Oh No… Keqing Really Did Become a Beef-Offal Master!
Liyue — Jade Chamber.
As the left half of the light curtain dimmed, Keqing and Ganyu finally exhaled in relief.
It was finally over.
Thinking back on today's rollercoaster of "proper" and "improper" evaluations, both of them felt like they had been strapped into an emotional amusement ride — up, down, sideways, loop after loop.
Way too stimulating.
Still… it wasn't completely without gains.
For Keqing—
Aside from collecting an entire set of absurd nicknames such as "Lifetime Nemesis Electro Slime," "Liyue's Thunder God," "Beef-Offal Master," "Ke-Mew-Mew," and many more…
Her biggest gain was undoubtedly the revelation regarding "rule of man."
She had always oversimplified it.
Now, having seen a literal case where "a hundred million people died" from mismanagement, Keqing felt fortunate.
If Liyue had really leaned into "human rule" prematurely, with no preparation… the consequences might truly have been disastrous.
That was a weight she could never bear alone.
As for Ganyu—
Her entire childhood's black history had been publicly broadcast!
Including the brand-new honorable titles of "Rolling-Down-the-Mountain True Lord" and "Cocogoat."
But in exchange, the knot in her heart had finally dissolved.
She even received a surprisingly good song despite its strange lyrics.
Mixed blessings — the two women exchanged a glance, emotions complicated.
Supernatural Chat Group
[Traveler Lumine]: Eh? That's it? Feels like it ended too soon. I want more!
[Yaoyao]: Traveler big sis, Keqing and Ganyu's evaluations are already the longest so far!
[Yanfei]: Seriously! Keqing had six improper tags, Ganyu had five! That's eleven total!
[Itto]: Eleven?? Someone summarize! My head hurts!
[Kuki Shinobu]:
Keqing — Proper: "Construction Queen," "Workaholic," "Irreverent to Gods."
Keqing — Improper: "Twisted Morax Fangirl," "Lifetime Nemesis Electro Slime," "Crooked-Slash Sword Style," "Liyue's Thunder God," "Beef-Offal Master," "Ke-Mew-Mew."
[Kuki Shinobu]:
Ganyu — Proper: "Overtime Maniac," "Teyvat's Strongest Employee," "Loneliness."
Ganyu — Improper: "Can Fall Asleep Anywhere," "Secretly Strong," "Rolling-Down-the-Mountain True Lord," "Cocogoat," "Singing."
[Yae Miko]: A-Shinobu is still as reliable as ever~ Want to work at the Grand Narukami Shrine?
[Alice]: Excellent summary! Let's flog them again for fun! (evil smile)
[Keqing]: …
[Ganyu]: …
[Ayaka]: Looking at this list… it's more than Traveler + Jean + Barbara combined…
[Venti]: Ehe~ See? Mondstadt people are clearly more proper than Liyue people! (mischievous)
[Zhongli]: …
[Paimon]: That can't be right! Mondstadt is the freest country — it should be the least proper!
[Furina]: So… does this mean the people are the problem?
[Keqing]: …
[Ganyu]: …
[Nahida]: If we're comparing nations… we should start with their Archons. Once evaluations reach Venti and Morax, we'll see who's proper and who's not.
[Cloud Retainer]: Hmph! There's no question — Rex Lapis is undoubtedly the most proper!
[Xiao]: Indeed. Everything Geo Archon does has purpose. He has no "improperness."
[Barbara]: Lord Barbatos protects Mondstadt faithfully! He's proper too!
[Sara]: No, the Shogun is the most proper. Regal. Dignified. Righteous.
[Nilou]: I disagree! Lady Nahida is the God of Wisdom. She must be the most proper!
[Clorinde]: Actually… Lady Furina— hmm…
[Neuvillette]: Allow me. Lady Furina shall not participate. She is… probably the least proper.
He didn't add the part about this being only on the surface.
[Furina]: WHO is least proper!? Neuvillette, you slandering reptile!
[Childe]: Hey hey hey, we're discussing fun things? Count me in! The most proper Archon? Obviously Her Majesty the Tsaritsa!
The chat spiraled instantly.
