All his early life, before Eugene even knew what an alpha was, he was already groomed to be one. Born to an alpha father after two alpha brothers, his family expected him to also manifest as an alpha.
Everything he ate was to build height and muscle, because an alpha should have a great physique. Every activity he was allowed to do was limited to what society thought an alpha should do, things like sports and martial arts. He wasn't allowed to do art, and all his literature studies were focused on conducting business. He should not read fiction, they said. He should not watch animation or learn how to cook; house chores were beneath the alphas, they said.
As a child, under such indoctrination, Eugene also believed he should be an alpha, even though his physique wasn't as robust as his brothers'. When he was diagnosed as a hybrid at thirteen--which meant he could be an omega in the future--the first crack in his worldview appeared.
His father started to use harsher words and treatment, feeding him all kinds of supplements to foster his dormant alpha hormone. His punishment grew more severe, because his father believed the belt and the slap could coax his alpha side to manifest.
Eugene didn't hate studying law or medicine; he didn't dislike all the math he had to master to become a profound engineer. But he also loved fiction as much as the sensation of hitting the sandbox with his fist. He wanted to make food as much as he liked tasting it. Those desires, however, must be killed.
Because it wasn't like an alpha. It wasn't alpha enough.
As someone who studied in a regular school, however, he quickly realized that what his father and brother taught him was skewed and outdated. While he had no courage to dissuade his father, his rebellious side managed to study what he wanted to study in secret, without anyone noticing.
Perhaps his omega father had an inkling, but he wouldn't be able to say anything. He hadn't been able to say anything against his husband since they walked down the aisle together.
When he unfortunately manifested as an omega, the harsh treatment straight up became abusive--or, rather, Eugene finally understood that everything was an abuse.
When there was still hope of him becoming an alpha, they at least still treated him like a human. After manifesting as an omega, Eugene could feel that his father and brothers were seeing him as a commodity instead--if not a burden. No longer was there any education, because his value was now sitting on which family he would be thrown into that could bring benefit to them.
To think something like this still existed in this day and age, Eugene could only laugh while holding back his tears as the bus he took after the graduation crossed the border of the state he lived in for eighteen years.
The ink in his ID card had barely settled then.
He couldn't cry, because he was taught that alphas should not cry. He was told to hold back his emotions, even though his father and brothers never seemed to be able to hold back their anger or disgust.
He was angry, he was sorrowful, he was in pain. He also knew that showing those emotions would make it more painful for him. And so, he could only hold everything inside, and the wound festered into deep scars.
As he had to survive on his own, he had no time to digest those emotions, which only exploded when he faced the time his world shattered: his pregnancy.
Watching the scene where Illian had to curb and numb all of his emotions in the span of minutes, Eugene was forced to remember how bad it was the evening he showed the second gender manifestation report to his father.
He recalled looking at his omega father, wishing his omega father would be able to support him, only for the man to avert his gaze and slip back inside the bedroom. For sixteen-year-old Eugene, it felt like the greatest betrayal.
He recalled seeing his alpha father's eyes turn colder and colder as disappointment was accompanied by disgust.
Eugene wondered if his eyes, as he realized the world was turning its back toward him, were as empty as how that actor portrayed them.
Yeah...there was no way he could tell Ashley whether or not he was satisfied with the result.
* * *
"How is it, Mrs. Wynne?" The actor for the role of Illian, the foxy-looking Elijah Webb, came to Ashley's table to ask for the producer's input, since she was the one who had been drilling emotional play in him ever since he was cast.
Of all the scenes he had to act out, he had been practicing this sequence the most. The decision to shoot the scene early was also to avoid a scenario of him being too exhausted later on. As expected, they had to take the close-up countless times, and even then, the director said Ashley would decide if it was enough.
Ashley glanced at Eugene, who hadn't said anything ever since he watched the act. Since the omega wasn't the type to be polite, he would surely convey it if he was disappointed. Since the author himself seemed to be caught in emotion, Ashley felt like it was sufficient.
