**Z-Valhalla. The Gaming Den (Formerly King's Living Room).**
**Monday. 8:30 PM.**
The room is dark, illuminated only by the harsh blue light of a 90-inch TV.
**King** sits on his throne (beanbag chair). He is tense.
The **King Engine** purrs: *Doom-doom-doom.*
Behind him sits his new guild:
**Loki** (holding a controller with too many buttons).
**Thor** (holding a controller made of reinforced steel, gently).
**Saitama** (eating chips, not playing, just watching).
"Focus," King commands. "The Raid Boss spawns in 10 seconds. We need perfect synergy."
"I shall smite it!" Thor bellows.
"No smiting!" King warns. "You're playing a Healer! Just cast shields! Do not tank the aggro!"
"But a warrior must lead!" Thor argues, thumb-mashing the attack button.
**The Boss Spawns.**
On screen, a dragon named *'Infernotron the Unyielding'* appears.
"Go!" King yells.
Thor charges in. He dies immediately to fire breath.
"My HP!" Thor gasps. "This armor is paper!"
"You're wearing cloth robes!" Loki cackles. "I swapped your gear when you weren't looking! Pranked!"
"Focus!" King is sweating. He is carrying the team. His fingers fly across the controller, executing frame-perfect dodges.
**The Intruder.**
Suddenly, the screen freezes.
Not buffering. **Glitching.**
The dragon stretches into infinity. The floor texture disappears. King's character starts vibrating.
**[SERVER ERROR 9000: CONNECTION INTERRUPTED]**
"No," King whispers. "The server..."
From the TV screen, purple sparks fly.
A hand reaches *out* of the monitor.
A digital hand made of lagging polygons.
"You think you can play without paying the toll?" a voice garbles.
A figure pulls itself into the living room.
It looks like a modem from 1999 that gained sentience and learned hate. Wires trail from its head. Its eyes are dial-up symbols.
**The Pingmaster.** (Threat Level: Dragon).
Born from the frustration of a billion dropped connections.
**"I AM LAG,"** The Pingmaster drones. **"I WILL SLOW YOUR FRAMES TO ZERO."**
"A monster!" Loki jumps behind the sofa. "Is it physical or magical?"
"It's technical!" King screams, clutching his console. "It's targeting the bandwidth!"
The monster points a finger at Thor.
**Packet Loss Beam.**
Thor moves to grab his hammer.
But he moves at 5 frames per second.
He is glitching in real life.
"My... speed... is... buffering..." Thor stutters, frozen mid-motion.
"It affects reality!" Genos (who entered with tea) drops the tray. "Sensors... laaagggiiing..."
Saitama looks at the monster.
He looks at the TV screen frozen on the raid failure.
He eats a chip.
The chip crunches.
"You," Saitama says. "You messed up King's game."
**"AND I WILL MESS UP YOU,"** The Pingmaster raises a hand. **"DOWNLOAD SPEED: 56K!"**
It fires a **Slow-Mo Field**.
The field hits Saitama.
The world around him slows to a crawl. Dust motes hang in the air.
Saitama stands in the slow zone.
He looks at his hand.
It moves normally.
He looks at the monster.
"Hey," Saitama says. "Why is everyone moving like a slideshow?"
**"IMPOSSIBLE!"** The Pingmaster glitches. **"YOU ARE WITHIN THE THROTTLE ZONE! YOU SHOULD BE LAGGING!"**
Saitama scratches his head.
"I don't lag," Saitama says casually. "I just move when I want to."
Saitama walks toward the monster.
The Pingmaster panics.
**"RUBBER BANDING!"**
It snaps its fingers.
Reality jerks Saitama backward three feet.
Saitama steps forward four feet.
The monster rubber-bands him again.
Saitama steps five feet.
He fights the lag with sheer momentum.
He is glitch-walking toward the threat.
**"GET AWAY!"** The Pingmaster fires a beam of **Latency Spikes**.
Saitama ignores it.
He grabs the wires trailing from the monster's head.
"Are these your cables?"
**"DON'T TOUCH THE ETHERNET!"**
Saitama yanks.
"Normal Move: Unplug."
He rips the wires.
The monster screeches—a sound like a dial-up tone from hell.
**"EEEEEEERRRRR-KKKKSSSHHHHH-NOOOOO CAAAARRRRIER."**
The Pingmaster deflates. Its polygons shatter into pixels. It fades away into static.
The lag field lifts.
Thor crashes into the coffee table. "Have... at thee!" he yells (5 seconds too late).
Loki falls off the sofa.
**The Loot.**
King checks the screen.
**DISCONNECTED.**
"The raid failed," King slumps. "My rank... dropped again."
But wait.
A notification pops up.
**SYSTEM REWARD: BUG BOUNTY.**
**1,000,000 GOLD COINS.**
**TITLE: LAG SLAYER.**
King stares. "We got the credit? But the server crashed!"
"Maybe the admin saw us kill the bug," Saitama suggests, picking up the Ethernet cable debris. "Can we use this for the TV?"
King smiles. A rare, genuine smile.
"Good game, Saitama. Good game."
**Thor's Realization.**
Thor picks up the controller.
"So... the Healer class protects the Warrior?"
"Yes," King sighs. "By keeping them ALIVE."
"I understand," Thor nods. "Next time... I will heal aggressively."
(Narrator: He will not heal aggressively).