EXT. KONOHA HIGH - TRACK FIELD - DAY (RAINING)
The sky is gray. It is always gray. The grass is thick with mud.
NARUTO (brooding voiceover)
They say high school is the best years of your life. But they never told us... the monster isn't under the bed. It's in the locker room.
IBIKI (The Gym Teacher) stands on the bleachers, wearing a trench coat and blowing a whistle aggressively. He is covered in scars from a "bad motorcycle accident."
He didn't wear his helmet.
IBIKI
Listen up, maggots! This isn't just a triathlon. This is about survival. If you can't finish the 5k, the swim, and the bike ride... you don't deserve to pass gym!
NARUTO (brooding voiceover continued)
But they never told us... the monster isn't under the bed. It's in the locker room.
NARUTO stands at the starting line. He is wearing a bright orange tracksuit that looks like he bought it at a thrift store. He looks tired. He looks at SASUKE, who is standing nearby in all black, twitching slightly (withdrawals).
SYLVIE adjusts her pink hair (the dye is fading, symbolizing her stress).
SYLVIE
Naruto, focus. We need to pass this to qualify for the Regional Finals.
NARUTO
I'm focused, Sylvie. I'm gonna be the Student Body President! Believe it!
NARUTO (brooding voiceover continued)
The monster is in the locker room.
ON THE SIDELINES:
THE MUSIC CLUB (Sound Four) watches. TAYUYA is smoking a vape pen. JIROBO is tapping Tayuya for her vape and she keeps waving him away.
KIDOMARU is holding a handful of nails.
KIDOMARU
Time to pop some tires. DJ Orochimaru wants the Uchiha kid desperate.
THE RACE STARTS.
Naruto trips immediately. The music swells—it's an acoustic guitar cover of "Fighting Dreamers" played in a minor key.
God...dammit.
CUT TO: ROCK LEE sprinting ahead of everyone on the track.
CUT TO: GAARA sticks his head out from behind a tree: a dirt clod full of rocks in his hand.
CUT TO: The school nurse, TSUNADE, shaking her head looking at an unseen patient on the medical table.
CUT TO: Kakashi sitting behind the teacher desk, pretending to read a newspaper with a copy of Make-Out Paradise hidden behind it.
CUT TO: Naruto and Sasuke grabbing and pointing at each other in front of Principal Hiruzen.
CUT TO: All the kids in detention yelling at each other. Iruka slams something down on his desk, they all go quiet. He shakes his head and laughs.
CUT TO: INT. NARUTO'S APARTMENT - IT'S A MESS
Yeah, welcome to my life.
The room is covered in empty cup ramen containers. Not the good kind. The cheap styrofoam kind.
Naruto sits alone. He finishes the broth. He stands up and walks to the mantelpiece.
He touches a framed photo of a blonde man (MINATO) in a business suit.
NARUTO
I miss you, Dad.
He touches the next frame. A woman with red hair (KUSHINA).
NARUTO
I miss you, Mom.
He touches the next frame. An older man with white hair (JIRAIYA) holding a "Best Godfather" mug.
NARUTO
I miss you, Grandpa.
He stops at the last frame. It's KARIN. She is adjusting her glasses and looking annoying.
Naruto scowls. He turns the frame face down.
NARUTO (muttering)
Bitch.
It's going to be a long day.
CUT TO: CHILDISH GAMBINO (dressed as Killer B) dancing shirtless in a warehouse, wearing sunglasses and seven prop swords that are clearly made of foam.
LYRICS ON SCREEN:
Yeah, this is Konoha (woo, ayy)Jutsu in my village (word, my village)I got the churiki (ayy, ayy)I gotta carry 'em
(Background dancers dressed as ANBU Black Ops do interpretive dance moves that look vaguely like hand signs but are mostly just gang signs.)
You go tell somebody Grandma Tsunade told meGet your ryo, shinobi (get your ryo)
(Camera pans to BLACK ZETSU in the background, wearing a hoodie, nodding slowly.)
Black Zetsu in the back like: "Work!"
(Killer B does a spin move, accidentally knocking over a cardboard cutout of the Raikage.)
Look how I'm livin' now (woo)Uchiha all slippin' now (too soon?)
(Screen cuts to black.)
(The Netflix "N" logo appears, but it's shaped like a shuriken.
(It spins into a blur then cuts to black.)