Barbara: "The Anemo Archon is… a drunk?? No way!"
Court of Fontaine — Private Salon
Furina was breaking down again.
"What do I do??
If the review order follows last time…
Then in three days it's Fontaine again!
Even if Sumeru fits in first— that's still only four days!!
I'M DOOMED!!!"
She wasn't the radiant superstar anymore.
Not the proud Hydro Archon.
Just a terrified 500-year-old girl trembling at fate.
Neuvillette watched silently, sighing inside.
Ever since the light-screen revealed the truth of Fontaine's "prophecy,"
she had worn this look too many times…
Once, he would have urged her to share her burden.
But now…
after sensing a Heavenly Law behind all this—
He dared not push her further.
He could only pray his cursed-gacha Strange Water Cup
might one day roll something useful.
…though judging by nuclear waste water and pregnancy river juice so far…
His face darkened.
"No. Don't jinx it."
He shook away that cursed thought and called softly:
"Lady Furina? Lady Furina—?"
She snapped back to reality, exhaled sharply, sat up straight,
and forced her persona back into place.
"I'm fine, Neuvillette."
But in her heart—
she had already decided:
When the broadcast ends…
I must contact that reflection again.
Neuvillette simply nodded, then looked up at the sky.
"May the light-screen bring hope to Fontaine…"
Abyss Order Base
The Abyss Prince slammed the table.
"Why THEM?!
Why is it the Seven Archons?!"
The Archons destroyed Khaenri'ah.
They were his natural enemies.
And now they might get stronger??
UNACCEPTABLE.
An Ice Abyss Mage slithered forward:
"No need for rage, Your Highness.
The Archons may not gain power…
but they will certainly experience total humiliation."
A Pyro Abyss Mage cackled:
"Yes! Even that mighty Dragon Sovereign
was turned into a meme-otter!!
The light-screen is our greatest revenge weapon!"
Kong's mood brightened instantly.
"You're right!
If today is the Anemo Archon and his pet—
then let's enjoy every second of their downfall!!
Remember it well.
And when we meet Mondstadters again—
use their own god to mock them!"
"As you command! Kekekekeke!!"
Fatui — Goth Grand Hotel
La Signora watched with clenched teeth.
"Barbatos…
I will watch you fall face-first into SHAME!"
Mondstadt — Angel's Share Tavern
Spit—!!!
Venti sprayed his drink everywhere.
"Whoa whoa WHOA—
It's my turn already?!"
He looked at the wine puddle.
He looked at the sky.
He looked at… his empty wallet.
"Nope! Can't stay here!
If they recognize me—
I'll die of embarrassment!!
Time to find Dvalin— BYE!!"
He turned into wind and fled.
Charles the bartender turned around just in time to see nothing.
"…He skipped the tab AGAIN?!
That little—
…oh fine.
Today is Barbatos' review.
Freebie granted.
BUT NEXT TIME— Hmph!!"
The Entire World Reacts
Everyone froze.
Everyone screamed.
Everyone prepared snacks.
Even the three "forgotten" nations felt… complicated.
Supernal Cross-World Chat
Barbara: I can't believe it's Barbatos himself!!
Kaeya: I didn't expect Mondstadt to go again… and straight to Archons!
Keqing: Why skip Natlan and Snezhnaya?
Ayaka: Did they anger the light-screen too? 👀
Childe: Absolutely not!
The Fatui are pure and honest people! 😤
Not like Sumeru's… traitorous scholars.
Sumeru-folk: (collective dead silence)
La Signora: Yes! We Fatui always respect the Light-Screen!
Very upright! Very decent!
Everyone else:
This is the man who threatened a god with a giant Harbinger mech.
『Pure and honest』 my a—
Little did they know:
The only reason they weren't picked was—
Arthur has no new lore to work with yet.
Writer Mihoyo still hasn't released the damn story.
Lumine cut off the awkward tension:
Lumine: Anyway— today is Bard-Man and Dragon-Boi day! 🍿
Paimon: Exactly!!
Nahida: Barbatos-senpai must be very wise! I'll learn from him!!
Dvalin: …Are you sure you heard right?
Zhongli: He is skilled at… avoiding responsibility.
Ei: And alcohol. A full-time drunk.
Furina: A god behaving so improperly? I will judge you! ✋😤
Alice: This sounds… familiar. 😏
Venti: Ehe~
Barbara: NO WAY!
Barbatos must be noble! Dignified! A shining god!!
Paimon:
What if… maybe… he's in the chat right now? 👀
Barbara: Impossible!
Sis Jean, Kaeya, Lisa, and Dvalin would 100% recognize him!
Jean / Kaeya / Lisa:
…about that.
They all prayed her heart could withstand the truth.
Venti:
rubs nose nervously
Arthur Studio
He smirked like a villain.
Barbara was about to learn today.
And the meltdown would be glorious.
He spoke:
"First up— the Anemo Archon: Barbatos!
Serious commentary first."
"Barbatos— founder of the free city Mondstadt.
One of the Seven Archons.
Abandoned authoritarian rule so his people could truly be free.
Returned to overthrow the corrupt Lawrence Clan centuries later—
establishing the Four Winds.
Returned yet again when Dvalin fell to corruption—
partnering with the Traveler
to save Mondstadt from disaster."
He displayed a divine depiction.
A green-cloaked boy with a lyre—
The same dumb bard everyone knew.
The world froze.
Mondstadt froze the hardest.
Public Channels Explode
Nun Victoria: THE BARD IS— THE ARCHON?!?!
Charles: I SERVED BARBATOS A DRINK– DID I JUST EARN GOOD KARMA?!
Thomaeus: He's not what I expected.
Sage: He's… less majestic than anticipated.
Alchemist: Try WAY less majestic.
Liyue — Jade Chamber
Ningguang was startled.
"So that Windbag is Barbatos?"
Keqing nodded stiffly.
Sweet Madame forgotten, Lumine and Paimon just slurped beef stew calmly.
Keqing: You're… not surprised?
Lumine: Found out while saving Dvalin.
Paimon: Bards = Wind God. Wind God = Bard. Easy math!
Ningguang and Keqing stared.
These two really just acted casually with gods…
Then Ganyu suddenly paused.
"If Barbatos hid in the chat…
might the Geo Archon be hiding there too…?"
All three slowly turned toward…
Zhongli's chat avatar.
Shock.
Understanding.
Respectful silence.
And none of them said a word.
If Rex Lapis wished to be low-key—
so be it.
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