Z-City. Saitama's Apartment.
3:14 AM. Temperature: 29°C (84°F).
The night is heavy. The air conditioner is broken (again). The windows are open, inviting a humid breeze that smells of damp asphalt and Yggdrasil pollen.
Saitama lies on his futon. He is dreaming of hair. Long, flowing, golden locks.
Peace reigns.
Until...
*eeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEzzzzzzzt.*
The sound is faint. High-pitched. A dental drill for the soul.
Saitama's brow twitches.
The noise fades. He relaxes.
*ZZZZZT.* (Right by the ear).
**SLAP.**
Saitama smacks his own cheek with enough force to liquefy a watermelon.
He freezes. He holds his hand against his face. He waits.
He slowly pulls his hand away.
He checks his palm in the moonlight.
Clean. No bug guts. No blood.
*eeeeeee....*
Saitama sits up.
His eyes adjust to the darkness. He scans the room.
He sees it.
A silhouette against the streetlamp outside.
Small. Erratic. Unholy.
"You," Saitama whispers. The boredom vanishes. The "Serious" face returns instantly.
**The Hunt Begins.**
Saitama stands up. He moves silently. He is a predator.
The mosquito lands on the wall.
Saitama approaches. He holds his breath. He aligns his chakras. He calculates the wind resistance.
*Wham.*
He slams the wall. Plaster dust puffs out.
He lifts his hand.
The mosquito flies away, spiraling lazily toward the ceiling.
"Genos," Saitama says, voice steady. "Wake up. Threat level... God."
Genos boots up instantly. His eyes glow amber. He scans the room.
"Master? Do you require backup? Are the Deep Ones invading?"
"Worse. A mosquito. It's hovering near the smoke detector."
Genos engages his telescopic vision. "Target acquired. Genus: *Culicidae*. Size: 4mm. Warning: Master, this specimen exhibits irregular flight patterns. It is... dodging my laser targeting system."
**The Roommates Roused.**
Satan (Mr. Red) rises from his sleeping bag in the closet.
"Why must there be noise?" Satan grumbles, rubbing his eyes. "I was dreaming of the void."
"Insect," Saitama points. "Kill it, Red. Use your evil powers."
"A bug?" Satan scoffs. "You wake the Adversary for a bug?"
Satan extends a hand. Dark matter swirls around his fingers.
"Die, minuscule lifeform. **Spell: Breath of Decay.**"
A cloud of purple miasma envelopes the ceiling fan.
The paint peels. The fan blades rust instantly.
The miasma clears.
The mosquito is cleaning its wings on the rusted metal.
Satan's jaw drops. "It... it resisted entropy?"
*BZZZZT.*
The mosquito dives. It bites Satan on the nose.
"OW!" Satan swats the air. "IT TOOK MY DIVINE BLOOD! IT IS BLASPHEMY!"
**The Culprit.**
There is a knock on the balcony door.
Not a polite knock. A rhythmic vibration.
Saitama slides it open.
**Beelzebub** stands there. He looks tired, holding a net.
"You have it," Beelzebub says, eyes hollow. "Subject Omega."
"Your pet?" Saitama asks, pointing at the buzzing menace. "Take it back. It keeps dodging my slaps."
"I cannot catch it," Beelzebub admits. He steps inside. "I bred it using cells from Zeus's Adamas form and DNA from speed-force deities. It perceives time 400 times slower than us. It has perfect evasion. It exists to irritate the gods."
"Why would you make that?" Genos asks, appalled.
"I was bored," Beelzebub shrugs. "I call it the 'Humbler'."
*ZZZZZT.*
The Humbler flies past Saitama's ear.
Saitama's vein pops.
"I don't care about its DNA," Saitama growls. "It's annoying."
**The Battle of the Apartment.**
"Formation B," Saitama commands. "Genos, suppressive fire. Red, cover the exits. Fly-Guy, try to distract it."
"Understood!" Genos arms his machine gun vents.
"I will not take orders from a human!" Satan argues, then yelps as the mosquito buzzes his ear. "FINE! LOCKING DOWN PERIMETER!"
