Yeah kinda funny.
Kinda...funny.
I let my arm drop down after that fistbumb with malfoy.
He keep looking at me though, and even look left and right. Admiring our mighty work as he called it.
And then. He talk. Again. He fucking dare to open his arrogant mouth.
"See? We always do good work" his words end with a small drawl, like a self assured arrogant guy speaking.
His entire tone entitled. Annoying. And a just a big 'I TOLD YOU SO!'
My hand. Right one. Come up to rub against my face, I'm tired. And wondering if he meant it like that or I'm just hearing shit, seeing evidences where only coincidences exist. Focusing too hard on a single subject so hard that I start seeing it left and right when there is no right to be.
Am I doing that?
"15."
He speak up again as I fall down. Well, more like sit. Heavily. Extremely heavily. on the torso of the last one I killed.
It was funny.
I admitted it.
"We did all that." His voice sounds odd, as if he's awed by something or whatever. Then he turn, just at the same time I move my rubbing hand away.
"Ludger. Our cooperation will go far, I can see it. Let us continue, you understand what I mean. None of them do." He give a glance over his shoulder to look at the approaching forms of the old man and the two girls.
"You however do. I see it."
...I look up at him.
Neck cranked up, my torso otherwise slouched as I let my hands. And the battered shield trail on the sand.
What is he on?
He must have a stash of drugs on his inventory.
I can't believe any mentally sane human, WITHOUT, the influence of drugs could find this kind of reasoning.
He put his hands on his waist. Looking around. A small smile on his face.
Maybe if he were looking at me. He'll figure out how wrong he is.
And to be honest. I don't care if he does. I don't fucking care. At first I thought it was a good thing.
He's a dumbass, think we're super super friend because he and I understand something nobody but me and him does. He listen to me. And I can reign his arrogance with...respect? I don't fucking know to be honest.
I just knew it was useful and I decided to play along.
But now?
Now I don't fucking care.
Constrating my moody self I hear Matthew laugh. He fuckin laugh.
A hard. Unreasonable. And petty part of myself filled with determination decide to never call him with that nickname again, even in my thoughts.
"This was awesome. Truly ludger it was, we. You. Did great. I did not see something as impressive since...ever to be honest" he keep looking around with his small smile.
And this unreasonable part of myself die out. Pierced out like a deflating baloon.
Urgh, I can't do that. It would be like kicking a puppy that don't understand we're not friend.
A hard feeling knot in my throat. remembering how I stopped throwing nicknames around when it happened.
I ignore it and find a more logical explanation.
I can't do that, can't stop, that wouldn't be smart to do.
And I'm done with those ridiculous reactions.
My eyes trail over the shield, it's in a bad shape. Some deterioration over the metal too. It always looked worse after the guardian challenge but now it's even worse.
[Shield: Damaged]
Yeah. I can see that.
Fuck.
Worse news. Again.
"Crazy jump. We do a great team" is he still on that? Is he obssesed or what.
I give the pacing blonde a look and quickly enough decide against saying anything and just. Think about my errors a bit.
A familiar anxiety-like feeling climb up my chest at the thought of reviewing my errors.
[Congratulation on beating the Sixth wave!]
So instead. I look at this. Congratulations, no warning for a seventh wave? I look around, there are a lot more closed doors.
Yes, closed doors. At first I thought the walls around where just flat, but if you look up well, you can see small indentations where the wall decide to rise up into an arch.
Urgh whatever, I don't care. If there isn't any more waves I won't say no.
That's what I hoped for anyway.
My look around showed me that the other three are getting closer and closer.
Cool.
And thinking about them make me remember my mistake.
This giant threw a car sized shit like it weighted nothing. Just a bad swing and it flew.
Why. Didn't. I. Retreated.
Like I said I would do.
Fuck fuck fucking fuck. My hand come up for a second tangling in the freed strands of my hair. Clutching them hard.
I was feeling things. It's not because of this shit.
Why did I do it?
My leg rise up and down in unkempt nervousness. And I can't help but be terrified.
Terrified of not having any excuses.
...my grip felt weird, must have been my title.
Yeah! Yeah that's it!
My leg stop moving. My hand come down to brush against the sand again.
That's it! It's not me who choose to rush! I was influenced by this disgusting title. That's all. There is not even a HINT of fault in me.
It's all because of this horrible system and repugnant title.
That's it, that's it!
Words bring me out of my completly and utterly and sure and ridiculously obvious findings.
"That's what I like. You're decisive. I admit, as you showed me today and earlier. I may not think my actions well, but you do. All while keeping that core in us! You were the first to run there, truly impressive ludger."
What the?
"I'll admit. I'm a bit ashamed of it. But after seeing that hulking piece of wood throw them like nothing. I froze. You're the one that broke me from this daze, didn't even freeze for a moment."
I froze though? Didn't I?
"Retreat. That's what you said we should do. And I agreed, we are different. Slightly. I saw that, we talked about it." DID WE!? DID WE REALLY CAUSE I'M LOST RIGHT NOW! "Your plans are great. But no matter how you achieve the results we desire, you keep that instinct in you. No hesitation. You saw the problem, and you rushed in to crush it. All while saving me, truly a masterful piece of work"
SAVED HIM!? A MASTERFUL PIECE OF WORK!? NO HESITATION!?
I raise my head to look at him. He would see my expression of pure 'what the fuck are you on bro?' If he stopped pacing around back to me, like he's in a fucking theater fare.
"That is why I enjoy your company ludger. Not even a hint of hesitation for our goals." Our goals!?
I can't even answer to this shit.
He litterally praised the reasons why I'm being all...depressive as shit.
Is there even a thought in that brain? Do I look different from the outside?
Am I biased because we're talking about me?
I clench my fist. This time the strength is normal. And at least, his random speech manage to help me avoid thinking of the real difficult questions I've been avoiding.
Should I answer?
A little voice, calmer, and older than my own, even if strikingly close to mine hint at the depth of my mind. Speaking to me. 'No.'
Yeah.
Let's just.
Keep him in his random fantasies. Looks like he have a completly wrong idea of who I am.
Definetly, definetly a wrong idea. And I'm not lying to myself.
But.
Like a wise man would say. Misunderstandings go brrrrrrrr.
A small chuckle escape me.
I'm saying brr mid thoughts now.
Unfortunately for my feelings. And fortunately for the planning part of me. Malfoy turn around and clasp his hands once.
Looking me up and down with a small smile, back straight, chin raised up. "Exactly! Truly a humorous twist of fate!"
I stop. Stare at him. And before I can answer another voice bring me out of my thoughts.
"Whaaaaaaaat a fight!" Excited. Hyperactive. Squeaky. Mousy.
The others have arrived.