Allison helped me find a few books about Fenrir, and despite my protest, we left the library. She knew that once I got lost track of time, people in the mansion would be put in panic mode if Mirxalyn couldn't find me. It was understandable. That's why Allison left me in a place where she knew where I was, the greenhouse. It wasn't my greenhouse; I received it as a gift, and it was literally a greenhouse surrounded by colorful flowers and herbs with a view of an open training field. Then, I saw her. I saw my wife leading the knights at their training. It was simple training drills to keep them in shape, sharp, and alert, but with Mirxalyn's presence, she made it extreme, and I giggled.
"She's going to give them a heart attack if she won't tone it down a little." I snickered because the looks of the knights might be stoic like their queen, and attentive to their training, but they couldn't hide it from me. I could feel them clearly. They were nervous, sweating in fear of failing their queen in the training with her, but they were more frightened about the queen's punishment. "My wife is terrifying." I chuckled, shaking my head. As if she heard me, Mirxalyn glanced at the greenhouse, piercing her unreadable eyes at the window where I was. And my heart flipped. I blushed and looked away, pretending I didn't see her. "Oh my God. Stop beating too much."
I tried to ignore the hard beating of my heart and read the book in my hand, but it was not helping. My heart was ringing loudly, deafening, and the heat had already spread throughout my body. I shut book and my eyes to settle my erratic heartbeat before sighing heavily.
"She's truly crawling inside my heart," I mumbled softly, almost like a whisper, and then reread the book again. But the book only states what I already knew about the Fenrir through my dream of Sage, and it was not the one that I was looking for. "I'm looking for a Midnight Blue Fenrir…"
After my marriage to Mirxalyn, I shared a room and bed with her where my repeated dream hasn't occurred since then. But, when it comes to my Sigbin's death, the midnight blue Fenrir's shadow hasn't left my dreams each weekend. It seems harmless, but puzzling.
"I wonder if that Midnight Blue Fenrir is truly Sage," I muttered, closing the third book I read about Fenrir. I slouched on the chair, bothered before staring at the clear dusk sky, wondering, "Why does Fenrir always show in my dreams? And why me?"
"Bothered?" I jumped and slapped Mirxalyn's face with a book when she suddenly appeared too close to my ears. Amused, she chuckled, putting the book down on the table, saying, "I deserved that."
"MIRXA!" I growled, hitting her arm to the jump-scare she did, and asked, "Why did you have to sneak like that?"
"My training was done, and you're lost in thought," Mirxalyn answered softly. She didn't look messy after the terrifying training she gave. There was no sweat, but it was still annoyingly beautiful from doing that. She tucked my hair behind my ear gently before saying her reason for being here, "It's getting late, that's why I'm here to pick you up." Then she glanced over the three books I've read already. Her expression hardened, staring at the books before looking at me softly, wondering, "Tell me, what made you read books about Fenrir?"
Mirxalyn's heated stares were striking my soul fully naked as if she was staring into my soul, and my body trembled, heating up. I wanted to cower, but I knew she didn't like me submitting myself without a fight; instead, I looked away. I took a breather as I don't want her to see me blush, but she gently took my chin and forced me to meet her eyes. Her touch was soft and tingling, but her eyes filled with worry. I was getting lost in how deeply she stares at mine, and I could feel my body responding, heating up, and I don't want it. Not yet, at least.
"This is not good…" I panicked internally, and before I could say something, my hand already beat me to it as I slapped her hand away from my chin. "Holly shit! That could hurt her." My eyes widened in shock and horror at how she might have taken the gesture. I looked apologetically at her, but only to meet an amused expression. Surprised, I stuttered, embarrassed. "What – d-don't give me that look."
She frowned, arching her brow a little. "What did I do?"
I blushed deeply. "Stop playing like a fool." I crossed my arms, pretending to be mad and hiding my erratic heart rate. I hoped she didn't hear how loud it beats. "Please, don't notice."
"I'm not being a fool." She defended calmly, yet at the edge, she was confused at my sudden mood shift.
"Right, you're just being annoyingly beautiful wife," I replied sarcastically. But Mirxalyn's stares were too deep, making me feel bare. I sighed, snickering a little since I gave up, "You're insufferable, and did you know that?" She smiled a little, but was curious. "Your unpredictable façade is still annoying, and somehow it's rubbing off on me, so don't be surprised if I have it too. Also, your intense gaze and charming, rare smile…you…you're making me melt."
She was quiet for a moment, and there it goes, her rare smile. It was a kind smile, soft and gentle, that made my heart sway. It was a good feeling. I love it as if I don't want it away from me, but it's frightening. Whenever I feel it, a flick from my painful past knocks in, making me scared to face the same heartache. But when Mirxalyn came to my thoughts, everything was gone. I'm done. I don't want to say it, but I couldn't deny how deep she was already. I could feel it, and I feared how I started craving it.
"Is that a bad thing?" She asked softly, leaning her forehead against mine. I closed my eyes, shaking my head and savoring this fragile moment before she pulled away, kissing my temple, "Let's go and talk about it."
"Yeah, we should." I agreed softly.