People had been talking about today's evaluations, yet somehow…
It devolved into a national debate on which Archon is the most proper.
Every nation defended their own Archon fiercely.
It was pointless — but that's human nature.
Naturally, the Seven Archons themselves didn't dare to speak.
Even the ones hiding their identity knew:
If this gets exposed later, today's messages would become blackmail material for life.
And right then—
[Traveler Lumine]: Wait, think about it… what if all seven Archons are actually not proper? (evil smile)
Instant explosion.
[Barbara]: Traveler!! That is BLASPHEMY! Want to test my Sky AK47?? (rage.jpg)
[Ningguang]: Traveler, some words should not be said lightly~
[Sara]: Come to Tenshukaku for a personal demonstration from the Shogun.
[Nilou]: Lady Nahida wanted to go to the restroom with you. How can she be improper??
[Childe]: Look at what the Fatui can do. Says enough, right?
[Clorinde]: … You all continue.
Mondstadt — Abyss Order Base
Lumine felt bored today.
Sure, the evaluations were interesting, but without any new humiliations for that stupid sister, he felt the day lacked flavor.
Then he saw Lumine's message.
His eyes lit up.
"Good job, little sis! Beautifully said!"
"Who knows? Maybe all seven Archons are improper!"
He had grudges with each one.
He couldn't crush them outright, so he could only vent with small schemes — puppeteering Stormterror, messing with Barbatos, etc.
But now?
Another method appeared—
Public humiliation.
Imagining his enemies' embarrassing moments being broadcast for all Teyvat to see…
Lumine felt alive again.
"Shame I can't hop in and flame them myself… Little sis, I leave it to you! Spread that chaos!"
He pumped his fist at the light curtain.
But Lumine surrendered instantly.
No way!
Fighting one or two nations is fine…
But SIX nations at once?!
Absolutely not!
So she folded immediately:
[Traveler Lumine]: Yes yes yes! It's all my fault! The Seven Archons are VERY proper! Extremely proper!!
[Amber]: …Why does that sound even weirder?
[Paimon]: Forget that! Let's guess the rewards!
[Xiangling]: Oh right!! Rewards time!!
[Jean]: I wonder what Keqing and Ganyu will receive?
[Venti]: Ehe~ Hopefully wine!
[Barbara]: That's what you want…
[Nahida]: First time: food & consumables.
Second time: weapons.
This time… maybe something else.
[Furina]: Impossible to guess. Everything is random!
As everyone speculated—
A mechanical voice echoed in the mind of every person in Teyvat.
[Ding! Evaluation complete!Rewarding the evaluated individuals.]
[Rewards include (but are not limited to):Food items, power-up items, resurrection items, erosion cleansers, and other mysterious objects]
The dimmed light curtain suddenly brightened again.
Keqing and Ganyu reappeared.
Two golden meteors streaked across the sky—
piercing straight into the Jade Chamber, landing before them.
As the golden glow faded, two strange items hovered before them.
[Ding! Congratulations to Yuheng Star Keqing for receiving:— Legendary Beef-Offal Technique!]
Legendary Beef-Offal Technique:
Offal cooked using this technique will have aroma spreading ten miles, with flavors unmatched in the mortal world.
A poem once said:
"Such delicacy belongs only in the heavens; mortals are fortunate to taste it even once."
Note: Once bound, cannot be taught or replicated.
[Ding! Congratulations to Liyue Qixing Secretary Ganyu for receiving:— The 'No-Fat Meatball'!]
No-Fat Meatball:
Originates from the same otherworld as the Foodie's Tablecloth.
Consume one before eating, and all food eaten within three hours will be instantly digested — zero weight gain.
Supernatural Chat Group
[Jean]: So this time it's not weapons.
[Traveler Lumine]: Beef-offal technique?? Keqing really became the Beef-Offal Master??
[Alice]: Hehehe! It suits her!
[Keqing]: …
[Xiangling]: "Legendary"?? What does that mean?!
[Zhongli]: Judging by the description… it should be indescribably delicious. Mortal cuisine raised to divine level.
[Paimon]: Wow… I can't even imagine how good that must taste… (drooling)
[Traveler Lumine]: Not me! I CAN imagine! sluuuurp~
[Yaoyao]: No-Fat Meatballs? Ganyu big sis got a great reward too!