Genos tracks the bug. His arms blur.
*Swish. Swish. Swish.*
He tries to snatch it out of the air. His cybernetic reflexes are capable of catching bullets.
The mosquito dances between his fingers. It lands on his nose sensor.
"Target is... mocking me," Genos reports.
"Move," Saitama says.
He lunges.
**Sideways Hops.**
Saitama bounces wall to wall, moving so fast he becomes a yellow blur.
The mosquito drifts casually, using the air currents created by Saitama's speed to stay aloft.
Saitama claps his hands.
*CLAP.*
The shockwave shatters the windows. It wakes up the entire block.
He opens his hands.
Nothing.
The mosquito lands on the TV screen (which King bought).
"Don't break the TV!" Satan screams. "My soaps are recording!"
**Escalation.**
The mosquito flies out the broken window.
"It's escaping!" Saitama yells. "After it!"
They spill onto the street. It is 3:30 AM.
The noise attracts neighbors.
Thor walks out of his apartment complex (Unit 204), wearing his pajamas.
"What battle is this?" Thor asks, summoning Mjolnir. "Are the Frost Giants attacking?"
"A fly!" Beelzebub yells. "The Ultimate Fly!"
The mosquito buzzes Thor's head.
Thor swings Mjolnir.
*WOOSH.*
The hammer misses by a millimeter. The wind pressure flattens a parked car. The mosquito uses the turbulence to fly higher.
"It dodged Mjolnir?" Thor stares at his weapon. "Am I... unworthy?"
Poseidon appears from a hydrant, annoyed.
"Silence, insects."
He sees the bug. He creates a needle of pressurized water.
*Zip.*
He snipes.
The water hits a street lamp, slicing it in half. The mosquito is unharmed.
Poseidon scowls. "Tch. Small target."
**The Climax.**
The mosquito flies into the air. It hovers under the pale moon.
It seems to look down on them. On the Gods. On the Heroes. On the Monster of Anarchy.
It reigns supreme.
Saitama stands in the street.
He breathes out.
White steam rises from his mouth.
He looks at the mosquito.
"I've had enough," Saitama says.
He grabs a pebble from the ground. (His favorite weapon).
"Serious Series."
The gods step back.
"Take cover!" Beelzebub warns. "He's getting Serious against a gnat!"
"Serious..." Saitama winds up. "...Spitball technique."
He doesn't use the pebble.
He puts the pebble in his mouth.
He aims.
*PTHOO.*
He spits the pebble.
It travels at sub-light speed. The friction turns the pebble into a microscopic meteor.
The air in front of the mosquito ionizes.
The mosquito senses the attack. It tries to dodge.
But the air pressure locks it in place. The vacuum sucks it in.
*SPLAT.*
The pebble hits the mosquito.
The impact atomizes the bug.
The pebble continues.
It shoots into the night sky.
It hits a wandering satellite (owned by Metal Knight).
The satellite explodes.
**Victory.**
Silence returns to Z-City.
Saitama wipes his mouth.
"Got him."
Beelzebub looks at the sky where his masterpiece died.
"Incredible," Beelzebub whispers. "Accuracy exceeding calculation. Speed exceeding perception. He is... the Ultimate Exterminator."
Genos lowers his arms. "Target eliminated. Master's sleep schedule secure."
Saitama yawns. "That was too much work."
He walks back toward the apartment.
"Satan, make tea. Calming tea. I'm wide awake now."
"I am not your butler!" Satan yells, following him. "But... perhaps chamomile?"
**Epilogue.**
Metal Knight sits in his secret bunker.
Screen reads: **SATELLITE DESTROYED.**
Cause: **PEBBLE.**
Origin: **SECTOR Z.**
Metal Knight sighs.
"Every time. Every single time. Why do I even bother monitoring that zone?"
Back in the apartment, Saitama lies down.
Peace. Finally.
He closes his eyes.
From the kitchen sink drain...
A faint sound.
*...bzzzzt?*
Saitama's eyes snap open.
"Red," Saitama yells. "Pour the bleach!"