Mirxalyn didn't hesitate to carry me into her arms, and with her inhumane speed, we arrived in our bedroom. But as soon as my feet touched the ground, I quickly dashed to the bathroom, not looking back as I didn't want her to see how badly she made me blush. I used the bathroom as an escape route and to calm myself.
"She's annoyingly sweet and surprising, which I bet tomorrow she'll be different again," I mumbled softly, finishing my bath when she knocked. I almost jumped from the suddenness. "SHIT! DON'T DO THAT!"
Mirxalyn snickered behind the closed bathroom door. I rolled my eyes.
"Sorry, but I want to ask, which one do you prefer, tea or wine?"
It was a simple question and a soft giggle, but my heart was skipping. I shook my head before leaning my head to the mirror, composing myself, and answered. "Tea would do." She didn't reply, but I could hear her footsteps around the bedroom, preparing what I've requested. I sighed heavily and wore comfy clothing in cold weather, chanting, "This is it. New rhythm. Us."
By the time I came out, my jaw had dropped because my wife was flaunting her gorgeous body. I wanted to look away as she draped her night robe that barely covered her naked body. It was a see-through night robe, and my eyes were fixated on it like a pervert old man. I can't look away until she turns, catching me red-handed. I instantly blushed, but her expression remained unreadable as she walked closer to me.
"You can look and stare as much as you want," Mirxalyn said coldly. I don't feel any tease in them, only honesty. I looked at her eyes, and there was her soft expression. "All of me was fully yours to claim when you're ready."
My mouth opens, but I can't find a word to say. She just stepped closer, pecking my lips before passing and heading to the bathroom. She scent wrapped around me, and instinctively, I inhaled it before I slapped my face with both hands, embarrassed.
"Mirxa…you're annoyingly lovable," I grumbled, sighing heavily before I went to the lit-up fireplace where our new rhythm started. I sat on the carpeted floor comfortably, but since I didn't want to bore myself waiting, I meditated.
It was not long before I felt her presence near me, holding a cup of tea and her wine glass. I mouthed my thanks and took a sip as she sat beside me. She was careful not to get too close, respecting my boundaries. Then the silence became thick and charged.
"So, how's my wife's day?" Mirxalyn started, staring at the fire and taking a sip from her wine.
"The usual, but Mikyle likes my improvement," I answered, leaving things about my dream aside since I'm not sure what it meant. Then silence again. None of us was breaking it after a few sips – we're being careful around each other until I sighed, admitting. "Mirxa, I'm still afraid of what's happening to me, the changes that I can't control. The marriage is turning into something scary." She frowned a little but didn't interrupt what I was confessing. "I mean, I'm scared of what we're turning into. We're arranged. You are insufferably annoying, but this kind of moment, whenever we're alone, it scares me."
"In what way?" She asked softly, sounding worried about stepping into the wrong mind.
I pulled the mug closer to my mouth but didn't sip the tea. Instead, I pulled it down, took a deep breath, and looked at her weakly. "I'm scared of ruining whatever that is blooming between us. I'm scared of being hurt because of my past, once you learned them. And I'm scared of us." I admitted, and sadly looked away, wiping the tears that had fallen. "But despite the fear of what we're becoming, I can't run away without running back into you." Mirxalyn took my hand, not looking at me, but I felt her – her entire support and assurance. Softly, I smiled, saying, "Don't let me go, even if I become silent and distant. It's just me."
Without a word, Mirxalyn sent a message by squeezing my hand before tapping on her shoulder. I chuckled, but I let myself melt and leaned on her offer. I chuckled softly, allowing myself to relax and lean into her support. That simple gesture conveyed more than words ever could about my painful past with my ex-mate. She held my hand with firm gentleness and protectiveness that never failed to secure me. I closed my eyes, resting on her shoulder, letting the warmth from the fireplace soothe my heart.
"And you? How's your day aside from terrorizing our knights?" I wondered gently before taking a sip from my tea.
"Ours?" Mirxalyn teased. I slapped her arm lightly, and she released a soft giggle that tickled my heart.
Before I could say anything and correct her, I slapped her arm lightly. She released a soft giggle, tickling my heart. I blushed, but I hid it with a demanding tone, "Mirxa, just answer."
She snickered but nodded. "I checked the land's perimeter. Along the way, I visited the towns to hear their updates and needs. It was the usual routine, but…" She paused a little as if she was debating whether to share it or not. I pulled away to look at her expression. She looked distant, but her grip on my hand tightened, which made me worry. I squeezed back, breaking her out of her thoughts. She sighed heavily and said, "I went to your old pack. Your family was doing great, but what caught my attention were three werewolves buying illegal drugs from random rogues. My knights and that Ronan guy intervened, which drew the pack's attention. But I handled it before it could escalate…" Hearing my ex's name from her mouth sent a chill through me. I trembled a little and attempted to pull away. But she squeezed it firmly and continued, "I settled the issue with your uncle and let him handle it before I leave."
I was quiet throughout her share. I could hear her, but I couldn't fully focus on what she was sharing until I felt her worried eyes fixated on me. I sighed, smiling that doesn't reach my eyes, and said. "If it is about my family's status, don't ever hesitate to share it, whether they were good or bad. I would still want to hear them."