The rain had finally stopped, leaving the Konoha cemetery smelling of wet stone, ozone, and extinguished incense. The black-clad procession of mourners was a long, somber snake winding its way back toward the village gates.
Naruto stood under the shelter of a dripping oak tree, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Next to him, Sylvie adjusted her glasses, wiping a speck of mist from the lens. They watched the last of the ANBU disappear into the mist.
Naruto rocked back on his heels. He took a deep breath, let it out, and nodded firmly.
"Welp," Naruto chirped, his voice uncomfortably bright. "Right into that vault that goes."
Sylvie paused. She looked at him, one eyebrow arching high above the rim of her frames.
"Your... vault?" she asked slowly.
"Yeah! My vault!" Naruto tapped his temple with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's where I put the memories I can't deal with. Like the snake guy, or the funeral, or that time I drank expired milk. I just toss 'em in there and lock the door!"
Sylvie stared at him. She looked at the fresh grave of the Third Hokage. She looked back at Naruto's sunny disposition.
"That..." Sylvie murmured, "doesn't seem healthy. Repression isn't a filing system, Naruto."
Naruto shook his head vigorously, waving his hands in front of his face as if swatting away a fly.
"Nah, nah, girl, it's fine. It's fiiiine." He gave her a thumbs up. "Out of sight, out of mind! The vault is impenetrable!"
GRUUUUUUMBLE.
Naruto's stomach let out a roar that rivaled a small beast.
"Oh!" Naruto rubbed his belly. "Must be lunch time. Ramen?"
Deep within the subconscious sewer of the seal, the water on the floor rippled with malice.
Kurama, the Nine-Tailed Fox, the calamity of the ages, the destroyer of mountains, lay behind the massive golden gates. He was trying to sleep. He was trying to ignore his landlord.
But he couldn't.
In front of the cage, slithering on the damp concrete, was a white snake. But it wasn't a normal snake. It had the head of Orochimaru. And it was wearing a tiny, crude party hat.
"Haha, you're afraid of me," the snake mocked. Its voice wasn't the terrifying rasp of the Sannin; it was a high-pitched, mocking sponge-voice.
Kurama opened one massive, crimson eye. A growl vibrated through his chest, shaking the bars.
"SHUT UP!" Kurama roared. "I AM THE NINE-TAILS! I AM HATED! I AM CALAMITY ITSELF!"
The snake wiggled its body in a taunting dance.
"hAhA i Am CaLaMiTy," the snake repeated, bobbing its head back and forth. "lOoK aT mE i Am A bIG sCaRy FoX."
Kurama groaned, a sound of infinite suffering. He laid his massive head on his front paws and used his tails to cover his ears.
This brat, Kurama thought bitterly. He suppresses his trauma, and I have to live with it. It's humiliating.
He closed his eyes tight.
Well, Kurama reasoned, at least it can't get any worse than this.
POOF! POOF! POOF!
The sound of smoke exploding echoed through the sewer.
Kurama froze. He slowly lifted one ear.
He opened his eyes.
Standing next to the mocking Orochimaru-snake was a trio of figures.
They were nurses.
But they were also clowns.
They had red noses, white greasepaint faces, and stethoscopes made of balloons. They were wearing oversized, squeaky ninja sandals.
Honk. Honk.
One of the clown nurses squeezed a rubber horn. Another began juggling giant, comically sharp syringes.
"TIME FOR YOUR CHECKUP!" they shrieked in unison, their voices echoing in the dank chamber.
Kurama's face went from annoyance to sheer, unadulterated panic. His ears flattened against his skull.
'I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.'
The Nine-Tails—the beast that had leveled villages and fought Hashirama Senju—scrambled forward.
CRUNCH. GNAW.
Kurama shoved his muzzle between the bars of the gate. He clamped his massive jaws onto the Adamantine Sealing Chains that bound the door shut. He began to chew frantically, sparks flying as his teeth ground against the divine metal.
He wasn't trying to break out to destroy the world. He wasn't trying to escape to eat Naruto.
He was trying to break the seal so he could run away from the clown nurses.
Behind him, the Orochimaru snake continued to wiggle.
"hAhA nUrSeS aRe ScArY."
CRUNCH.
"LET ME OUT!" Kurama screamed, gnawing harder. "I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE! JUST OPEN THE DOOR!"