chieftain?"
"No... a monster. A demon in human skin!" the thief shuddered. "They say she appeared two years ago. A girl with golden hair, wearing rags."
I perked up. Golden hair?
"She challenged the Chief," the thief whispered. "She didn't use a weapon. She cast [Enhance Strength] on herself twenty times. She punched the Chief so hard he flew over a sand dune. They call her... The Golden Gorrila."
I choked on my milk.
"Golden Gorilla?"
"Aye," the thief nodded. "She screams about 'The Path of Muscle.' She forces the barbarians to do push-ups until they vomit. She's building an army of super-soldiers. Rumor has it she's actually the lost Princess Raviel, but that's impossible. Princess Raviel was a delicate flower. This woman... she crushed a coconut with her biceps."
I covered my mouth to hide a grin.
Good girl, I thought. She listened to me.
I had told her to go to the barbarians. I had told her to buff herself. I expected her to become a strong warrior. I didn't expect her to become a gym-obsessed warlord who terrorized the desert.
"Princess Raviel," I mused. "You are going to be the perfect meat shield. When the Demon Lord wakes up, I'm going to hide behind your abs."
It was a beautiful plan.
The Strategy Session (In My Head)
I finished my milk and went up to my rented room. It was small, dusty, and cost me 5 silver coins—highway robbery, really.
I sat on the creaky bed and pulled out my notebook. I needed to synthesize the intel.
Intel 1: My father is now the Emperor. He controls the entire human continent. The "Good Guys" are now led by the "Bad Guy." This complicated things. If I showed my face, I'd be "resurrected," and he'd probably lock me in a tower or marry me off to two countesses to make up for lost time.
Conclusion: Curious Von Virgo stays dead. I am Kevius Sloth.
Intel 2: Princess Raviel (The Golden Gorilla) is alive and getting swole in the North.
Conclusion: Asset secured. I just need to avoid her punching me when we reunite.
Intel 3: The Demon Armies are quiet.
Conclusion: The game lore is accurate. Demon Lord Yuva is in hibernation mode, evolving. I have roughly six months before he wakes up and starts the Apocalypse.
"Six months," I muttered, tapping my pen. "To save the world."
My to-do list was clear:
Go to Atlantis City.
Why? I have 16 Strength. I can lift a heavy chair, but I can't fight a demon general. I need a bodyguard. A slave. Someone strong, loyal, and preferably expendable. Atlantis has the Black Market.
Also: The Second Part of the Blueprint is in Atlantis. I need to get it before Gluttony (the Shark Sin) finds it.
Infiltrate the Demon Castle.
Once I have the blueprint and the slave, I will assume the identity of Kevius Sloth.
I will enter the enemy base.
I will destroy them from the inside using corporate sabotage and misinformation.
"It's a flawless plan," I nodded. "Except for the part where I might die horribly."
I looked at my status screen again.
[Title: Breeding Horse]
Still there.
"If I save the world," I bargained with the System, "can you please change this title to 'Cool Shadow Hero' or something? Please?"
The System did not respond. Rude.
Shopping and Logistics
The next morning, I went to the market to resupply.
I needed rations. But not just any rations.
"Shopkeeper," I asked the grocer. "Do you have food that doesn't spoil, tastes okay, and is high in calories?"
"I have dried hardtack," the grocer said. "It tastes like a brick, but it lasts ten years."
"I'll take fifty," I said. "Do you have any spices? Hot sauce? Anything to mask the flavor of despair?"
"I have 'Dragon's Breath' chili powder."
"Perfect. I'll take a bucket."
I also bought:
Water-breathing potions. (Atlantis is underwater. I can't breathe water. Minor detail.)
A new cloak. (My current one smelled like dungeon slime.)
A fake mustache. (Just in case. You never know when you need a disguise.)
I packed everything into my [Dark Space]. The item box was getting full. It held 300 gold, a legendary book, a blueprint, 50 bricks of hardtack, and a bucket of chili powder. It was the inventory of a madman.
Departure
I walked to the harbor. The ocean was vast and blue.
Atlantis wasn't a place you could just swim to. It was located in the deep trench, protected by magic barriers and giant squids.
Usually, you needed a submarine or a high-level Water Mage.
I had neither.
But I had [Hermes Boots] and [Teleportation] (which I still couldn't use).
"Wait," I realized. "I can't teleport. I have 0 Mana."
I stood on the dock, looking at the water.
"How am I supposed to get down there?"
Then I remembered the Sin of Gluttony. In the game, Gluttony used a secret entrance near the Whirlpool of Despair to enter Atlantis. It was a physical tunnel that bypassed the magical barriers.
"I just have to jump into a whirlpool," I noted. "Sounds safe. What could go wrong? With 85 Luck, I'll probably land on a soft mattress of seaweed."
I took a deep breath of salty air.
"Goodbye, Virgo City," I saluted the flags of my father's empire. "Sorry for dying. I promise to un-die later when it's convenient for my tax bracket."
I turned my back on the city where I was a dead saint and faced the ocean where I would become a living fraud.
"Next stop: The Black Market. I hope they accept credit cards."
To be continued.