[Furina]: Great?? It's heaven's gift to all food lovers!!
[Nilou]: Eat anything for three hours and not gain weight… so jealous…
[Paimon]: Hmph! I eat daily and never get fat! (proud.jpg)
[Navia]: Someone drag her out. (rage.jpg)
Jade Chamber
"No-Fat Meatball…"
Ganyu stared at her reward, her eyes trembling with excitement.
Heavens knew how hard she worked to maintain her figure.
She avoided Qingxin like poison.
She ate tiny rations daily.
Even smelling tasty food felt like committing a crime.
All because she never wanted to relive the nightmare of her chubby childhood rolling down the mountain…
But recently?
That damned Traveler kept posting food photos in the chat at mealtimes—
especially at night—
A torture every dieter knows too well.
But now—
salvation had arrived.
"Take one before a meal… and I won't gain weight for three hours…"
"That's… wonderful!"
"Finally… I can actually enjoy food again!"
Joy washed away her past two days of frustration.
She grabbed the bottle — the size of a flower vase — labeled [No-Fat Meatball].
She shook it gently.
Inside were thousands of colorful little pellets.
"Enough for years…"
"More than enough!"
Her smile blossomed as she stored it in her Vision's pocket space.
Then she looked toward Keqing's side.
Compared to Ganyu's joy…
Keqing was completely numb.
The moment she heard the reward's name, her mind blanked.
Originally, "Beef-Offal Master" was just a meme forced on her by the light curtain.
She could at least comfort herself by claiming she didn't actually know how to make offal.
But now??
She received Legendary Beef-Offal Technique.
Bound.
Non-transferable.
Uncopyable.
She was no longer "rumored Beef-Offal Master."
She was the REAL Beef-Offal Master of Liyue.
Keqing wanted to cry.
"Keqing, there's no point overthinking."
Ganyu gently patted her shoulder.
"It's a reward. Just accept it."
"…Mm."
Keqing sighed deeply.
It was legendary-grade, after all.
Refusing it would make her look ungrateful.
And honestly…
after venting a bit, she did feel better.
She reached toward the golden item.
Light burst.
Knowledge flooded into her mind.
A moment later, she opened her eyes — surprised.
"You… mastered it already?"
Ganyu blinked.
Keqing nodded firmly.
"Completely. I can cook Legendary Beef Offal right now."
To think that moments ago she didn't know how to boil noodles…
Now she could cook offal so divine that gods might cry.
At least she could comfort herself:
If she must be the Beef-Offal Master…
then she'd be the BEST one.
"But I've never tasted it…"
Keqing murmured regretfully.
Ningguang walked over with a smile.
"Then demonstrate it here."
"Jade Chamber's kitchen is fully equipped.
And it's just about lunchtime."
Originally, Ningguang had come simply to watch the chaos unfold.
But upon seeing the rewards…
She realized she was the one getting the benefits.
Both rewards were extraordinary—
especially Ganyu's.
Any woman would kill for something that prevented weight gain.
Compared to that, public embarrassment was nothing.
"Alright."
Keqing nodded eagerly.
She was curious too.
Baiwen led her toward the kitchen.
Ningguang then looked toward Ganyu—
who was staring hungrily at the No-Fat Meatball bottle.
Amused, she turned to Baishi.
"Prepare Qingxin and a full vegetarian meal set for Ganyu."
"Ten servings."
"Yes, Lady Ningguang!"
Ganyu's eyes sparkled.
"Thank you, Lady Ningguang!"
"No need to thank me. Let's enjoy Keqing's feast."
"Mhm!"
Ganyu nodded happily.
Then she suddenly remembered—
She opened the bottle of No-Fat Meatballs.
A refreshing fragrance spilled out instantly.
"So good…"
Just the scent made her feel energized.
Perfect for work focus too.
The strongest employee was thrilled.
She picked out ten tiny pellets, counted carefully, then held them out.
"Lady Ningguang… these are for you."
It hurt her soul to give ten away.
Each one was a future day of guilt-free eating…
But Ganyu still offered them earnestly.
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