Today's day was depressing as well
Reading fantasy books my dad gave me helps me a lot these days...
My dad still visits us rarely....
From childhood I used to see my dad less often...
Those days too he came less often home
He is an enforcer....
Someone who looks after the security of the world...
Someone with a lot of responsibility
Someone who shoulders the responsibility of each and every person...
I wanted to become like my dad...an enforcer...
At the age of 10, we undergo an awakening ceremony...
Becoming an enforcer was totally dependent on me...
Genetics played no role in it...
As my mom was a non enforcer, even if she had been an enforcer ...it would play no role in my awakening...
It is an innate ability each individual has...
There is a saying as well...God blesses those whom he deem to be an enforcer...
It was a normal day, my dad had specially requested to come back to be on this special day of mine...
I was confident that I would have an the awakening...
My parents were with me in the enforcer awakening department....but inside the crystalloid room I had to go alone...
My heart was beating really fast....
I still remember that day...
I placed both hands on the crystalloid...
It should glow golden....for it to become valid and show that I have an innate ability to become an enforcer...
I kept both of my hands on the crystalloid...
I did not close my eyes...I opened it and did not blink even once....just to see the glow...
But...
All my expectations failed...there was no glow...
I couldn't control my emotions...and fainted...
I did not know what had happened as the next time I opened my eyes...I was in my room..
There was no one around me...
I woke up and got off from the bed...
I was in search of my parents..
When I heard them outside discussing something..
They were strangely loud enough for me to hear...
My parents were not sad that I did not become an enforcer...
They were sad because I fainted....they were worried...
But my parents knew how much I wanted to become a enforcer...
They knew my heart was broken...
That is why they decided not to mention any events of the awakening day henceforth...
I went back to my bed...
My parents entered the room..
I pretended to sleep...
They stroked my hair....lovingly...and then switched off the lights...
Whereas I....after they left...cried a lot...
It's been 5 years since that incident...and I have not coped up with it yet..
I heard someone saying that writing in a diary helps in getting that load off chest...
So , I tried doing it...as I had no one to share about....
5 years I struggled myself....as I saw my dreams shattering...
I am going to enter first year of high school...
How is it going to be....
I wonder...
At first I pretended to be happy in front of mumma...but then I couldn't handle...
I became sad and eventually talked less...
Can I change myself in highschool..
I will try from my side....
Tomorrow....I will write again...
I hope tomorrow will be a better day.....