BAO JI (LIA)
After the ritual, we spent the rest of the day with the emperor and the queen. The other concubines tried every possible method to get the emperor's attention, but he wouldn't spare them even a millisecond.
And Bao Si? God lord. She sat as close to the emperor as physically possible.
Did it help her?
Fuck no.
The emperor's gaze kept drifting toward me instead. I noticed it every single time. Did I look away?
Nope.
In fact, I held his stare.
Sometimes I could feel my cheeks burning slightly, but I didn't break eye contact.
Around 7 p.m., we had dinner, and afterward, we were shown to the rooms assigned to us. My room was the closest to the Queen's, and the Queen's room was the closest to the emperor's. Bao Si's and the other concubines' rooms were placed after mine.
It was almost funny seeing Bao Si's expression when she realised I was closer to the emperor's room than she was.
She didn't speak to anyone. She simply went inside her room and stayed there.
I tried going to bed early, but sleep ran miles away from me. After two hours of staring at the ceiling, I got annoyed with myself and got up. It was already around nine or ten when I stepped outside to get some air. I told my maid she didn't need to wait for me. She could rest.
I had barely taken a few steps when a voice came from behind me.
"Cannot sleep?"
The emperor.
I could recognise his voice among billions.
Before I even turned around, a smile crept onto my face.
"Your Majesty", I said, without bowing. Then I added, "No."
He came to stand beside me with a small smile. "Me neither."
"It always helps when I go for late-night walks," I said.
We began walking slowly.
"Today you seemed anxious," he said.
"You weren't?" I asked, trying to shift the attention away from myself.
"Why would I be?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Oh right." I looked ahead, then back at him. "You're the emperor, after all. Why would you be anxious?"
"I can be anxious too, okay?" he said in a playfully defensive tone. "But with this kind of thing, I'm used to it."
"Well, I'm not you. So next time I'll just hide and wait until it's finished," I said lightly.
"I don't think, with me around, you'd be able to hide," he replied.
"Why is that? You keep your eyes on me?" I asked.
"Definitely," he answered, looking straight into my eyes.
We both stopped at the same time, still staring at each other.
I couldn't look away – even if I wanted to.
Then he took a step closer.
Too close.
I tilted my head up to look at him – he was taller – and I could feel his breath. He was that close.
"The hairpin is falling out of your hair," he said in a low voice.
His right hand moved to fix the hairpin while his left hand gently held my head in place. I looked down toward his chest while waiting for him to finish.
"Done," he said.
I looked up, and he was already looking at me.
His right hand slowly slid down to the back of my neck. His left hand followed, his thumb brushing along my cheek. My breathing turned uneven. Then his thumb slid down from my cheek to my lower lip and began stroking it gently.
My lips parted slightly, as if they were waiting for something.
My head went blank. My heart raced like crazy. My breathing felt like a battle.
He seemed to have forgotten how to breathe too. He couldn't take his eyes off my lips. And without realising it, I was staring at his lips just as intensely.
He had very kissable lips. Really nice kissable lips.
I looked up into his eyes again. Then back at his lips.
I started fidgeting with my sleeve while standing there, staring.
"You are beautiful tonight," he murmured, leaning a little closer, his voice low and deep.
Oh God.
That low, deep voice of his will be the death of me one day.
"Your Majesty is handsome tonight too," I replied while his thumb was still resting on my bottom lip.
His thumb then slid down to my chin and lifted my head half an inch. I looked at his lips. So close. I couldn't help it — I closed my eyes.
After what felt like an eternity, he cleared his throat.
"I'll walk you back to your room."
I opened my eyes instantly.
Only then did he let his hands fall. While I noticed for a split second his jaw tightening while his breathing was heavy. My cheeks were burning so badly that even my breathing felt out of control.
As soon as I stepped forward, he took my hand in his, and we began walking.
No.
The walk wasn't fast.
It was slow.
Like two turtles moving through the night.
-
The next morning, I looked like a zombie. I barely slept. In my mind, I kept replaying the same moment.
Him close to me. His thumb on my bottom lip. I couldn't erase it.
What is wrong with me?
Actually… I don't need an answer for that.
At breakfast, my eyes kept drifting back to the emperor.
To his lips.
LIA. STOP IT.
But no. I just couldn't.
While trying to glance away shyly from his gaze, I noticed Bao Si watching the both of us. Her eyes moved between me and the emperor, jealousy written all over her face.
I looked around quickly. The other concubines were busy trying to win the emperor's attention by speaking sweetly to the queen.
Honestly, judging by the Queen's expression, she looked ready to run for her life.
Later, when it was time to return home, Bao Si rushed forward to walk beside the emperor, forcing me to walk slightly behind him and the queen.
"Your Majesties, let me keep you company," Bao Si said in her sly voice.
I stared at her in surprise. She was openly acting out of jealousy now.
Wow.
The emperor and the queen both stopped and turned toward her.
"I already have the Queen… and Concubine Ji keeping me company," the emperor said calmly. "You may keep the other concubines company in the carriage."
Then he looked at me and gestured with his hand.
"Come."
My body moved on autopilot.
We walked toward the carriage, his hand resting on my lower back. The warmth of his palm sent shivers through me. My cheeks burnt instantly. These days, he will be the death of me.
He brings out emotions I didn't even know I had. Makes my body respond automatically before my brain can even process it.
The Queen entered the carriage first with the help of a servant. Normally, the emperor would enter next. But he stepped aside. He extended his hand toward me, silently telling me to go first. I took his hand and stepped up the small stairs. With one hand, he held mine gently. With the other, he had already removed his hand from my lower back. Before fully entering, I held his hand for a few seconds longer, looking at him. He was holding my hand so gently — as if I were something fragile, something he feared breaking.
After I sat down inside, I could still feel the imprint of his warmth on my lower back. On my hand.
WAKE UP, LIA.
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
But it felt impossible.