"I think it's good," she praised the actor sincerely. "Good job, Eli. It must have been exhausting."
"It's a nice learning curve," the actor said with a bright smile, even though his eyes were still red from acting out the scene earlier. "I've never cried without any tears before."
"Few people are that unfortunate," Ashley said.
When Elijah left the table, Ashley shifted her gaze to Eugene, who had been eating in silence. The green eyes were observing the actor, however, so Ashley reckoned the omega had come out of his daze.
"He was the only one who asked to be cast rather than being offered the role," Ashley told the omega. "Originally, the script was given to another actor in his agency, but he took it instead."
"He's good," Eugene tersely acknowledged the actor.
The fact that those tearless crying eyes could look so empty in less than five seconds should be enough testament.
Crying without tears...Eugene almost laughed bitterly when he heard that.
"He said he likes how self-hating Illian was," Ashley chuckled. "A flawed protagonist is rare these days."
"Is that so?"
Ashley curled her lips; her eyes shone a shade deeper. "When you want to show how bad a system is to a bunch of privileged people, it's always better to show it through the perspective of a once-privileged person."
Eugene could only chuckle silently. Did she say it to imply that Eugene was a once-privileged person who lost all of his privileges? What a foxy alpha.
"Did you get enlightened?" Eugene asked the clearly privileged alpha in front of him.
Ashley laughed lightheartedly and nodded. "Very much so."
Arthur, who didn't like reading between the lines, grunted in protest. He also disliked the way Elijah was glancing at the beta-looking omega earlier. If it wasn't in the public cafeteria with other actors around, he had a feeling that Elijah would have asked for Eugene's number--or at least tried to talk to the man.
Ugh. Was there a way to get Eugene out of the cafeteria without him looking pushy?
Surprisingly for Arthur, Eugene was the one who created an exit first. "Can I take a look at the cabin, or is it a prohibited area now?"
Ashley chuckled and shook her head. "No," she said. "We decided to shoot that scene near the end of the rental period, so 'Ian' and 'Jude' have the time to build chemistry. As long as you don't move anything, you're free to take a look."
When he saw Eugene nod and stand up, Arthur asked almost instinctively. "Can I go, too?" he added quickly when Ashley shot him a weird look. "I mean...I'm your guide for the day."
He was more like a driver, but...one could hope.
Eugene looked at the alpha for a few seconds before shrugging. "Do whatever you want."
Trying not to look too eager, Arthur stood up and followed Eugene while putting on the best poker face he could muster. Walking through the garden that had started blossoming, Arthur swallowed the many questions he wanted to ask the omega--no, the author.
Why was the scene and the acting affected him so much? Why did he sound so bitter when talking about direct family members? Did he have the same experience as Illian? Was that why he could write the emotions so vividly? How much of the story was his personal experience?
All of those questions, however, were things Arthur couldn't--shouldn't--ask. Unless Eugene himself talked about it, he should never mention it.
That was why, all he could do was follow the omega quietly. Perhaps he should leave Eugene alone, but he didn't want the person he cherished to walk into the woods alone, even if it was private property.
After all, 'Illian' also got lost inside a private property. It didn't matter if Eugene knew how to fight better than him; not every enemy consisted of flesh and blood.
The cabin looked just like before from the outside. They just let the grass and shrubs around grow wild to enhance the sense of abandonment. Eugene climbed to the porch and peeked inside, noticing that the furniture had been mostly pushed to the side or placed in the attic. What was inside already been shrouded in white cloth, probably so the dust would naturally accumulate by the time they shot the scene.
"It's not like this in your manuscript, right?" Arthur asked quietly, peeking through another window.
Eugene hummed and replied in a mutter. "The one I was trapped in was more like a shed instead of a cabin, so..."
"You got trapped in a place like this before?!" Arthur widened his eyes as his head snapped in Eugene's direction. "No, wait--you were trapped? Like...someone locked you in or something?"
Oh. Eugene blinked, belatedly realizing what he had just said so carelessly.