Li Jin's final words almost pushed him to the edge of losing control. He wanted to smash something, yell at someone, hit someone, or even kill someone. But that last shred of reason told him, no, he couldn't indulge in his bad temper any longer. He had to endure it, like a real man—swallow the bitter pill and keep his composure, then focus his energy on winning this battle.
But he couldn't stop the tide of overwhelming emotions. He hated, hated Lin Wan's heartless mother, her irresponsible father, hated everyone who had wronged her. But he knew, deep down, the most detestable person was himself. He was the one who had brought her this devastating disaster. He was the bastard, the devil. Just like she had cursed him, he was worse than an animal.
If there had been a knife in his hand, he would have grabbed it without hesitation and stabbed himself several times. He wanted to vent Lin Wan's frustration, and he also wanted to experience the pain himself. With this thought, he raised his head, lifting his right hand to touch a burn mark, now red and still aching faintly. He used his thumb and forefinger to pinch the burn hard, and the pain pierced through him like a knife. Leaning back in the seat, he stared blankly ahead, continuing the self-inflicted action.
This form of self-harm brought him some twisted relief. The pent-up resentment and anger inside him finally had a way out. Otherwise, he feared that, later, he might lose control and drive recklessly on the streets, leading to a car accident—an outcome that would be unimaginable.
Then his mind drifted back to his first encounter with Lin Wan. At that time, he had sensed some pity for her beneath his strange emotions. But mixed with awe, desire, and countless other feelings, he hadn't been able to distinguish it clearly. He had been too foolish. Now, looking back, that pity and tenderness—wasn't that just the initial form of love? Maybe, just maybe, he had fallen for Lin Wan at first sight.
Chen Jin scoffed bitterly at himself. He had fallen for her at first sight. But for her, it had been fatal.
Chen Jin sat in the car for nearly an hour. During that time, his secretary called several times, but he answered with a few casual instructions before heading back to his apartment. As he neared the building, he felt an odd sense of reluctance, like a nervousness, before returning home after a long absence. He stopped the car, took out his phone, and called Lin Wan. The call connected quickly, and he took a moment to steady his emotions before asking, "Wan Wan, are you awake?"
"Mm."
"Have you had breakfast?"
"Mm."
"What are you doing?"
"Watching TV."
"Has Auntie come?"
"Mm."
Chen Jin sighed lightly, feigning annoyance, "Can't you say a little more?"
"She's in the kitchen making soup."
He gave a hollow smile and then said seriously, "Wan Wan…"
There was a faint sound of her breathing on the other end, as if waiting for him to continue. But he suddenly found himself unable to speak. "Sorry," he seemed too weak. Lin Wan might even scoff if she heard those words. He found them laughable himself. It was like a man who had killed someone, holding the bloody knife and saying, "Sorry" to the corpse. Was there anything more absurd than that?
With this thought, Chen Jin turned the car around and drove to the office. Only when he returned there could he become the old him. Of course, he knew that he could never go back, but life had to continue. Problems had to be solved one by one. He had to regain his composure before he could think clearly about the next steps.
The next morning, Chen Jin woke Lin Wan up. Actually, it wasn't that early—it was almost 8 a.m. Seeing her drowsy eyes, he wondered if she was just lazy or if it was the illness affecting her. He really couldn't tell. It was like when she had aborted their child—was it out of fear of the medication's side effects or as a form of revenge against him? Perhaps she couldn't tell herself. Now, he didn't even want to dwell on that child anymore. The most important thing was to help her get better.
Chen Jin urged Lin Wan to eat breakfast and then pushed her to change clothes. When he saw her move sluggishly, he pulled out the thickest coat from the wardrobe and helped her put it on. Lin Wan complained it was too hot, but he muttered, "It's getting colder today, better bundle up. Aren't you afraid of the cold?"
Afterward, he tried to tie her scarf. He didn't know how to tie it in any fancy way, so he just wrapped it around a few times, making a big knot. He took her hand and led her out the door. Lin Wan glanced at the mismatched colors and rolled her eyes, saying, "I'll go by myself."
"I have nothing to do today. It's better for me to be there in case anything happens."
"You're cursing me."
Chen Jin chuckled, "How could I? Come on, we'll be late and have to wait in a long line."
The elevator door opened, and Lin Wan stepped in, scoffing, "Aren't you the one with all the tricks?"
"Even if I have all the tricks, there's a time and place for them. If I were to make a big deal about it, it would cause a scene at home." Chen Jin realized he had said too much and quickly stopped.
At the hospital, after the examination, the doctor said there were no remnants of her uterus and the abortion was successful. Hearing the word "successful" again made Chen Jin uneasy. He thought to himself that maybe he would be triggered every time he heard that word in the future. But on the other hand, if it hadn't been successful, he would have felt even worse. He couldn't bear to see Lin Wan suffer anymore.
As they left the consultation room, they ran into a couple. Lin Wan and the other three froze in surprise.
"Chen Jin?" The woman spoke first, her voice soft. She was wearing a loose coat, her belly slightly rounded. The man beside her, of medium build, was wearing glasses, holding her hand with one hand and carrying her bag with the other. Realizing the improper use of his name, she quickly corrected herself, "What are you doing here?"
Chen Jin briefly exchanged greetings with the man, then gently pulled Lin Wan closer and said, "I'm here with Wan Wan for a check-up."
He tried to pull Lin Wan away, but the woman stubbornly stood in front of them, blocking the way. There was a complicated look in her eyes, and her husband noticed, pulling her aside, trying to smooth things over. "I'm here for my check-up too. We're four months along now."
The man's face showed the clear joy of fatherhood, and Chen Jin suddenly found that expression unbearable. He barely smiled and said, "Congratulations. We've got to go, we're in a bit of a hurry."
He quickly pulled Lin Wan away, sensing the gaze still fixed on his back. But it didn't concern him. The more someone was affectionate, the more they were disturbed by indifference. He used to repeat this phrase easily, but now, it only made him irritated.
What he didn't realize was that life often served up such melodramatic coincidences, not just in novels or movies. As they stepped off the escalator, they heard a clear female voice call out, "Chen Jin?"
Chen Jin frowned, turning around and pulling Lin Wan with him. Standing before them was a tall young woman, dressed in a short skirt that revealed her long, slender legs. She wore a bright red woolen coat, and while her features weren't striking, she was undeniably a woman of grace and charm.